She cheated... now she does everything I say.

LegacyUser · 30-04-2008 1:24pm #1

Sorry I know this is a bit weird...

2 years ago my Gf cheated on me, just a kiss with some guy. But she told me straightaway and since then she's basically turned into my slave.

Everything I ask her to do she does. I think she was so afraid to lose me she just gives in to everything I want and I'm so sick of it i'm about ready to call it a day!

I'll give you some examples. If were out and she's having a great night. If i say were going home she'll just come with me, no arguments or can we stay for a few mins she just comes home with me.

If she cooks steak for dinner and when she's putting the plate in front of me I say "I actually wanted chicken" she'll actually go and cook it for me. If we had a booked a holiday and the day before i decided i wasnt going, she wouldnt say a word.

If i say were going to X place on sat night she'll come even though her friends might want her to go out.

I think she was so afraid of losing me she's turned into a walkover. Now while i was very angry after she cheated this has been going on for a year still while i've been trying to get her back to "normal" .

Sex is actually crap because no matter what i ask her to do she does it and obviously she doesnt enjoy everything and i've had enough.

I've told her unless things get back to the way they were i'm leaving. I've lost count of how many times i've told her i've forgiven her but its still no change, any suggestions people??

Ruby Soho · 30-04-2008 8:29pm

How long have you been going out together??
I think its sounds very strange alright, I mean, she just kissed the guy, she didn't try to elope into the sunset with him, I really think that it has very little to do with your current situation. Surely she knows you've gotten over it at this stage? I don't think it sounds like it has anything to do with the kiss.
Why don't you suggest to her that 'this weekend, we're go to do what YOU want to do', what would she say to that?
Maybe she's just one of those people who are very submissive and just need to be told what to do all the time. She mightn't be grovelling at all, just happy to go along with what you want, there are people like that, trust me!
I mean FFS, it was only a kiss!! What was she like before that incident? Was she any more independant? Maybe she just has very low self esteem. I can see why it could be annoying, there's just no challenge for you at all, is there?

rohe · 30-04-2008 8:41pm

not being funny here.....

but would you not think your taking advantage of the situation here for your own gain?????

I mean come on turning around and saying to her after she has cooked you dinner, that no you actually wanted something else, and cancelling a holiday a day before your due to go?????

It seems to me your either pushing your gf to see how far she will go or your just taking advantage of the whole situation

Even if you really want it to work with her you should tell her the extent of how you feel and that if things dont change you will leave, that should wake her up

AARRRGH · 30-04-2008 8:59pm

She's obviously in a fairly unhealthy place at the moment.

Threatening to leave her probably isn't the best way to handle the situation! Have a proper heart to heart with her.

darsar · 30-04-2008 9:12pm

If i was her i'd ram the steak down your throat. The cheek of you to be treating a woman like this. Do her a favour and end it, because the way you come across in your post she doesn't deserve someone like you, even if she stupidly/mistakenly kiss a guy.

Josef Fritzel:rolleyes:

rohe · 30-04-2008 9:16pm

jamegg wrote: »

If i was her i'd ram the steak down your throat. The cheek of you to be treating a woman like this. Do her a favour and end it, because the way you come across in your post she doesn't deserve someone like you, even if she stupidly/mistakenly kiss a guy.

Josef Fritzel:rolleyes:

+ 1

St Bill · 30-04-2008 9:21pm

OP if you don't like getting what you want the whole time, well just tell your girlfriend you want the opposite of what you REALLY want i.e. if you want chicken, say you don't want chicken, or if you don't want her at your beck and call, tell her you want her at your beck and call!! It's so crazy it might actually work!!
My heart goes out to you by the way....good luck, you'll probably need it.

the_syco · 30-04-2008 9:40pm

jamegg wrote: »

If i was her i'd ram the steak down your throat. The cheek of you to be treating a woman like this. Do her a favour and end it, because the way you come across in your post she doesn't deserve someone like you, even if she stupidly/mistakenly kiss a guy.

Josef Fritzel:rolleyes:

You're not getting it, are you? This is what the lad wants. He wants her to have a bit of backbone: he's nearly going to call it off cos she so submissive.

=-=

OP: almost sounds like she f**ked him the way it's going on.

rohe · 30-04-2008 9:47pm

dont think thats the case the post above, about the girl f*cking the guy

Its just she feels so guilty for doing this to him

and she obviously lovers him very much that she has spent this long trying to make it up to him and to appease him in every sense

As i said earlier i think the op should be honest and explain how strongly he feels and try and talk it through, after all your gf might be happy with this situation either and could be hoping and waiting for things to change

rohe · 30-04-2008 9:47pm

dont think thats the case the post above, about the girl f*cking the guy

Its just she feels so guilty for doing this to him

and she obviously lovers him very much that she has spent this long trying to make it up to him and to appease him in every sense

As i said earlier i think the op should be honest and explain how strongly he feels and try and talk it through, after all your gf might not be happy with this situation either and could be hoping and waiting for things to change

darsar · 30-04-2008 9:58pm

the_syco wrote: »

You're not getting it, are you? This is what the lad wants. He wants her to have a bit of backbone: he's nearly going to call it off cos she so submissive.

=-=

OP: almost sounds like she f**ked him the way it's going on.

I get it alright, i understand he wants her to stand up and say no and bite back but for the OP to let her take a steak back off the plate and go cook him a chicken, thats just extracting the urine.

Marksie · 30-04-2008 10:10pm

and my question is OP: if you know she is like this..why do you act like that?

What possible motivation have you to continue to rub her face in it, metaphorically speaking?

It is doing her no good and you no good.

Whatever issues she has you are compounding if not the cause.

If you want her to "grow a backbone". Then stop treating her like a slave and treat her like a partner.

Look to your own behaviour before you look to hers. To have told us some of the things you have done smacks of gloating, cruelty and a complete contempt for her.

rohe · 30-04-2008 10:12pm

would agree with marksie 100%

Your using this situation basically for your own gain

sam34 · 30-04-2008 10:14pm

Troll?

LegacyUser · 30-04-2008 10:14pm

Maybe you should start treating her with a bit of respect. Then she wouldn't think that she was losing you, she might learn to respect herself a bit more, and not be at your beck and call every moment.
Or else you should end it, and admit to her that you're being an awful boyfriend. Anyone disrespectful enough to say to their girlfriend that they wanted chicken after she went to the bother of making you a dinner deserves a good slap of a steak at the side of the face. You obviously haven't forgiven her because you're treating her like sh**.
Did you treat her like this before she cheated? Because it sounds to me that if this is a new development then you really haven't forgiven her at all.

Marksie · 30-04-2008 10:14pm

rohe wrote: »

Your using this situation basically for your own gain

Its simpler than that, he is doing it because he can.

board om · 30-04-2008 10:18pm

do her a favour and set her free. suffering someone like you is punishment enough for her. you have obviously pushed the boundaries to know exactly how far she is willing to go to please you. and to make a comment like sex is crap becuase she does what you tell her? you are some man. i actually feel sorry for this girl becuase she obviously has self esteem issues and your only worry is basciallly that she is boring you now becuase she is doing evrything you ask, instead you should be thinking about what this poor girl miust be going through to let someone walk all over her in the way you have been. i am actually embarassed for you.

rohe · 30-04-2008 10:23pm

not disputing that

but he obviously has had no qualms over tha past few months that the fact his gf is doing everything to try and make it up to him, has the op actually sat down once and said to his gf, stop doing this or that, you dont have to do all this, he should have nipped in the bud from the first day when his gf started behaving like this

Why wait so long???

Why is it only bothering him now, it hasnt all along???

Even the name he has used to post, suggests he just taking the p*ss

Pen1987 · 30-04-2008 10:26pm

If were out and she's having a great night. If i say were going home she'll just come with me, no arguments or can we stay for a few mins she just comes home with me.

If she cooks steak for dinner and when she's putting the plate in front of me I say "I actually wanted chicken" she'll actually go and cook it for me. If we had a booked a holiday and the day before i decided i wasnt going, she wouldnt say a word.

If i say were going to X place on sat night she'll come even though her friends might want her to go out.

I think she was so afraid of losing me she's turned into a walkover. Now while i was very angry after she cheated this has been going on for a year still while i've been trying to get her back to "normal" .

He said IF, I dont think hes actually doing these things!

rohe · 30-04-2008 10:29pm

Pen1987 wrote: »

He said IF, I dont think hes actually doing these things!

ehhhh???

How would he know her response if he nevr actually done any of these things

Pen1987 · 30-04-2008 10:36pm

I was with my ex gf for a year and I' could tell you exactly how she'd react to 99% of situations, including the situation when we broke up.

Marksie · 30-04-2008 10:50pm

DonalN..save that type of comment for AH

the_syco · 01-05-2008 12:15am

Off topic, but...

Marksie wrote: »

DonalN..save that type of comment for AH

Who's this DonalN that you're speaking to?

Overheal · 01-05-2008 12:48am

rohe wrote: »

not being funny here.....

but would you not think your taking advantage of the situation here for your own gain?????

I mean come on turning around and saying to her after she has cooked you dinner, that no you actually wanted something else, and cancelling a holiday a day before your due to go?????

It seems to me your either pushing your gf to see how far she will go or your just taking advantage of the whole situation

Even if you really want it to work with her you should tell her the extent of how you feel and that if things dont change you will leave, that should wake her up

Happening 2 years ago, I'm guessing he's been through that phase

But yes, something is wrong here. Two years of guilt? Who does that to themselves? Over such a small thing I mean.

Try reciprocating: she's doing all of these nice things; she's doing things she clearly doesn't want to do, for you. Consider doing the same? Instead of getting steak and going Oh I wanted chicken (btw what kind of man picks chicken over steak!?) be grateful instead. The next day cook something she wants to eat.

I mean, don't take this badly, but instead of forgiving her I think you need to ask for some forgiveness too and I think thats the problem - you were probably very upset when it happened and you may have never apologized for that behavior. I think thats what might be wrong here.

I say take her out for the best night she's had in years and make a major apology for whatever you've done to make her think she needs to put herself through purgatory for your acceptance.

Best wishes

Marksie · 01-05-2008 7:57am

the_syco wrote: »

Off topic, but...

Who's this DonalN that you're speaking to?

Ahh i warned himn then deleted the post

Gordon · 01-05-2008 8:43am

I got the impression that the OP doesn't necessarily tell his GF to do these things, but he gauges that she would react that way if so asked. Could be wrong though, need feedback.

Femelade · 01-05-2008 9:10am

The next time she makes you steak, thank her for it, dont tell her you want chicken!!
The next time you say you are going home from a night out, insist she stays out with her friends..
The next time she wants to go out with her friends insist on her going!
And the next time ye book a hoilday, go on the god damn holiday!!
Jesus like, What are you like!! You want her to stop being the way she is, but you are not helping by being the way you are! Show the girl some respect.

Mullah · 01-05-2008 9:55am

Its clear to me Gordan and Pen are right, which makes some of the hysterical overreaction (cf femmy in particular) to hypotheticals both foolish and unhelpful.

As with any complicated situation there is no simple solution. A start, however, would be a very straight, clear talk between you.

Given that you value the old her rather than the submissive model, I'd emphasise that her independence/backbone/call it whatever was one of the things that was attractive about her, and without that the attraction diminishes.

Then take her away for a weekend and indulge her: a change of sceneray might help a change in attitudes.

Good luck.

LegacyUser · 01-05-2008 10:10am

Gordon wrote: »

I got the impression that the OP doesn't necessarily tell his GF to do these things, but he gauges that she would react that way if so asked. Could be wrong though, need feedback.

Sorry I havent had a chance to reply til now. we have been together 2 years since this happened. And as some of you have correctly figured out I was a bit of a c*nt to her for a couple of months. As I was pretty hurt that she was with someone else. But I copped on a realised we'd never have a relationship if i didnt let go of the anger.

So its been at least 20 months since I last did something with the chicken/steak but she is still like this. She doesnt make any decisions for herself she wants/expects me to tell her what were doing.

Every now and again she does say she's sorry for what she did and thanks for not dumping her. But tbh I'm pretty sick of the way she is.

Thanks for the advice, I think a serious heart to heart is in order.

Plek Trum · 01-05-2008 10:47am

Have your heart to heart and tell her honestly how you feel she has changed. You may be surprised that she may actually be somebit relieved to hear she can get on with her own life outside of your relationship! Ask yourself two important questions though - 1)Do you respect her? 2) Do you love her? It may help direct your feelings. Best of luck

hairymolly · 01-05-2008 10:52am

jamegg wrote: »

If i was her i'd ram the steak down your throat. The cheek of you to be treating a woman like this. Do her a favour and end it, because the way you come across in your post she doesn't deserve someone like you, even if she stupidly/mistakenly kiss a guy.

Josef Fritzel:rolleyes:

ditto that

She cheated... now she does everything I say.

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