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One-Liner Jokes

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Comments

  • #1952
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,258 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    There's no need for women to behave the way they do on their period.







    It's an ovary action.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #1953
    TanG411
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭TanG411


    I feel like a bicycle.

    I'm too tired.


  • #1954
    CliffHuxtabel
    Registered Users Posts: 407 ✭✭CliffHuxtabel


    Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?




    You can unscrew a lightbulb


  • #1955
    TanG411
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭TanG411


    I have a love for light switches.

    But we seem to have an on-off relationship.

    EDIT: Do the majority of people just copy their jokes from Sickipedia? Might stop trying to come up with original one liners then, no matter how bad they are.


  • #1956
    jem
    Registered Users Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭jem


    Whats Kermit the Frogs middle name





















    The.


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  • #1957
    Overature
    Registered Users Posts: 908 ✭✭✭Overature


    jem wrote: »
    Whats Kermit the Frogs middle name



    The.


    Whats green and smells like pork?









    Kermits the frogs fingers.


  • #1958
    willyg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 38 ✭willyg


    I used to be indecisive but now am not so sure


  • #1959
    Mike Litoris
    Registered Users Posts: 5,994 ✭✭✭Mike Litoris


    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?















    He was dead.


  • #1960
    Mike Litoris
    Registered Users Posts: 5,994 ✭✭✭Mike Litoris


    willyg wrote: »
    I used to be indecisive but now am not so sure

    :D Alan Partridge?


  • #1961
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,258 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Someone has stolen Mary Harney’s Knickers










    Gardaí are appealing for the return of the 14 clothes pegs

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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  • #1962
    Sunnyisland
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,562 ✭✭✭✭Sunnyisland


    What would you call a witch in the desert

























    A sandwitch


  • #1963
    1mcampo1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,156 ✭✭✭1mcampo1


    Some man threw a chocolate bar at me the last day...

    ...how dairy
    __________________

    I've decided to marry a pencil...

    ...can't wait to introduce my parents to my wife 2b


  • #1964
    AWard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 61 ✭✭AWard


    Facebook has a sidebar ad that says "things to do in Baltimore before you die"...the only thing I could come up with is "leave"....






    **Baltimore, MD is a rough-ish inner city area with a lot of crime in some districts.


  • #1965
    narddog
    Site Banned Posts: 165 ✭✭narddog


    Ikky Poo2 wrote: »
    What does DNA stand for?

    National Dyslexic Association!




    (Why the hell is "dyslexic" such a ****ing awkward word to spell...? That's someone taking the piss!)


    Dyslexics of the world untie


  • #1966
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,258 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    A guy from the community centre knocked at the door last night.

    He said he was making a collection for the local swimming pool.

















    I gave him two bottles of water.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #1967
    gazelec
    Registered Users Posts: 85 ✭✭gazelec


    narddog wrote: »
    Dyslexics of the world untie


    Did you hear about the protest march for dyslexics at the Dail?








    There was angry scenes at Aldi!!!!!


  • #1968
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,258 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....Scared the crap out of me.


    So that's it!


    After today, no more reading.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



  • #1969
    JameSeizure
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭JameSeizure


    There are plenty more fish in the sea.

    "But I wouldn't go for a whale."


  • #1970
    Culchie
    Registered Users Posts: 5,047 ✭✭✭Culchie


    BREAKING NEWS.......Sir Bob Geldof has just confirmed that a fundraising concert for Ireland will be held in Ethiopia this Christmas!!!


  • #1971
    Ronin247
    Registered Users Posts: 1,256 ✭✭✭Ronin247


    narddog wrote: »
    Dyslexics of the world untie
    gazelec wrote: »
    Did you hear about the protest march for dyslexics at the Dail?



    There was angry scenes at Aldi!!!!!

    Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac.

    He lay awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog


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  • #1972
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Ever wonder what fish smelled like before women went swimming?


  • #1973
    admiralofthefleet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,515 ✭✭✭✭admiralofthefleet


    Here's a picture of me with the band REM.

    That's me in the corner.


  • #1974
    Seosaimh77
    Registered Users Posts: 371 ✭✭Seosaimh77


    admiralofthefleet wrote: »
    Here's a picture of me with the band REM.

    That's me in the corner.
    It's very dark in the corner, can you move into the spotlight please?


  • #1975
    kronsington
    Registered Users Posts: 2,009 ✭✭✭kronsington


    No offence to anyone here but it has to be said, the standard of joke on this thread has plummeted dramatically.

    And before I get pilloried for making an observation I'll post a decent joke in due course (hopefully ;) )


  • #1976
    El_Diablo85
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭El_Diablo85


    Since it started snowing all my missus has done is look through the window.
    If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in!


  • #1977
    jennytightlips
    Registered Users Posts: 121 ✭✭jennytightlips


    what do you call a mermaids pubic hair?



    gee weed!


  • #1978
    Nodster
    Registered Users Posts: 948 ✭✭✭Nodster


    it's minus 5 tonight......wonder if this would be a good time to get in touch that old girlfriend who curtly told me she wouldn't have sex with me unless Hell froze over?


  • #1979
    Bobeagleburger
    Registered Users Posts: 45,250 ✭✭✭✭Bobeagleburger


    The council are trying to keep young kids off the street during the bad weather. So they've bought a new machine.

    It's called the Gary Gritter.


  • #1980
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Fifa is less corrupt than the Xfactor Panel.


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  • #1981
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Mary Byrne.

    The last remaining contestant in the over 28's tone category.


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