looks and personality??!

Miss Fluff wrote: »

WHAT??? :eek:

I'm beginning to wonder what clue you have.

I find myself in total agreement with this. OP, the more you say, the more you betray about yourself.

From the fact that you felt the need to throw into your post that you think you're 'pretty with a good figure' when it had no relevance. Your reference to a preference only for tall guys with six packs. That you basically admit you have just trundled along from one relationship to the next. Then you were willing to totally change your tune as to what the problem was to 'go with the flow' of the advice being offered rather than admit some kind of serious problem/your actual preferences.

When you blamed things being a bit flat in the bedroom it's hard to know if it is actually true. I mean have things always been flat? If not then there was some stage when it was working for you. What changed? If it has always been flat then it's just as much your fault as his. If what was going on behind close doors wasn't working for you then it's up to you to communicate that. That you think you can fix it with a book without talking to your OH is laughable. Women are so completely different in their wants and needs in the bedroom that there is no manual that could give anything other than very general advice. It's something I copped on to very quickly when I was younger and became sexually active. What I did in bed that sent woman A into raptures I thought would have the exact same effect on woman B. Guess what? It didn't. Women are variable so the need is there to communicate what is wanted and needed.

I'm offering that as general advice in case that is actually the problem. I strongly believe that it's not though. You place a lot of value in your looks and that you have constantly been in relationships and count yourself lucky because of this??? You state a preference for a archetypal 'attractive' male and the tall, six pack orientated body over your current boyfriend even though he has a fine physique. You admit to knowing that having sex with these vacuous pretty boys goes nowhere. You claim that 'most men don't have a clue outside of the basics' when it comes to sex.

Then at the end of it all you state you're willing to live with the unsatisfying sex life on top of everything else because you can't imagine your boyfriend not in your life. Like MagicMirror says, we all have people we want to keep in our lives forever because we have strong feelings for them. That doesn't immediately qualify them for a romantic relationship.

To boil it down to the bare bones here's what I think OP. And I'm sorry if it sounds a little harsh on you. I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful this is just my honest opinion.

I think what you look for from relationships is very 'paint by numbers'. You've drifted along being in relationships all your life and counted yourself as lucky to do so. You have convinced yourself that you desire only the archetypal male in terms of physical appearance. You have engaged in enough of this vacuous nonsense and accepted less than you actually wanted for so long that you actually believe that men have no idea what to do in the bedroom. Too many pretty looking covers without any content to them is the only conclusion I can draw. Now you have found a really nice guy who actually has a bit of depth but physically he's not what you've programmed yourself to desire. You're trying to convince yourself that you're in a romantic relationship with him when everything you say screams 'platonic' IMO. You sound like a callow youth rather than a 28 year old woman.

Again I'd suggest you actually sit down and think about what you want in broader terms and why you want it. Why is it that this 'tall, six pack' physique is what you desire. You've identified the empty pretty boys that lead nowhere but still seem to be drawn to them. You are in a relationship with someone you have really strong feelings for but don't love in a romantic sense. You seem to think that love, sex and a nice guy are three components that aren't achievable at the same time.

I think this is probably because you still sound completely inexperienced. You don't seem to have separated the fantasy from the reality of life. Now I don't mean for settling for second best. I mean this idea that someone absolutely has to conform to looking a certain way or else they aren't attractive enough for you. It's like me dreaming of dating someone who looks like Angelina Jolie and then maybe managing to date a couple of leggy, pouty, really attractive women with amazing bodies but then, as a consequence, writing off any woman who doesn't conform to that look as 'not attractive enough' and hard wiring myself to believe it.

As you go along in life and actually build up experience you find that sexiness and attraction come in all shapes, sizes and forms. It doesn't mean I've stopped finding the leggy, pouty, aesthetically beautiful women of the world attractive. It just means I don't confine myself to only one ideal or 'goal' in what I am looking for to be turned on in the bedroom and in a relationship in general. Acceptance of all kinds of beauty and sexiness is what I'm talking about rather than settling. You seem to have hard wired yourself a set of goals and convinced yourself that this is simply the way things are/have to be when that's totally not the case.

I apologise for the lengthy reply but on reading your last post again it just got to me no end. Like ibarelycare said it's a thoroughly depressing read. I just ask you to really have a think about things as hard as it may be. You're only skimming the surface at the minute. You need to dig a bit deeper.

All the best

Right.

So you're telling me every other women you know, both married and otherwise, have told you explicitly that none of their husbands, present sexual partners and previous sexual partners have never manage at any stage satisfy them sexually? You do know there isn't a person on the face of the planet that would believe something as far fetched as that. Every female you know disclosed their total unhappiness with every sexual partner they have ever had? I think not.

Not only have you contradicted yourself in your posts on more than one occasion. You're now talking about losing everything you have. When at no stage was there ever the implication or mention that this guy was going to leave you. If anything it was the other way around in fact.

I never made any mention to 'couples wanting to jump on each other all the time'. I never suggested that you should both definitely have completely matching ferocious sex drives or libidos. I merely made reference to the statement you mad about not enjoying having sex with your OH.

I am going to refrain from posting any further in this thread for two reasons.

Your reply to my post has nothing to do with anything mentioned in this thread or my posts. It is completely unrelated to anything I have said and bares no relation to anything discussed. It's off on a tangent about libidos, couples wanting to jump on each other all the time, you losing him and so on. It also fails to account for the blatant contradictions in your posts through the thread.

So either you are unable to accept peoples opinion on your situation and react to such by avoiding the actual issues and contradicting yourself in which case there is little point in talking to you as you don't want to face the reality of your situation and are as callow as I suspect.

Or you're trolling.

Either way there's no point talking to you.

All the best.

Not to be insulting OP, but maybe you just do not really enjoy sex. Its not really fair to blame every guy you've ever been with for your own lack of interest in sex. If you feel something is missing its up to you to find out what you like and teach your partner what that is, He wont know if you say nothing and quietly accept what you consider to be his poor efforts.

I know you probably thought a book was telling him but there is no manual for how to get a woman off. He needs to know what you, personally want from your sex life together.