women in pubs/clubs

craicpipe · 13-09-2010 2:25pm #1

HI all,

This is a pretty weird question but here goes:

How do you guys typically approach/meet women in pubs and clubs?

Im recently single and up until now all my girlfriends have been friends of friends or i knew them from college etc.

I've actually never met a new girl in a club except on holidays when they approached me.

Just wondering how others pull it off? Most girls are in groups and i have no idea what to say or how other people usually do it. Its the type of thing where you ask friends and the standard responds is"'i dunno it just happened, i cant remember"'etc .

I know its a bit odd but any help would be much appreciated.

Dravokivich · 13-09-2010 3:30pm

Pardon the cliché but, an outstretched hand (To shake) and a "Hi, how are you?" might be a start.

The hard part to this, is actually finding a woman that will return the friendly gesture.

I'd usually make a comment on a song that's playing if in a club... to help start off a conversation...

KeithM89_old · 13-09-2010 5:33pm

Give a slight 'accidental' bump - give the whole 'ah sorry' and say hi and smile

Wolfe Tone · 13-09-2010 6:38pm

Typically most guys seem to get mega tanked up then try something as they dont give a damn if they are shot down or not.

Mostly I just go over in the beergarden and say hello. A good idea is to have a lighter even if you dont smoke, loads of girls always ask me for a light, easy way to get to chat with them and by extent their friends too.

mackbolan · 13-09-2010 8:24pm

Go to a group of girls and ignore the cute girl you are interested in while you talk to her less attractive friends. Shut her out of the conversation and make a laugh of her when she tries to butt in. Works like a charm.

Otis Driftwood · 13-09-2010 8:36pm

mackbolan wrote: »

Go to a group of girls and ignore the cute girl you are interested in while you talk to her less attractive friends. Shut her out of the conversation and make a laugh of her when she tries to butt in. Works like a charm.

Course it does,if you happen to be a 12 year old.:rolleyes:

TouchingVirus · 14-09-2010 10:50am

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

A good idea is to have a lighter even if you dont smoke, loads of girls always ask me for a light, easy way to get to chat with them and by extent their friends too.

I used to do this, then I had the lighter stolen and never bought another one

Herbal Deity · 14-09-2010 11:00am

Does this thread violate the Charter?

r3nu4l wrote:

Discussion of Pick-Up-Artists (PUA) methods and techniques are not allowed on this forum.

When this rule was brought in, I PM'd r3nu4l because I felt it was OTT, reactionary (in response to annoying/creepy posts by jurgenscarl) and pretty vague. I got no response. (In fact, I PM mods from time to time to ask questions about rules or to give feedback, but my last 3 PMs to mods on this forum have been ignored)

Where is the line drawn between what is a PUA technique and what is helpful advice when it comes to meeting/chatting with girls?

That_Guy · 14-09-2010 11:01am

The smoking area is the only real place to talk to girls really. Inside I find myself shouting at the girl and what I'm trying to say is usually misinterpreted.

My advice would be to stay away from stupid chat up lines. They're unbelievably pathetic.

A simple hello followed by a nice compliment is the way to go.

Just try not to get too drunk and end up slurring your words and blowing your opportunity.

If a girl came up and started slurring her words and was swaying side to side I'd find it a major turn off and I'm sure the opposite sex would also think the same.

TouchingVirus · 14-09-2010 11:03am

My take on it is general advice, which this is, isn't a PUA method or technique. There are no mention of books, techniques or anything to do with PUAs.

Herbal Deity · 14-09-2010 11:18am

I think that its all advice on how to pick up girls.

Like, carrying a lighter around with you so you can spark up (pun intended) a conversation with girls in the smoking area is a premediated tactic, for example. I don't think that such advice would be out of place in a PUA manual. It's not really too different to learning off a few lines to initiate a conversation.

Just banning anything related to PUA is silly because of implications like this.

Otis Driftwood · 14-09-2010 11:40am

Its the blatant PUA garbage that isnt allowed.Like what mackbolan mentioned above,thats pure PUA spiel,the more subtle techniques for initiating conversation such as carrying the lighter are acceptable (though Im open to correction on that).Thin line?Perhaps,but I think most users can differentiate between what is and isnt kosher.

Wolfe Tone · 14-09-2010 12:19pm

Herbal Deity wrote: »

I think that its all advice on how to pick up girls.

Like, carrying a lighter around with you so you can spark up (pun intended) a conversation with girls in the smoking area is a premediated tactic, for example. I don't think that such advice would be out of place in a PUA manual. It's not really too different to learning off a few lines to initiate a conversation.

Just banning anything related to PUA is silly because of implications like this.

I have never read a PUA manual in my life. When I go to clubs I tend to stay in the beergarden mostly, despite not smoking. The amount of people who ask for a lighter is unreal. So I decided to start carrying a lighter(when I remember it!) and it is an easy way to break the ice if someone comes over and asks for a light. Rather then saying "No" and having them move away, you produce the lighter and start chatting away.

Herbal Deity · 14-09-2010 1:04pm

I didn't say you got it from a PUA manual. I said it was a pickup technique. It's something you planned in advance so you could talk to more girls.

There's nothing wrong with it at all and I think a blanket ban on discussing "PUA techniques" is silly. A rule against advice which blatantly demeans women would be more appropriate.

Otis Driftwood · 14-09-2010 1:56pm

Herbal Deity wrote: »

A rule against advice which blatantly demeans women would be more appropriate

nedtheshed wrote: »

I think most users can differentiate between what is and isnt kosher.

Most people are given the benefit of the doubt in fairness.The users that have spouted the PUA schtick have been invariably n00bs/re-regs whose boards career didnt last too long anyway.

There is nothing wrong with men or women advising eachother how to approach members of the opposite sex once its done in a respectful manner,something which PUA is'nt which is its promotion has been banned from here and from PI.

liah · 14-09-2010 2:09pm

It's the consistent deceit in PUA that makes it a subject of contention, I would imagine.

Lighters and stuff are harmless, it's a segway into talking to someone. It's not line after line of pure, unadulterated lies carefully scripted to woo unsuspecting women who aren't expecting to be lied to.

Just approach women like any other person. That's all it takes. We're not aliens ffs.

Herbal Deity · 14-09-2010 3:14pm

liah wrote: »

It's the consistent deceit in PUA that makes it a subject of contention, I would imagine.

Lighters and stuff are harmless, it's a segway into talking to someone. It's not line after line of pure, unadulterated lies carefully scripted to woo unsuspecting women who aren't expecting to be lied to.

This isn't really what PUA is all about. Yes, some of it gets really over analytical and creepy at extreme levels, but I would consider most of it pretty harmless and to be genuinely good advice for guys who have to learn to fake confidence as a method of gaining real confidence.

I'll drop the issue now, I've made my point.

liah wrote: »

Just approach women like any other person. That's all it takes. We're not aliens ffs.

Unfortunately, it's not all it takes.

For a start, "Just approach women like any other person"? What other people? I'm only speaking personally, but I've never been compelled to approach a random guy in a club and start a conversation. There are very few situations I can think of where I'd want to approach a stranger and talk to them besides wanting to chat up a girl. Approaching strangers would not be something I'm entirely comfortable with and I don't think I'm alone.

Secondly, you're not aliens, but you're not just people we want to converse with either. It's not difficult to have conversations with girls. Girls are people, and lots of people are fun to talk to.

The difference is, we want your number, or a kiss, not just a conversation. And believe it or not, this doesn't just arise naturally after a good conversation. Some guys seem to have a natural ability to seamlessly go from a conversation to kissing a girl, but a lot of guys haven't a clue how to. Advice such as "be yourself", "just talk to her", "go with the flow" etc. is a load of bollocks.

This kind of thing is really difficult for some guys, and your "ffs" is incredibly patronizing.

Chewabacca · 14-09-2010 7:25pm

A lighter is your friend.

I find that a compliment can come across as an indirect chat up line. If, however, they have, lets say, a very different item of clothing, complimenting that will go down very well. Also, girls love when you compliment their hair or, if you can do it without sounding creepy, their perfume.

My god, thats a hell of a lot of commas.

craicpipe · 14-09-2010 9:28pm

Thanks for all the replies.:)

I like the lighter idea, I dont smoke so i wouldnt usually go to the smoking area but its makes more sense for talking to people without all the music etc.

Any other gems?

Wolfe Tone · 14-09-2010 10:06pm

craicpipe wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.:)

I like the lighter idea, I dont smoke so i wouldnt usually go to the smoking area but its makes more sense for talking to people without all the music etc.

Any other gems?

Go to the smoking area. Half of the people there wont be smoking either.

Jimmy Iovine · 14-09-2010 11:59pm

MUSSOLINI wrote: »

Go to the smoking area. Half of the people there wont be smoking either.

Definitely. There are always groups of girls in which only 1 or 2 smoke and as a result the whole posse is out there. It's the best place to chat to a girl. It's also the place where the most crack is had in general. Many times I've spent more time in the smoking area than in the actual pub or club itself

Sound Bite · 15-09-2010 1:03am

OP, dont know if it'll be of any use to you but this is some ways men have started conversations with me/friends on a night out.

Some of the most common ones:

Hi, how are you? Only a very rude person wouldnt respone to that IMO.
Are you having a good nite?
Random comments about the music, the crowd, the heat, good, bad anything just to start a conversation.
Start a conversation at the bar, lack of barmen, any random comment etc
Do you have a lighter? I reckon there are more non smokers than smokers in the smoking room/beer garden most nights.
Ask where something is? the cloakroom, smoking area, toilets etc.
If its early in the evening, men will often ask if the place they're in is a late bar or ask for suggestion for one? Usually they know the answer but it doesnt matter it starts a conversation.
Another one is "sorry girls, myself and my mate we just chatting & cant agree on (insert random topic) what do ye think?
Often get asked, do you live around here? I'm after moving here...general enquiry about the night life or something..
Very common...Were you watching the match? (usually only works if its GAA, 6 nations or International Soccer match. Most of us are lost if you talk LOI, UEFA etc but at the same, time respone is what match? conversation continues...)
Or the dont I know you from somewhere? Do you work around here? Used you go to college in UCC about 4 years ago?

Obviously some of them are better than others but my point is, it doesnt really matter what you say, you can say anything (with reason) to start with a conversation will usually develop.

In general the older the man, the more straight forward the comment. A women on her own waiting for a friend to come back from the bar or the toilet will usually only be too happy to talk to someone while she's waiting. In fact anywhere a women is standing waiting, i.e. the bar, is a fairly good place to start a conversation imo.

OldGoat · 15-09-2010 9:28am

I find it really interesting that the smoking area has become the new social spot. I think we should look at just WHY it's such a good place to meet other people and perhaps that will give some clues at to the best places for getting to know someone.

First (and foremost) it's quieter then the pub/club. You can actually have a conversation rather then a yell. This means that you are less likely to get the stock replies mouthed to you over the din of the music and are more able to show your interest in what your conversational partner is saying.

Secondly there is more of a chance that both you and your conversational partner are away from the herd of friends and are therefore less under peer pressure.

Thirdly, conversations are of a limited duration. This is fantastic for those who feel their conversational skills might not be up to scratch. You can have a few words and then move on to have a few words with someone else. Trying to monopolise the one woman all night tends to fail. Chat to loads of people and when you bump into them again you'll be able to strike up the conversation from where the last one left off (IF you paid attention to what she was saying).

I'd love to find a club where they set things up differently. Put all the noise out in a small room and leave the larger area free for people who want to talk without ear-bleeding. The fact that smoking areas are becoming more popular then the pub itself speaks volumes and it's NOT just because there are more smokers.

Wibbs · 15-09-2010 11:17am

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Advice such as "be yourself", "just talk to her", "go with the flow" etc. is a load of bollocks.

I agree 100%. Utterly useless advice, if meant well.

Be yourself. Yep great if "yourself" is what men and women find attractive. In a guy who is socially out of step it's gonna lead to worse social screwups. If being yourself worked a guy struggling wouldnt have any issue as he is being himself.

Just talk to her. Great in theory, but again if the guy doesnt have the conversational tools to be able to do that again he's boned. If he has missed out on the adolescent mistakes and learning curve which are fine at that age, but look wrong at 25 then he's on a hiding to nothing and will likely just come across as creepy. IMHO a lot of the time when a woman describes a man as creepy its because he's crap at reading social cues and has never learned them. IMHO women are much more aware and sensitive to social immaturity in men than the other way around. Ever been in a group and one guy stands out a little? The men generally don't react to him. The women will often be very wary and point him out to each other. I suppose its stands to reason as all things being equal they are more physically and reproductively vulnerable so have to watch for that stuff.

Go with the flow. Another waste of time for a man who doesnt know what the flow is. The guy who in nervous energy says and does inappropriate things.

That lot isnt just for men either, just anyone with a less well developed set of social skills. Men tend to have it harder in the dating game as they're expected to make the first move.

As liah said women are not aliens and are very similar to men. Individuals vary way more than gender. That said IMHO women and men are subtly different in approaches to dating and attraction and relationships. For men who may have low level trouble socially, this them and us and the lack of what many men see as clear signals from women confuse them further.

Plus a thousand to OldGoat's last post.

BumbleB · 15-09-2010 4:03pm

OldGoat wrote: »

I find it really interesting that the smoking area has become the new social spot. I think we should look at just WHY it's such a good place to meet other people and perhaps that will give some clues at to the best places for getting to know someone.

I dont know about that, I seen that in my first job when I left college and there was a smoking area and thats where everybody bonded. A lot of realtionships began there IMO.

First (and foremost) it's quieter then the pub/club. You can actually have a conversation rather then a yell. This means that you are less likely to get the stock replies mouthed to you over the din of the music and are more able to show your interest in what your conversational partner is say

Nothing more soul destroying than telling a hot girl you cant hear what she's saying especially when you are wedged between a 100 people like last weekend.

Thirdly, conversations are of a limited duration. This is fantastic for those who feel their conversational skills might not be up to scratch. You can have a few words and then move on to have a few words with someone else. Trying to monopolise the one woman all night tends to fail. Chat to loads of people and when you bump into them again you'll be able to strike up the conversation from where the last one left off (IF you paid attention to what she was saying).

I dont know but I find if you are von your own and chat to other random people you will find girls will approach you more readily for example I was bantering to a bouncer a few weeks ago and a random girl came up and stood beside the bouncer chatting to me .I presumed he knew her and he had presumed I knew her ,

.

Vanhalla · 15-09-2010 6:23pm

Go up to her and ask her can you put your tool in her box. When she smacks you, take a hammer out of your back pocket.
she will then feel sorry for you and take you home with her.

tbh · 15-09-2010 6:50pm

Vanhalla wrote: »

Go up to her and ask her can you put your tool in her box. When she smacks you, take a hammer out of your back pocket.
she will then feel sorry for you and take you home with her.

Let the adults talk like a good man. You're welcome to contribute if you've some thoughts of your own to add but if you just want to swap fr ted quotes for thanks, you might be more comfortable in after hours.

tbh · 15-09-2010 6:53pm

Herbal Deity wrote: »

Does this thread violate the Charter?

When this rule was brought in, I PM'd r3nu4l because I felt it was OTT, reactionary (in response to annoying/creepy posts by jurgenscarl) and pretty vague. I got no response. (In fact, I PM mods from time to time to ask questions about rules or to give feedback, but my last 3 PMs to mods on this forum have been ignored)

Where is the line drawn between what is a PUA technique and what is helpful advice when it comes to meeting/chatting with girls?

I thin you'll find that unless you're blatantly boasting about scamming women you'll be ok. Speaking for myself - myself mind - it's not something I'd be looking to ban for, at worst I might delete a post and pm you if it was really off - I've seen your posts and I'm sure you'll be fine. Can't say fairer than that.

craicpipe · 16-09-2010 11:02pm

yeah that was very useful soundbite, thanks for the advice everybody. Next time i'm out i'll be in the smoking area for sure:cool:

jg72 · 17-09-2010 11:39pm

Good thread craicpipe. Unfortunately there are many more of us out there like you !

HavingCrack · 18-09-2010 11:46am

Op, you said you met all your previosu girlfriends through friends or college-whats wrong with keeping alogn thsoe lines

. Join a few clubs or whatever. If its workked for your before I don't see why you'd change. Chatting up women in clubs is far harder in my experience than anywhere else.

women in pubs/clubs

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