Confused Depressed and Need Help

Hi, everyone.

Sorry about being away for so long. Life has a way of doing that, right?

Anyway, just so nervous at the moment. Tomorrow, after I've had lunch with my own family for Father's Day, I'll be going over to Billy's parents' house to meet them for the first time since all this happened.

I'm still so nervous. I'm alone tonight for a bit (Billy's gone to the cinema with some friends of his from his work and they're getting a drink or two after). I've spent the last 2 hours or so trying different shirt and tie combinations for tomorrow, running through everything in my head. I've only been making myself worse. A few minutes ago, my hands were shaking so badly I couldn't even tie the knot in the tie I was going to try. I know it will go fine. But I'm still nervous and I'm sure it will be a bit awkward at first.

A friend of mine who's a florist is going to do me a special bouquet lilly flowers for Billy's mum and I've gotten a bottle of Midleton for Billy's dad. It's not going to be anything as formal as a dinner or anything. I'm told it's just going to be coffee and having a chat and meeting up. I'm still putting so much emphasis on it, I'm making myself so nervous.

I know it will go fine, but I just worry excessively sometimes. Fingers crossed!

As for everything else, my nephew now has a name! They've called him Adam. He's still the cutest little thing ever. I just get a big smile on my face every time I think of him. I try to see him as often as I can. I don't want to be alone babysitting him just yet (I wouldn't have a clue what to do in an emergency or anything), so for the first few times I'm going to babysit, my mum is going to come with me. First time babysitting will be next week, to let my brother and sister in law go out for a little while and have a break.

In about a month, it's Billy's birthday. I have been working on small plans, but have no idea what to get him as his main present. I've been toying with some notions but really have no concrete idea. Seeing as it's the first birthday after we got together, I want to try and make it a little special.

Thanks again to everyone. I'll keep you all posted as to how tomorrow goes!

Hi, everyone. I'm meant to be doing some reports up for work, but I've finished them, so I'm just dossing about and said I'd let everyone know how yesterday went.

It went well. I have to say. I was so nervous and really felt like I was going to be under a microscope. It was actually a lot easier than I thought.

I got a handshake from both of his parents, and they liked the presents I brought for them. We talked a bit, but I found myself a lot more tongue-tied than I usually am.

His folks were honest about the whole thing. They are still not thrilled with the situation. But they're coming around more and more. They're seeing how happy Billy is now. They also know that I'm a good guy. They know that I make Billy happy. They know that Billy makes me happy. They seem to know that we make each other happy. They finally seem to accept that once Billy is happy, that is all that should matter to them.

I also put in an effort to make sure I presented myself well. Whenever I previously had contact with Billy's parents, I was in my usual "uniform" when I'm not in work. That would be a hoodie/football-jersey/rugby-jersey, jeans and runners. Last night, I had on a proper suit, shirt, tie and proper patent leather shoes. Maybe it was a bit overboard, but I wanted to make a good "first impression". Despite the fact that they've known me for years.

I guess it could have gone a bit better. But it could have gone so much worse. I don't think I'll be on their Christmas card list or anything. But I think they're happy enough with me being Billy's boyfriend.

For something I put so much stock into, it was something of an anti-climax. But that said, I'm happy that it is one more major hurdle done.

I met his brothers during that time too, and had a couple of minutes to talk to his older brother. He was much more open. I got a hug from him. He was happy to see me again, and even suggested meeting up for a drink or two soon. Was happy with that.

All in all, I was happy with how things went. Billy is very happy that I've finally gone to meet his parents. He didn't stop hugging me and thanking me all night! Though he did slag me all night over wearing the suit and being more quiet than usual.

Happy, very happy, at the moment!

Hi, everyone.

I've been swapping PM's with a few people, and it's been excellent. Getting help and trying to give it too! Thanks to everyone, too. Everyone is just so happy and lovely on here. Well most of the time.

It's been a grand couple of weeks too. Billy's parents have been in touch more often, and I think they're warming to me. They've realised I think that I'm not going to hurt Billy. I think they also see how in love we are. No point in being nasty about it. Which is good.

I met up with his older brother (he's just a little bit older than I am, ironically) for a drink earlier in the week. We just talked about everything. He was always a really sound, decent guy. He still is. We never really got to know each other well before this. So I suppose no time like the present. I asked him if he had any genuine problems with me going out with his younger brother. He didn't, other than just wanting me not to hurt him. Don't think that's likely to happen, in fairness!

I went to see a bit of Pride yesterday, too! I was pretty nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I had to go into the office yesterday for a bit, so I was in a work suit and had my briefcase with me. Probably looked a bit out of place. But it was great fun. Talked to a few people up there. Enjoyed talking with people and had a bit of a laugh. I was just gutted that Billy couldn't come up. He was in work. Next year I really want to go with him. And have a proper day of it. I only got to experience a couple of hours of it. Next year I will do it properly!

I'm also delighted that our holiday fund is well up there now! Still looking around the internet for places to go to in New York and for all the places to see. I have a couple of cousins and friends over there. We will have plenty of things to do. We're counting the days off. I seriously cannot wait for it.

Thanks again! Be safe and be happy.

Hi, all.

Wow. Seriously didn't realise it's been over 2 months since I last posted any kind of an update in here! Time has just flown by and everything is just still going so well! A good bit has happened in the interim, so I'll try not to forget anything!

First off, had my own birthday a couple of weeks ago on the 30th August. I'm 28 now, really into my late-20's now. Eep. But had an amazing weekend for it. Spent the Friday night at home with a few friends and just had a quiet one with them (lots of pizza, XBox and so on). Saturday was the proper bit of a knees-up with loads of friends and all my family. Way overdid it. Passed out in bed the minute I fell through the door. Then on Sunday, had one of the most amazing experiences I've ever had in Croke Park, watching Dublin v. Kerry. Absolutely stunning game. The nerves and the sweating from the game soon shifted the hangover!

Got a really nice surprise from my ex on Monday evening. She hadn't been able to make it out on the Saturday night, so she brought me out for a meal and just to chat and catch up. It was a really good night. She's doing really well and I'm so happy. She's equally as delighted that I'm doing so well. I love that we're still such good friends and that we are always going to be there for each other should anything go wrong.

We are also just back from our trip to New York! I'm jet-lagged to pieces, but luckily am not back in work until Thursday. Poor Billy is currently in work. Both our sleeping patterns are shot to ribbons. But it was so worth it.

One of the best trips I've ever been on. New York is so amazing, really and truly. It also was amazing as it was just us together for most of it. A gorgeous room overlooking Central Park. Breakfast, a proper New York breakfast, in a different café every morning. All the amazing buildings and history of the place. Met so many nice people there too. Had a couple of nights out in some proper New York nightclubs. But mostly we just spent time together, visiting some proper tourist spots and trying out all the New York cafés and restaurants!

Met up with a lot of our relations too. We met up with a cousin of my mum and her family. Absolutely the nicest people ever. Met cousins I never knew I had and had a blast with them. They loved Billy too, which was also great. He was a bit shy at first (he's naturally quite shy), but that soon went away. Met up with relations of Billy's too and had an equally fun time. I don't care what anyone says, a lot Americans are the most genuine, lovely, welcoming people you could ever hope to meet. That was our experience of it, anyway. We now have another standing invitation to come back to New York any time we want. After the wonderful week we had there, we cannot wait to go back!

An amusing incident at the hotel we were staying in too. When we were checking in, the receptionist was putting us into a room with twin beds. I casually corrected him and asked for a room with a double bed. He smiled a little and wrote something down while he was adjusting the booking. He handed me the slip of paper with the name and address of a bar on it. It was a gay-friendly bar that had a really nice vibe to it and that he went there a lot! Suggested we check it out. We did and it was actually a great bar! Delighted with random little bits of good luck like that!

I'm just totally in love with New York at the moment. It's just so exciting and vibrant. Was so worth it and of course the best moments were just spending time with Billy and seeing all the amazing things that New York has to offer together. I actually had tears in my eyes as I looked out the window of the plane as we were leaving and saw the city and Lady Liberty being left behind. The only thing is that I know for sure that we'll be going back!

As for life itself, it's all going well. Thankfully. My little nephew is just about 4 months old now. I'm still his main babysitter, and I'm able to do it alone now! No need for my mum to be there to supervise any more! I love spending time with him and I'm so glad that I get so many opportunities to do so.

The tl;dr version: I'm older, I've been to New York and back, it was brilliant, still loved up, still going strong. Life is good.

Sorry for being away for so long, and thanks again for reading!

Maxestling wrote: »

Was looking to see if anyone else was in a similar position to me when I stumbled across this, it wasn't what I expected and I had to read all your posts, it was so heartwarming to see true love blossom and it is so nice that it has worked out so well; you both deserve your happiness.
I really think to anyone who finds themselves in a similar position to yours it will be of great comfort to them to see that life doesn't end when you realise you are gay/bi. For me, iv been through the whole coming out experience when I was 17 and I was ok, I'm 25 now so it seems like a distant memory. I do however take comfort in your story as It shows life does get better, after being in a 4 year relationship with a guy who I thought was "the one" and it all to come crashing down around me I needed a story a happy outcome. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it really does give me hope, which is something I have very little of right now, after being cheated on a few times I had enough and left, moved out of his house with all my life boxed up and in bags. Luckily I have a house of my own which I purchased two years ago after an inheritance so here I am, in the house I thought I would never live in, alone, more alone that ever in my life, my dad died when I was 18 and my mom 2 years ago, older siblings that I'm not very close with, I feel like the last few years are worthless, I feel so much grief that I can't breath, I can't face unpacking, I can't face anything other than the wine!!! Small mercies and all that!!!!
I don't even know where I would begin putting my life back together, will I ever meet someone again, will I want to meet someone. I thought i was with someone who loved me and would never hurt me after being through so much but he did.
I just hope that anyone who is lucky enough to be in love and to be truly loved should cherish it, cherish the person they love, and whether that is gay, straight or bi it doesn't matter.

Hi,

first off, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. Truly I am. I can only hope that things get better for you. Just reading what you've been through is heart-breaking and I can only hope that you find your feet and find someone who will love and respect you.

I can truly say that both myself and Billy have found happiness. From where we started only a few short months ago, I cannot believe sometimes where we now find ourselves. He truly is my soul-mate. And I am his.

I was truly at the edge of a precipice not so long ago. A wonderful, long-term relationship with an amazing woman had ended. I was alone. I was in the closet. I was confused. I was scared for both my physical and mental health. I had tried to find solace in the arms of a man for anonymous sex. It was a disaster. I was at such a low ebb.

Fate, luck, karma, whatever has a way of sorting these things out sometimes. Were it not for a stupid, drunken night where I ended up professing my love for Billy, who knows where I'd be. Had that night not happened, I don't want to think where we would both be right now. Both still trapped in the closet, both unhappy, and so on. But through just sheer luck, we're now the two happiest guys you could ever hope to meet.

It is a cliché, but you will find that special someone. I had cried myself to sleep so many nights between the break up of my relationship with my ex and finally "finding" Billy. I felt alone. I felt like you. That I was a hopeless closet case who would never be happy with a woman, but who would never have the guts to find a man. Please, don't think like that.

It is hard. Depression is awful to deal with. It is a nightmare that nobody can understand fully unless they have been that soldier. But don't give up. Please, don't give up. There is that person for everyone. Sometimes it just takes that little bit longer to find them. Sometimes they're already in your life. You just need to realise it. Trust me, you will find someone.

I know I can't say much. I was so undeniably lucky in how things worked out for me. I never doubt that. But it can happen for everyone. Truly.

I am so glad that my own experiences are helping you. This is why I keep posting some updates. It helps me. It helps others, too. And this is why. If you can find some solace, some hope in what has happened to me, this is why I will keep posting.

I can only hope that my experiences help others. I can only hope that you manage to get your life back on track and find that special someone.

Best of luck, and a big hug.

So sorry to hear that, Ten. Not a nice thing to happen at all. Really sorry to hear that.

The line that got to me most is when you said you'll never see him again. That caught me. I'm so sorry for your trouble. Sincerely.

I can only imagine what state I'd be in if a similar situation happened to me. Wouldn't be a pleasant sight. Though thankfully I doubt it will happen.

I just hope that everyone finds that special someone before long.

Hi again, everyone.

I find it hard to believe as I write this, but it has been over a year since I first posted in here. My first post was in the early hours of the 12th of January, 2013. What has followed since then has undoubtedly been the best, happiest year of my entire life so far. So much has happened and has gone on in the past year. And one of the big reasons I love this thread is because it encapsulates it all. I love reading back over it sometimes, just remembering what was happening at the time, and how much better everything is now.

On the 31st, Friday night, it's what we've decided to be our "official" anniversary. On Friday night, it'll be one year since we started going out. We're stealing away for the weekend, down to Cork. We've a table booked for Friday night. It'll be good fun trying to beat it down the M7 from work Friday evening to get there!

But I'm so looking forward to it. We booked it all spur of the moment a few days ago, and we're like two giddy kids. The amount of time we've spent in the past while just murmuring all the lovey-dovey stuff to each other about how long we've been together, how happy we are and all that is a bit sickening (to the outside observer anyway!), but I wouldn't have it any other way!

For all the little difficulties and all the niggly little things that happened, it has been the best time of my life. I have never been so happy or contented as I have been for the last year or so. With Billy, I don't just have a boyfriend. I have my best friend too. To most outside observers who would see us, we would just look like really good friends. Until one of us gives the other a quick peck on the cheek or something.

To everyone in here who has read, replied and given advice, thank you. It means so much to me that I got so much support here. I couldn't have done half of what I did without some of the words of encouragement and support I got from here. Sincerely. You guys are just great and awesome. And I hope that maybe my life and the last year could be help and inspiration to someone if they are in a bad place. Just follow your heart, because sometimes it leads you to the right place!

All that aside; I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas and New Years! I know I did. It was wonderful.

We had an amazing Christmas, I'm not gonna lie. We got a little emotional on Christmas Eve. We both came home early that day and just spent the rest of it curled up on the sofa, talking and watching some films. Of course, leave it to me to start crying. I just got caught up in telling him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him. How special this Christmas was for me. Of course, once I started, he started. He said the same and we were just blubbering and hugging for ages.

Christmas Day was pure brilliance. Spent the morning up in my parents' home. All the family was there and it was just like the picture perfect Christmas. I spent most of the day one the floor, trying to coax Adam into crawling and helping him open all his presents!

For the early evening, myself and the brother both were going to our respective "in-laws". I still wasn't fully sure of how things were between all of us. Whether it was the Christmas spirit or what, it seems to be as close to fully healed and fully warm as it can get. Spent the evening and up to near midnight with Billy's family and just had a blast.

Me and Billy's mum even had a big deep, meaningful conversation alone together in the kitchen at one point. We both got a little tearful (what is it with me and getting over-emotional? ). But she said she was just initially worried about Billy, as a mother would do about her child. She didn't know what to expect or how to react. She was worried about who Billy would end up with. She actually said to me that she was so relieved when she found out who Billy's boyfriend was. She gave me a hug and just asked that we do our best to be happy together. It was one of those moments where I just felt the relief wash over me.

The above makes my initial furious reaction to what happened between Billy and his folks seem very stupid now.

New Years was just too much fun. We descended upon the city centre (me, Billy and a load of our friends) like an overdressed avalanche and drank ourselves silly. I may have puked into the Grand Canal on the way home. You stay classy, Tito.

So yeah. There you have it. Who the hell knew that in one year from when I started posting that I'd be where I am now. It's been one amazing year for me, and I only hope it will keep getting better!

Be safe and be happy, everyone!

Hi, everyone!

yawhat! wrote: »

Whhhaaat?

Paddy C wrote: »

I don't understand? What's wrong?

Unless yawhat! knows me in real life and doesn't know I'm gay. Maybe I shouldn't put personal info that could reveal who I am up here.

Alfasudcrazy wrote: »

Well it was such a sweet story with a happy ending and long may it continue. Thanks for the update - when can I buy the film rights?:P

€1,000,000 to the highest bidder!

Ten of Swords wrote: »

Congratulations Tito Man, enjoy your anniversary.

Out of curiosity, has Billy ever seen this thread?

CKonetheonlyone wrote: »

I was just wondering same Ten. :pac:

And no. No he hasn't. I don't know if I'll ever show him this. Maybe I will. I don't know how happy he'd be about it, even though it is all innocent and I only came here for advice and help, and now feel that it is really good for me to continue letting people know how things are. But that's something I'd have to think long and hard about!


The anniversary went really well! We both couldn't really believe that it was a whole year since everything happened. But it's been the best year of our lives and we couldn't be happier!