The Fathers Thread

Spiderman80884 · 02-03-2009 9:27pm

Mrs. Spidey will be 10 weeks preggers on Wednesday. It's a case of hopefully third time lucky in our case and I am nervous as hell! We didn't even get to this stage on the first one so I never really had the chance to get used to the idea (though we had been trying for a while) as such. The second we went to 17 weeks, so went through the whole 'excitement' process all the way up to that point.

Now here we are again and while I am desperately trying to look forward to the third member of our family arriving in September it just feels like it's too far away all things considered, and I am wishing my life away.

That said, there is nothing like the first scan. That little heartbeat pumping away like a jackhammer on jet fuel! Just wish I wasn't so bloody apprehensive.

Trev M · 03-03-2009 11:39am

Hey Spidey ,
Sorry to hear about that , I guess the worst of it is that ya feel powerless to do anything...obviously being a super hero thats goota be frustrating;) None the less I wish ya the best of luck that things go well for you and Mrs Spidey.

Kimono-Girl · 03-03-2009 2:57pm

HJ Simpson wrote: »

Yeah my wife felt the twins kick for the first time yesterday 20 weeks! She put my hand on her belly to feel it too and I felt a slight movement. Its amazing!

im thinking im hosting a soccer team! i felt it kick from outside for the first time last night when i had my hand on my belly! im 21 weeks thursday, i could hardly wait till work this morning just so i could talk about it! (i live alone)

now it won't stop kicking! it's really pounding at me right now! everyone in work is after getting all excited too!

RobAMerc · 04-03-2009 10:50pm

we had the 20 weeks scan on friday - its a boy !

sorry I just had to tell someone as we're not going public.

my eyes filled up and I could hardly contain myself - it was fantastic to see him swimming about

BrookieD · 04-03-2009 10:54pm

Robamerc
fair play to you both, many congrats, we have our 20 weeks scan week monday so looking forward to it all again.

Spiderman80884 · 05-03-2009 8:06pm

RobAMerc wrote: »

we had the 20 weeks scan on friday - its a boy !

sorry I just had to tell someone as we're not going public.

my eyes filled up and I could hardly contain myself - it was fantastic to see him swimming about

We are about 10 weeks behind you. The first scan (8 weeks) all we saw really was a peanut with a heartbeat. Just got a 10 week scan done yesterday and we have a bigger peanut (with a head) and a heartbeat!

All good so far.

Btw, at 20 weeks, why the secrecy?

RobAMerc · 05-03-2009 10:06pm

Spiderman80884 wrote: »

Btw, at 20 weeks, why the secrecy?

We're brother and sister.

Only kidding

- sorry, we're keeping the sex a secret, not the fact she's pregnant, we're telling the world about that !

gowayouttadat · 05-03-2009 10:13pm

RobAMerc wrote: »

Only kidding - sorry, we're keeping the sex a secret, not the fact she's pregnant, we're telling the world about that !

Is that very hard to do??

I didn't want to find out but we're going for a 3D scan so will probably see something then. I want to try and keep it quiet. I know my dad really doesn't want to know until we have the baby but I think I'll burst if I know and can't tell anyone!

RobAMerc · 05-03-2009 10:49pm

gowayouttadat wrote: »

Is that very hard to do??

a bit - got to be on edge when your talking about "it" not to say he or she - but people only ask once then leave it as they know its very personal

not telling my partner would be tough though!

embee · 06-03-2009 12:44am

gowayouttadat wrote: »

Is that very hard to do??

Not at all. I kept it a secret from everyone at work, most of my mates, my brother and my Dad (my sister and Mam wanted to know).

All you have to do is refer to the baby as ...well, "the baby". I never, even in private, referred to the baby as "her" or "she"... kept "the baby" in my head.

I remember when we'd had our 3D scan.... everyone at work knew I was having the scan with the soul intention of gender determination. Went into work the next day, and it went like this :

Workmate : Well!!! How was the scan?!
Me : Everything's grand, ten fingers, ten toes etc.
Workmate : Well.... come on, did you find out the sex?!
Me : I did.
Workmate : AND?!
Me : Haha, that's a secret for me and himself only

Workmate : I BET it's a boy!!!!
Me : *shrug*
Workmate : A GIRL THEN!!!
Me : *shrug*
Workmate : Aaah come on, are you really not telling?!
Me : Nope!
Workmate : ARGH! You suck. Hurrah baby though!
Me : Hurrah indeed \o/

Had that conversation endlessly from October until January, when my Maternity Leave started. They'd even say "Oh, I bought you the most gorgeous little blue/pink outfit for the baby" and I'd be like "you should have gotten yellow, green or white. Neutral!"

They tried everything to find out, but if you're determined to keep it a secret, then you will

Joey the lips · 06-03-2009 8:29am

embee wrote: »

Not at all. I kept it a secret from everyone at work, most of my mates, my brother and my Dad (my sister and Mam wanted to know).

All you have to do is refer to the baby as ...well, "the baby". I never, even in private, referred to the baby as "her" or "she"... kept "the baby" in my head.

I remember when we'd had our 3D scan.... everyone at work knew I was having the scan with the soul intention of gender determination. Went into work the next day, and it went like this :

Workmate : Well!!! How was the scan?!
Me : Everything's grand, ten fingers, ten toes etc.
Workmate : Well.... come on, did you find out the sex?!
Me : I did.
Workmate : AND?!
Me : Haha, that's a secret for me and himself only
Workmate : I BET it's a boy!!!!
Me : *shrug*
Workmate : A GIRL THEN!!!
Me : *shrug*
Workmate : Aaah come on, are you really not telling?!
Me : Nope!
Workmate : ARGH! You suck. Hurrah baby though!
Me : Hurrah indeed \o/

Had that conversation endlessly from October until January, when my Maternity Leave started. They'd even say "Oh, I bought you the most gorgeous little blue/pink outfit for the baby" and I'd be like "you should have gotten yellow, green or white. Neutral!"

They tried everything to find out, but if you're determined to keep it a secret, then you will

Your will get causgt when you refere to it. YTou will say he one day!!!!

Im think its a good idea knowing that way you dont have to paint the room 3 times just twice

BrookieD · 06-03-2009 9:05am

On my first we had to have a scan and a Amniocentesis which told us the sex of the baby after testing. My wife did not want to know so i asked the Doc who duly informed me it was a Boy. I the said there is now way you will get this from me i am great at keeping a secret.

So cue two hours later on the phone to my mum and blurted out " Sure you will be getting a grandson" in front of the wife!!!!! all red faced i then said "or grand daughter" cat was out of the bag thus she called me all the stupid so and so's under the sun.

This time round we shall get our little peanuts sex and i am under major pressure to keep it between me, the wife and no one else. Still if i get to three hours it should be a good run for me :-)

gowayouttadat · 06-03-2009 10:10am

Haha thanks everyone. We don't know the sex at the moment but we both still have an awful habit of referring to the baby as he for some reason so we'd probably get away with it that way anyway. We'll have to wait and see I suppose!
I really didn't want to know, I thought it'd be a nice surprise at the end of it all but I know I'm changing my mind. Curiosity is getting the better of me

Melion · 06-03-2009 2:18pm

We still havent decided if we're going to find out the sex, not too sure what to do.

Tabnabs · 06-03-2009 3:21pm

gowayouttadat wrote: »

we both still have an awful habit of referring to the baby as he for some reason so we'd probably get away with it that way anyway.

I think that's extremely common, we do the same. The nurse wasn't 100% certain as junior was being awkward on the day of our 20 week scan so we keep referring to it as 'he', but then quickly have to correct ourselves and include 'she' just in case...

Joey the lips · 06-03-2009 5:57pm

Dyflin wrote: »

I think that's extremely common, we do the same. The nurse wasn't 100% certain as junior was being awkward on the day of our 20 week scan so we keep referring to it as 'he', but then quickly have to correct ourselves and include 'she' just in case...

Quite common so we refered to the baby as a she and everyone thought we knew the sex. It turned out to be a boy. It will be his ma's fault if he is messed up.

Spiderman80884 · 07-03-2009 4:35am

Joey the lips wrote: »

Quite common so we refered to the baby as a she and everyone thought we knew the sex. It turned out to be a boy. It will be his ma's fault if he is messed up.

Just don't call him Sue then! Will definitely be helpul to him further on down the line if you don't call him Sue.

Joey the lips · 07-03-2009 9:55am

Spiderman80884 wrote: »

Just don't call him Sue then! Will definitely be helpul to him further on down the line if you don't call him Sue.

Worse: Joe! he is no carpenter more involved in demolishion

EKRIUQ · 11-03-2009 11:08pm

EKRIUQ wrote: »

My self and the dear wife just had a positive to result on the Clear Blue test this morning about 4am:)

After 3 1/2 years and wondering why it wasn't happening we decided to get a little bit of help and on our first attempt of IUI we seem to hit the jackpot, still sinking in. I've only ever looked at the "Trying to Conceive" forum before, but now I'm after upgrading to the Pregnant forum!.

Next thing now a scan on the 16th of Feb

Sadly, I wish I could delete that post, as excitableness of that post is replaced with sadness today.

Quackles · 11-03-2009 11:47pm

EKRIUQ wrote: »

Sadly, I wish I could delete that post, as excitableness of that post is replaced with sadness today.

I'm so sorry for you both.. hope that joy returns again sooner rather than later. Take care of each other.

Trev M · 12-03-2009 6:25pm

EKRIUQ wrote: »

Sadly, I wish I could delete that post, as excitableness of that post is replaced with sadness today.

Sad news indeed, hope you guys cope ok and as Quackles says hope the joy returns to you both sooner rather than later . Stay strong brother, hope ya have someone to lean on.

Nevyn · 13-03-2009 1:06am

EKRIUQ the mods are not with out compassion, if you want the post edited just pm one of us or post here.

Spiderman80884 · 13-03-2009 11:57am

EKRIUQ wrote: »

Sadly, I wish I could delete that post, as excitableness of that post is replaced with sadness today.

So sorry to hear that EKRUIQ. Our thoughts are with you.

I wish there was something more constructive I could say to you but having been there myself I know that there is not a lot that can be said.

EKRIUQ · 13-03-2009 8:53pm

Thaedydal wrote: »

EKRIUQ the mods are not with out compassion, if you want the post edited just pm one of us or post here.

Thaedydal, I'm sure mods have plenty of compassion

I don't really want the post deleted it was me more thinking out loud but typing as well, thanks people for your comments been a bit of a hard week but I don't really care about my self it's my wife I feel for.

Son_of_Belial · 18-03-2009 12:49pm

Hi folks, I have a question first of all, and then I'll explain my situation. Here goes: How common is it for unmarried and pregnant women to decide they are "no longer in love" with the father of their child/their partner? Have any of you experienced/witnessed this? What happened?
Here's my story:
I've been with my girlfriend for three years. We lived together in an apartment for the last 10 months but then needed to move back home to our respective parents' houses - she says it's because she could no longer handle the stairs (no lift/elevators). She is now six months' pregnant. Two weeks ago she told me she needed some space to think things out and how she felt about me and our relationship. On Sunday, she broke up with me, telling me she would "always love me", but was "no longer IN love with me". I have pleaded, cajoled and begged her to reconsider, that we could try and work something out but she seems fairly adamant. All she would concede is that she doesn't know how she will feel a few months down the line, (it took me forever to get her to say even that much) but for now she says the likelihood of a reconciliation is extremely remote. She wants to remain friends, and wants to do things together like meet up for coffee etc. because (as she says) I'm her best friend, no one else knows her like I do, and she never wants me out of her life or the life of our little girl. She says I can go to scans, be at the birth etc. but that's as far as it goes. She did actually suggest that we do the whole "friends with benefits" idea (continue to have sex together even though we're no longer a couple) which I vetoed straight off the bat. For the record, if it helps, she's 22 - I'm 26. Everyone says "oh it's her hormones" she'll come round etc., but she claims she began to have doubts about us just before she fell pregnant. Should I listen to these people and stick it out, just (in a sense) start from scratch, take her out to dinner and whatever "as friends" and see what happens? Should I give up on her, start seeing other people and accept that I'm destined to be a single dad? Up until only a month ago or so she had us saving to buy a house, I was secretly paying money off on an engagement ring... Basically do any of you have experience of this? Is it really a hormonal thing? Should I honestly just throw in the towel, or stick by her and, to all intents and purposes start "dating" her again, even though she swears there is no hope and her mind is made up? (She is extremely stubborn!) Comments? Questions? Abuse?! Send them this way...

beth-lou · 18-03-2009 4:39pm

Sorry to hear about your situation.

It could be the hormones combined with the reality of a pregnancy and all the responsibility that brings. I did have serious bouts of feeling absolute disdain for my hubby while pregnant the first two times and by my third pregnancy I recognised that this was a bit of a pattern. silly things drove me mad, and i'm normally a very passive person, but at times I was a slave to my emotions. I managed to keep a lid on it though and it did pass. So it could very well be a phase, although I couldn't say for sure as every relationship is different.

I would give her space though, a cooling off period to let the reality of her decision sink in and to let her get her thoughts together. You might actually push her further away by putting pressure on her and the best thing might be to back off. The decision to veto the friends with benefits idea was a wise one. All or nothing, with a commitment to your daughter is the best that you can and should offer. Otherwise you will be left hanging on and she may never have to face the reality of what she thinks she wants.

Give her space, give yourself space and hope for the best. It may all work out in the end. She might just be a bit spooked. I really hope it does work out for you, be good to yourself and be firm about your stance too.

Best of luck. x

beth-lou · 18-03-2009 4:41pm

So sorry for you and your wife EKRIUQ .
I know they don't mean much but my deepest sympathies to you both.

Son_of_Belial · 18-03-2009 8:48pm

beth-lou wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your situation.

It could be the hormones combined with the reality of a pregnancy and all the responsibility that brings. I did have serious bouts of feeling absolute disdain for my hubby while pregnant the first two times and by my third pregnancy I recognised that this was a bit of a pattern. silly things drove me mad, and i'm normally a very passive person, but at times I was a slave to my emotions. I managed to keep a lid on it though and it did pass. So it could very well be a phase, although I couldn't say for sure as every relationship is different.

I would give her space though, a cooling off period to let the reality of her decision sink in and to let her get her thoughts together. You might actually push her further away by putting pressure on her and the best thing might be to back off. The decision to veto the friends with benefits idea was a wise one. All or nothing, with a commitment to your daughter is the best that you can and should offer. Otherwise you will be left hanging on and she may never have to face the reality of what she thinks she wants.

Give her space, give yourself space and hope for the best. It may all work out in the end. She might just be a bit spooked. I really hope it does work out for you, be good to yourself and be firm about your stance too.

Best of luck. x

Thanks beth-lou - I'm going to try what you've been saying. I'm supposed to be meeting her for coffee tomorrow, and then dinner on Friday week, so I reckon if I give her space as you suggested it might work out. She rang me there to tell me about her day and she was a little taken aback to hear me sounding cheerful and saying "I'll go with whatever you want to do, if you don't love me anymore, then so be it, there's nothing I can do about it." She remarked that I sounded happy (in reality I was fighting back tears like a spa). We shall see how it goes, fingers crossed, I think the best thing I can do is keep calm and go with the flow for now. I won't admit defeat just yet...

gowayouttadat · 18-03-2009 8:59pm

Son_of_Belial wrote: »

Thanks beth-lou - I'm going to try what you've been saying. I'm supposed to be meeting her for coffee tomorrow, and then dinner on Friday week, so I reckon if I give her space as you suggested it might work out. She rang me there to tell me about her day and she was a little taken aback to hear me sounding cheerful and saying "I'll go with whatever you want to do, if you don't love me anymore, then so be it, there's nothing I can do about it." She remarked that I sounded happy (in reality I was fighting back tears like a spa). We shall see how it goes, fingers crossed, I think the best thing I can do is keep calm and go with the flow for now. I won't admit defeat just yet...

I think that's definitely for the best.

Tbh whether she was pregnant or not it's been a long term relationship and I wouldn't go straight into thinking about dating other people. It's much too soon for that.
Just give her time and space as beth lou said and see what happens. There's no point pushing it as you'll probably just end up pushing her away. When she sees that you're still there for her and the baby she might change her mind and if she doesn't at least you'll still have a good relationships with your daughters mother which is really important.
I'd put any thoughts of dating other people out of your mind for a while. You've enough on your plate without even considering that.

Son_of_Belial · 19-03-2009 2:54pm

Yeah we'll see what goes on this evening. I have her Mother's Day present for her (well, mother-to-be at least) so that MIGHT soften her a little... I got her one of those pre-natal massage therapy sessions. No, I know dating again isn't quite practical as yet, anyhow, it'd only hurt my chances of her deciding she wants to get back with me. I'm wondering if anyone else has any experience of this sort of situation though. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it's a hormonal thing...