Introduce Yourself

nobbo · 12-04-2015 11:46am

Hi there,

I'm a 23yr old adopted person. Just got the ball rolling with tracing my birth mother. Met with a social worker from Tulsa and a letter has been sent to my birth mothers original address(although I've been told this generally comes back with no result).

Going to try and source my original birth cert and start some investigating myself, to see if I can uncover anything in the meantime.

The_Conductor · 12-04-2015 12:05pm

Welcome Nobbo

If you have any questions at all- I'd suggest starting a thread in here- which is a good way to keep track of any questions and answers you may get.

If any of us can help at all- feel free to ask away.

In the interim- if you download and read the traceguides- it'll give you a good roadmap towards getting your original birthcert.

Best wishes,

Shane

Am I Desmond · 14-12-2015 6:08pm

Hi I am helping my 72 year old friend to try and find his birth mum. He was born in Dublin in 1943 and was handed over to the Mother & Baby home in Rathfarnham Road. He was officially adopted on 18th April 1943 and this is the DATE OF BIRTH on his Birth cert but believes he may be a DESMOND Byrne born 23rd Feb 1943. He was told that he as adopted about 20yrs ago by a sick aunt before she passed away. Both his parents had already passed away at this time so no questions could be answered. He had a lovely family and happy upbringing but theres always the question as to who you really are, where and who did you really come from etc.

So....here I am hopeing that the wonderful public will help, as I try to help someone complete their circle.

And the best of luck to everyone on searching!

The_Conductor · 14-12-2015 8:48pm

Welcome Desmond.

Desmond- you say that your friend was 'officially adopted on 18th April 1943'.
On what basis is your friend making this assumption?
The reason I'm asking- is prior to the 1952 Act- there were no 'official' adoptions in Ireland- there were thousands of informal adoptions- but they were not official........

Many of these informal adoptions were formalised after the passing of the Act (as evidenced by the spike in numbers in the years immediately after the Act which subsequently normalised (maximum spike was then 1974- immediately before single mothers became eligible to claim social welfare (Children's Benefit) for the first time- after which the numbers slid downwards at an accelerating pace again.

It is possible that your friend was indeed adopted- formally- however, this did not happen in 1943, as he seems to think.

First of all- you should try to ascertain whether, or not, your friend is on the Adopted Children's Register (its like a birth register just of adopted children- and is kept in the reading room- but it has to be specifically requested, it is not on the shelf with all the year books).

If he is not on the official register- unfortunately- his adoption most probably was informal. There are still some avenues which can be explored- its not straight forward however........

Anyhow- a good first step would be for your friend to write to the Adoption Authority- seeking basic information- and see what they come back with- and you can take it from there..........

ModeMadFan · 15-12-2015 9:45pm

At this time for families, I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year. I hope anyone who is searching for their natural family finds them.

Sadly for me, I have never been able to find anything other than my natural mother's name. So for me that's the best I have had in almost 30 years of searching.

Good luck to everyone else.

Gary

Hermy · 15-12-2015 10:57pm

Sorry to read that your search hasn't had a successful outcome Gary.

If you want to post about your search again and maybe one of us might have some other new ideas on a possible move forward.

In the meantime seasons greetings to you and yours.

ciza3 · 11-07-2016 3:31pm

hi i am trying to search for my sister , i have another sister who was adopted through cunamh and i have met her, i am with my birth mom and wasnt adopted but i am searching for our other sister who was adopted in 1986 im assuming. she was born march 1986 and adoped through the sacred heard society in cork , i have contacted tusla as they are now closed down, and they said my search will take aprx 2 years unless she has tried to make contact . as far as they were aware when i last spoke to them she had not tried to make contact. i got non identifying information from cunamh and all they told me is her birth month and year and my mom named her bernadette, im sure this is not her name now but i just really want to find her . Sorry for the ramble and thanks for listening

Ciara

Ghekko · 13-07-2016 10:30pm

Hi,
Have a look at the sibling tracing guides - you may well be able to find your sister yourself. If you don't know the exact date of birth you would need to go to GRO and go through the births for the month you have been told. You should find it easily enough. From then you would be looking through the adoption register for baby girls with the same birth date. Hopefully there won't be too many.

ciza3 wrote: »

hi i am trying to search for my sister , i have another sister who was adopted through cunamh and i have met her, i am with my birth mom and wasnt adopted but i am searching for our other sister who was adopted in 1986 im assuming. she was born march 1986 and adoped through the sacred heard society in cork , i have contacted tusla as they are now closed down, and they said my search will take aprx 2 years unless she has tried to make contact . as far as they were aware when i last spoke to them she had not tried to make contact. i got non identifying information from cunamh and all they told me is her birth month and year and my mom named her bernadette, im sure this is not her name now but i just really want to find her . Sorry for the ramble and thanks for listening

Ciara

GoldenGreen · 14-11-2016 1:15pm

Hi all,
Just started my search too, I am 42. Great Tracing guides, well done to who put them together.
I contact the Adoption Authority and they gave me my agency that handled my adoption.
I contacted the agency then for non-id info, but really all they could tell was was her approx age and occupation, which was not much. They did indicate that her name and my birth location would be classed as identifying info so did not provide it, so i have a feeling they have it on file.
So not sure what next, the info i have might not be much to go to GRO, but might give it a try. The Agency asked me to met them if I wanted them to start a search for me, so i might do that as well, nothing to loose I guess.

One question I have, I am from a border country, so I could have been born in the North, if that was the case would the GRO in Dublin have my records. I do have an Irish "short form Birth Cert" (Adoption cert), thought I am thinking if I have one of them then its linked to my original birth cert so maybe that will be in Dublin.
Thanks

The_Conductor · 14-11-2016 2:25pm

GoldenGreen wrote: »

Hi all,
Just started my search too, I am 42. Great Tracing guides, well done to who put them together.
I contact the Adoption Authority and they gave me my agency that handled my adoption.
I contacted the agency then for non-id info, but really all they could tell was was her approx age and occupation, which was not much. They did indicate that her name and my birth location would be classed as identifying info so did not provide it, so i have a feeling they have it on file.
So not sure what next, the info i have might not be much to go to GRO, but might give it a try. The Agency asked me to met them if I wanted them to start a search for me, so i might do that as well, nothing to loose I guess.

One question I have, I am from a border country, so I could have been born in the North, if that was the case would the GRO in Dublin have my records. I do have an Irish "short form Birth Cert" (Adoption cert), thought I am thinking if I have one of them then its linked to my original birth cert so maybe that will be in Dublin.
Thanks

Hi GoldenGreen-

To be honest- the adoption agencies are not normally as cagey with their non-identifying information, as they are being with yours.

Your first step is to use the steps in the traceguide to get your original birth cert. You're a 1974 baby- which was the peak year for adoptions in Ireland (it was immediately before the law changed, enabling single mother claim children's benefit and other social welfare reliefs- prior to this- single mothers were actively discriminated against by the state).

You may very well have have a number of possible matches for your original birth cert (I'm a 1974 baby myself- and have 6 matches to my date of birth).

From the manner in which the agency is refusing to entertain telling you anything really- it may be the case that you might be able to read between the lines when you've got possible birth certs for yourself- and leverage the information or lack thereof, to help you in your search. I've never heard of an agency refusing to tell someone where they were born in their non identifying info (they may be a bit vague sometimes- as in saying Cork- rather than the specific location (for example Bessboro)).

Anyhow- the reading room is in the old Dole Office on Werburgh Street- I'd suggest paying for the day, and when you do find a match, note it, but keep going- its quite normal to get several matches.

Best of good luck with the next stages.

Hermy · 15-11-2016 10:29am

Hi Golden Green,

Did you request non-identifying information from the Adoption Authority?
In my case they provided me with a few bits of info including my mothers place of birth.

GoldenGreen · 15-11-2016 11:45am

The_Conductor wrote: »

Hi GoldenGreen-

To be honest- the adoption agencies are not normally as cagey with their non-identifying information, as they are being with yours.

Your first step is to use the steps in the traceguide to get your original birth cert. You're a 1974 baby- which was the peak year for adoptions in Ireland (it was immediately before the law changed, enabling single mother claim children's benefit and other social welfare reliefs- prior to this- single mothers were actively discriminated against by the state).

You may very well have have a number of possible matches for your original birth cert (I'm a 1974 baby myself- and have 6 matches to my date of birth).

From the manner in which the agency is refusing to entertain telling you anything really- it may be the case that you might be able to read between the lines when you've got possible birth certs for yourself- and leverage the information or lack thereof, to help you in your search. I've never heard of an agency refusing to tell someone where they were born in their non identifying info (they may be a bit vague sometimes- as in saying Cork- rather than the specific location (for example Bessboro)).

Anyhow- the reading room is in the old Dole Office on Werburgh Street- I'd suggest paying for the day, and when you do find a match, note it, but keep going- its quite normal to get several matches.

Best of good luck with the next stages.

Thanks The_Conductor. yea I can only read between the lines in the fact they are not give out that info. Though I think I will write to them again and try press upon the place of birth at least as non-identifying info.
That was another question if i was born in the North but adopted in the republic , would my detail be in Dublin ?

Anyways thanks again.

GoldenGreen · 15-11-2016 11:47am

Hermy wrote: »

Hi Golden Green,

Did you request non-identifying information from the Adoption Authority?
In my case they provided me with a few bits of info including my mothers place of birth.

Hi Hermy,
Yea i asked the Adoption Authority for the non-identifying details, but they just directed me in the direction of the Adoption Agency. :-(

metaoblivia · 30-12-2016 6:54am

Hi

My father was adopted and I've been searching for information about his biological family (with his blessing) since May 2016. We're American, so the process and challenges may be a little different, but I think a lot of it is probably similar. I enjoy reading other people's stories about their searches and learning more about genealogy.

The_Conductor · 30-12-2016 11:53am

metaoblivia wrote: »

Hi

My father was adopted and I've been searching for information about his biological family (with his blessing) since May 2016. We're American, so the process and challenges may be a little different, but I think a lot of it is probably similar. I enjoy reading other people's stories about their searches and learning more about genealogy.

Hi Metaoblivia- was your father born here- and then sent to the States as a baby?

If so- there is a vibrant community of Irish Adoptees in the States- in similar positions to your Dad- Mari Steed is very active in the group, and may be able to fill in a few general gaps for you.

The children from Ireland who went to the States were predominantly from one of two mother-and-children homes- Sean Ross Abbey in Tipperary and Bessboro in Blackrock in Cork. Both homes were run by the Sacred Heart Nuns- if you go online- there have been a number of documentaries on their activities- several by RTE (Mike Millote had two very good ones) and the BBC had some good ones too (Ireland's Banished Babies for example).

Anyhow- if any of us can shed light on anything for you- feel free to ask.

metaoblivia · 30-12-2016 7:54pm

The_Conductor wrote: »

Hi Metaoblivia- was your father born here- and then sent to the States as a baby?

If so- there is a vibrant community of Irish Adoptees in the States- in similar positions to your Dad- Mari Steed is very active in the group, and may be able to fill in a few general gaps for you.

The children from Ireland who went to the States were predominantly from one of two mother-and-children homes- Sean Ross Abbey in Tipperary and Bessboro in Blackrock in Cork. Both homes were run by the Sacred Heart Nuns- if you go online- there have been a number of documentaries on their activities- several by RTE (Mike Millote had two very good ones) and the BBC had some good ones too (Ireland's Banished Babies for example).

Anyhow- if any of us can shed light on anything for you- feel free to ask.

No, he wasn't. We only got his official birth records this summer and he was born in Ohio. We thought it might be a possibility because my grandparents really wanted a child with Irish heritage to match their own heritage and went out of state to adopt him. But they just went to another state and adopted him from an Irish Catholic orphanage. They always said they chose the most Irish-looking boy because of his black hair and green eyes.

(That probably sounds weird, but back then being Irish-Catholic was still enough to brand you an "other" in American society. People sometimes dealt with that by doubling down on their heritage and forming communities within communities. It's one thing to be an American of Irish heritage like myself; it's another to be raised in an Irish-American community like my father and his parents were.)

Anyway, the birth certificate gave us his mother's name and she was of Irish-Catholic heritage and from Massachusetts. And the man she listed as his father was also of Irish Catholic heritage and from Ohio. So as far as that document went, everything added up with what we had been told.

But the DNA test told a different story.

I should mention that my bio-grandmother, Rita, was kind of a character. She married at least 4 times and went by at least 6 different names in her life. The man listed on my father's birth certificate was NOT one of her husbands. The man I believe is my bio-grandad was also NOT one of her husbands. But my father was conceived either while she was still married to her 2nd husband or in between her 2nd and 3rd husband (I'm not sure when that 2nd relationship ended).

Anyway, according to the DNA test, my father is about half Irish and half Iberian. And the majority of our shared cousin matches on Ancestry, including some very close matches, like 1st cousins, are Portuguese and from a town on the Big Island of Hawaii. At first I thought it was an aberration, but they just kept coming. I've done a lot of research into this side to try and uncover shared connections through family trees between the cousins to hopefully lead me to some candidates. I found a man from a family they all connect to, who joined the army during WWII and was stationed in Rita's hometown the year my father would have been conceived.

The problem is that Hawaii wasn't a state back then, so they don't have the records other states have. And when the families originally immigrated from the Azores to Hawaii, it was the Kingdom of Hawaii. I can tell you when Rita's parents emigrated from Ireland and that they came from Kerry thanks to U.S. immigration records. I can also tell you parents and siblings who came over with them. The Kingdom of Hawaii had no such record keeping that I've been able to find, so it's hard to trace the families beyond great-grandparents. And that makes it harder to see how I might connect with a 3rd cousin.

Anyways, sorry to ramble! As you can see, we're pretty good on Rita and have even found and confirmed a half-sister through her side (there are two more half-siblings we know of as well - all different fathers, all but one given up for adoption/left with the father. The one who was kept has very bad memories of Rita and doesn't wish to talk about her). But the bio-father's side is more complicated to pin down.

The_Conductor · 30-12-2016 8:12pm

Given the background- you've done some sterling detective work there metaoblivia!

Gander1973 · 20-04-2017 9:52pm

Hi Ghekko,

Many thanks for taking the time to post on this.

I was born in July, 1973.

I have some brief information and it seems that I was born in St. Patrick's.

Great to hear that your husband was successful in his trace. Delighted for him and I hope it was a happy 'reunion'.

And thank you for great advice. Really kind of you.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow....

Sincere thanks again.

boardsuser1 · 20-04-2017 9:52pm

My brother is adopted, now aged 29 (born in 1988).

Registered with the adoption authority in the hope he also did so i could find him.

Nothing to date.

My mother would need to be informed if i request the name of the adoption agency he was handed over to.

She is estranged from me for over 30 years and will block it.

I don't want to give up though but feel i have no choice in one way.

Ghekko · 20-04-2017 9:56pm

KC161 wrote: »

My brother is adopted, now aged 29 (born in 1988).

Registered with the adoption authority in the hope he also did so i could find him.

Nothing to date.

My mother would need to be informed if i request the name of the adoption agency he was handed over to.

She is estranged from me for over 30 years and will block it.

I don't want to give up though but feel i have no choice in one way.

Do you know his exact date of birth? Even if you don't you could go through the birth register to look for his entry as your mums name will be on it. Once you have the exact date you could go through the adoption books to match boys with same dob. You may find a couple but at least it would be a start. Have a look at tracing guides for siblings in the sticky thread. You don't need anyone's permission to look yourself!

boardsuser1 · 20-04-2017 11:22pm

Ghekko wrote: »

Do you know his exact date of birth? Even if you don't you could go through the birth register to look for his entry as your mums name will be on it. Once you have the exact date you could go through the adoption books to match boys with same dob. You may find a couple but at least it would be a start. Have a look at tracing guides for siblings in the sticky thread. You don't need anyone's permission to look yourself!

I know it is somewhere between 1-10 April 1988 for certain.

I am clueless on tracing an adopted relative.

This thread is helping me understand how to do it though.

He is 29 now.

A guy in Cork is regularly spotted by people connected to me saying I was in such and such a place when I wasn't, possibly him.

We have the same mother and father.

I ended up with family in 1988 while he was adopted.

mindurown · 05-06-2017 6:54pm

looking for others thoughts

about twenty years ago a man called to our family home in dublin and said he was doing research on mothers family. she had passed away a while before. he left a number but it was mislaid so nobody ever contacted him.

at the time we thought he would be getting in touch with others in the family as well - lots of cousins to ask but to our knowledge he never contacted anyone else.

we never thought about a possible older sibling. we heard mother lived in the uk at some stage but now not so sure as she never talked about when she was young and maybe that was just a story

how would we even start to find out about a child adopted or who was the mystery caller

boardsuser1 · 05-06-2017 7:33pm

Just an update on my previous posts in this thread, I've recently put up new posts in the adoption thread confirming that my brother has registered with the AAI and I am awaiting further contact from them once they write to him.

As was highlighted, we both registered with the agency in less than 12 months.

Again many thanks to The Conductor and Hermy for their advice.

kathy finn · 06-06-2017 8:03am

Hi,
Do you remember the mans name. UK BMD are online. search useing your mothers maiden name and surname the same.
Also you can search the books in GRO research Room Dublin go from the year your mother would be around 15 to the year of her marriage. Good Luck

planet1 · 01-08-2017 1:04pm

Hi all my name is Jane and I was adopted in 1952, I traced my birth mother and family in 1999, unfortunately she had died, but I met two sisters and 10 years later a brother. My parents were married when they had me but at that time could not tell their parents. They did me a great big disservice as my adopted parents divorced, then died when I was only 15, and I ended up in care, I am not greatful to them. Finding your family is a great thing but not always what you might want. I do not have contact with my two sisters but do with my brother who was also adopted. My parents were not young and poor but well off and in their mid twenties. I live in Ireland and my father was of Irish descent my adopted parents (father was a Fitzgerald). I am glad I traced them as I believe everyone has a right to know who they are. But and it is a big but it does not always turn out as you may want it to.

Rosell · 19-08-2017 4:34pm

nobbo wrote: »

Hi there,

I'm a 23yr old adopted person. Just got the ball rolling with tracing my birth mother. Met with a social worker from Tulsa and a letter has been sent to my birth mothers original address(although I've been told this generally comes back with no result).

Going to try and source my original birth cert and start some investigating myself, to see if I can uncover anything in the meantime.

Hi Nobbo
Did you get any further in finding your birth mother or original birth cert.

mindurown · 20-08-2017 3:28am

planet1 wrote: »

Hi all my name is Jane and I was adopted in 1952, I traced my birth mother and family in 1999, unfortunately she had died, but I met two sisters and 10 years later a brother. My parents were married when they had me but at that time could not tell their parents. They did me a great big disservice as my adopted parents divorced, then died when I was only 15, and I ended up in care, I am not greatful to them. Finding your family is a great thing but not always what you might want. I do not have contact with my two sisters but do with my brother who was also adopted. My parents were not young and poor but well off and in their mid twenties. I live in Ireland and my father was of Irish descent my adopted parents (father was a Fitzgerald). I am glad I traced them as I believe everyone has a right to know who they are. But and it is a big but it does not always turn out as you may want it to.

hi Jane so sorry to hear your story.
I didn't know it was possible to be adopted when parents were married but there's lots of stories about how things happened years ago, it seems a lot was covered up.

Can you say if you got details or any help from the Adoption Authority when you started tracing your family or how did you find the information about your sisters & brother.

sisterhood · 20-03-2018 1:07am

Hi Lorraine are u still looking for your mam ðŸ’Ÿ

Me123me · 21-07-2019 2:57am

Hi, I recently tried to find my birth mother (again) and they found her. They Sent two letters no response and then actually called her a couple of days ago and talked to her. I was told (twice) she didn’t ask about me and that she was busy looking after a sick bother at the min to deal with this.
I am 35, always wanted to have no regrets about this but tbh, I’m hurt..
just like to know other people’s experiences, the adoption home asked if I’d like to try and fine my birth dad, but I hardly know my adoptive father so I’m not so sure.
Anyway, feels good to write this even if no response.
Thanks

BottleOfSmoke · 21-07-2019 3:25am

Me123me wrote: »

Hi, I recently tried to find my birth mother (again) and they found her. They Sent two letters no response and then actually called her a couple of days ago and talked to her. I was told (twice) she didn’t ask about me and that she was busy looking after a sick bother at the min to deal with this.
I am 35, always wanted to have no regrets about this but tbh, I’m hurt..
just like to know other people’s experiences, the adoption home asked if I’d like to try and fine my birth dad, but I hardly know my adoptive father so I’m not so sure.
Anyway, feels good to write this even if no response.
Thanks

That's really tough. My own experience is that I discovered my birth mother died only a few years after I was born. I can't say that's worse than your position, you have all my sympathy. Look, there are all kinds of people on this earth, some with empathy for others, and some with none. Seems like you've been dealt the dud card with your birth mother, although time might change that. In the meantime, you might want to investigate if she has other children who are adults.
As for your birth dad - when I started my search my focus was on my birth mother, I didn't give a father a second thought. That did change over time, and it became a postive search. If you're lukewarm about the prospect, I'd say wait a while. But if your "need to know" starts to grow then go for it.

Introduce Yourself

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