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So I'm Slightly Smitten...

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  • 18-07-2013 11:09pm
    #1
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭


    I met this girl while out on the town last weekend, through mutual friends. I fell. Big time. Slight issue though, and that was her boyfriend. Game over, I thought. But then she told me this morning that he's leaving forever, emigration I assume, details weren't discussed. She's upset obviously, and I don't want to appear like I'm trying to benefit from her pain or whatever way you want to phrase it yourself, but all I seem to want to do is tell everything that's running around my head at the minute, which is a bit soppy and OTT. I haven't got a clue how to handle this situation, all I know is I'm crazy about this girl. Any help, advice, slaps to the head accompanied by a gruff "MAN UP" would be greatly appreciated.


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    #2
    MitchKoobski
    Registered Users Posts: 6,101 ✭✭✭MitchKoobski


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6inwzOooXRU


    In seriousness, leave it be for now. Unless that boyfriend breaks up with her before he leaves the country, you do nothing.


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    #3
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    Thanks for replying.


    I get that much, I never had any intention of stepping on a lads toes, God knows there are enough langers that would. It's just that if I do end up with a chance, how long is long enough to leave it without looking like I'm trying to jump in for the rebound?
    What's the best way to test the waters?
    And how do I get my point across without sounding like the Disney-inspired love-struck nutjob that I am???


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    #4
    MitchKoobski
    Registered Users Posts: 6,101 ✭✭✭MitchKoobski


    Well did she give any indication that she felt the same about you?

    Apart from straight asking her out or asking her what the situation is with the bf leaving is, all you can do is keep an ear to the ground. You have mutual friends. If they are good friends, I'm sure they can provide some info or advice.


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    #5
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    MitchKoobski wrote: »
    Well did she give any indication that she felt the same about you?

    Apart from straight asking her out or asking her what the situation is with the bf leaving is, all you can do is keep an ear to the ground. You have mutual friends. If they are good friends, I'm sure they can provide some info or advice.

    We got on like a house on fire the night we met, but no indications that way. She was out with himself that night though, and only communication since was via facebook, about him leaving, and her being upset over it.


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    #6
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    TheFarrier wrote: »
    We got on like a house on fire the night we met, but no indications that way. She was out with himself that night though, and only communication since was via facebook, about him leaving, and her being upset over it.

    Definitely not the time to make a move.

    Now you can try the 'supportive' approach and hope that over time she will get over her boyfriend and develop similar feelings for you. Be careful you don't end up here:

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056983466

    There is also a risk that she may feel you've 'played her' if you later confess your feelings. Keep your distance for the moment and see how it pans out - her boyfriend may return home shortly after he leaves, or she might follow him.

    If anything were to happen between you it's more likely to be a rebound fling rather than a relationship.


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    #7
    iwantmydinner
    Registered Users Posts: 3,246 ✭✭✭iwantmydinner


    One of these mutual friends - can you chat to him/her to sound out the situation?? In confidence, obviously.

    But also, agree with the above - now's not the right time.


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    #8
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    Definitely not the time to make a move.

    Now you can try the 'supportive' approach and hope that over time she will get over her boyfriend and develop similar feelings for you. Be careful you don't end up here:

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056983466

    There is also a risk that she may feel you've 'played her' if you later confess your feelings. Keep your distance for the moment and see how it pans out - her boyfriend may return home shortly after he leaves, or she might follow him.

    If anything were to happen between you it's more likely to be a rebound fling rather than a relationship.

    See this is the one thing which may be in my favour. I don't actually know her well enough to be put in the friend zone. After a few hours of conversation on a night out I would say we are little more than aquaintances.


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    #9
    D'Agger
    Registered Users Posts: 13,385 ✭✭✭✭D'Agger


    Moving this to Relationship issues as I feel this thread would be best suited here.

    Any issues let me know.


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    #10
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    TheFarrier wrote: »
    See this is the one thing which may be in my favour. I don't actually know her well enough to be put in the friend zone. After a few hours of conversation on a night out I would say we are little more than aquaintances.

    Well seeing as you barely know her, what's the rush to do anything? See how it pans out, you might feel differently given a bit of time. The crush could fade in a week or two. Too be honest giving time would be good for you too. You are getting emotionally over invested with someone you hardly know that has a boyfriend. Focus on other stuff i.e interests and hobbies and pull back a bit. It is all a bit dramatic and messy tbh. Unless you like that kind of stuff just leave it for now.


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    #11
    Chucky the tree
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,341 ✭✭✭✭Chucky the tree


    You only meet her once, have no idea if she has any feelings for you and she has a boyfriend but you want to open up to her about your feelings? I'm pretty sure if you did that she would rightly think you are a werido.


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    #12
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    Chucky the tree wrote: »
    You only meet her once, have no idea if she has any feelings for you and she has a boyfriend but you want to open up to her about your feelings? I'm pretty sure if you did that she would rightly think you are a werido.

    Thanks for your reply, but I think I may have exaggerated the situation slightly. Internet and drink don't combine well. There are no feelings involved, how could there be, and I'm not after descending into hopeless obsession or anything. The reality is, I really like this girl, and I suppose what I want to know is am I only annoying myself by entertaining the thought of anything coming from this.


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    #13
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    TheFarrier wrote: »
    am I only annoying myself by entertaining the thought of anything coming from this.

    Well clearly you are the only one that can answer that. Are you annoying yourself? You come across as a bit intense, over dramatic and obsessive in your posts about this relative stranger. But that might sit well for you and maybe you thrive on that. Each to their own. No one knows if anything will come of it and even if it does what kind of value it would add to your life negative or positive. Personally I'd use my feelings as a gauge, if it feels good, easy, right and stress free go for it. If it is causing me stress, doubt and uncertainty leave it out.


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    #14
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    TheFarrier wrote: »
    Thanks for your reply, but I think I may have exaggerated the situation slightly. Internet and drink don't combine well. There are no feelings involved, how could there be, and I'm not after descending into hopeless obsession or anything. The reality is, I really like this girl, and I suppose what I want to know is am I only annoying myself by entertaining the thought of anything coming from this.

    The more replies I get to this, the more I realise that I'm effing useless at explaining myself. Don't get me wrong I appreciate all your replies and I have taken everything you have said on board, I just think my inability to ask the right questions may have tainted peoples view of me on here. I'm not an intense, obsessive over-dramatising nutjob, but looking back over my posts I can see how I may have come across that way.


    Final attempt:
    Would it be unfair to ask a girl out upon finding out that her up-until-very-recent boyfriend has "broken her heart" as she put it herself???


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    #15
    iwantmydinner
    Registered Users Posts: 3,246 ✭✭✭iwantmydinner


    TheFarrier wrote: »
    Final attempt:
    Would it be unfair to ask a girl out upon finding out that her up-until-very-recent boyfriend has "broken her heart" as she put it herself???

    Kinda, yeah.

    It'd also probably be a bit sh!t for you - if she's broken hearted after another man, you're not gonna do well out of this.


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    #16
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    TheFarrier wrote: »
    The more replies I get to this, the more I realise that I'm effing useless at explaining myself. Don't get me wrong I appreciate all your replies and I have taken everything you have said on board, I just think my inability to ask the right questions may have tainted peoples view of me on here. I'm not an intense, obsessive over-dramatising nutjob, but looking back over my posts I can see how I may have come across that way.


    Final attempt:
    Would it be unfair to ask a girl out upon finding out that her up-until-very-recent boyfriend has "broken her heart" as she put it herself???

    'Unfair' to who? I don't really understand your point. I'm not sure what unfair has to do with it. She is a grown woman and can do what she likes.
    But why would you want to go out with someone who is heartbroken and crying to you about their boyfriend. That is kind if weird.


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    #17
    TheFarrier
    Registered Users Posts: 607 ✭✭✭TheFarrier


    daisybelle2008 wrote: »
    'Unfair' to who? I don't really understand your point. I'm not sure what unfair has to do with it. She is a grown woman and can do what she likes.
    But why would you want to go out with someone who is heartbroken and crying to you about their boyfriend. That is kind if weird.

    Thanks everyone for your replies. Case closed.


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