Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi all,
Vanilla are planning an update to the site on April 24th (next Wednesday). It is a major PHP8 update which is expected to boost performance across the site. The site will be down from 7pm and it is expected to take about an hour to complete. We appreciate your patience during the update.
Thanks all.

Racist girlfriend.

Options
2»

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    MIN2511
    Registered Users Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    Right, she may have passed a few comments but that doesn't classify her as racist

    Racism has many definitions, the most common and widely accepted being the belief that members of one race are intrinsically superior or inferior to members of other races. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Racism

    And even at that it would take a lot for me to consider her as racist-ignorance being the first point coming to mind
    But her behaviour leaves little to the imagination, even if i was pissed drunk:D i would never succumb to throwing drinks at another person, let alone the violent way she behaved towards you. Tbh that would be my breaking point not the comments, but as you say she was drunk! You need to sit down and discuss this erratic behaviour, it's only two months though and you can walk out without being hurt.


  • Options
    #33
    biko
    Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    This is PI, the home of advice like "dump him or her".
    People are not toys that you can throw away when you find a flaw with them.

    I'd like (not) to read one day a update like "thanks everyone for asking me to dump him. I did and it feels much better now". At least from someone older than 25.

    What I'd like to read is "we sat down and talked it over and compromised and now it's all better". Or "we tried to work things out but the differences were just too great. But at least we tried..."


  • Options
    #34
    seanabc
    Registered Users Posts: 167 ✭✭seanabc


    This is PI, the home of advice like "dump him or her".
    People are not toys that you can throw away when you find a flaw with them.

    They've only been going out for two months. He really is better off stepping away from this now. Violence is a good enough of a reason to get away from her before it turns into a relationship.


  • Options
    #35
    Mazeire
    Closed Accounts Posts: 453 ✭✭Mazeire


    Unreg123321 wrote: »
    Going unregged for this one,
    I have started seeing this girl recently and things have been going great. Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    :
    Wow. Its amazing how a bit of good sex can make you blind to the fact that this psycho has both physically and verbally abused yourself and your friends. Look if you want to stay with this nutter for the sake of some regular good nookie then thats your choice but do your friends a favour and dont bring her out in public.


  • Options
    #36
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Whatever about her racism, which is appalling, her violent tendencies are what I would be more worried about.

    Reminded me of this thread: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055192664


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    tampopo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,329 ✭✭✭tampopo


    Run, or Dump.


    I suppose you could talk it over, but there are many pebbles on the beach and Ireland has many beaches...


  • Options
    #38
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    For those saying alcohol is the problem. I disagree. Alcohol can loosen inhibitions and exaggerate tendencies and traits that are already there. It does not take a 'warm lovely person' and suddenly create a monster out of nowhere.

    Also to say this girl is not really racist, but simply the jealous type, I think is also letting her off the hook. If shes not racist, why play the racist card against the polish girl. She could have said she was ugly or hateful or even a b*tch... but no, she had to bring race into it.

    @biko. This couple are two months into a relationship. This is the stage when you *should* be all loved up and cuddly and still think the other is a bit of alright. Not clawing their eyes out. If its this bad, this early, I say absolutely cut your losses.


  • Options
    #39
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    speaktofrank wrote: »
    I wouldn't dump her straight away, just tell her that her baheaviour is unacceptable and if she wants it to continue she should change her ideas.

    +1
    Try talking to her and let her know what your thinking. Give the girl a chance to explain her actions and change her ways. then when you have talked and if nothing changes you didnt just rush into dumping her without giving it a proper chance.


  • Options
    #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Rang her earlier, I am meeting up with her Thursday evening to "Talk", depending on this I will make my decision as to whether I should stay with her or take her to Dumpsville...

    The more I think about it now the more I realise I may have to leave her, but I really don't want to loose her...
    1 of the things what really sticks into me mind is when (while in the pub of course), with my mum, I got the impression she really didn't like my mum, was very short with her and even talking over her... This was her first time to meet my mother (granted we could have picked a better venue). She didn't do anything specifically but just her whole attitude that night :/

    Also as mentioned all her "bestest" friends are relatively new friends (as mentioned above)... Not sure if I should read into that too much.


  • Options
    #41
    Gemini Sister
    Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    speaktofrank wrote: »
    I wouldn't dump her straight away, just tell her that her baheaviour is unacceptable and if she wants it to continue she should change her ideas. She gave you a stratch, I know if any girl lifted a finger to me they would get a slap back. Screw all this 'oh you can't hit a girl thing' if someone tries to inflict physical damage on you then you should let them know too exactly what it feels like. Chances are she won't do it again.


    You're suggesting the OP hit her back to 'teach' her what violence feels like? Thats a very dangerous line you walk there. OP, IMHO real men don't do that. Violence is always a sign of weakness. (unless the lady is coming at you with an axe).

    I think this girl is young, jealous and insecure.... AND CAN'T HANDLE HER DRINK. Give her the fright of her life (and no - you don't have to use your fists), tell her that you need a 'break' (a week) to think about if you could ever feel the same way about her again, let her sweat it out. Then accept her apology and support her in working on the insecurity and drink thing.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    Jack B. Badd
    Registered Users Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    Gemini Sister wrote: »
    OP, IMHO real men don't do that.

    Real women don't do it either :rolleyes: OP, it sounds like her violence and jealousy are more of a problem than her bigotry. I couldn't imagine becoming violent with a loved one, even with alcohol in me. It would be worth remembering that men can be victims of domestic violence too (despite the fact that domestic violence towards men is viewed as somewhere between a taboo subject and a joke) and if she's like this after only a few months I'd watch myself if I were you.


  • Options
    #43
    Bottle_of_Smoke
    Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    Unreg123321 wrote: »

    Also as mentioned all her "bestest" friends are relatively new friends (as mentioned above)... Not sure if I should read into that too much.

    I would read into that.

    The racist remarks seem more of a jealousy thing. Thank God people couldn't see my thoughts one time when a good looking, charming black guy was flirting with a girl I was seeing. When humans are pissed off/jealous they concentrate on anything that's different about someone.

    When you say she "scraped you across the face", eh - could you elaborate a little more?


  • Options
    #44
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Unreg123321 wrote: »
    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws.

    She is very warm and caring except when she is calling your friends racist names or trying to claw your eyes out for talking to another girl

    And Hitler was seemingly nice to his dog ....

    If she is doing the things you says he is then she isn't warm and sweet and caring.

    Dump her ass


  • Options
    #45
    Tea drinker
    Registered Users Posts: 2,818 ✭✭✭Tea drinker


    like the girl says in Minority report:

    RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN

    This girl won't be happy until she has you all by yourself - then dump you or **** you over like everyone else.
    Even if you are winding her up it's still completely OTT.

    Life's too short.


  • Options
    #46
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I read your posts and alarm bells are going off...

    2 months in you should be cuddling up whispering sweet nothings. If it was a girl posting to say her fella gave her a back-hander across the jaw & was squaring up to & calling her friends names, I'd tell her to run - so I'm going to have to do the same here.

    By all means have a serious talk with your gf & let her know how you feel & she has one more chance but if she raises a hand to you or is rude to people you care about, then I don't see that you have a healthy relationship at all. Something significant has to change if you stay with her. Best of luck.


  • Options
    #47
    coolmoose
    Registered Users Posts: 923 ✭✭✭coolmoose


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    Dump her. Continue having sex with her by all means but you do risk her cutting your balls off and frying them up with some tumeric. She's a violent nutjob. How serious is it? If it's just sex should be easy enough for you to bail on the whole thing.

    +1...but if you value your balls that's another story...

    i'd say bail on this to be honest, never any excuse for violence!


  • Options
    #48
    Dont be at yourself
    Registered Users Posts: 10,571 ✭✭✭✭Dont be at yourself


    Wait a second... she drinks pints of Guinness?

    Get rid.


  • Options
    #49
    Mighty_Mouse
    Registered Users Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭Mighty_Mouse


    Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws. She can get very violent & Jealous when drunk

    Been there, done that.
    As soon as realised girl was an agressive drunk, got rid immediately.

    Sure its early in the relationship.
    Consider a lifetime of dating a crazy woman!
    No thanks!


  • Options
    #50
    Nerin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    Wait a second... she drinks pints of Guinness?

    Get rid.

    +1
    lol


  • Options
    #51
    seanabc
    Registered Users Posts: 167 ✭✭seanabc


    Wait a second... she drinks pints of Guinness?

    It's cheap compared to the concoctions that some women drink.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    humanji
    Registered Users Posts: 19,976 ✭✭✭✭humanji


    Unreg123321 wrote: »
    Going unregged for this one,
    I have started seeing this girl recently and things have been going great. Sexlife is brilliant!!!
    She is a very warm and caring girl except for a few major flaws. She can get very violent & Jealous when drunk, for example she threw a major fit last week when she caught me talking to another girl, we ended up having a huge argument about this and she scraped me across the face.
    As if things couldn't get any worse it now turns out she is fairly racist and had a HUGE falling out with another friend of mine (Polish), who she accused of trying to "steal me away". She made several racist remarks, which ended up with her throwing her pint of guinness over my Polish friend.
    She had mad 1 or 2 off the cuff racist remarks, which at the time were harmless/funny enough. But she has hit a new low with this...
    Have been seeing her for 2 months, both of use are 25 Yrs.
    Any advise, appart from joining a club / finding a hobby :rolleyes:

    Sounds exactly like a friend of mine and his ex. She was violent when drunk and would give everyone hassle over the slightest thing. My mate used to give no end of excuses like "But it only happens when she's drunk, she's really nice otherwise". In the end he dumped her, but not before alienating almost all of his friends who won't even speak to him anymore.

    I hope it goes well with the talk. If she doesn't change (even if she keeps saying she will) you really are better off without her. Nothing good can come from it otherwise.


Advertisement