All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

I don't have a musical bone in my body, totally immune to music! *takes out lock-pick*

The smell of a roast dinner. Chicken, beef, lamb it doesn't matter all smell gorgeous.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

When I open the fridge and get the smell of chopped peppers, or strawberries, or melon, I just droooooll!

So what food makes ye all droooooll then?

Just like Hen really a good roast din dins is all I need..... that and a cherry pie with custard. Anyone makes me a cherry pie with custard could wrap me around their little finger.

BBDBB wrote: »

.........and that children, was how the Great Food War of 2014 began, the Marzipan Liberation Army set forth to smite the Peoples Popular Front of Coriander. The Kipper & Banana Alliance raided the fridge to find Vegetables of Mass Destruction but were thwarted by a lengthwise cucumber and Rube ordered Sweet n Sour pork balls with fried rice and a bag of prawn crackers

The first warning shots were fired in Greasy Joe's Caravan Cookery, (parked somewhere on a busy street near you) When one of Rubes Pork Balls rolled off his plate and landed on a salad that had been ordered by a vegan. The sudden clatter of clashing forks and the shriek of tortured battle spoons rent the air.......and it was on.

A forum like this can be a real cocktail to be sure.

something with rum in will do for me .... maybe a Black Jamaican (same as a black russian but rum instead of vodka)

Rubecula wrote: »

Just like Hen really a good roast din dins is all I need..... that and a cherry pie with custard. Anyone makes me a cherry pie with custard could wrap me around their little finger.

*Thinks deeply*, trying to work out whether having Rubecula wrapped round my little finger would be any sort of advantage. It would make typing difficult that's for sure.

Oh oh, think there is going to be singing in here tonight.


Try and just hum Rube otherwise you might wake Matron.

Today 23:15

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Do you know what I've noticed? Every time I come in to the asylum there's nobody here. I think you are all hiding from me. Why would you do that? You know I won't be drinking your drinkies, I'm off to the kitchen to find the tea caddy and put the kettle on. Off I go now. Do ye see me going? Ye can come out now! Stop messin' about!

Janey Mac JB1, I didn't know boards was open so late, let alone there might be oulwans and oulfellas still up and wryt'n stuff on it.
Anyway, late night tea makes you wee. If you drink your tea at this hour, and have to head for the bathroom in the early hours, only walking from the knees down, PLEASE don't post anything on boards, at least until the birdies start on Side Two tomorrow morning, because new emails make my CackBerry mobile wobble and ping and wake me up and I might get grumpy. I can't find "silent mode" and the seven-year-olds I yoodilize for all things technological are still on Easter hols.

PS:

• Scientists in white coats, who have passed all of their exams, cannot differentiate between marzipan and almond paste.
• Historians tell us that both concoctions were used in ancient times in embalming ceremonies, but, if I tell you how or for what, the Mod will edit this post.
• Alternatively, did you know that baby cucumbers, growing near the bottom of the cucumber plant, can be persuaded to grow down, hit the ground and turn 90 degrees, thereby producing "L" shaped cucumbers? This doesn't improve the taste but, when the farmer / morket gordner tries to throw them away, they come back! Fade into Charlie Drake's opus: "My Cucumber Won't Come Back."
• I'm only awake and writing this because I had tea at 9:30PM and, while on my way back to my leaba, your post woke my phone.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Well I didn't know my posts ping! Sorry I'll make sure my late night posts whisper in future specially for you Brens.

There is a difference between marzipan and almond paste. Marzipan is yelloweeyer and tastes like what a scientist called Satan might have created but almond paste is pale-eeeyer and tastes like I made it with my own fair angel hands whilst sitting on a fluffy wee cloud!

Morket Gordeners do grow bendy cucumbers. They just call them organic and double the price!

That's handy if you fancy cucumber in your croissant

Get fruit and veg moulds.

Square melons, square tomatoes and my favourite - Buddha pears

Took the Woof for his walk this morning and, for my trouble, got soaked in a downpour. The Woof in question, an outdoor hunting / swimming type spaniel, tucked himself in on the leeside of my legs, trying to protect himself from gale-assisted lumps of hostile water. By the time we reached HQ, enthusiasm for anything other than tea was very low so we settled down to some serious nostalgia on telly.

So, the Tharle, Dr. Who and his female companion (who comes along to scream at things, be captured or fall and sprain her ankle), are being pursued through thick, post-nuclear Armageddon jungle by Daleks. To enable them to participate in the chase, those fiendish Daleks had laid a path of 8 by 4 sheets of 1/2" water and boil-proof plywood on the jungle floor and that loolah Dr. Who stays on the plywood instead of taking to the mud......where the Daleks' little wheels can't go!

The Tharle know a shortcut to their hideout, the entire route to which is also paved with plywood but, thank Heavens, the Daleks didn't notice the hideout when they were laying the plywood.

"Cap-ture-the-doc-tor-and-exter-min-ate-the-Tharle"

No mention of the Doctor's female companion who immediately falls over, sprains her ankle and then makes an immediate and remarkable recovery. At this stage, the Woof and I were so enthralled in this drama, we both fell asleep.

When we woke up and peered at the screen, what did we see????
Some fecquing no-mark celebrity cook chopping vegetables in front of two expert vegetable-choppers in deep debate about the high standard of vegetable-chopping in this year's semi-final vegetable-chopping competition.

Apparently, next week's final will feature vegetable stirring in bowls. I've already set "record" for that.

Now, the poor Woof and I are off our food with worry. Claws and fingernails have been chewed and stress levels are still sky high. So, can anybody tell us if the Doctor made it to the Tharle hideout? Were any more ankles sprained? Was anybody ex-ter-min-a-ted?

Failing that, which talentless celebrity won the vegetable-chopping semi-final?