Bicurious or Mid Life Crisis?

Youve had serious feelings for other women not just sexual which are making you wonder. You wonder is this a mid life crisis and a lot of your women friends who have also been experimenting with same sex exploration, if among other things thats what you mean by an alternative crowd, are now saying they are gay.

Your in a relationship with a man who is happy for you to talk about your feelings and you think your only problem is the gay community sniffing at bisexuality or bi curiousness.

Do you not think there might be a potential problem with the boyfriend if it goes beyond talking about your feelings and you continue to have both serious sexual and emotional feelings for another woman. Have you or he considered that these feelings could if they involve falling in love with another woman leave him out time wise and emotionally maybe even leading to a break up.
Dont you think that maybe there has been precedent for this with the suddenness of your friends saying thay are gay. I dont think its been all that sudden with your friends, its probably been happening over a period of time and thats what a lot of the exploration was about. They have explored and now they have clarified a few things. Lots of women come out in their 30s 40s 50s and older as bi or gay. Some come out as bi first and then decide no they actually prefer women, some continue to be bi but decide to stay with a particular person.

I think the sniffing happens when people present as being just (bi) curious about you, maybe wanting no strings sex without any emotional involvement and saying they are keeping that involvement for another person. Some people can feel that that is using other people as curiosities to be experimented with and left back when your finished with them. Not everyone feels like that and not everyone treats people like that but some do.

OP youve asked if you are bicurious or mid life crisis in the thread title how could we possibly know if you are having a mid life crisis. Why would you think a mid life crisis is related to being attracted to women?

You are in a committed relationship with a man and you are attracted to women, whats the question?

Maryselfridge said
My only problem is that bisexuality and bicuriousness (!) seems to be sniffed at by the gay community

My opinion only and just guessing here at what you are asking.

There are all kinds of scenes, Im sure you know if you went into most straight social groups and said you were in a committed relationship with a man but you were curious about having sex with some of the other men there, unless they were swingers or part of some other kind of an alternative scene, some of them would do some sniffing too especially the women accompanying some of the men there.
The gay community is at least as complex and diverse as the heterosexual community. Im sure there are whole groups of women already in relationships with men who meet up with one another and are happy with that, being in the same situation as each other. Maybe those groups are not as organised as gay womens groups and maybe they dont have to be.

You also need to appreciate that lesbians or gay women are often subjected to unwelcome male attention that refuses to take womens relationships with one another seriously and treats them like entertainment. Gay women are use to the line "my boyfriend wont mind" coming from women who want to entertain themselves and their boyfriend. The objection arises not always as a reaction against non monogamy but from the feeling of not being taken seriously, being treated as entertainment and as a side dish to the real thing which is the heterosexual relationship.
By the way you do realise bisexuality does not mean having to have sex with people of both genders or that you cant be faithful to one person.
To arrive on the gay scene in the first place usually takes some courage and the woman has often been through quite a bit emotionally and relationship wise by that time, even if it was only to find out it was with the wrong gender. So some women you meet on the gay scene who are looking for relationships with women, are looking for someone available and they would probably sniff at anything less. They dont want to be dealing with all that baggage and a man in the background waiting to hear the details and/or be the one who's taken seriously.

Having said all that there certainly are women who do want one night stands, are interested in non monogamy or non committed relationships. I think you would have better luck finding them in personal ads etc. It can be difficult trying to figure out who they might be other than in those situations.

Unfortunately it is the many who misuse the term bi that cause genuinely bisexual people to be stereotyped and mocked, particularly guys who say they're bi when they're pretty much gay, but are scared of fallout; it allows an easy swing back into the closet when it suits.

You're fortunate that your man seems to be able to talk about it with you in an open minded sense. If you enjoyed experiences with girls, it's not just social conditioning, it's just another facet of your sexuality. It's up to you whether you want to explore that (negotiate with your man) or stay put as you are. Do what suits you best and don't panic too much about having to conform into a specific label of sexuality.