Lack of money destroying relationship

CaraMay · 09-10-2014 3:35am

Lalealynn wrote: »

I was wondering this too since she said they were going away together I assumed they were sleeping together. I also wondered why she couldn't get a bus? He could have dropped her to the stop ?

Not everyone lives in Dublin or a city.

Esel · 09-10-2014 3:48am

op_here wrote: »

..apart from his stinginess he's quite nice... He gets quite aggressive and defensive if I say something he doesn't like.

Kerb. Kick. Quick.

Wompa1 · 09-10-2014 6:26am

Have had girlfriends like this. It's not fun

Neyite · 09-10-2014 9:08am

op_here wrote: »

I don't even think he'll offer to give me the money if I book it. He really is the stingiest guy I've ever dated which is a shame because apart from his stinginess he's quite nice. What should I do? He gets quite aggressive and defensive if I say something he doesn't like.

Being quite aggressive and defensive in the honeymoon stage would be a massive red flag to me, as would being manipulated financially. He doesnt sound worth the hassle to me.

Grandpa Hassan · 09-10-2014 9:40am

I am in a similar situation. I earn a very good salary, and my GF is in min wage / occasional internships. I happily pay for things that I want to do with her....whether they are holidays or nights out. She pays what she can and occasionally treats me to a dinner or something.

To be honest if your BF does not already recognise that there is a financial imbalance here, then I would suggest that his stinginess is so ingrained that there is zero chance of him changing. It should be obvious to him.....I don't know how someone can be so blind to it that it necessitates you forcing a conversation about it.

And I would suggest that a relationship in which this is a constant issue is not likely to last the distance.

mapaca · 09-10-2014 9:44am

Neyite wrote: »

Being quite aggressive and defensive in the honeymoon stage would be a massive red flag to me, as would being manipulated financially. He doesnt sound worth the hassle to me.

This stood out to me as well. The financial issue is one thing, maybe you could talk it through and sort it out, but him getting aggressive when he doesn't like the topic of discussion is not good. Sounds like immaturity to be honest.

Big Bag of Chips · 09-10-2014 9:55am

So what happens when there's something you don't like or are upset about? Apart from the money issue. Do you keep quiet so as not to upset him? Why are his feelings worthy of more consideration than yours? Unless you can have an adult discussion with him then you are going to spend a long time tip toeing around being "ok" with everything.

keane2097 · 09-10-2014 10:40am

His response when you text him asking what happened to him helping you out with the taxi tells you all you need to know. Not only tight, but callous and a liar. D-d-d-d-dump him!

tinz18 · 09-10-2014 10:47am

Hi OP,
There's clueless and there's stingy- no one is that clueless. Yes sometimes people forget their partners aren't as well off as them but things like that last taxi would put him in the latter category- maybe there's a reason he's so well off?

Barely There · 09-10-2014 12:31pm

There are very few traits as unattractive in a partner as meanness, and he sounds mean to the bone.

If it was me, I'd meet up with him and tell him he's dumped, then I'd call him on my way back home and make sure he know he was dumped and when I got home I'd send him a text message dumping him again.

The Triple Dump - It's the only way to be sure.

LegacyUser · 09-10-2014 1:37pm

op_here wrote: »

He gets quite aggressive and defensive if I say something he doesn't like.

RUN FOR THE HILLS

THEY ARE THATTA WAY -> -> -> -> ->

CaraMay · 09-10-2014 2:34pm

The other thing op is they this is a new relationship and you are also to blame here as you are teaching him that it's ok to treat you like this. You are allowing him away with it and seem to be at his will. If you do want to stay with him (and I can't imagine why you would) then you need to lay down firm lines with your actions. Next time he asks you to come over late say no. If he asks why say to him that he said he would pay for the taxi the last night and he didn't and now you can't afford it.

Tbh though it all seems like a lot of work to stay in a relationship with this tight wad so, if it were me, I would walk rather than try to 'retrain' him. He isn't going to change by himself because, as I said, you have shown him that you we'd willing to take his shoddy treatment so why would he? He gets all the benefits when suits.

ash23 · 09-10-2014 3:01pm

I don't think he should be paying for the hotel for you. Everything should be split. However, that includes the travel. If he asks you to drive out to his, just say you don't have enough petrol and he should come stay in yours.

Similarly, why, when ye go out do you go to his and then need a taxi home. Go out closer to where you live now and then let him get the taxi home now and then.

Just even it out a bit and you won't feel so resentful. But if he insists on you going over there and him making no effort then it probably will become something that ends the relationship

dearg lady · 09-10-2014 10:39pm

CaraMay wrote: »

Not everyone lives in Dublin or a city.

OP specifically mentions dart, so I can't see why public transport is an issue. Perhaps OP can enlighten us

MagicMarker · 09-10-2014 10:43pm

dearg lady wrote: »

OP specifically mentions dart, so I can't see why public transport is an issue. Perhaps OP can enlighten us

She mentioned getting the last dart home. Public transport does not run 24 hours a day.

jlm29 · 10-10-2014 12:05am

She says she spent "a few hours" there. She obviously didn't stay over, and needed to get a taxi home in the wee hours.
OP- I think if you stay in this relationship, you're making a stick to beat yourself with! He sounds awful tight. Maybe he has a valid reason for not spending his money, but he shouldn't be conning you out of yours either.

keane2097 · 10-10-2014 11:48am

dearg lady wrote: »

OP specifically mentions dart, so I can't see why public transport is an issue. Perhaps OP can enlighten us

What routes do the DART run on that would equate to a €40 taxi?

HelgaWard · 10-10-2014 11:52am

Maybe Greystones?! Not relevant to assisting OP.

Addle · 10-10-2014 12:05pm

I'd be more put out at not staying over rather than having to pay for a taxi.

LegacyUser · 10-10-2014 1:08pm

I find it bizarre that people are more caught up with 'why' I have to get a taxi than the actual issue itself here but allow me to clarify anyway.

The last bus/dart is at 11.30pm on weekdays. I work a few minutes from my house and I have a 9am start.

When I miss the last bus/dart home, I have to get a taxi home in order to be in work in time. I can't stay over in his, because he shares a room with his brother. The times I have stayed over, his brother has been away.

Anyway, we arranged to meet up near my house this time. When I texted him suggesting a nice restaurant in my area, he replied 'I wouldn't really fancy that tbh. Let me look up a few other restaurants and I'll text you in a bit'. He replied a few minutes later suggesting a restaurant beside his house! I replied saying 'That sounds like a lovely restaurant but can I just ask, are you a little stingy? I only ask because you don't seem to want to come out my direction? I feel as though I am making all the effort here, am i?'

He never replied and this was 24 hours ago. He usually replies within minutes.

Triple dump time.

Emme · 10-10-2014 1:34pm

Addle wrote: »

I'd be more put out at not staying over rather than having to pay for a taxi.

Maybe the OP doesn't want to stay over but I hope that her boyfriend doesn't have his fun then send her home in a taxi at her own expense. What they do is their own business but him sending her home afterwards would be unspeakably selfish and mean-spirited and a major red flag.

EDIT I posted this before the OP's post appeared. Fair enough if she wants to be home in time for work and if he shares with his brother. Anyway she has made the right the decision and it's onwards and upwards from now.

OP, if you had the money to spare you would be better to spend it on yourself (hair, manicure, massage etc.) than on taxis to get home from a stingy fekker like your soon to be ex boyfriend. Take your time meeting someone new, there's no rush but make sure he treats you properly.

HelgaWard · 10-10-2014 1:59pm

You have your answer there OP, he shows absolutely no consideration for you, he sounds like a complete Me Feiner. You are better off rid, quadruple dump! He sounds like the type of fella who would be asking for pain killers for himself when you are in the labor ward!

CaraMay · 10-10-2014 2:29pm

Oh what a Pratt. Well rid op

MistyCheese · 10-10-2014 2:32pm

Good for you OP, you were upfront and now it seems you have your answer. If this man were genuine his response to 'what happened to you paying for my taxi this time, like you offered?' wouldnt have been 'did I say that? I don't remember saying that, doesn't sound like something I'd say'. It would be something along the lines of 'oh I'm sorry, I forgot, why didn't you remind me? Here's the money I said I'd give you'

MagicMarker · 10-10-2014 2:33pm

The fact he's in his mid 20s in an "excellent well paid job" and yet still lives at home sharing a room with his brother should be testament to how much of a loser this guy is.

Emme · 10-10-2014 3:11pm

MagicMarker wrote: »

The fact he's in his mid 20s in an "excellent well paid job" and yet still lives at home sharing a room with his brother should be testament to how much of a loser this guy is.

He's probably saving for a house or better still hoping to meet a good laying hen with a place of her own who will take him in, pay all the bills and look after him like his mammy

LegacyUser · 10-10-2014 3:19pm

Hi all,

So I sent him a text and I outlined all the reasons, and I said it was a pity that he hadn't the maturity to discuss this and instead chose to ignore me. I wished him well in the future and his response was so arrogant I am delighted to be rid of him now.

He responded by saying 'Asking me if I'm stingy? who says that to people?' (he ignored the reasoning behind it) and then he went on to say how it isn't working out for HIM and that HE'S sorry but HE'LL have to nip it in the bud and HE ended up wishing me well. Bizarre.

No loss. Loser is right.

Thanks again for all the responses, had I not have posted here I would most likely have continued to be a doormat. Onwards and upwards.

Faith · 10-10-2014 5:11pm

He shares a room with his brother?! As an adult?! Holy Jesus, that would be enough to make me run for the hills.

Well done on finishing with him, OP. He sounds incredibly stingy, amongst a host of other things...

CaraMay · 10-10-2014 5:19pm

You should send him a link to this thread so he sees how mad it all is.

Big Bag of Chips · 10-10-2014 5:26pm

I don't mean to laugh OP, but when I read you post about sending him the text yesterday I thought... She's going to get a text soon "dumping" her! I'm sorry you got dumped (?!) but maybe it's all for the best, eh??!

He was being subtle before which is why you weren't really sure if you were right or wrong. But now you've caught him out on just being downright mean. I hope him and his brother are very happy together

Lack of money destroying relationship

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