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Engagement Ring

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245

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    #32
    Shivers26
    Closed Accounts Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Shivers26


    LolaDub you have pretty much hit the nail on the head with all of that.

    I am hurt he didnt pick it himself. He took a chance and it didnt work out.

    He said he just wanted me to be happy and have a ring I loved - he told me to get it upgraded to whatever I wanted (which I didnt - I had the diamond traded to reduce cost, I used some of the metal from the original ring as well and he said he was happy to pay for it. He did this knowing he was due to have a 'bonus' lets say in this weeks wages.

    We already have a house and I would be happy to go to the Regisry office and a restaurant for my wedding so not a massive issue there.

    We'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out I suppose


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    #33
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    Only someone materialist would think that is cheap for an engagement ring
    I don't think Moonbaby means "cheap" in a derogatory sense, moreso that €1,800 is a reasonable price for an engagement ring in the greater scheme of things - i.e. there are engagement rings which cost several times that...


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    #34
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    kayos wrote: »
    dp = da partner?

    Definitely Pecked?


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    #35
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    Shivers26 wrote: »
    LolaDub you have pretty much hit the nail on the head with all of that.

    I am hurt he didnt pick it himself. He took a chance and it didnt work out.

    He said he just wanted me to be happy and have a ring I loved - he told me to get it upgraded to whatever I wanted (which I didnt - I had the diamond traded to reduce cost, I used some of the metal from the original ring as well and he said he was happy to pay for it. He did this knowing he was due to have a 'bonus' lets say in this weeks wages.

    We already have a house and I would be happy to go to the Regisry office and a restaurant for my wedding so not a massive issue there.

    We'll just have to wait and see how it all pans out I suppose

    Well shivers i'd just say you need to say all that to him, from the additional info you've given it sounds like he agreed to it all and then when its timeJust put it to him that you appreciate he was trying to do something nice with his original idea but you would have preferred it to be more personal and for him to have picked it himself but as you agreed on this way to fix/alter it you don't understand why he's unhappy now and could he explain it?

    It might be some sort of wedding jitters that are manifesting themselves here,you never know until you talk to him, good luck!


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    #36
    jaycen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭jaycen


    Moonbaby wrote: »

    400 is extremely cheap for an engagement ring given average salaries.
    Even 1800 is cheap.

    No, it's not. Guess your fella (idiot) would be better just signing the house over, from the sound of it, that's where it'd end.
    With that kind of attitude you should come with a warning label on your forehead.


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    #37
    Zulu
    Registered Users Posts: 10,965 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    Shivers26 wrote: »
    .... anyway, thr ring was not the best. It was a nice ring but it didnt look anything like an enagagement ring.
    It is what it is - an engagement ring. Age changes the look of all things.
    I know I would have never have worn it as an engagement ring
    Why not? Seriously, why not? Was it so hideous, or was it because it looked like it was only worth €400?
    So here is the problem. The ring is ready this week and DP now informs me that he doesnt want to pay for the ring (€1400). Can I see will the jeweller take installments... I mean wtf??
    Can he afford an additional €1400 on the €400 he's paid this month? €1400 is a lot to spend in one month for a lot of people.
    The original ring cost approx €400.
    So what? Who cares how much it cost?
    I am so hurt by his attitude.
    Well you've trippled the overall cost of the ring, why are you upset by his attitude?
    Would you have been happier if he spent more by any chance?
    At least if its a ring I love I will wear it forever.
    It's him you should love.
    I feel like he is being really mean.
    Are you going to buy him a gift for €1800? Are do you just expect him to fork out that amount without grumbling?
    Its not as if its wildly expensive and I know he has the money so why is he being so stingy?
    So, really, your pissed off because he wouldn't spend more on you.
    At least be honest.
    I just feel as if I am worthless to him now.
    Money doesn't buy love. How much he spends is no reflection of how much he loves you. Where did you get that idea? Perhaps Mr Jones next door love his OH way more - what with the massive rock, the car, and the trips to the spa....
    Moonbaby wrote: »
    400 is extremely cheap for an engagement ring given average salaries. Even 1800 is cheap.
    So how much is ok to spend on a ring?
    <warning trick question>
    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    Only someone materialist would think that is cheap for an engagement ring, the ring is a symbol of commitment, it would still be a sign comment where it was a ring from a barn brack or from tiffanys.
    +1 Exactly.
    My friends engagement ring cost €150 and i have another few friends who dont have engagement rings but have been married for years.
    Happily no doubt.


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    #38
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    jaycen wrote: »
    No, it's not. Guess your fella (idiot) would be better just signing the house over, from the sound of it, that's where it'd end.
    With that kind of attitude you should come with a warning label on your forehead.
    I think you've misread Moonbaby:
    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=57584313&postcount=33


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    #39
    c - 13
    Registered Users Posts: 5,584 ✭✭✭c - 13


    pseudonym1 wrote: »
    Well I really hope you both get over it and live happily ever after.. but I am sure he should have picked the ring or it was something you both looked at together.
    Seems to me its not certain this is what ye both want- sounds like ye should take a step back. why settle?

    Good idea why just settle for an upgraded ring ? Perhaps she can upgrade her "DP" too :D:pac:


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    #40
    engrish?
    Registered Users Posts: 911 ✭✭✭engrish?


    Shivers26 wrote: »
    So here is the story - It was my birthday last month and DP proposed (together 3.5 years). I kinda had a feeling that he was going to.... anyway, thr ring was not the best. It was a nice ring but it didnt look anything like an enagagement ring. A friend of his was in Israel and he got it for DP so he didnt even pick it himself! DP though he could spend the same as here but get something far more spectacular - the guy who got the ring just took a chance.

    Anyway, I couldnt lie to DP and pretend I liked the ring because I know I would have never have worn it as an engagement ring so I told him the truth. He was very hurt but he got over it. Anyway, I have an acquantaince who is a jeweller so I suggested we bring the ring to him to see can we get it reset or something so it would be the same ring essentially. Jeweller took the ring, upgraded the diamond and reset it.

    So here is the problem. The ring is ready this week and DP now informs me that he doesnt want to pay for the ring (€1400). Can I see will the jeweller take installments... I mean wtf?? The original ring cost approx €400. I am so hurt by his attitude. At least if its a ring I love I will wear it forever. I feel like he is being really mean. Its not as if its wildly expensive and I know he has the money so why is he being so stingy? I just feel as if I am worthless to him now.

    Thoughts? Opinions?
    Just as an aside - we are very happy generally, dont really argue, I love him dearly.... I think this ring is cursed or something!

    Sorry about the long post, thanks for reading


    Wow, engaged at 26!!!!


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    #41
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    Solitaryman666 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    Err...do you really think she will be wearing the ring for the rest of her life? They cant even decided if they are engaged or not and the OP is on the interweb whining about about her darling partner, rather then sitting down and having a rational discussion

    Failure waiting to happen IMO


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    #42
    Dudess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    engrish? wrote: »
    Wow, engaged at 26!!!!
    What's so amazing about that?


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    #43
    Glowing
    Registered Users Posts: 2,851 ✭✭✭Glowing


    I'd be mostly pi$$ed off that he didn't make the effort to pick it out himself ... doesn't matter what it cost in the end.

    How the hell could you trust a friend to pick out something that's so personal .... like getting a friend to pick out some underwear for your girlfriend! :O


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    #44
    pseudonym1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,092 ✭✭✭pseudonym1


    c - 13 wrote: »
    Good idea why just settle for an upgraded ring ? Perhaps she can upgrade her "DP" too :D:pac:

    Yep - no piont in settling with somone when there is someone better suited out there - that applys to both partys.


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    #45
    jaycen
    Closed Accounts Posts: 178 ✭✭jaycen


    Glowing wrote: »
    I'd be mostly pi$$ed off that he didn't make the effort to pick it out himself ... doesn't matter what it cost in the end.

    How the hell could you trust a friend to pick out something that's so personal .... like getting a friend to pick out some underwear for your girlfriend! :O


    I'd have to agree there, even from the male pov that's a bit Oirish! :rolleyes:


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    #46
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Theres upgrading, and then theres upgrading. An 'upgrade' would be another couple of hundred quid to change the style, not quadrupling the price of the ring by changing it completely. What youve done it sounds to me, is buy a new ring, with a few bits of the old one thrown on for peace sake.

    Youve got two wrongs here. Your DP (discount proposer?) bought a ring in a way that was supposed to be a cost cutting bargain, instead of a rosemantic gesture. He didnt even choose it. So one strike against him.
    You then go way above budget in rectifying the problem, (he must have been in keep-her-happy mode when he agreed) and hurt his feelings as well, though how, I cannot understand. Its not as if his taste was being called into question. So anyway, theres a black mark for you.

    And in the midst of all this we now have a jeweller owed 1400 euro. Someone has to pay the guy. You say youd be willing to pay it only your bf wouldnt agree? So what does he expect to happen, you leave the ring in the shop?

    I say pay the bill yourself. I doubt youll get to take the ring out till its paid for, I dont know many shops that can take the risk of doing that. But however you arrange it, you pay for it and wear the ring YOU wanted. Then sort out the hurt feelings with your bf. Both of you were partially wrong here, so youre pretty much even, as I see it. You will need to be able to get over what is a pretty small and purely monetary issue, before you consider getting hitched with all the ups and downs that will entail.


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    #47
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Glowing wrote: »
    I'd be mostly pi$$ed off that he didn't make the effort to pick it out himself ... doesn't matter what it cost in the end.
    How the hell could you trust a friend to pick out something that's so personal .... like getting a friend to pick ut some underwear for your girlfriend! :O

    Because most blokes would be thinking about other trivial things: like the fact that they want to spend their life with this person and maybe have kids with them. Rather than thinking that the whole deal hinges on piece of jewelery that they are 50% likely to lose down the sink by their third anniversary anyway.


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    #48
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    stovelid wrote: »
    Because most blokes would be thinking about other trivial things: like the fact that they want to spend their life with this person and maybe have kids with them. Rather than thinking that the whole deal hinges on piece of jewelery that they are 50% likely to lose down the sink by their third anniversary anyway.

    Woops, sounds like you are speaking from experience there :)

    anyway, i agree with you, its only a piece of metal


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    #49
    Shivers26
    Closed Accounts Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Shivers26


    Zulu - so many questions!

    It just didnt look like an engagement ring. It had a wide chunky band of both white & yellow 18ct gold with a 0.2ct diamond set into the band. It was too big and wide and I just didnt like it! Would you were something every day that you didnt like?

    The fact that it cost €400 is of no relevance - it didnt look cheap by any means it just didnt look like an engagement ring.

    He had the bonus this month to cover it and he planned it that way. I dont know why I took exception to him paying installments either - maybe its not such a big deal.

    I dont care how much the ring costs - I care what it looks like! I am supposed to wear it every day for the rest of my life! The price of the ring would not matter one bit (seriously) - its the look of it I didnt like.

    pink fluffy bunny - one sticky point in a wonderful, happy relationship does not a failure make. Your name is very deceptive :p

    No need to upgrade DP. I love him to bits.


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    #50
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    stovelid wrote: »
    Because most blokes would be thinking about other trivial things: like the fact that they want to spend their life with this person and maybe have kids with them. Rather than thinking that the whole deal hinges on piece of jewelery that they are 50% likely to lose down the sink by their third anniversary anyway.
    Ahem. Cynical viewpoint? Most marriages, and therefore engagement rings, last about 7 years max, these days. Some enterprising jewellers should make them part exchange.


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    #51
    challengemaster
    Registered Users Posts: 16,931 ✭✭✭✭challengemaster


    You say you're hurt by the way he's acting? He proposed to you. EH, HELLO?!?
    Seems to me you care more about the price of the ring than you do about the fact you're meant to be getting married to this guy. Grow up.


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    #52
    LolaDub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,181 ✭✭✭LolaDub


    Eh i think everyone is totally misreading moonbaby's post! In this day and ages 1800 isn't considered extortionate for an engagement ring


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    #53
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    Woops, sounds like you are speaking from experience there :)

    Nah. Still some time left to go, but. :D


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    #54
    Shivers26
    Closed Accounts Posts: 639 ✭✭✭Shivers26


    It was never about the price of the ring, honestly. It has just become about the price of the ring, or the fact that hurt feeling are coming out now.

    I think the best thing would be to have a nice sensible chat. Arrange installments and pay it off together, that will give things time to settle down again plus nobody will be hugely out of pocket in one week / month.

    Sensible? I hope so. I love him to bits, I just cant believe it has all turned into this.


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    #55
    Shelflife
    Registered Users Posts: 3,073 ✭✭✭Shelflife


    From a male perspective i find the whole senario bizzare, first he got someone else to buy the ring and 2nd that he only spent €400 on it.

    considering that it was a birthday present as well it smacks of stingyness on a grand scale. im not one for spending vast amounts foolishly, but an engagement ring is a statement and i wouldnt dream of giving my fiance a ring worth $400 as an engagement ring.

    Imo his friend was aked to pick up a nice ring and overspent, then dp tried to save a few euros and say it was an engaement ring.

    From the upgrade pov i would be upset if the ring i gave wasnt good enough and she upgraded it.

    for an engagement ring the girl should really pick it out herself from a price range that the dp has arranged with the jeweller.


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    #56
    Honey-ec
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,844 ✭✭✭Honey-ec


    stovelid wrote: »
    Rather than thinking that the whole deal hinges on piece of jewelery that they are 50% likely to lose down the sink by their third anniversary anyway.

    I lost mine 3 weeks before the wedding...


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    #57
    Kinetic^
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,249 ✭✭✭✭Kinetic^


    Look, if you're like this now over a poxy fùcking ring then don't marry him as you don't seem to be happy with the way he does things.


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    #58
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    LolaDub wrote: »
    Eh i think everyone is totally misreading moonbaby's post! In this day and ages 1800 isn't considered extortionate for an engagement ring

    If my OP handed me a ring that cost €400, i would march him back down to the jewellar and demand a refund, i would have that ring about 2 weeks before it was lost

    and OP, your ring sounds exactly like my friends engagement ring. TBH i love it because it doesnt look like an engagement ring, may be me and my friend just arent sheep


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    #59
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Shelflife wrote: »
    Imo his friend was aked to pick up a nice ring and overspent, then dp tried to save a few euros and say it was an engaement ring.

    OOOH! Contraversial! She did say she was kind of expecting the proposal though.

    Only an incredibly naive guy would try to save money by getting engaged :D

    Makes me glad I'm not going down that road ;)


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    #60
    Zulu
    Registered Users Posts: 10,965 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    LolaDub wrote: »
    Eh i think everyone is totally misreading moonbaby's post! In this day and ages 1800 isn't considered extortionate for an engagement ring
    Perhaps. It doesn't make it cheap though. That is the point.
    Just because you; you and all your friends; you, all your friends and the cast of sex in the city think it's "not extraordinary" doesn't make it ok.
    Fact is, there are a lot of women out there that expect a ring of certain quality. There are women out there that would be disgusted to be the recipient of a "cheap" ring which wouldn't out class their friends.
    The question is, is Shivers one of these people?

    Initially I taught so, now I'm not so sure she didn't misrepresent herself in her initial post.
    Shivers26 wrote: »
    Would you were something every day that you didnt like?
    :) To be honest, probably not - but I'm a materialistic pig.
    Joking aside, I would if my OH picked it out for me. However, for some demented reason, your OH is a moron, and has gotten you in an awful pickle.
    I'd have suggested getting a chain for the original ring an worn it as a necklace, and then suggested going halves on a really nice christmas present, that looked like an engagement ring.
    To late for that advice though - sorry,
    He had the bonus this month to cover it and he planned it that way. I dont know why I took exception to him paying installments either - maybe its not such a big deal.
    Ah, thats the way arguments go. In the heat of things we can pick the wrong facts/sentiments to cling to.


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    #61
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    pink fluffy bunny wrote: »
    If my OP handed me a ring that cost €400, i would march him back down to the jewellar and demand a refund, i would have that ring about 2 weeks before it was lost

    And this wouldn't hurt his feelings? Taking things to the other extreme I think...


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