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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1922
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    dexter647 wrote: »
    Did ya hear the one about the two scottish quier's...

    Ben Dunn and Phil Mc Crevis..

    The Irish version --- Patrick FitzMorris & Morris FitzPatrick:rolleyes:


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    #1923
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    2 Queers in New York, 1 comes home from work on a hot day to find his mate with his arse in the fridge.

    "What are you at?" he asks.

    Hmmm, its been soooo hot I thought you d like to slip into something cool when you came home.....


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    #1924
    Major Lovechild
    Registered Users Posts: 491 ✭✭Major Lovechild


    Did you hear about the queer spy?







    He had a false bottom in his briefcase.

    Wo ist die Gemütlichkeit?



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    #1925
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I have tickets for The Comedy Club in a couple of weeks time but cant make it.

    Does anyone want them?













    They are for the Anfield Road end.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1926
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The Pope bought 100 cases of Glenfiddich Scotch whiskey today.

    The Salesman told him....




    It's a cheeky little 12 year old that goes down well.

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1927
    jpfahy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,039 ✭✭✭jpfahy


    “I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night, and she said I'd got the biggest dick she’d ever laid her hands on.”

    I said “You’re pulling my leg”


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    #1928
    AshaD
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭AshaD


    Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    Because she had no arms...


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    #1929
    Patri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 330 ✭✭Patri


    AshaD wrote: »
    Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    Because she had no arms...


    Why didn't Sally get back up on the swing?

    Because she had no legs...


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    #1930
    CarrickMcJoe
    Registered Users Posts: 3,379 ✭✭✭CarrickMcJoe


    Patri wrote: »
    Why didn't Sally get back up on the swing?

    Because she had no legs...




    Why was Sally thrown out of the cinema?


    She was standing on the seats!


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    #1931
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    It's a shame my wife isn't trapped down that mine with those Chilean miners.

    They'd have dug themselves out by now.


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    #1932
    Namabillion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 647 ✭✭✭Namabillion


    A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.The librarian says; "Fück off, you won't bring it back."


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    #1933
    osnola ibax
    Registered Users Posts: 2,191 ✭✭✭osnola ibax


    Suicide bomb school. Teacher says "right I'm only gonna show you this once"


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    #1934
    deadwood
    Registered Users Posts: 1,938 ✭✭✭deadwood


    I see they're getting those miners out.

    wait for it...........




    Juan by Juan!


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    #1935
    Bobeagleburger
    Registered Users Posts: 45,262 ✭✭✭✭Bobeagleburger


    "What happened down the mine, stays down the mine"


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    #1936
    marcsignal
    Registered Users Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    Gary Glitter is in Chile now.

    It's the only place where you can slide a miner up and down your shaft and get applauded for it......


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    #1937
    dexter647
    Registered Users Posts: 1,217 ✭✭✭dexter647


    One of those Chilean miners is well pissed off - he forgot to clock in!:)


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    #1938
    Seosaimh77
    Registered Users Posts: 371 ✭✭Seosaimh77


    One of the miners was a little bit worried when he was freed and was greeted by his wife and his mistress...I bet he was praying for the ground to just swallow him up


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    #1939
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I said to the misses "let's play Chilean miners", she said "you want me to go down your shaft till I reach the bottom"....I said "no fook off out of my sight for 4 months".

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1940
    hyenabutter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭hyenabutter


    AshaD wrote: »
    Why did Sally fall off the swing?

    Because she had no arms...
    Patri wrote: »
    Why didn't Sally get back up on the swing?

    Because she had no legs...

    <snip>
    Theres a place for that type of humour, but it's not here


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    #1941
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    not funny, wrong section of boards.:(


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    #1942
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    thebullkf wrote: »
    not funny, wrong section of boards.:(

    I agree :mad: --- REPORTED


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    #1943
    BioHazRd
    Registered Users Posts: 2,088 ✭✭✭BioHazRd


    Guys, if youre not happy with a particualr post, report it - and thank you for doing so in this instance. However, it's not very clever quoting potentially offensive material, as you are essentially repeating the offence.

    Now, back to the funnies.


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    #1944
    thebullkf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,006 ✭✭✭thebullkf


    BioHazRd wrote: »
    Guys, if youre not happy with a particualr post, report it - and thank you for doing so in this instance. However, it's not very clever quoting potentially offensive material, as you are essentially repeating the offence.

    Now, back to the funnies.


    sound. force of habit on my part.


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    #1945
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    I must have really pissed the wife off when I tried erotic asphyxiation on her when we were having sex the other night..

    She has been lying there for 5 days now, giving me the fookin silent treatment

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1946
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    The wife has told me to learn the Karma sutra or she's leaving me ......







    To be honest she's put me in a very awkward position ....:D

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1947
    Namabillion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 647 ✭✭✭Namabillion


    I'm Josef Fritzel and No Windows was my idea.


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    #1948
    hyenabutter
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43 ✭hyenabutter


    Interesting how joking about incestuous pedophiles and killing your wife and amputees is okay but cancer is waaaay off and we all go pc? Fair enough o.O


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    #1949
    milkybar kid wk
    Registered Users Posts: 44 ✭milkybar kid wk


    whats brown and black and looks great on your mother in law?

    a rottweiler


    whats big round and looks like a piano?

    a big round piano


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    #1950
    fred funk }{
    Registered Users Posts: 6,827 ✭✭✭fred funk }{


    A G N B :
    That's bang out of order.


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    #1951
    fred funk }{
    Registered Users Posts: 6,827 ✭✭✭fred funk }{


    Iraq drastically needs to reduce its car bomb footprint.


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