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I feel like I cant breathe

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  • 18-08-2014 3:18pm
    #1
    loh_oro
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭


    I'm a 19 yr old gay man and I really want to come out to my friends and family but I'm terrified I will be rejected. Lately I have been feeling so stressed sometimes as if I cant breathe with worry. I just need someone to talk to and be able to tell someone who I really am, I cant live a lie anymore


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    #2
    ekimiam
    Registered Users Posts: 163 ✭✭ekimiam


    hey bud, theres not much I can say but things will get better!
    have you ever heard of the switchboard? theres people you can talk to if you are feeling stressed about everything

    http://www.lgbt.ie/get-support.aspx

    take care


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,799 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    loh_oro wrote: »
    I'm a 19 yr old gay man and I really want to come out to my friends and family but I'm terrified I will be rejected. Lately I have been feeling so stressed sometimes as if I cant breathe with worry. I just need someone to talk to and be able to tell someone who I really am, I cant live a lie anymore

    Hi. Sorry to hear you are stressed and panicking. You obviously dont how your friends will react but honestly my guess it would be positive enough. Because of many anti homophobia campaigns in schools in recent years young people are much more tolerant than before. Of course there is a risk of some negative responses but a) you shouldnt let fears of that hold you back too much and b) maybe if a person reacts that badly they might not be the type of friend you need or want.

    The LGBT helpline should be able to give you some support. www.lgbt.ie

    If you are a student in a third level college the LGBT societies can be useful too.

    Belong To can also be a good source of help www.belongto.org

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    Mr.Frame
    Registered Users Posts: 766 ✭✭✭Mr.Frame


    gay switchboard dublin 018721055


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    #5
    qweerty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 367 ✭✭qweerty


    I was in a quite similar situation. I had been fine suppressing it, then started dating a guy which ended badly. After that, I felt like I had to tell people, but for various reasons was very reluctant to. I told one person, and the relief was huge. The urge to tell my whole address book quickly subsided!

    My advice in summary: pick one person, tell them, and see how it goes from there! :)


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    #6
    is mise spartacus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,027 ✭✭✭is mise spartacus


    qweerty wrote: »
    I was in a quite similar situation. I had been fine suppressing it, then started dating a guy which ended badly. After that, I felt like I had to tell people, but for various reasons was very reluctant to. I told one person, and the relief was huge. The urge to tell my whole address book quickly subsided!

    My advice in summary: pick one person, tell them, and see how it goes from there! :)

    Qweerty's advice is spot on! Worked for me.


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    #7
    loh_oro
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭loh_oro


    Thanks for all the advice :) ... So I decided that I was just going to get it over and done with because I realised that their really is nothing to be ashamed of and if people have a problem with it then that's their problem not mine. I don't think I have ever felt so happy and free in my life and every one has been so positive and supportive so far. I can finally be me!


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    #8
    qweerty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 367 ✭✭qweerty


    loh_oro wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice :) ... So I decided that I was just going to get it over and done with because I realised that their really is nothing to be ashamed of and if people have a problem with it then that's their problem not mine. I don't think I have ever felt so happy and free in my life and every one has been so positive and supportive so far. I can finally be me!

    Great! In the space of two days you've moved from one step behind me to several in front! Hope everything works out :)


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    #9
    fluffybiscuits
    Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭fluffybiscuits


    loh_oro wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice :) ... So I decided that I was just going to get it over and done with because I realised that their really is nothing to be ashamed of and if people have a problem with it then that's their problem not mine. I don't think I have ever felt so happy and free in my life and every one has been so positive and supportive so far. I can finally be me!

    And if it is any help tell a friend or two before hand. The closer friends are always good to have with you if ou are telling family just in case you need support. Let the family be for a few hours or days and let them ask question s then :)


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    #10
    loh_oro
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭loh_oro


    Hey again guys wondering if I can get some more advice from you. Right now the whole club scene really isn't my thing since its going to take me a while to get to that stage but I would really like to meet a guy to have a relationship with. Do you know any good places that would be good to try ? I'm just so happy to finally feel free and want to start correcting all the loneliness I have felt over the last few years


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    #11
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,799 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    loh_oro wrote: »
    Hey again guys wondering if I can get some more advice from you. Right now the whole club scene really isn't my thing since its going to take me a while to get to that stage but I would really like to meet a guy to have a relationship with. Do you know any good places that would be good to try ? I'm just so happy to finally feel free and want to start correcting all the loneliness I have felt over the last few years

    Maybe just take your time in looking for a relationship. Come along the meetup on the 30th as a start. You could also join some of the belong to youth groups.

    Do you have any specific interests? Sports? Music? Drama? Politics? Cinema? tell us what your interests/hobbies are

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #12
    Deranged96
    Registered Users Posts: 588 ✭✭✭Deranged96


    loh_oro wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice :) ... So I decided that I was just going to get it over and done with because I realised that their really is nothing to be ashamed of and if people have a problem with it then that's their problem not mine. I don't think I have ever felt so happy and free in my life and every one has been so positive and supportive so far. I can finally be me!

    Woah! :)
    well done! This time last year I was feeling lonely so I told two of my friends, both guys were really cool about it and it was one of the highest moments of my life :) Fair play to you for biting the bullet and just going for it. I can't even begin to imagine how happy you must be at the moment
    loh_oro wrote: »
    Hey again guys wondering if I can get some more advice from you. Right now the whole club scene really isn't my thing since its going to take me a while to get to that stage but I would really like to meet a guy to have a relationship with. Do you know any good places that would be good to try ? I'm just so happy to finally feel free and want to start correcting all the loneliness I have felt over the last few years

    This I can't offer any advice on but good luck! I imagine though that once you're out fully other gay (maybe closet) lads will just gravitate towards you


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    #13
    loh_oro
    Registered Users Posts: 104 ✭✭loh_oro


    Deranged96 wrote: »
    Woah! :)
    well done! This time last year I was feeling lonely so I told two of my friends, both guys were really cool about it and it was one of the highest moments of my life :) Fair play to you for biting the bullet and just going for it. I can't even begin to imagine how happy you must be at the moment



    This I can't offer any advice on but good luck! I imagine though that once you're out fully other gay (maybe closet) lads will just gravitate towards you

    I cant describe the feeling tbh. It just feels so good to have the shroud of lies I had around me to finally be broken and for me to finally be able to live my life the way I want is just incredable :D

    I hope so :)


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    #14
    fluffybiscuits
    Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭fluffybiscuits


    loh_oro wrote: »
    Hey again guys wondering if I can get some more advice from you. Right now the whole club scene really isn't my thing since its going to take me a while to get to that stage but I would really like to meet a guy to have a relationship with. Do you know any good places that would be good to try ? I'm just so happy to finally feel free and want to start correcting all the loneliness I have felt over the last few years

    Even better than the boards.ie meetups are the various groups that are out there. GCN has listings at the back of things like hillwaking group, swimmers, tennis, athletics and there are book clubs etc. There is also DIGS (Dublin International Gay Socials) and a few others listed on meetup.com . Pop into Outhouse as well as they sometimes have new groups that are forming like a book club. I started up a few groups myself years ago and it was a great way of bringing people together, if there is no group for your interest start one maybe!


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