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Are there are any people you regret you can't come out to?

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  • 27-08-2014 6:51pm
    #1
    Lyaiera
    Registered Users Posts: 5,818 ✭✭✭


    I'm trans so maybe it's a little different for gay people, but I was sitting here in tears thinking that I never got to come out to my granny. She died a few years ago, before I accepted I'm trans. She was such a kind and caring person, she'd give dog's abuse to my father if he said something racist, or homophobic, she loved me dearly and I loved her. And she'll never get to know me as I want to be known. And I'll never know the support I know she'd give me.

    Are there are any people you regret you can't come out to?


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    #2
    is mise spartacus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,027 ✭✭✭is mise spartacus


    Lyaiera wrote: »
    I'm trans so maybe it's a little different for gay people, but I was sitting here in tears thinking that I never got to come out to my granny. She died a few years ago, before I accepted I'm trans. She was such a kind and caring person, she'd give dog's abuse to my father if he said something racist, or homophobic, she loved me dearly and I loved her. And she'll never get to know me as I want to be known. And I'll never know the support I know she'd give me.

    Are there are any people you regret you can't come out to?

    My aunt :( she died earlier this year.


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    #3
    Deranged96
    Registered Users Posts: 588 ✭✭✭Deranged96


    Never even thought about regretting not coming out to someone before, I've only ever thought about the opposite. Suffice to say, I've never felt this.

    Lyaiera wrote: »
    I'm trans so maybe it's a little different for gay people, but I was sitting here in tears thinking that I never got to come out to my granny. She died a few years ago, before I accepted I'm trans. She was such a kind and caring person, she'd give dog's abuse to my father if he said something racist, or homophobic, she loved me dearly and I loved her. And she'll never get to know me as I want to be known. And I'll never know the support I know she'd give me.

    Are there are any people you regret you can't come out to?
    is mise spartacus wrote: »
    My aunt :( she died earlier this year.

    Sorry to hear this, I can imagine when you were close to someone you regret all the things that were never said, never hearing their reaction, never getting that buzz of love when they wrap their arms around you and tell you their cool with it, never being completely open with them.

    But I would say that it should't be something you dwell too much on, they loved you for you after all and really what's it worth to come out to someone when you know their love for you is unconditioned anyway.


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    #4
    lucasmaximus
    Registered Users Posts: 39 ✭lucasmaximus


    I have 2 main people; my nana whom I was extremely close to until she passed away in 2002 but I realise I was too young to have ever come out to her. Also one of my best and oldest friends who died in a car crash 3 years ago. He knew me extremely well and hinted that he knew and that he was fine with me being gay, but I never had the balls to tell him and talk about it...still brings a lump to my throat :(


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    #5
    westernfrenzy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭westernfrenzy


    Nope, because I don't plan on doing it.


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    #6
    lucasmaximus
    Registered Users Posts: 39 ✭lucasmaximus


    how come?


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    #7
    westernfrenzy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭westernfrenzy


    lucasmaximus wrote: »
    how come?
    Honestly, I don't see the point in doing it.


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    #8
    lucasmaximus
    Registered Users Posts: 39 ✭lucasmaximus


    Depends where you are in your life right now and if you've made it through adolesence without feeling the onous to be upfront with friends or the pressure from parents to explain the lack of girlfriend or the nature of the porn they've found haha


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    #9
    westernfrenzy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭westernfrenzy


    lucasmaximus wrote: »
    Depends where you are in your life right now and if you've made it through adolesence without feeling the onous to be upfront with friends or the pressure from parents to explain the lack of girlfriend or the nature of the porn they've found haha
    I just tell them I'm not interested in dating anybody at the moment. They all believe it.


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    #10
    PeteK*
    Registered Users Posts: 995 ✭✭✭PeteK*


    westernfrenzy wrote: »
    I just tell them I'm not interested in dating anybody at the moment. They all believe it.
    You say you don't see the point in it.. but this is a point. It means you don't have to lie.

    You can't hide your other half all of the time.


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    #11
    lucasmaximus
    Registered Users Posts: 39 ✭lucasmaximus


    Fair enough, for now.. Do you not reckon some pressure will mount to do it? Or regardless of external factors, that you would like to do it for yourself? I just find it hard to understand how there could be no point in doing it, but obviously I'm coming from a different background.


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    #12
    Deranged96
    Registered Users Posts: 588 ✭✭✭Deranged96


    westernfrenzy wrote: »
    I just tell them I'm not interested in dating anybody at the moment. They all believe it.

    I was like that, until a situation more or less forced me to come out to a close friend, the feeling was electric and then I told another close friend, this time because I wanted to.

    It's nice to have people you can be 100% yourself with, but in saying that I never want to get to the stage where people I'm not friends with or my family know of my sexuality


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    #13
    Ash885
    Registered Users Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Ash885


    I had written a fantastic post in this thread but my net cut off during it (rolls eyes) But in all seriousness, it's funny when we think of people coming out to family members and how they need time to deal with/understand it. But sometimes we do too with the fact our close ones know about it.

    I'm out to all my friends and that's no bother, but recently my family were told; it's just so odd when you're asked how a date went or is there anyone that I'd like to introduce. Of course I'm delighted, but it's still taking use to about these things. So to answer your question; maybe not telling those I've already told sooner; so I could deal with these conversations when you're 14 instead of an adult! ^^


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    #14
    BonnieSituation
    Registered Users Posts: 18,921 ✭✭✭✭BonnieSituation


    Ash885 wrote: »
    I had written a fantastic post in this thread but my net cut off during it (rolls eyes) But in all seriousness, it's funny when we think of people coming out to family members and how they need time to deal with/understand it. But sometimes we do too with the fact our close ones know about it.

    I'm out to all my friends and that's no bother, but recently my family were told; it's just so odd when you're asked how a date went or is there anyone that I'd like to introduce. Of course I'm delighted, but it's still taking use to about these things. So to answer your question; maybe not telling those I've already told sooner; so I could deal with these conversations when you're 14 instead of an adult! ^^

    A similar thing is happening in my family now. My younger brother came out last week. I've known the poor fella has been gay since he was a toddler but it's mad to have it out there finally for him. Delighted all the same.

    --

    Similar thing for me as well... I went through my phases as a younger fellow trying to figure out who I was. Only in the last couple of years have I honed in on it all. And then I kind of snapped and just admitted my bisexuality to most of my friends. Some know. Some don't. I don't mind anymore, the weight has been lifted. (Oddly my gay friends were the ones that were ill at ease with it. Very strange altogether.

    The GF knows and that's the most important thing.

    It did help a lot with the brother when he was working up the courage last week to explain I knew how he felt.


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    #15
    PeterJC!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 90 ✭✭PeterJC!


    Ash885 wrote: »
    I had written a fantastic post in this thread but my net cut off during it (rolls eyes) But in all seriousness, it's funny when we think of people coming out to family members and how they need time to deal with/understand it. But sometimes we do too with the fact our close ones know about it.

    Yeah, I definitely had to process, for a while after I came out, that my parents knew I was gay. It's a big thing to do, telling somebody, what essentially is a secret, that you've kept hidden for years. It's exhilarating but still scary for a few days after, until the questions about boyfriends start! haha


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    #16
    Ash885
    Registered Users Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Ash885


    And also to properly answer the question further, there were some friends from ages past that I think had I told them what was up with me at the time, they'd have understood some things which went down a little bit better. But again, can't really live on regrets with this sort of stuff. When you're ready, you're ready and when you're not, you're not.


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