LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

K-9 · 14-12-2011 2:15am

This thread is a great resource for information, help and advice. Fantastic read.

I've suffered for about 7/8 years now seriously but being honest maybe 20 years now on and off, but most times I could cope and get on with it, I'd a very understanding boss as well who can empathise which took a lot of the pressure work wise of. I've come around in recent months to the idea that I need to make on big change and loads of small changes in my life to help. I haven't really done anything about it though which has made things worse the last couple of weeks.

First thing in the New Year I have to move location as I'm very isolated where I am. Everything was always geared around my son but recently my depression has started to effect him and things can't go on like that. The change will mean seeing less of him but hopefully it should mean more "quality time" (I hate that phrase) with him instead of wasting loads of time, we get on fantastic, similar tastes in things and I don't want to look back in a few years looking at the waste of time and chances.

He used to be the reason I fought, went through tough times before when his Mam wouldn't let me see him for vindictive reasons, courts etc. but I always got to see him because she knew deep down it was doing him harm. Gave me a reason to fight though.

Now though the depression is effecting him, the first time I've let that happen and it's a serious wake up call. Before seeing him was the reason I got through and "bucked up", even that doesn't seem to work anymore.

Seeing less of him is the emotional pull though which will happen if I move and the depression feeds of that and the indecisiveness, in so many ways it becomes a viscious circle.

Logically I know the move will help. There'll be more things to do and more people around me, more opportunities like evening courses, more social outlets etc. like people have mentioned on this thread. Just a matter of availing of them and getting busy again, but that's for another day. Me having other things in my life going on will help him as in my current state I'm not of much use to him.

Again, the stories here are inspirational. I know it'll probably be there at some stage or level for a long, long time but I have to get a grip on it or I'm at risk of losing the most important thing in my life and if that happens, well the tears I have now will be a trickle compared to then and I'm not letting that happen.

LH Pathe · 14-12-2011 2:19am

Sure I'd only be laughing at my former self.

Cuz after a while.. Took me til approaching 30 or thereabouts - I dunno it just fades. Or it did for me, at least

saa · 14-12-2011 9:14am

"Sure isn't everyone finding it difficult"

Wibbs · 14-12-2011 10:20am

Charlie19 wrote: »

I never would of imagined it be so common.

That's one of the advantages of the internet. People feel freer to express things in the virtual world they wouldn't in the everyday. Even to relative or even complete strangers*. The virtual world can spill into the everyday in other areas, hopefully this happens more with subjects like mental health.

*That can be a double edged sword of course. Just one look at the comments section of Youtube will show you the anger and bile that's out there too.

The Sweeper · 14-12-2011 10:22am

saa wrote: »

"Sure isn't everyone finding it difficult"

Ha.

"You're finding it difficult to be jolly in this festive season against the backdrop of the economic crisis, the recession, the austerity budgets and the rising unemployment along with the poxy weather and the fact that you're not sure you can afford to get a turkey and a ham this Christmas.

I'm finding it difficult to understand why it should be important for me to get to tomorrow."

Wibbs · 14-12-2011 10:34am

Christmas can be a right bastard for emotional stress, even in the best of emotional health. It's damn near designed for it. Huge expectations built up in the culture/media about it. A lot of commercial expectations too, so if money is tight that goes on top of all the faux Xmas card shiny happy people and family stuff. Then you have the "was that it?" comedown after the day. Then you have the whole "New years eve" stuff a few days later. If someone is already emotionally low it's the "perfect storm" in many ways.

*EDIT* if anyone out there is feeling overwhelmed at this time of year, you do not have to suffer in silence or on your own. There is support out there and you are not on your own.

thebostoncrab · 14-12-2011 10:56am

Someone else might know what site I'm talking about, but for the links I'm trying to remember a brilliant website as forum dedicated to bipolar, Stephen Fry tweeted it at some point. If I can remember it I'll throw it up but hopefully someone else has visited the site. It was a soft pink homepage and had a rainbow on the top. It looked VERY cliche and eye-rolling was had, but the content is excellent and the forum is brilliant.

There was a great part in it that made people embrace the positives of their bipolar; because if we just focused on its hardness we'd feel even worse. It wasn't trying to say having bipolar is an advantage in life or anything, but that it can bring some ironic positives that will help you recover if you focus on them.

For example when my episodes begin and my mind and body become active I get ALOT of housework done out of nowhere. I'd also write some of my best bass lines and the articles I'm most proud of. I used these moments to make myself think "I can do these things and keep my mind active when I'm "back to normal" and try keep my episodes away for longer", and it's worked very well.

I'll throw out the same offer others have, if you need to talk to someone, especially another person living with bipolar, just send me a pm

cloud493 · 14-12-2011 10:58am

I just don't want to do Christmas. I'd rather not get anything. Or just be on ky own. I just can't do it. Bad memories, false emotions. It's horrible

Drumpot · 14-12-2011 11:12am

perri winkles wrote: »

I don't ever usually post in here, but I'm feeling really really low. I was wondering about counselling, doea anyone know how to get I touch with free counselling services? I'm a student sp don't have much money but feel I need someone to talk to. If I can't get free counselling, roughly how much would it cost? And how do you pick a counsellor? I looked at the list online and there are hundreds!

Sorry for the questions. Just feel that this is my only option now.

http://www.hse.ie/eng/services/Find_a_Service/Mental_Health_Services/National_Counselling_Service/

Ask your doctor to refer you to the free counsellor through the HSE. I am currently going to them. You get 8 free sessions.

My councellor is in my local HSE health centre. When I heard there were only 8 sessions I was a bit reluctant (as I knew I wont be fixed in 8, its like trying to fix up a wooden house in an hour, after being savaged by a grade 5 tornado!). But I have gone to over half them now (running off now for my 5th!) and I am finding them most helpful. These sessions are helping me reach out to my family and help me help my wife get a little more understanding on why Im feeling a certain way. Your woman says "hello" and I just get going. Its mad when you think youd have nothing to say, but once you start its like verbal diarrhea, you cant shut yourself up.

Might I just make a few suggestions ? Dont ever think your feeling depressed or down is every too little (or too much) for you to try to get some sort of help. There are plenty of us out there that have an idea (not all people get the same depression) of how you feel and while speaking to a stranger may sound intimidating/odd, it can be one of the most liberating experiences you will find.

I remember my first councelling session back in 1996 and I had been feeling numb for years (couldnt feel anything for anybody and only ever felt negative feelings). I didnt think counselling would make a differance, in my first sessions I could barely talk cause I cried for the entire hour. It was an amazing relief of pent up isolation just spewing out. It might not work out that way for you, but I honestly believe if you want to try and be better, you give counselling (speaking therapy) a chance and you get a half decent counceller it will more often then not help. Be warned, you might come out of the session feeling on top of the world, this will most likely subside at some stage (its normal) and you might come down hard.

Best of luck with it, I hope it goes well and the support the fantastic boardies are offering helps. You are not alone.

Wompa1 · 14-12-2011 11:19am

I'm pretty happy for the first time in my life. I think part of my solution was forcing myself out of my comfort zone

Micky Dolenz · 14-12-2011 12:38pm

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

Ah cheer up lads, it might never happen.:)

You do realise this thread exists for people like you.

bnt · 14-12-2011 12:53pm

Logical Fallacy wrote: »

This was sent to me today. For the last year and a bit i've had all kinds of health issues, from mental to physical. I've found myself trying to explain to people what it's like but from now on I'm just going to do this.

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

That spoons analogy is a good one; for the more geeky types among us, another analogy I've used is "bandwidth". It's typically used in reference to information, but it can also mean the amount of "stuff" you can have going on at any one time. I have times when I feel I'm operating within a very restricted bandwidth, when I'm lucky to be doing one thing and could not face anything else.

I think it's been exacerbated by being at university, doing a mostly-taught Master's degree. Everything gets crammed in to these 12-week semesters, and you can have work piling up on you. You're supposed to revise after every lecture, for example, so you're up-to-speed before the next lecture, but assignments have deadlines, so things slip ... and then another task or assignment is piled on. The standard response to such concerns is "you need better time management", but the problem I have is not the number of hours in the day, it's the number of Joules of energy I have - or the bandwidth, or the number of spoons. I can do a lot when I'm motivated, but first I have to care, and you can't tell yourself to care.

Sometimes even one thing can be too much. I'm supposed to be studying for a university exam tomorrow, and I have another on Friday. This is my future that's at stake here, so it's obviously very important, and so I should force myself to care, put in the extra effort. I have only three exams, I can sleep next week. Right? If only it was that simple. Shifting to a higher gear doesn't help when the engine isn't getting enough fuel.

Instead, I'm posting here. Which is better than slumping in front of the TV, I suppose. At the least, reading this thread and posting this reply has been somewhat helpful. More coffee, and I'll get back to work, then. :cool:

Daftendirekt · 14-12-2011 1:05pm

purplegeko wrote: »

For the last couple months i have been really struggling, struggle to get to sleep, get up in the morning, participate in conversations and i cry at the drop of a hat for no reason at all - i can be sitting at my desk and just get tearful.
Work situation is unsettled due to contract changes and i've been having a few health issues but I am normally chatty and happy-go-lucky kind of person.

Lately at work people have been noticing im a lot quieter and withdrawn ans asking if everything is ok. Everytime someone asks i say "yeah sure im fine just really busy" when on the inside im screaming for help. I just can't get the words out.

On Monday i was called into a meeting with my supervisor, who i would also consider to be my closest friend and she asked me straight up what was up and i lied - i said the only thing bothering me was the whole contract thing. At one point i was going to say it but i stopped myself. She is the only person i trust and i could tell her.

How do i bring it up? the longer i leave it the worse i feel. Its our christmas party friday and part of me doesn't want to say anything in case i bring down the mood.

I can really relate to this. For me, I had to hit a real low point before I could bring myself to say anything.

Don't worry about the Christmas party. You mentioned that your supervisor is a good friend and that she'd already asked you what was up. Chances are, she's already quite worried about you. Telling her what the problem is would possibly be something a relief for her, as well as you, since she'll have gone from just worrying about you to knowing there's something she can do to help.

I know you're finding it hard to just ask for help. There isn't really anything anyone can say that'll make it any easier. My advice would be to just arrange a private word with your friend. Don't think about it, don't even look her in the eye (if that helps), and just parrot the words 'I think I'm depressed and I really need to talk to someone.' Do it tomorrow (or today if you see this). Nothing else takes priority.

Alternatively, you could try calling the Samaritans (I think the number's 1850 60 90 90). I know some people find it easier to talk to a stranger than someone close to them. Talking to a GP is another option.

I really hope you do tell someone, though. It was only very recently that I managed to ask for help, and I really wish I'd done it sooner.

opinion guy · 14-12-2011 1:05pm

LH Pathe wrote: »

Sure I'd only be laughing at my former self.

Cuz after a while.. Took me til approaching 30 or thereabouts - I dunno it just fades. Or it did for me, at least

Question for you - did it fade - or did you change ?

Some people change after making lots of conscious effort, others change without even realising it. What about you? Did it fade or did you change ?

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

Ah cheer up lads, it might never happen.:)

Honest question for you - why did you post that ?

Did you want to say something nice and that was all you came up with?
Are you trolling ?
Is this how you deal with depression yourself ?
Were you just not really thinking about it ?

Genuinely, I'm curious. The point here of this thread is to actually reach people like you, so I'm inviting you to expand upon that point and tell us what you genuinely think.

Jaxxy · 14-12-2011 1:29pm

I was diagnosed with depression shortly after I went into fifth year and as a result was taken out of school for the rest of the year. It is difficult even now to look back on this period. It was a dark and lonely one and there were times that I didn't want to come through it. But I did, I got the help I needed, I'm lucky to have supportive parents and come the following September I was ready to start again in a new school.

I haven't had a repeat of that experience since but throughout my adult life it seems to manifest in other ways. I sabotage myself. Work, relationships, it's like I want to make myself suffer, like it should be my lot in life because it's what I deserve. It feels like I can't help it. I know what I'm doing and I recognise it but sometimes I'm just not bothered doing anything about it. I've often chided myself and called it laziness but if it is then it's selective laziness, because I have no issue kicking my arse into gear when I'm helping or doing something for someone else.

When I'm feeling on top I'm very good at my job, I'm articulate and outgoing, good craic and good company. All of the things I like about myself. When the bottom's up I'm distant, anti-social, very introspective and have no desire to talk to friends or answer my phone. The "Have you fallen off the edge of the world?" messages I used to get after prolonged communications silence used to bug me enough to force a response.

I notice at times I don't get as much joy from doing the things I used to really enjoy doing. The "Are you heading out this Fri/Sat?" question lately has been answered with "Yeah, I have to". Like I'm only going out because it's expected of me, because I'd rather shut myself away for a couple of days and turn off my phone. I had thought that this was a fairly normal phenomenon, like everyone needs their "me" time, their shut-down days, but having read some of the other posts here I think maybe it is symptomatic of something else for me.

This has been a very difficult post for me to write, and not just because I typed it on my phone, but because I don't talk about this stuff, ever. So thank you to the OP for starting it, and thank you to everyone who contributed. You never know who you might be helping just by spreading the message that this can happen to anyone, and that you don't have to be alone, and that even taking as small a step as sharing your experience with people on an internet forum can help.

Donal Og O Baelach · 14-12-2011 2:09pm

opinion guy wrote: »

Honest question for you - why did you post that ?

Did you want to say something nice and that was all you came up with?
Are you trolling ?
Is this how you deal with depression yourself ?
Were you just not really thinking about it ?

Genuinely, I'm curious. The point here of this thread is to actually reach people like you, so I'm inviting you to expand upon that point and tell us what you genuinely think.

A bit of light relief my friend. We all know the type (maybe an uncle or an over exuberant friend, who needs to point at the fella with the frown and tell him to smile.

Just a small point for you to ponder on, we needn't take ourselves (and our lives) too seriously all the time. We are not really that important. In a hundred years, there will be virtually no trace of us having even existed. Maybe I am as affected by this illness as anyone here, but I can still make a little joke about it. Also, don't always see hostility first, often it isn't there at all.

opinion guy · 14-12-2011 2:20pm

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

A bit of light relief my friend. We all know the type (maybe an uncle or an over exuberant friend, who needs to point at the fella with the frown and tell him to smile.

Just a small point for you to ponder on, we needn't take ourselves (and our lives) too seriously all the time. We are not really that important. In a hundred years, there will be virtually no trace of us having even existed. Maybe I am as affected by this illness as anyone here, but I can still make a little joke about it. Also, don't always see hostility first, often it isn't there at all.

What you are calling light relief is taken as a slap in the face by many in the thread.

I don't see hostility by the way, I see lack of comprehension - whether you be affected by this or not.

Donal Og O Baelach · 14-12-2011 2:23pm

opinion guy wrote: »

What you are calling light relief is taken as a slap in the face by many in the thread.

I disagree with that.

opinion guy · 14-12-2011 2:25pm

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

I disagree with that.

So why is it then that noone thanked your post yet several thanked the one after it ?

dyer · 14-12-2011 2:57pm

someone mentioned stephen fry earlier which reminded me of this documentary he did a couple of years ago where he talks about his illness and explores it with other individuals. you can watch the whole thing for free on youtube.

Stephen Fry : The Secret Life Of The Manic Depressive

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gXkmb5s8Igc

biko · 14-12-2011 3:03pm

Donal, if you're here to tell people with depression to "cheer up" I think it's bordering on trolling.

starlings · 14-12-2011 3:17pm

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

Ah cheer up lads, it might never happen.:)

My "screensaver" face is blank, often interpreted as sad, which is a shame as I use it when I'm thinking of solutions, dreaming up designs and imagining happy future events. So I like to use this in response:

http://h2g2.com/dna/h2g2/F9159679?thread=5014333

Post 3: 'Best one I ever saw was in a supermarket checkout queue. The girl at the till was young and bored out of her skull. Slack-jawedly chewing gum and staring into space with a vacant expression as she scanned the items. The guy she was serving said "Cheer up hen, it might never happen"

She turned her bovine gaze upon him and retorted "The only thing that cheers me up pal, is knowing it will never happen wi' YOU"'

Wattle · 14-12-2011 3:56pm

Jaxxy wrote: »

I was diagnosed with depression shortly after I went into fifth year and as a result was taken out of school for the rest of the year. It is difficult even now to look back on this period. It was a dark and lonely one and there were times that I didn't want to come through it. But I did, I got the help I needed, I'm lucky to have supportive parents and come the following September I was ready to start again in a new school.

I haven't had a repeat of that experience since but throughout my adult life it seems to manifest in other ways. I sabotage myself. Work, relationships, it's like I want to make myself suffer, like it should be my lot in life because it's what I deserve. It feels like I can't help it. I know what I'm doing and I recognise it but sometimes I'm just not bothered doing anything about it. I've often chided myself and called it laziness but if it is then it's selective laziness, because I have no issue kicking my arse into gear when I'm helping or doing something for someone else.

When I'm feeling on top I'm very good at my job, I'm articulate and outgoing, good craic and good company. All of the things I like about myself. When the bottom's up I'm distant, anti-social, very introspective and have no desire to talk to friends or answer my phone. The "Have you fallen off the edge of the world?" messages I used to get after prolonged communications silence used to bug me enough to force a response.

I notice at times I don't get as much joy from doing the things I used to really enjoy doing. The "Are you heading out this Fri/Sat?" question lately has been answered with "Yeah, I have to". Like I'm only going out because it's expected of me, because I'd rather shut myself away for a couple of days and turn off my phone. I had thought that this was a fairly normal phenomenon, like everyone needs their "me" time, their shut-down days, but having read some of the other posts here I think maybe it is symptomatic of something else for me.

This has been a very difficult post for me to write, and not just because I typed it on my phone, but because I don't talk about this stuff, ever. So thank you to the OP for starting it, and thank you to everyone who contributed. You never know who you might be helping just by spreading the message that this can happen to anyone, and that you don't have to be alone, and that even taking as small a step as sharing your experience with people on an internet forum can help.

I remember having a serious bout of depression in college that affected my ability to attend lectures and study. I tried telling those in charge at a showdown meeting and they just did not want to know. This was the early 90's. I hope things have changed for the better.

Donal Og O Baelach · 14-12-2011 4:11pm

biko wrote: »

Donal, if you're here to tell people with depression to "cheer up" I think it's bordering on trolling.

Ok point taken, message deleted.

I still think there is a place for humour, even in the darkest places.

cloud493 · 14-12-2011 4:11pm

To quote Batman, for all of you to remember,
'The night is darkest just before the dawn'
I hope so.

opinion guy · 14-12-2011 4:24pm

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

Ok point taken, message deleted.

I still think there is a place for humour, even in the darkest places.

Nobody said there wasn't!

Drumpot · 14-12-2011 4:35pm

Donal Og O Baelach wrote: »

Ok point taken, message deleted.

I still think there is a place for humour, even in the darkest places.

There's loads of humour in this thread, most of its good natured with good intent!

It is tough even spotting sarcasm v snotty remarks written down. Im always having to explain joke/mess emails to friends to take some sarcasm personally (when if I was with them, they would laugh!).

This is trying to be a fun thread dealing with sensitive issues. All are welcome, but just be mindfull that what sounds funny and is only messing in your head, may not be interpreted that way here, particularly if people do not know what your actual view on this topic is.

DeVore · 14-12-2011 5:09pm

To be fair, I think it was good natured and meant in an ironic "I get it, saying something like this is idiotic" sort of way.

I often joke about around the topic of racism, I say the most horrendously racist stuff but I'm mocking people who DO say things like that in earnest. I'd die if I thought any of my non-irish mates took it badly but its a dangerous type of humour and best done with people who know you well and know you are kidding and where you are coming from.
Depression makes it even harder because it difficult to see any joy or happyness at all, and certainly humour isnt high on the list.

The problem is Poe's Law of the internet (which EVERYONE ON AH should read...

)

http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law
"Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing."

Or sometimes:

"Any sufficiently advanced troll is indistinguishable from a genuine kook".

But this has given me a really cracking idea I'm going to go and work on too.... actually I think it might be more helpful than my first post but it will take a month or so, but for once I'm back to being excited about writing again!

DeV.

DeVore · 14-12-2011 5:46pm

That piece by Stephen Fry was a huge help to me too. I'm an big big fan of him (and Hugh Lorrie!) and I couldnt believe he got it and soooo bad too.
He's brutally honest about it and its worth a watch.

DeV.

braintoxic · 14-12-2011 5:58pm

I cant help but feel like ye wear it as a badge , and its like ohhhh my depression was way worse dan urs . I dont buy into it. I work hard i look after my family . I cant fford to pity myself .

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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