All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

BrensBenz · 26-09-2014 4:50pm

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Then I was thrun out of the gang. :mad:

Now that Rubecula is back in harness, I can't help wondering just how he copes with stuff like "I got trun ouwa deh gang". I know that spellcheck nearly fixed it for you but my magic ears can hear the original.

Must have been traumatic, gett'n trun ouwa deh gang. Were you devistayhid?

Rubecula wrote: »

....memories of scrumping eh?

Now, I know yiz own the Inglish language an' all buh....we don't "scrump" apples. We "fecque" them. Fecque is a really useful word, with many wonderfully diverse meanings, and, unlike it vulgar cousin, using it won't send you to Hell. Also, fecque is older than scrump - Irish kids were seen fecquing apples by Noah when he sailed by - so, being in the Bible an' all, it's automatically correct.

Luckily, my world travels exposed me to many of the "mistakes" in the Inglish language, e.g. "whilst", "aloominum" and "Sathehn Awwlund" and, whenever possible, I try to correct these mistakes, in a caring, cuddly, understanding kind of way, of course.

It's fecque! Royh?

Jellybaby1 · 26-09-2014 4:53pm

Rubecula wrote: »

.........The annual harvest was so large from the trees despite predation by local kids (including me) that my mum made toffee apples from them, and sold them at a penny each, apple pies which fed us all and also sold quite well. etc etc.

And that's how y'build an empire! Mr. Selfridge eat your heart out!

Welcome back Rube, hope you are feeling something like normal again! Our own Nursie was searching high and low for you.

BBDBB · 26-09-2014 7:23pm

scrumping for apples was just an excuse, admit it, the bit we all loved was when the owner came out and chased you off brandishing some kind of home improvised weapon like a rolling pin, a garden fork or part of the hoover

Layinghen · 27-09-2014 4:37pm

Welcome back Rubes.

I am on the ferry at the moment heading your way, but not to worry won't be stopping:D:D

A quick blast through Wales this evening and then across d'Ingland tomorrow. If anyone hears the Constabulary are looking for a low flying hen in a Jag SAY NOTHING

Ramette · 27-09-2014 4:53pm

A Jag? Well I never! Who knew hen has notions?!!! And travelling by ferry tells me Hen wants to fly low and avoid detection... I shall be keeping a keen eye on happenings across the water! And did you get a permission slip from nurse to leave the compound?

Layinghen · 27-09-2014 4:59pm

Slipped out while her back was turned;)

Rubecula · 27-09-2014 8:27pm

thank you all my dear inmates of the asylum.

My time online is severely limited just now as I am still a tad weak. I will pop back on and off for a while.

If any of you like making fruit pies, some hints from my own experience.

eating apples in pies saves on added sugar.
homegrown rhubarb adds a nice tartyness to the taste and once you have it, it is free.
blackberries added to the pies add a little colour and a pleasing taste,
you may also like a few strawberries mixed in ... but do not overdo it as the can overpower the taste.

TommieBoy · 27-09-2014 10:25pm

take it easy rubes

BrensBenz · 28-09-2014 11:19am

Rubecula wrote: »

If any of you like making fruit pies, some hints from my own experience.

eating apples in pies saves on added sugar.
homegrown rhubarb adds a nice tartyness to the taste and once you have it, it is free.
blackberries added to the pies add a little colour and a pleasing taste,
you may also like a few strawberries mixed in ... but do not overdo it as the can overpower the taste.

In your weakened condition, it may not be wise to eat this stuff without it first having a thorough Quality Control check. Fortunately, I am a renowned expert, both in Quality Control and fruity cake / tart thingies. Therefore, and with some considerable enthusiasm, I hereby volunteer my services to perform sample inspections, in accordance with Mil. Std. 105E, of all fruity confectioneries produced by Os&Os before dispatch to Rubeculand. Only products satisfying strict criteria will be sent eastwards - any products found not to achieve the required standard will be disposed of in an environmentally friendly manner.....I promise.

Terms and conditions apply, e.g. I have first dibs on this.
PM for shipping address.
You're welcome.

Rubecula · 30-09-2014 8:17pm

So very kind of you Brens, first up for you to test for me is The Syrup of Figs, followed by the Croton Oil, Liquid Paraffin BP and Cascara. Following that if you are up for it I have some tasty looking senna pods.

Jellybaby1 · 01-10-2014 12:16am

BrensBenz wrote: »

Now that Rubecula is back in harness, I can't help wondering just how he copes with stuff like "I got trun ouwa deh gang". I know that spellcheck nearly fixed it for you but my magic ears can hear the original.

Must have been traumatic, gett'n trun ouwa deh gang. Were you devistayhid?

Now, I know yiz own the Inglish language an' all buh....we don't "scrump" apples. We "fecque" them. Fecque is a really useful word, with many wonderfully diverse meanings, and, unlike it vulgar cousin, using it won't send you to Hell. Also, fecque is older than scrump - Irish kids were seen fecquing apples by Noah when he sailed by - so, being in the Bible an' all, it's automatically correct.

Luckily, my world travels exposed me to many of the "mistakes" in the Inglish language, e.g. "whilst", "aloominum" and "Sathehn Awwlund" and, whenever possible, I try to correct these mistakes, in a caring, cuddly, understanding kind of way, of course.

It's fecque! Royh?

Was discussing the subject of 'visiting' orchards with himself, and he immediately said 'ahhh, scrumping!' So it looks like scrumping did happen in the Emerald Isle after all. I would have said 'knocked off' or 'swiped' in those days.

When I got trun out of the gang, I was more than devistayhid, I was morto! And scarleh!

BrensBenz · 01-10-2014 10:45am

Rubecula wrote: »

So very kind of you Brens, first up for you to test for me is The Syrup of Figs, followed by the Croton Oil, Liquid Paraffin BP and Cascara. Following that if you are up for it I have some tasty looking senna pods.

Mmmm, syrup of......emmm......liquid para.......emmmmm....well....

BrensBenz isn't available at the moment. Your call is important to us. Please leave a message at the beep or press 1 for nurse; press 2 for pharmacy; press 3 for security; press 4 for fun.....BEEP:

BrensBenz · 01-10-2014 11:31am

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Was discussing the subject of 'visiting' orchards with himself, and he immediately said 'ahhh, scrumping!' So it looks like scrumping did happen in the Emerald Isle after all. I would have said 'knocked off' or 'swiped' in those days.

When I got trun out of the gang, I was more than devistayhid, I was morto! And scarleh!

I suggest to the court that Mr. Jellybaby has been "tellied", that is, his vocabulary has been altered by Ingerlish TV. As we know, exposure to Ingerlish TV in one's yooh has devistayhid deh proper way what we yoosta tawk.
And, may it please Your Honour, a brief search on dinterweb revealed a far from savoury definition of "scrump", a definition which is entirely unrelated to the liberation of apples from orchards. I shall not trouble the court with the details of this definition, leaving that to those of a more hardy disposition. Bring back "fecque", I say, a good, holy catholic word.

More than devistayhid??? But, but, gettin' scarleh is just the beginning on the scale of gettin' trun owa deh gang ; getting morto comes soon after that but devistayhid is the worstest thing you can be, much worser than morto.

Gawd, me hart is broke tryin' ta ehjookate yooze lot.

Jellybaby1 · 01-10-2014 2:01pm

Well, I was always backward in coming forward anyway!

Oh yoo-hoo ladies! I gotta get me one of these.....how about youse?

https://www.aldi.ie/en/specialbuys/sunday-28-september/products-detail-page/ps/p/stud-detector-1/

Layinghen · 01-10-2014 4:08pm

Jellybaby, somebody has to break it to you and it may as well be me.............

Unfortunately that detector doesn't find what you are hoping it might find:(:(

Will be heading back across Rube land tomorrow so if the Polis start making enquiries about a certain little hen, keep stum.

Rubecula · 02-10-2014 12:59pm

The weather is fine here today I think the Hen brought her sunshine with her smile.

That Stud detector looks great, I had trouble getting mine to stop beeping in my pocket

Jellybaby1 · 02-10-2014 5:27pm

So YOU are one of our fine studs then Rube! Well, I should have known, silly me.

I just clicked my link there and the stud detector has now changed to childrens' halloween costumes. That's going to confuse historians in the future!

Rubecula · 03-10-2014 12:05am

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

So YOU are one of our fine studs then Rube! Well, I should have known, silly me.

Just had a pocket full of rivets

Jellybaby1 · 03-10-2014 12:26am

Look at the time. Is Rube waiting for Nursie to tuck him in then?

OldGoat · 03-10-2014 8:41am

It's Friday. It's not 5 o'clock. It's Crackerja.. coffee!
It's a three (and the possibality of a fourth) cup of coffee moring.

CoffeeCoffeecoffeecoffcocoofCfoffeeeCofCoffeeCooffeecoffeefcoffcoccoofCfoffeeeCofCoffeeCoffeecoffeecCoffcoccoofCfoffeeeCofe

Jellybaby1 · 03-10-2014 9:37am

Bad/good, night last night?

OldGoat · 03-10-2014 10:29am

Just the end of a very long week.
Oh, just had the fourth coffeeee.
/twitch

Jellybaby1 · 03-10-2014 10:39am

My weeks are seven days long, how long was yours then?

OldGoat · 03-10-2014 11:31am

Mine was seven days long too but each of those days were made up of 93.6 hours. Or so it seems.

I still have over 200 photos to edit from a show on the previous weekend. With any luck they will all be out of focus and I won't have to bother with them

Rubecula · 03-10-2014 2:31pm

Nurse Nurse OG is over caffeinated.

Quick pass him his Singapore Sling.

BrensBenz · 04-10-2014 1:52pm

Gentlemen, Now that I'm being chemoed weekly, several of my onboard systems don't work as well as before. This includes neck muscles, resulting in me studying the floor much more than normal. However, this in-depth analysis of flooring materials has also allowed me to observe ladies legs, and shoes, apparently with medical impunity.

Now, we all know that lady-type people have been brainwashed by Imelda Marcos and Sex in the City to regard shoes as being the centre of the universe. Would I be right in assuming that, when all male onboard systems are operational, wimmin's shoes are the last thing WE notice? Tap once for YES, twice for NO. And again for the opinion that the ugliness of the shoes is irrelevant to them? Finally, WE are not allowed to even hint that the shoes are anything other than uniquely beautiful?

OK, Wonder Woman's knee boots are an exception to all rules........

Below is a ranking of wimmin's ugly shoes and I would appreciate if yiz could add / edit in order to produce a one-off, authoritative and free guide for use by wimmin when purchasing shoes. When complete and approved by Oulfellas, I can then circulate to the Oulwans. Remember, it is an ugliness scale, so 0 is acceptably ugly and 100 is criminally ugly.

0 - 92 - Meh, as they say in AH;
93 - plastic sandals that look like dogs' muzzles;
94 - Ugg boots - clue is in the name;
95 - high-heel ankle boots - neither one thing or another;
96 - cloth bag sock shoes - paper thin soles and no heels;
97 - white stilletoes;
98 - pole dancer shoes - high heels AND platform soles;
99 - flip-flops - ugly noise and looks;
100 - lesbian shoes - smaller version of men's office shoes.

In the interest of fairness, at a later stage, I may invite Oulwans to list male clothing in order of revulsion, but it cannot include 501's or tartan slippers with zips on the sides. Be prepared....be very prepared!

Rubecula · 04-10-2014 3:16pm

hmmmm.

You missed out wellie boots and steel toe capped workboots .... oh and clogs.

These are extremely dangerous to oulfellas as the wrong word can lead to intimate examination of same at great speed.

I like the ladies shoes that show off a shapely ankle myself. BUT ladies whatever you are comfortable with is ok by me too.

*crosses legs protectively in hope he has saved himself a severe kicking from some heavily armoured Brogues with Blakey's on.*

BrensBenz · 06-10-2014 2:36pm

Rubecula wrote: »

You missed out wellie boots and steel toe capped workboots .... oh and clogs.

*crosses legs protectively in hope he has saved himself a severe kicking from some heavily armoured Brogues with Blakey's on.*

Yes, wellies are contenders for this list but:
(a) Wimmin don't usually wear wellies to beautify themselves so the ugliness of wellies is irrele....irevel....doesn't count;
(b) Wellies are dangerously close to those black leather, flat-heeled, horse riding knee boots which, of course, are like todally phhwoooaaarrrr!

A few years ago, I attended a helicopter show in rural Sweden which was guarded by military personnel. My personal minder was a female sergeant, in camo gear and steel, roundy-toed boots. These boots (and the camo) tried but failed to reduce the stunningness of this young lady, so I left steel-capped workboots off the list. Maybe when I manage to erase the image of that sergeant.....

Clogs are also off my list for now because of the seven foot tall, blonde, tan, blue-eyed creature I met in Eindhoven. I can only assume that she was fully clogged because my prolonged gaze at her face was only slightly interrupted by the sound of wood on ceramic floor tiles.

I think most other wooden footwear abominations, e.g. Dr. Scholl's flip-flop clogs, have been recycled in an environmentally friendly manner, by former wearers who have apologised and severely admonished their own fashion blunders, so other wooden footwear didn't make the list either.

Being unfamiliar with Blakeys, I can only assume that "heavily armoured Brogues with Blakey's on" would qualify as "militant" lesbian shoes, already listed at 100 / 100 for ugliness.

Anyway, the anniversary of me turning up to marry Mrs. BrensBenz occurs tomorrow so I better don my blue/brown Dubarrys, with green and red triangles for starboard and port, and hit the shops.

BBDBB · 06-10-2014 3:19pm

BrensBenz wrote: »

Anyway, the anniversary of me turning up to marry Mrs. BrensBenz occurs tomorrow so I better don my blue/brown Dubarrys, with green and red triangles for starboard and port, and hit the shops.

Its a bit late for that, I doubt they'd take her back after all this time

Jellybaby1 · 06-10-2014 3:22pm

H'appy H'anniversary Mr & Mrs Brens! Will Mrs Brens be donning the steel-cap boots for the candlelight supper then?

All ye oul wans and oul fellas out there! Wakey wakey, rise and shine!

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