Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Should I seek out help?

  • 20-04-2008 8:25pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Regular user of the boards, undercover for this one.

    I feel fine today which is maybe why I'm typing. Ever since I was about 22 I have felt uncertain of myself, insignificant almost particularly (and there seems to be a pattern) during the months Feb-June...this is the third year Ive felt like this.

    One day Ill wake up and I just feel so so down. Lonely, sad, and consumed by feelings of guilt. I feel no one wants to know me but I get on with my daily business. I might go into twon if Im not working, and send texts around to see if any one wants to meet up, but it's like people dont want to. I have good friends but I guess I make myself think Im a charity case. Ive sensed Im being left out of things. Dont get me wrog, I dont hound people or anything!

    On another day Ill wake up and feel great, have a good day and get loads done. Sometimes I can just get an overwhelming feeling I need to cry. I went our with a friend for a drink last Friday, and during conversation tears were just flowing. I felt embarrassed, but it's like for the world I feel numb, Ive no reason to cry but I will. Im not that emotional of a person. I mean it happened the last day when a shop assistant handed me a receipt..I found myself holding back tears! Nothing to do with the situation, it just happens sometimes..

    I have a great boyf and family who love me and I spend a lot of time with them. Sometimes Im riddled with guilt tho for not seeng them enough. I work, I walk miles so get loadsa exercise and volunteer, and hope to increas that over the summer..

    But Im just sad. Ive lost interest in church which was a bit part of life, interest in doing things I like. My sleeping patterns are actually okay this year, Ive had problems in the past. Even in conversation, esp when Im down, I feel like Im watching another me saying things. Its bizarre, hard to explain. Ill wake in the morning and Ill think. "what on earth did i say that for?" as it wont make sense..

    I went to the doc the first yr it happened and had tests for thyroid etc, and was told that lots of people get depressed now and then, and basically I'd get over it. But this is the third year and I feel it eats away at who I really am. I find myself increasingly socially inept which is emabarrassing. I just dont want to feel like this, I thought I should only feel like this during pmt but it's almost a constant thing now. I wake up wondering how Ill be..positive thinking hasnt helped!

    I dont drink as I have found it makes me worse, female and Im 26

    Apologies if this takes forever to read.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭daiixi


    As a regular reader of boards what advice would you give if reading this post?

    You have your answer, get help.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You know, I can almost guarantee I'll read back on my post tomorrow and say to myself, why did you write that..it will be like another person will have written it. I dont really know where to go to 'get help' because I dont really know what it is Im getting help for. Especially when I got the reaction I did from the doctor. Im not a hypochondriac looking and willing for something to be wrong, but I' so so tired of feeling like a half person. Ive kept a diary of dates etc, but Ill feel my doc will thing Im making things up. I went to him last month about an unrelated issue, a work injury, and last time Id seen them was that time when I had tests done. So Im not a regulra but feel he wont take me seriously. or any doctor for that matter. Does everyone feel like this at some stage but just get on with life?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 938 ✭✭✭chuci


    it sounds like SAD (seasonal affective disorder) but the months are a bit off for usual sufferers (happens during the darker winter months). but as you said this is the third year in a row this has happened to you. when you have good days is the weather good and when you have bad days is it gloomy or raining? id suggest even if this wasnt the case that you still talk to your gp to get a full examination to check your bloods etc make sure that there is nothing wrong thst could make you feel this way.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks Chuci, I have looked in to it being SAD, but again the fact it's a bizarre time of year makes me confused. I know I can feel down in Winter, but then again doesnt everyone living in Ireland. There is a direct correalation between it being a grey miserable day and feeling so low, even hard to get out of bed, and then feeling great on a sunny day, so good I get up at 8am.

    But recently I have started finding that even on the sunny good days I begin to feel isolated and alone. Again I have great friends and volunteer so I see people but sometimes I cant even bear to be on my own. Which is strange for me as Ive never been like that.

    I guess Im worried the doc or anyone I see will think Im fabricating this and think im a quack:(


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 108 ✭✭wandering_star


    OP I can kind of understand where you're coming from I usually get like that around sep-jan, but generally it's just for one of those months, I can generally feel it coming on a week or two before though. I've found that if I have a holiday booked around that time, something to look forward to, something to take my mind off it..that helps..

    As for worrying about the doctor worrying about you fabricating things...I've had some of the weirdest ailments-pm me if you want a list-which my doctor, god bless him has had the upmost patience with me, and has accordingly helped me out. They're there to help.


  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,653 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    numb26 wrote: »
    I feel like Im watching another me saying things. Its bizarre, hard to explain. Ill wake in the morning and Ill think. "what on earth did i say that for?" as it wont make sense..

    That happens to me too, especially when I'm tired. I say things, not thinking much about them, and the next day it's like replaying a really drunken night, except I was stone cold sober.

    What happened in Feb - June 4 years ago? Was it a particularly stressful time of your life? Was someone close to you sick? Did anyone die?

    I suffer from SAD too, but it only started a few years back (that I noticed anyway). I really don't like Christmas and find it really depressing. I went to a therapist, and after talking for a while, she pointed out that in December a few years back, my mum had been diagnosed with cancer and was really ill, and I was slap-bang in the middle of my leaving cert year. I was struggling with exams, trying to find time to visit my mum in hospital, look after my dad, tidy the house, make dinners, go to school and study for 5 hours a day.

    Now I understand why I feel so awful during this period every year and it makes it a little easier to deal with. I'm able to remind myself that I can control my emotions. I can deal the subconscious memories by making them conscious, if that makes any sense.

    I strongly urge you to go to a therapist. Go to your doctor, tell him how you're feeling, show him the diary you've kept, and insist on a referral. Just talking to someone can help so much.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you for your kind replies. I woke up fine today and work was fine and now I feel okay. It is a nice day weather wise...
    I thought back to four years back jan-june but unfortunatly I cannot find anything...I was travelling for all of the year (I left in Jan and came home in Dec)and having the time of my life I have to say. Honestly. Unless Im harbouring secret lament for that time I dont know..

    I have booked a holiday alright and switching my job too soon as It was taking a lot out of me. I dont necessarly think it had to do with my moods as for the previous three years my job was.

    I feel like it is some sort of SAD but just at completely the wrong time of year which is why Im anxious about going to the doc.I want so badly to snap out of it and I try try so hard.

    Im glad Faith you have had that 'drunkeness' morning after feeling..I have never been a drinker and dont bother with it anymore. I m just afraid someday Ill snap and do something stupid. Today is a good day but Im conscious that Iv had many but a bad one creeps up when I least expect it.


Advertisement