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From sex to date?

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  • 03-09-2014 10:31am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys

    Going unregged here as Im a boardsie but dont post on this forum.

    I was recently on grindr and had a hook up with a guy.

    The thing is from looking at his profiles on grindr and other sites I think that he would like a relationship. I don't normally do hook ups and I get the feeling he doesn't either. I think he might have judged me because we had a hook up.

    I want to ask him on a date but feel a bit awkward and shy about it.

    Any advice


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Comments

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    #2
    Daith
    Registered Users Posts: 4,933 ✭✭✭Daith


    Just say "Hey" and ask him to meet for a coffee or a drink?


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    #3
    lucasmaximus
    Registered Users Posts: 39 ✭lucasmaximus


    Aww, sounds cute. Jusk ask him out, keep it nonchalant :)


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    #4
    BuffyBot
    Moderators, Motoring & Transport Moderators Posts: 24,924 Mod ✭✭✭✭BuffyBot


    Daith wrote: »
    Just say "Hey" and ask him to meet for a coffee or a drink?

    This. Worst he can do is say no, and life moves on :)


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    #5
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    It's quite common a hookup can become a friendship/relationship.


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    #6
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    Ask.....


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ask how? Really casually?

    I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend


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    #8
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    Ask how? Really casually?

    I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend
    "Do you want a coffee/drink sometime" - They'll get the message.


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    #9
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    Ask how? Really casually?

    I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend

    Whether in person or text, just be (for want of a better word) normal about it. Don't give a brusque, super-casual, I-do-this-all-the-time one-liner, but conversely there's no need to write him a sonnet. If he says no, then at least you've found out now rather than after months of agonising. There's nothing to lose.


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    #10
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    Ask how? Really casually?

    I'm just really nervous. Long story but I'm 34 and never had a boyfriend
    That's kinda cute ;)

    You're never too old to have a boyfriend.

    All you say or txt,,"fancy going for a drink some night during the week"?
    IF he says yes ,great, if it's a no , you move on and try with someone else sometime.

    There are lots of guys who want to date and have a relationship ,even those on gaydar or grindr.

    Good luck and do let us know how you get on ;)


  • Options
    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I asked and he said yes to meet up


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    #12
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    I asked and he said yes to meet up

    Yeah! Well done you ;)
    Keep us informed now wont ya ;)


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    #13
    MiloDublin
    Registered Users Posts: 80 ✭✭MiloDublin


    I always though gays do it the other way around, sex first and then exchange of names etc. I have a straight friend who envies the lifestyle and says getting laid with women is an uphill wining and dining struggle. I think if the physical chemistry is there on both sides there is an opening so go for it!


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Its weird. He said Yes but when I asked when suited him there was no reply.

    The conversation more or less went like this (although a bit more elaborated)

    Thursday night

    Me; hey would you like to go for coffee or drink sometime
    Him; Yes that would be great
    Me; Cool I'm flexible timewise
    Him; Nice one

    Friday lunchtime;
    Me; Cool when mighy suit you

    Saturday - He's on but no response


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    #15
    MiloDublin
    Registered Users Posts: 80 ✭✭MiloDublin


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    Its weird. He said Yes but when I asked when suited him there was no reply.

    The conversation more or less went like this (although a bit more elaborated)

    Thursday night

    Me; hey would you like to go for coffee or drink sometime
    Him; Yes that would be great
    Me; Cool I'm flexible timewise
    Him; Nice one

    Friday lunchtime;
    Me; Cool when mighy suit you

    Saturday - He's on but no response

    This is a very Irish response; saying what they think you want to hear instead of what they really want to say. I lived in Germany where people seem initially rude because they say what they think, coming back here involved a lot of relearning.


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    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    What do you mean Milo?


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    #17
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    Its weird. He said Yes but when I asked when suited him there was no reply.
    Ask him if he's still interested in meeting up - people can forget/have other commitments, don't be quick to assume he's not interested yet. If he's still messing around, don't retaliate, just say nothing and see when he gets back to you. If he doesn't then - he's probably not really interested.


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    #18
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    If you're going to ask him out, then at least suggest a time and a place. Going from what you have posted it looks like you're expecting him to organise this date! After him saying "Nice one", you should have suggested something. Basically he said yes to you asking him out then you stopped texting. He might have gotten the impressing that you're not serious about it.


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    #19
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Aard wrote: »
    If you're going to ask him out, then at least suggest a time and a place. Going from what you have posted it looks like you're expecting him to organise this date! After him saying "Nice one", you should have suggested something. Basically he said yes to you asking him out then you stopped texting. He might have gotten the impressing that you're not serious about it.

    I wasnt asking him to organise more asking when suited him!


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    #20
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    Yeah but you left like 12 hours before you specifically asked when would suit him. Tbh if it were me I wouldn't exactly be racing to text you back. I know what your intentions are, since you've spelled it out in this thread. All your potential date has to go on are three short texts and a huge delay.

    ETA: Whatever happened to phoning people?! Instant result!


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    #21
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Oh god I dunno what to do now.

    I sent a grindr message saying

    "Hey if you're free during the week maybe we could meet for lunch some time this week?"

    No answer


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    #22
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,111 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    You - 'I'm free for lunch Xday, would love if you could join me'

    a) Him - "Can't do Xday sorry, but what about Y day" - interested
    b) Him - "Can't do Xday, sorry" - not interested.


    If a) away you go.
    If b), leave it.


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    #23
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    Oh god I dunno what to do now.

    I sent a grindr message saying

    "Hey if you're free during the week maybe we could meet for lunch some time this week?"

    No answer
    Can you not phone him? Get his number? Don't message him until he replies anyway or you'll start to look clingy.


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    #24
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Cydoniac wrote: »
    Can you not phone him? Get his number? Don't message him until he replies
    anyway or you'll start to look clingy.

    How am I supposed to get his number if I shouldnt message him.

    You're right though I dont to seem clingy


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    #25
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    How am I supposed to get his number if I shouldnt message him.

    You're right though I dont to seem clingy


    Give it a day or two ,then when hes on, ask how he is ect etc and then maybe say u still up for a pint/lunch during the week ?
    If he says yes ,you make the arrangements.
    I feel you pain man ,the not knowing what the F*** is going on, give it another try and see what happens.
    Best of luck ;)


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    #26
    J_E
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,734 ✭✭✭J_E


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    How am I supposed to get his number if I shouldnt message him.

    You're right though I dont to seem clingy
    Wait until he replies first - it could be a case he's just away and if he comes back to a string of messages it'll give the wrong impression. Sometimes it can be hard to wait but it's better if you do!


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    #27
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The thing is he's not away. He is on quite often.

    Should I wait until he replies?


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    #28
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    unreggd9545 wrote: »
    The thing is he's not away. He is on quite often.

    Should I wait until he replies?

    Like i said above, give it a day or two, have a small bit of chat first, see how it goes, then ask if hes still up for a meet.
    If u constantly keep sending him messages you will come across as being too pushy.
    Give it a day or two before you contact him again.


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    #29
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ok so I havent heard anything from him. The last message was Sunday. Should I contact him now?


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    #30
    Ash885
    Registered Users Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Ash885


    Take it from a complete self confessed cling, all you want is closure at this point I'd say. For me, lads need to have the balls to tell you which way or otherwise. If you are to message him, and that's up to you, I'd take it at the angle of getting a responce as to if it's a waste of time waiting around. People do have other things going on, but the fact he's online regularily and stuff, yeah seems a bit cheeky.


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    #31
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    So I think something might be happening!!!!!!

    Took Mr Frames advice. Started fairly informally then asked if he still wanted to meet - he said yes! I said cool how about Saturday.

    He said; I'll keep you posted!

    I said; cool - well look forward to it if you can make it and I got a smily face back!


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