The Irish mother

Latchy · 24-08-2009 7:15pm

I can relate to what's being said in a lot of posts here .My mother had a very strange way of letting you know who was to be looked after 1rst in the pecking order of things .For instance one of my brothers would have his food handed to him on plate when he came home , his shirts washed and ironed for next day . Brother two would come home , after stopping off at pub for a few and have same treatment .I on the other hand would be expected to cook clean ,wash up , iron etc and although I had no problem with that ( still dont ) it bugged me no end that they got treated better .

But then I realised that was my mothers way of trying to control , get back and punish me for some slight I may / may not have done to annoy her ( real or imagined ) . She was very odd in her ways .

I dont live at home any more , haven't done for many years .But they still do and still are to a degree ,dependent on my mother even though she is getting on in years .

Wibbs · 24-08-2009 7:26pm

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

This business of men treating their daughters like Princesses seems a new phenomenon to me.

Oh I would agree, it's a relatively recent thing, but I've certainly noticed it in the last say 15/20 years anyway. Maybe it's the economic upswing and the fact that women are more equal compared to the past.

The stuff you hear in life and on boards from a lot of guys going on about how harsh Irish women can be is part of that recent thing. I could be wrong, but I think if boards was around 20 years ago you wouldn't hear a tenth of that opinion. I certainly never heard it to that degree when I was 20. Now you may have heard guys moan about women, but it was a general thing(and women would be similar about men too) and not so bitter sounding. Not among the guys I hung out with or were around and I don't think I nor my circle would have been unusual. And yes there were foreign women about the place back then too(though not in the same numbers).

That way of thinking is so entrenched that even now when a womans first baby is a girl I find myself thinking. sh1t, well they can always try again. which is worrying.

Oh I know fathers who kept going until they had the son and heir, even after 4 or 5 daughters in. The whole old thing of when seeing a baby in a pram "is it a boy or a child?".

Brijoeire · 24-08-2009 7:27pm

I've had an Irish MIL and a Swedish one. Total polar opposites. The Swedish one explained all his behaviour away with 'oh he is young and learning' but still being friendly with me. The Irish one sends me death daggers if I say anything but wonderful things about my OH. She has told him that no matter what happens it will always be my fault and he has her support.

I have 3 boys and I'm all for loving them, but I'm not sure loving blindly will help them grow into strong men. That's juust me though

Bridget

metrovelvet · 24-08-2009 7:42pm

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh I would agree, it's a relatively recent thing, but I've certainly noticed it in the last say 15/20 years anyway. Maybe it's the economic upswing and the fact that women are more equal compared to the past.

.

Would you say that has to do with the economy or Ireland's "sexual revolution." I know it's hard to locate it because they seem to have coincided.

The treating your daughter like a princess is I believe connected to a number of things, one is status, and the other is that we are far more aware and sensitised to a predatorial world. And also, like Wibbs mentioned, the weakness behind the facade, the inability of putting the foot down, the fear of looking like the bad guy. I suppose also, if you're wife is too domineering to let you play out your protective role, if that's what you're into, well then act it out on your daughter.

Wibbs · 25-08-2009 9:44am

metrovelvet wrote: »

Would you say that has to do with the economy or Ireland's "sexual revolution." I know it's hard to locate it because they seem to have coincided.

I'd say more the economy in my humble.

I suppose also, if you're wife is too domineering to let you play out your protective role, if that's what you're into, well then act it out on your daughter.

+1 I'd reckon it's a helluva lot to do with that. Of course he'll usually end up unwittingly cloning the mother.

Kimia · 25-08-2009 2:11pm

This is all very interesting. What do you do if you have ended up with one of these sons of an Irish Mammy? I know there may be cries of 'dump him' etc but what if you truly love him?

metrovelvet · 25-08-2009 2:34pm

^ They are all mammy's boys my dear. Even the ones who aren't Irish.

BUT! They are not all over infanitlised, incompetent, imbeciles. Those are the ones who have this complex mixture of contempt and dependency on mammy, and I suspect take out their displaced hostility on the women they are with, on other words active [as opposed to theoretical] mysogynists. To be avoided.

Oh The Humanity · 25-08-2009 5:38pm

Kimia wrote: »

This is all very interesting. What do you do if you have ended up with one of these sons of an Irish Mammy? I know there may be cries of 'dump him' etc but what if you truly love him?

Had to dump one in the past. It was impossible to entertain the ridiculous creature.

I couldn't de-evolve myself to the point that I was an invisible servant of his every whim!

Thats why I think these parents who spoil their kids beyond belief are really setting them up for a life of misery. Partners will not put up with their inflated expectations!

pickarooney · 26-08-2009 12:02am

I was never aware that this phenomenon was widespread in Ireland. I've heard (and seen) it in Italian, French, Jewish, Arabic, Pied noir, Hungarian households but don't know more than one or two cases of it amongst Irish families. I guess we sometimes know our own the least well

netwhizkid · 26-08-2009 12:27am

I love my mammy and she is so totally like this, she invades your room to tidy it and make the beds but what I really dislike is when they start giving relationship advice such as you can't go out with her etc.

Recently my mam and sister went away for a week so my father and auntie next door and I decided to pull a practical joke on her.

We proceeded rather than doing the washup to use every single glass, plate etc. in the house and piled them all up in the sink and let them stink in the dishwasher (which my father can't operate). We also used up most of the clothes and left a lorry load of clothes in the overflowing laundry hamper for washing.

My aunt also helped out by telling them she brought us the dinner most evenings or else we had takeaways. I also slept in a different spare bed (big house) each night rather than make my own.

When they returned my father was nearly killed as WWIII erupted, I got away scot free and the whole point of the exercise was to get her to come to grips with the fact that we can do stuff on our own so she doesn't have to do everything. She went on strike for about a month after finding the pigsty but is back to her old mammy ways since.

paperclipgrad · 19-04-2013 12:18pm

My mother is American, my mother in law is from Northern Ireland.

My husband does all the vacuuming and has no problem doing laundry- he did it at home. He also does the billpaying (I hate financial type stuff, but keep an eye on the budget). I do the daily house stuff, he does wash up a couple of times a week. He also does all the garden stuff and the rubbish/recycling. The occasional meal (on the weekends).

My brothers were always made to do things around the house, washing up, windows and so on. They are expected to know how to cook.

I can't understand why a mother would send a son off to college to fend for himself with no idea of how to clean up after himself, do his own laundry or cook decent meals. What if he never gets married? Is he expected to just make himself koka noodles every day for dinner? My kids will all learn how to cook and do things around the house. It's just a normal human thing.

19-04-2013 12:21pm

Hi paperclipgrad, this thread is 4 years old, it's best not to bump old threads

The Irish mother

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