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Need mens advice

  • 03-09-2009 12:07pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi guys,
    i have just discovered im pregnant, im shocked and freaked at the same time i have been on the pill the 5 years i have been with my fella. i have no idea how i fecked up so spectacularly but i did some how.

    I have no idea how to tell my partner, we are happy just the two of us its not that we never wanted to have kids just not now. Its all my fault i was the one that was meant to be responsible for making sure this didnt happen.

    I dont know how to tell him i tried to get the words out last night but i couldn't i just broke down and had to leave the room cried in the shower for an hour. I feel so stupid and so useless.

    how can i tell him


Comments

  • #2
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Ok,deep breath Annie.

    Pregnancy is not the end of the world,period.

    You are obviously in shock because it was unplanned but thats a normal reaction to have.

    You have been with your OH for 5 years and have already spoken about having children together so its not as if the pregnancy came on the back of a one nighter or a short relationship.

    What you need to do is let it sink in with yourself first and try to get a handle on your emotions.When you tell him,if you get upset or cry then he will likely freak out too but if you can tell him in a composed manner it will be easier on both of you.

    You could be surprised about how well he takes it you know.

    Take a few days and get your head around it.

    Most of all though,congratulations and I wish you all the very best for the pregnancy and birth.
    :)


  • #3
    Terodil
    Closed Accounts Posts: 809 ✭✭✭Terodil


    Fully with the shed on this one.

    Just as an additional thought:
    annieDal wrote: »
    i have been on the pill the 5 years i have been with my fella. i have no idea how i fecked up so spectacularly but i did some how.

    [...]

    Its all my fault i was the one that was meant to be responsible for making sure this didnt happen.

    [...]

    I feel so stupid and so useless.
    Firstly, it's not your mistake. Pills, like most other contraceptives, have a failure rate.

    Secondly, you're no more responsible for this than your OH is. Contraception rests on both partners' shoulders. You decided to go for the pill together and not to use condoms (on top). That means that you and your OH signed up for the tiny risk of the pill failing together, so don't put yourself down so much.

    And as Ned said: He may take it much better than you think he would, and the baby might turn out to be an enrichment to both your lives. :)

    Best of luck!


  • #4
    teddy_303
    Registered Users Posts: 359 ✭✭teddy_303


    Congratulations! :pac:


  • #5
    Dr Galen
    Registered Users Posts: 7,373 ✭✭✭Dr Galen


    as mentioned in the charter of this forum, the tone of the OP sets the tone of the thread. Please bear that in mind when posting


  • #6
    OldGoat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,633 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    A few points here OP.
    You have time to take it all in and not panic yourself into any hasty decisions.
    You have choices and decisions available to you if you need or want them.
    5 years on the pill is quiet a long time so it's no harm to stop using them now.

    Now to the gist of your post, how should you tell your fella. The only answer I have to that is to tell him straight out, don't be coy or circumspect or rely on hints and clues. Sit him down, face him and tell him you have news and that you need him to listen. It will all flow from there.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    thanks everyone you have all been so nice, think its the hormones but shed you made me cry with your nice words. I know what i have to do but its so hard
    thanks for all the advice


  • #8
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    annieop wrote: »
    thanks everyone you have all been so nice, think its the hormones but shed you made me cry with your nice words. I know what i have to do but its so hard
    thanks for all the advice

    :o

    Would you mind letting us know how you get on?
    :)


  • #9
    Duke Fame
    Closed Accounts Posts: 63 ✭✭Duke Fame


    In a years time you will be wondering what all the fuss
    is about. My kids are the best thing to ever happen to me
    and i dont know any guy of any age who thinks otherwise.

    My first was a shock but as soon as I knew it was all systems go.

    Tell him as soon as you can, then you can start to enjoy it.

    Best of luck.


  • #10
    Khannie
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 37,485 Mod ✭✭✭✭Khannie


    Good luck Annie. My youngfella was unplanned. We wouldn't be without him. 5 years from now you'll look back and think the same thing. :) Very best of luck with it.


  • #11
    venividivici
    Registered Users Posts: 173 ✭✭venividivici


    Duke Fame wrote: »
    In a years time you will be wondering what all the fuss
    is about. My kids are the best thing to ever happen to me
    and i dont know any guy of any age who thinks otherwise.

    And if it's a boy Barry is a lovely name..

    Start smiling and best of luck!!


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  • #12
    L31mr0d
    Registered Users Posts: 8,067 ✭✭✭L31mr0d


    What I'd advise is not skirting around the issue to try and get a sense of how your partner may react. I know if my OH asked me today would I want a baby I'd probably say "not right now", but if she said "I'm pregnant", I'd accept it instantly and I'd genuinely be happy about it.

    If you ask your partner if he wants a baby and he says "No", it might make it even harder for you to tell him that you are pregnant. I'd recommend just coming out with it to him. Expect some disbelief, shock and maybe even a slight look of fear. But if you're happy to have this child, he'll sense that also, and feel likewise.


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