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dipdipdoo · 19-07-2012, 17:56

Well, I am no longer a bridesmaid, and, since we haven't spoken since, no longer a friend.

Work is a bit difficult, although we are both trying to remain professional. A couple of the mutual friends we had seem to have jumped my ship (the bride got to them fast) - I'm hearing rumblings about backstabbing, but I am trying to ignore it.

Thankfully, most of our friends are staying out of it, and I'm lucky enough to have some very old friends that I can always rely on.

You live and learn!

delta36 · 19-07-2012, 18:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by dipdipdoo

Well, I am no longer a bridesmaid, and, since we haven't spoken since, no longer a friend.

Work is a bit difficult, although we are both trying to remain professional. A couple of the mutual friends we had seem to have jumped my ship (the bride got to them fast) - I'm hearing rumblings about backstabbing, but I am trying to ignore it.

Thankfully, most of our friends are staying out of it, and I'm lucky enough to have some very old friends that I can always rely on.

You live and learn!

Ouch, that doesn't sound too fun but it seems like it was the better option, and in time any grumbling will probably fade away. And I dare say the next bridesmaid will be coming to you in a few weeks with a similar story. Glad to hear you have a couple of old friends who have your back at any rate.
Now take all that money you've saved and treat yourself to something nice.

Bubblefett · 19-07-2012, 18:02

I'm so glad your no longer her bridemaid- from what you said, it seems like no loss at all. And your wallet and mental health will be better without her.
As for those friends who jumped to her ship, leave them to it. They'll get a shock when they get the bill for everything their new friend expects.

rainbowtrout · 19-07-2012, 18:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by dipdipdoo

Well, I am no longer a bridesmaid, and, since we haven't spoken since, no longer a friend.

Work is a bit difficult, although we are both trying to remain professional. A couple of the mutual friends we had seem to have jumped my ship (the bride got to them fast) - I'm hearing rumblings about backstabbing, but I am trying to ignore it.

Thankfully, most of our friends are staying out of it, and I'm lucky enough to have some very old friends that I can always rely on.

You live and learn!

Well done dipdipdoo! I'm sure it's quite a relief to be out of that hornet's nest. I wouldn't worry about the friends taking sides, they will realise in time what she is like when she does the same to them and no doubt they will come crawling back saying 'I didn't know how crap she treated you until she did X to me'.

If anyone does try and drag you into bitching about her, keep it factual and don't call her a wagon. 'I was asked to pay for (list off everything) and I couldn't afford it so it was best I bowed out and allowed her to find someone more suitable for the role' or something to that effect. I don't think anyone will disagree as you found on here. Anyone with half a brain cell will see what a parasite she is

bryaner · 19-07-2012, 18:34

Op you are a legend sleep well you have done nothing wrong

ABajaninCork · 19-07-2012, 19:58

Good girl!

Daisy M · 19-07-2012, 20:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by dipdipdoo

Well, I am no longer a bridesmaid, and, since we haven't spoken since, no longer a friend.

Work is a bit difficult, although we are both trying to remain professional. A couple of the mutual friends we had seem to have jumped my ship (the bride got to them fast) - I'm hearing rumblings about backstabbing, but I am trying to ignore it.

Thankfully, most of our friends are staying out of it, and I'm lucky enough to have some very old friends that I can always rely on.

You live and learn!

Well hopefully she will ask one of them to be bridesmaid in your place, sounds as though they deserve that particular role!!

I know it is hard for you at the moment but can you imagine how much more fedup you would be if you were still bridesmaid and expected to pay for so much and there is no doubt that the list would be an even longer one by the time the wedding actually came around.

**LizT** · 19-07-2012, 20:09

Fair play to you! As for the friends that jumped ship - their loss. If anyone tries to engage in b1tching, ignore it. Don't stoop to their level.

Are you still going to the wedding?

elvis jones · 19-07-2012, 21:35

Take some of the cash earmarked for queen fullyholes wedding and have a nice night out !

Life is too short for $hite like that !

happywithlife · 19-07-2012, 22:08

i think it is for the best you are now off the hook and no longer attending the wedding (at least i'm assuming you are no longer attending the wedding)
as someone else said, just keep it factual and with the dignity you've shown to date, just state you felt it best to give her the option of not having you as bridesmaid as you couldn't pay all that .... and leave it at that - don't keep talking or defending yourself.
as i said before, i'd be using the money saved for a nice spa day for myself the day of the wedding

can't wait for the atmosphere post wedding when the others realise they had to pay for their meal the day after .... methinks there'll be a few more on your side then

dub8 · 19-07-2012, 23:27

well done on how you handled everything , like others said , dont biatch about her too much to others , they will see for themselves eventually. And keep in mind , if she valued your friendship enough , she would have had a proper chat with you , without her sister to try and sort things out rather than the very immature approach she too xx

u_c_thesecond · 20-07-2012, 01:07

op im v proud of you

you did what i didnt do 2 years ago... my friend was not as straightforward as yours and she is still my friend.. a very good one now my weddings coming up

... but i still admire your guts... well done you

big hugs xxxx

Bid08 · 20-07-2012, 06:22

well done OP

Glad to hear you stood up for yourself
The 'mutual friends' will realise what a B*tch she is as im sure the next bridesmaid will have just as much hardship as you and if not they are just as bad as her and who needs 'friends' like that

clint_silver · 20-07-2012, 09:44

If anyone in work cares enough about you to ask what happened, they will, if they dont, then they dont matter in the first place. So if it looks like she has contaminated those people you thought were mutual friends, and those people havent come to you and asked you what happened, think again, they obviously werent friends of yours in the first place.

It will very quickly be forgotten about or if it is talked about, it will be just a thing that happened between "you" and "her", it should not be anything that will affect any other part of your life with anyone else socially or professionally. Maybe in time, she will see your side. While she was being selfish with this, you have said she is really nice apart from it, so chalk it down to getting caught up in the whole wedding thing, over time she may see sense and she may even read this post one day and you may be able to repair the friendship.

You absolutely and totally 100% done the right thing. If you ever need reassurance, come back to this post.

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19-07-2012, 17:56	#151
dipdipdoo Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 23 Adverts \| Friends	Well, I am no longer a bridesmaid, and, since we haven't spoken since, no longer a friend. Work is a bit difficult, although we are both trying to remain professional. A couple of the mutual friends we had seem to have jumped my ship (the bride got to them fast) - I'm hearing rumblings about backstabbing, but I am trying to ignore it. Thankfully, most of our friends are staying out of it, and I'm lucky enough to have some very old friends that I can always rely on. You live and learn!

19-07-2012, 18:02	#153
Bubblefett Registered User Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Gallifrey Posts: 2,006 Adverts \| Friends	I'm so glad your no longer her bridemaid- from what you said, it seems like no loss at all. And your wallet and mental health will be better without her. As for those friends who jumped to her ship, leave them to it. They'll get a shock when they get the bill for everything their new friend expects.

19-07-2012, 18:34	#155
bryaner Registered User Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Meath Posts: 3,062 Adverts \| Friends	Op you are a legend sleep well you have done nothing wrong

19-07-2012, 19:58	#156
ABajaninCork Registered User Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 4,159 Adverts \| Friends	Good girl!

19-07-2012, 20:09	#158
LizT You can't call me Betty Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Over there Posts: 19,322 Adverts \| Friends Mod: After Hours, TCH	Fair play to you! As for the friends that jumped ship - their loss. If anyone tries to engage in b1tching, ignore it. Don't stoop to their level. Are you still going to the wedding?

19-07-2012, 21:35	#159
elvis jones Registered User Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Going Forward Posts: 4,832 Adverts \| Friends	Take some of the cash earmarked for queen fullyholes wedding and have a nice night out ! Life is too short for $hite like that !

19-07-2012, 22:08	#160
happywithlife Registered User Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 244 Adverts \| Friends	i think it is for the best you are now off the hook and no longer attending the wedding (at least i'm assuming you are no longer attending the wedding) as someone else said, just keep it factual and with the dignity you've shown to date, just state you felt it best to give her the option of not having you as bridesmaid as you couldn't pay all that .... and leave it at that - don't keep talking or defending yourself. as i said before, i'd be using the money saved for a nice spa day for myself the day of the wedding can't wait for the atmosphere post wedding when the others realise they had to pay for their meal the day after .... methinks there'll be a few more on your side then

19-07-2012, 23:27	#161
dub8 Registered User Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 64 Adverts \| Friends	well done on how you handled everything , like others said , dont biatch about her too much to others , they will see for themselves eventually. And keep in mind , if she valued your friendship enough , she would have had a proper chat with you , without her sister to try and sort things out rather than the very immature approach she too xx

20-07-2012, 01:07	#162
u_c_thesecond Registered User Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Tipperary Posts: 725 Adverts \| Friends	op im v proud of you you did what i didnt do 2 years ago... my friend was not as straightforward as yours and she is still my friend.. a very good one now my weddings coming up ... but i still admire your guts... well done you big hugs xxxx

20-07-2012, 06:22	#163
Bid08 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 135 Adverts \| Friends	well done OP Glad to hear you stood up for yourself The 'mutual friends' will realise what a B*tch she is as im sure the next bridesmaid will have just as much hardship as you and if not they are just as bad as her and who needs 'friends' like that

20-07-2012, 09:44	#164
clint_silver Registered User Join Date: May 2004 Location: dublin Posts: 1,320 Adverts \| Friends	If anyone in work cares enough about you to ask what happened, they will, if they dont, then they dont matter in the first place. So if it looks like she has contaminated those people you thought were mutual friends, and those people havent come to you and asked you what happened, think again, they obviously werent friends of yours in the first place. It will very quickly be forgotten about or if it is talked about, it will be just a thing that happened between "you" and "her", it should not be anything that will affect any other part of your life with anyone else socially or professionally. Maybe in time, she will see your side. While she was being selfish with this, you have said she is really nice apart from it, so chalk it down to getting caught up in the whole wedding thing, over time she may see sense and she may even read this post one day and you may be able to repair the friendship. You absolutely and totally 100% done the right thing. If you ever need reassurance, come back to this post.