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  • 23-04-2012 11:57pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I can't seem to get anything from sex. I've been seeing a guy for a little while now, and before this I only had sex casually. I never got much from it before. In ways with my partner it does feel nice, or can do once I'm turned on enough, or lubricated enough, in some positions etc. We've tried a few different positions but it just doesn't seem to go anywhere. It is very frustrating.

    We've spoken about it and at this point I've almost accepted that I'll never orgasm from sex, but it's quite depressing.

    I just want to know what other women have tried, assuming there are others that have this same problem. Sex really is just mostly about sex to me, so while I do appreciate it being with someone I care about and really like, if there's never going to be physical satisfaction from it, well, I will be disappointed.

    There are some positions that feel better than others. For example in one, I do feel a sort of tingly feeling at times, but I'm not sure if it would ever ....lead anywhere. I just want to get others experiences of this if I can.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 24,135 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    Can you orgasm with your partner doing other things than penetration? If not, can you orgasm by yourself?

    You need to find what works for you and teach/show your boyfriend how to get you there. Some women can't orgasm from penetration alone so maybe he needs to stimulate you in other ways at the same time (with fingers / vibrator / a vibrating cock ring etc.)


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,758 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp


    If you can bring yourself to orgasm, then it's highly likely that you will be able to climax with your partner. Maybe not from penetrative sex but by doing other stuff, oral, vibrators, foreplay etc etc.

    Find out what works for you when you are on your own and then teach him to do it the way you do it. Plenty of women can't come from penetrative sex, that's just the way it goes.

    Use your imagination, there's plenty of other stuff you can do to hit the spot.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 678 ✭✭✭ihsb


    +1 on the above posters. Also practise tensing and loosening your muscles. An easy way to do this is to stop the flow of wee when you are on the toilet and then relaxing again.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies.

    I can orgasm when i masturbate, and used to from oral, but haven't with this boyfriend so far. we've both tried manual stimulation and using my vibrator when having sex too, but it's like there's too much going on for it to feel good. But it may be ok with more practice but I can't see it changing.

    "Also practise tensing and loosening your muscles. An easy way to do this is to stop the flow of wee when you are on the toilet and then relaxing again"
    Sorry but I don't understand why would this make any difference? I'm quite tight as it is. Sorry if that's too much information.

    I kind of feel like we've tried a lot, so wanted more ideas of things to try. And really if I can't from anything, I'm going to find it hard to keep wanting to have sex.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 678 ✭✭✭ihsb


    Thanks for the replies.

    I can orgasm when i masturbate, and used to from oral, but haven't with this boyfriend so far. we've both tried manual stimulation and using my vibrator when having sex too, but it's like there's too much going on for it to feel good. But it may be ok with more practice but I can't see it changing.

    "Also practise tensing and loosening your muscles. An easy way to do this is to stop the flow of wee when you are on the toilet and then relaxing again"
    Sorry but I don't understand why would this make any difference? I'm quite tight as it is. Sorry if that's too much information.

    I kind of feel like we've tried a lot, so wanted more ideas of things to try. And really if I can't from anything, I'm going to find it hard to keep wanting to have sex.

    Nothing about tightness. The more you can control those muscles during sex the more you feel and are more likely to orgasm.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    If it's a psychological block rather than a physical one then it might just be a case of playing around, masturbating, mutual masturbation, etc, taking the pressure off and getting really comfortable with each others bodies so you feel relaxed enough to really let go.

    Perhaps try getting very close to orgasm by whatever means works best then hop on and see if that helps?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Have you tried masturbating in his presence? If you have no problems going solo, maybe you could try that next time you're in the mood, get yourself off and he can watch and learn, as it were. It's a pretty erotic experience no matter what the outcome.

    Foreplay is also really important. Make sure you're sufficiently lubricated, let him use his fingers and tongue, spend lots of time on oral if that's what worked for you before. Don't be afraid to guide him gently, tell him when you like something, guide him on speed, technique, point him in the right direction.

    Also, it's a bit of an obvious one, but how much do you actually fancy your bf? Is there a lot of sexual chemistry there? Do you want to rip his clothes off and it's just a case that you're frustrated from the repeated lack of orgasm, or are those sexual feelings towards him only so-so? I'm asking because I think a lot of women don't come regularly from penetrative sex, I'm one of them, but if I'm seeing someone that I'm wildly attracted to, sex is always something I'm interested in with them, regardless of whether I'm going to get off or not. I enjoy the closeness, the intimacy, the physical sensations, the opportunity to please etc

    Not to say by any means you should give up on the Big O though. Just something to consider.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm sure it's not a psychological thing. I've masturbated infront of him, as has he infront of me. it may be something to try having a go first then hopping on :)

    We've used lubrication when it's needed, and sometimes when it's not, for that very reason. When it comes to guiding him with his hands or mouth, I'm ok with doing it, but don't like to do it too much, as I don't know, I feel weird about it. But I'm trying to be ok with it.

    I might not have picked him by looks alone, but I definitely do fancy him. I do get quite turned on with him.

    "I enjoy the closeness, the intimacy, the physical sensations, the opportunity to please etc "
    This is something I don't get. Of course I like that it does something for him, and I do like it physically a bit, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I'm not demanding an orgasm every time, like with you, if it was not so regular I wouldn't mind, or it'd be a matter of working on positions, but I just can't seem to get hardly anything from it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    I'm sure it's not a psychological thing. I've masturbated infront of him, as has he infront of me. it may be something to try having a go first then hopping on :)

    We've used lubrication when it's needed, and sometimes when it's not, for that very reason. When it comes to guiding him with his hands or mouth, I'm ok with doing it, but don't like to do it too much, as I don't know, I feel weird about it. But I'm trying to be ok with it.

    I might not have picked him by looks alone, but I definitely do fancy him. I do get quite turned on with him.

    "I enjoy the closeness, the intimacy, the physical sensations, the opportunity to please etc "
    This is something I don't get. Of course I like that it does something for him, and I do like it physically a bit, but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I'm not demanding an orgasm every time, like with you, if it was not so regular I wouldn't mind, or it'd be a matter of working on positions, but I just can't seem to get hardly anything from it.

    Definitely try the masturbation thing. Or try getting yourself started, sufficiently aroused, close to climax and let him take over and finish you off.

    And keep at the oral sex, as obviously you know this is something that works for you, given the right stimulation. And if you really want to get the result you're after, you're just going to have to get over 'feeling weird' about telling you what you want. He's not a mind-reader and if you don't guide him, he's going to keep at the same routine, which is obviously not doing much for you. Get vocal, have fun with it, be playful, spice it up, dirty talk, be filthy :) It can be a very erotic thing and heighten the overall experience if you open yourself up to it.

    Have you ever had an orgasm through penetrative sex? That position that you mentioned in your OP that made you 'tingle' - how much time did you give it? Could you try it again, for longer this time, and have your boyfriend manually stimulate your clitoris at the same time, just to 'cover all bases'? ;) (Hard to write about this stuff without the winky faces!)
    Doggy with the reacharound clit stimulation can be a good bet on this, best shot at getting depth/g spot and clit action at the same time.

    And in terms of the closeness, physical sensations etc I talked about - it's as simple as this. If I fancy someone rotten, being as physically close and intimate with them as possible, and having them inside of me, is always an immensely pleasurable experience. Maybe it's a personal thing, but that for me is as much the essence of sex as the seeing-stars part, although ideally I'd obviously have both. I don't always get both, but have a damn good time trying, with a variety of positions, locations, fetishes, you name it :) And oral sex is a big part of the whole picture for me anyway, and that's a far better bet when it comes to getting my rocks off than penetration. So I would definitely advise you to work on that and communicate with your boyfriend every step of the way until you get there.

    The way I look at it, my orgasm is as much as - if not more - my responsibility as it is my partner's. It's my body afterall, I've been living with it and playing with it (!!) for 27 years; I'm obviously going to have a better idea of what buttons need to be pressed than any partner and it's up to me to communicate that effectively to him.

    Best of luck, have fun!


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,135 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    You could always try the Durex Play range... some of their tingle lubes can have a noticeable effect and the vibrating cock rings can be fun too.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭sammye333


    Hey Op. It seems like your overthinking this(and i dont blame you). The focus has been on your orgasm, and this in itself will not help you achieve it. Im sure your really frustrated and this does not let you enjoy the sexual experience fully.
    I dont expect you to get into specifics but there has to be situations that get you excited, dress up, role play, sex talk etc. Sex should be fun and focusing on the big O will not let you "relax".

    Maybe a Change of scenery required, take it out bedroom if thats where it usually happens. Some people get turned on visually. You could watch a Dirty film? At the end of the day, sex should be fun, enjoyable and fulfilling.

    Hope this Helps

    sammy


  • Registered Users Posts: 514 ✭✭✭bedrock#1


    Hi OP,

    It could just be that, as you say, you have only been seeing him for "a little while".

    I went out with a girl for about 5 years and she only had her first orgasm with me through intercourse after about 2 1/2 years. Sometimes it takes time for people to become comfortable with their partner before it happens. I had no problem bringing other girls to climax before and as a result I felt inadequate and she felt pretty much the same, like she was letting us both down.

    Turns out it was like the proverbial bus, nothing for ages then non-stop!

    It's like when you can't sleep, the more you think you want to the less likely you are to fall asleep.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ummm I going to sound really clueless here because I'm not a virgin and I'm in a relationship for a few years but do girls often come from penetratve sex alone? It's only ever happened to me once with me on top and was such a fluke.

    I almost always come after penetrative sex from oral. I thought orgasming from penetrative sex was really rare? I assumed most girls like me came afterwards by alternative methods but from this thread I'm starting to think I'm wrong! Clue me in!


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    I almost always come after penetrative sex from oral.

    That's normal for quite a large number of women.


  • Registered Users Posts: 78 ✭✭sammye333


    I can only speak about this from a male perspective, i have been with a few women that could climax from penetrative sex. I have been with others that couldnt.
    I didnt think it was a big thing but from reading some of the posts, it seems that those who can climax, are lucky:D

    sammy


  • Registered Users Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare


    Ummm I going to sound really clueless here because I'm not a virgin and I'm in a relationship for a few years but do girls often come from penetratve sex alone? It's only ever happened to me once with me on top and was such a fluke.

    I almost always come after penetrative sex from oral. I thought orgasming from penetrative sex was really rare? I assumed most girls like me came afterwards by alternative methods but from this thread I'm starting to think I'm wrong! Clue me in!

    You're not unusual! The majority of women can't orgasm from penetrative sex alone. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289#.T5l1OauXQTg (This is just one of MANY articles on the subject, they'll all produce different numbers but it's always women who can't orgasm from penetration who are in the majority!)


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    beks101 wrote: »
    And keep at the oral sex, as obviously you know this is something that works for you, given the right stimulation. And if you really want to get the result you're after, you're just going to have to get over 'feeling weird' about telling you what you want.

    Have you ever had an orgasm through penetrative sex? That position that you mentioned in your OP that made you 'tingle' - how much time did you give it? Could you try it again, for longer this time, and have your boyfriend manually stimulate your clitoris at the same time, just to 'cover all bases'? ;)

    And in terms of the closeness, physical sensations etc I talked about - it's as simple as this. If I fancy someone rotten, being as physically close and intimate with them as possible, and having them inside of me, is always an immensely pleasurable experience.

    The way I look at it, my orgasm is as much as - if not more - my responsibility as it is my partner's. It's my body afterall, I've been living with it and playing with it (!!) for 27 years; I'm obviously going to have a better idea of what buttons need to be pressed than any partner and it's up to me to communicate that effectively to him.

    I think I feel weird about telling him what to do, because it's like saying what you're doing isn't good enough, and don't want to seem like that's what I'm saying.

    I've never had an orgasm through sex. I can't remember how long we gave that position, but yea it would be good to try that again - that was doggy style. It seems a little awkward for him to reach around in that position, and I could do it, only like I said already it seems stimulating my clit during sex is like it's too much going on and does nothing. But maybe if I did a bit of that before sex begun too.

    I just don't get the wanting to be close and intimate with someone, and that being good enough. But then I think a number of things in my life have given me some weird views of sex.

    I know it's my body, I will try be more ok with guiding him.
    Sleepy wrote: »
    You could always try the Durex Play range... some of their tingle lubes can have a noticeable effect and the vibrating cock rings can be fun too.

    We've tried a tingly lube, but it kinda stings me. I don't think he'd be up for a cock ring.
    You're not unusual! The majority of women can't orgasm from penetrative sex alone. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289#.T5l1OauXQTg (This is just one of MANY articles on the subject, they'll all produce different numbers but it's always women who can't orgasm from penetration who are in the majority!)

    I get if there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do, but I don't get how women are so ok with continuing to have sex, if it's purely for the mans pleasure. I really don't get that. I mean I care about him, but I'm definitely not going to want sex anywhere near as much as he wants it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 58,456 ✭✭✭✭ibarelycare




    I get if there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do, but I don't get how women are so ok with continuing to have sex, if it's purely for the mans pleasure. I really don't get that. I mean I care about him, but I'm definitely not going to want sex anywhere near as much as he wants it.


    Sex should still be enjoyable even without an orgasm. I don't orgasm from penetrative sex but I still love having sex with my boyfriend. You seem to have a very negative attitude towards sex and maybe you should address that. To use a cliche, "it's not the destination, but the journey", i.e. sex isn't just about having an orgasm.

    Foreplay is really what you need to work on, don't be stressing about not having an orgasm when you're actually having intercourse. You say you're not comfortable with "telling" him what to do, well there's ways to go about it that doesn't make it sound like you're saying that you don't enjoy what he's doing. Be encouraging rather than bossy e.g. "Mmmm I love it when you......" or "It feels really good when you...." etc. You also have to try and be relaxed as possible. It's difficult when obviously this is on your mind but thinking about it too much is going to have a detrimental affect.


  • Registered Users Posts: 24,135 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    I've never had an orgasm through sex. I can't remember how long we gave that position, but yea it would be good to try that again - that was doggy style. It seems a little awkward for him to reach around in that position, and I could do it, only like I said already it seems stimulating my clit during sex is like it's too much going on and does nothing. But maybe if I did a bit of that before sex begun too.
    Try lying on your side whilst he penetrates you from the "big spoon" position. Without the need to support his bodyweight above yours it'll be far easier for him to reach around (it's also a fantastic position for deep, slow sex).
    We've tried a tingly lube, but it kinda stings me. I don't think he'd be up for a cock ring.
    They sell them in Tescos so just chuck one in the basket when you're shopping and give him a wink. If he's still not up for it, you're with a very boring guy...
    I get if there's nothing you can do, there's nothing you can do, but I don't get how women are so ok with continuing to have sex, if it's purely for the mans pleasure. I really don't get that. I mean I care about him, but I'm definitely not going to want sex anywhere near as much as he wants it.
    You really need to relax and allow yourself to enjoy sex. I think ibarelycare is right on the money with her comment about it not being all about the destination. Don't think of it as something you're doing for him or to him, think of it as something you do together. I remember an old religion teacher of mine in school telling us in Leaving Cert that we shouldn't let the way language is used inform our sex lives: you don't actually fuck / 'make love to' someone, you fuck / 'make love' with them. Good advice I think.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,137 ✭✭✭Monkey61


    You seem to have a very negative attitude towards sex and maybe you should address that.

    I'd agree with this totally and think this is what you need to work on OP. If you don't enjoy the closeness and the intimacy then I would question whether you should be with this boyfriend at all. As much as you do, he deserves to be with someone who finds him and his mere presence terribly exciting.

    You question why women would want to have sex if it is just for the man's pleasure - but that isn't what people have described at all! Getting off on doing stuff to your partner should be incredibly exciting and as much for you as it is for them. Yes orgasms are brilliant etc, but if you aren't enjoying the whole process then honestly you would be better off not bothering with sex and just masturbating when you feel like it. And I'd also wonder whether if you are not enjoying the whole process, you will ever be able to come from sex with him.

    You mention that there are other issues going on which have coloured your opinions on sex...perhaps now would be the time to work on those by yourself? Or, maybe you just haven't met someone yet that will make those issues seem like they aren't that big a deal?

    I don't get the sense from your posts that you are particularly into this guy, so maybe it is time to think about waiting to find somebody who does make you appreciate intimacy, closeness etc.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sex should still be enjoyable even without an orgasm. I don't orgasm from penetrative sex but I still love having sex with my boyfriend. You seem to have a very negative attitude towards sex and maybe you should address that. To use a cliche, "it's not the destination, but the journey", i.e. sex isn't just about having an orgasm.

    It is enjoyable still, my point was that I won't want to do it as much if I can never physically enjoy it much.
    Maybe it seems like it, but I don't have a negative attitude towards it. It's just a logical view of it I think. I mean how often would anyone masturbate if they couldn't reach orgasm? I think anyone would admit it'd be frustrating if you couldn't.

    It's just that my boyfriend has a very high sex drive and I have a low one, and this is making the issue a bigger deal.
    Sleepy wrote: »
    Try lying on your side whilst he penetrates you from the "big spoon" position. Without the need to support his bodyweight above yours it'll be far easier for him to reach around (it's also a fantastic position for deep, slow sex).

    They sell them in Tescos so just chuck one in the basket when you're shopping and give him a wink. If he's still not up for it, you're with a very boring guy...

    You really need to relax and allow yourself to enjoy sex.

    We've tried the spooning position, and it didn't do much for me at all, nor him. I might mention about the ring, though I don't think it's fair to call him boring for not wanting to use it.

    I may have made it seem like I don't like it, or I'm not relaxing, but really I am. I'm completely relaxed. I don't approach it with the idea of having an orgasm, I do it because it's kind of a nice feeling physically, but more so because I love seeing my boyfriend enjoy himself so much.
    Monkey61 wrote: »
    I'd agree with this totally and think this is what you need to work on OP. If you don't enjoy the closeness and the intimacy then I would question whether you should be with this boyfriend at all. As much as you do, he deserves to be with someone who finds him and his mere presence terribly exciting.

    You question why women would want to have sex if it is just for the man's pleasure - but that isn't what people have described at all! Getting off on doing stuff to your partner should be incredibly exciting and as much for you as it is for them.
    I don't get the sense from your posts that you are particularly into this guy, so maybe it is time to think about waiting to find somebody who does make you appreciate intimacy, closeness etc.

    I don't understand what is different about the closeness you get from cuddling and kissing, compared to sex.
    I love him, and I love being around him. I don't know how I've made it seem like I don't. It's just the sex I'm talking about. I love giving him oral, because he seems to love it. I do see things like that too, I just mean that sex is a lot of work physically for something that really doesn't do much for me. I mean how many men would want to have as much sex if they could never get anything from it? Why should it be different for a woman?

    There are some things about the combination of me&him that have contributed to this I think - we don't have a whole lot of foreplay, he doesn't seem to be very hands all over me kinda, and doesn't even seem to look at my body when we have sex. Maybe I would feel more like doing it anyway if I felt there was something about me that meant it was more than just sex to him.


  • Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    OP, the one thing you dont mention here is arousal. You never mention being turned on at all. I mean that feeling of being horny and wanting to rip someones clothes off? Sex without that, is indeed a functional and basic thing. Arousal is the fuel that drives the engine.

    You say your sex drive is low. But what do you find turns you on? Maybe you should try to discover what does, outside of the actual physical act of sex,which can turn into a chore if you are only doing it because someone else likes it. It could be images, books, music, roleplay, a type of sex or something else entirely. Once you discover what it is that makes you feel sexual, you can work to bring that feeling into your physical relationship. You need to wake up your sexual side and find what makes it tick.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,134 ✭✭✭Lux23


    I used to be quite similar OP, I generally only came myself and I still can't come with oral but about two years ago I had my first orgasam during penetrative sex and I have no problems now, although my boyfriend is well hung so that could have something to do with it.

    I also get what I think are G spot orgasams as they sort of well up from inside and keeping coming in waves. Oh and try Durex Pleasuremax condoms, they are great.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Lux23 wrote: »
    I used to be quite similar OP, I generally only came myself and I still can't come with oral but about two years ago I had my first orgasam during penetrative sex and I have no problems now, although my boyfriend is well hung so that could have something to do with it.

    I also get what I think are G spot orgasams as they sort of well up from inside and keeping coming in waves. Oh and try Durex Pleasuremax condoms, they are great.

    I don't get what kind of orgasm you're having if the first one you're talking about isn't a g spot orgasm. Is it clit stimulation too? And does his size matter much when it comes to this? I know where my g spot is, but it seems to do absolutely nothing for me, and it's way too near the entrance to get hit with sex like I'd imagine it's meant to.

    Can't try condoms that aren't thick, as for now I can only rely on condoms as contraception.
    Oryx wrote: »
    OP, the one thing you dont mention here is arousal. You never mention being turned on at all. I mean that feeling of being horny and wanting to rip someones clothes off? Sex without that, is indeed a functional and basic thing. Arousal is the fuel that drives the engine.

    You say your sex drive is low. But what do you find turns you on? Maybe you should try to discover what does, outside of the actual physical act of sex,which can turn into a chore if you are only doing it because someone else likes it. It could be images, books, music, roleplay, a type of sex or something else entirely. Once you discover what it is that makes you feel sexual, you can work to bring that feeling into your physical relationship. You need to wake up your sexual side and find what makes it tick.

    Most of the time I'd only have sex when quite aroused. I do get aroused quite easy, when kissing my boyfriend. I'm very aware of the things that turn me on. But there's not much I can do about that. After all, libido is a big factor at play here. I just don't want to get physical all that much. I mean here that watching porn would get me aroused usually, but well right now, I'm not in the mood, so I wouldn't watch it. do you get what I mean?

    Sorry by the way if it seems I've an attitude here, I don't. I think I just come off like that sometimes. But the only thing is that it's frustrating. Any man I've known has had a big sex drive, and I just don't, so I'm always the one feeling pressure to do more than I want.


  • Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    ihsb wrote: »
    +1 on the above posters. Also practise tensing and loosening your muscles. An easy way to do this is to stop the flow of wee when you are on the toilet and then relaxing again.

    Just to correct you slightly on this:

    These pelvic floor muscle exercises should not be done while actually on the toilet peeing, as they contribute to bladder and kidney infections if you stop mid-pee. This was stressed at my antenatal clinics by the physio's, midwives and also the pregnancy yoga instructor I attend.

    These exercises are very beneficial to pregnancy and birth, plus ensures that after birth, the risk of bladder incontinence can apply, which is why we have had it drilled into us. However, a happy coincidence of doing these outside of pregnancy is that they can add very much to penetrative intercourse, and turn a clitioral orgasm into a whole-vaginal one, which in turn helps orgasm through pentrative sex, so you can come together ;)

    The correct technique for pelvic floor exercises is:
    Hold in the muscles around the anus as if you are holding in wind. Quickly hold and release 10 times.
    Do the same with the muscles around the uretha as if you are holding in a pee.
    Then concentrate on the middle area around the vaginal opening, as if you are lifiting your skin away from your underwear.

    After you do it quickly 10 times, try slowly drawing in the muscle for a count of 4 on an inhale and release slowly counting to 10 on the exhale.

    You should not be tensing any muscles around your stomach, buttocks or thighs while you are doing it, otherwise the PFM are not getting the workout. You should never do it while on the toilet. If you are doing them correctly, they should not be visible to anyone else so you can do them at your desk at work if you like.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Are you on any meds that reduce libido? There are some meds that can lower sex drive. Other than anti-depressants and contraception pills, blood pressure medications also have an effect on libido. If you are on any medications, including OTC (allergy medications can have an effect as well) speak with your chemist, they have more knowledge of side effects than most prescribing physicians. At least make sure if this is a medical issue or pharmaceutical issue. Also chronic illnesses such as diabetes tend to have an effect on libido.

    If it is the case that you have low libido naturally then there is really not much you can do about it. There are people that have higher sex drives and others that have lower ones. There is nothing wrong with it but it is best to make sure it isn't medical or pharmaceutically related. Other than that just make sure you express this with your partner and you both have a compromise when it comes to the bedroom issue.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,155 ✭✭✭Wompa1


    Like the above poster has said, are you on any meds...how about the pill? try changing what pill you are taking and it might help.

    Also, this is not an attack on you by any means but relax...I was with a girl before who didn't seem to enjoy sex much, I'd climax with her quite quickly out of sheer nervousness, the sex was never enjoyable for me or for her. Before her and after her, sex has been very enjoyable and lasted for hours. I think a lot of it is mental when it comes to sex, if you are overthinking things or maybe never reached climax in the past and have that expectation set for you, it could be a block of sorts.

    If you relax and tell yourself it feels good while you are doing it, it will actually feel good and your brain will focus on what's good about it and you'll get your climax


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ok im going to sound clueless again but one last question (hopefully)......when you guys talk about girls orgasming from penetrative sex- are you taking about coming just from the movement of his penis inside her? or do you mean him/ her stimulating the clitoris while having penetrative sex and coming from that?

    I've only come during penetrative sex (no clit stimulation) once but I often stimulate my clit while having sex with my OH and I can time my orgasm to coincide with him.

    Thanks for the responses guys and sorry for the graphic descriptions- cringe!


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