Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

cloud493 · 05-04-2013 11:49pm

No. I was literally the only sober one there, everyone else was downing the booze like they were... dying of thirst or something.

Hersheys · 05-04-2013 11:51pm

cloud493 wrote: »

No. I was literally the only sober one there, everyone else was downing the booze like they were... dying of thirst or something.

Sometimes it's nice to be the sober person though

arbitrary constant · 06-04-2013 2:15am

I've no idea why I bother trying to be a good person. Seems like the vast majority of people in my life are extremely two-faced, judgemental, ignorant assholes. Even those who pretend to be my friends bitch behind my back. I don't even believe in karma, so why the hell do I try so hard to be good to other people?

And why do I still bother trying to make some form of success out of my life? Seems like people only ever judge me on my past failings. I was in the top 5% of my Leaving Cert results, got a scholarship for my efforts, am currently averaging a distinction in my MSc.....but oh no! I only got a miserable 2.2 when I was struggling badly with depression and too naive/scared to get help for it and THAT is the entire benchmark which I'm being judged against by all the academic snobs and stuck up HR people that I've ever spoken to.

Why the fúck do I even bother? At this stage, alcohol doesn't even help me even more. Instead of resorting to drinking even more to try and numb the pain, I can see myself quitting it (and ergo quitting socialising) entirely. Alcoholism will just be another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things I fail completely at, which already includes 'maintaining a relationship', 'having any idea what I want with my life', 'self-harming to prove I'm genuinely sick' and 'attempted suicide'. should be glad that I'm no way near as depressed or in distress as others who are unhappy enough and sick enough to consider taking their lives....and yet I view it as a personal weakness that I've never gotten this bad.

Fúck it, I don't even know why I'm even here anymore? This is my third boards account and, more than likely, my last. At least 'til I'm healthy. There's no point in me bothering to post here anymore. I'm just distracting from those who have genuine hope for recovery and/or those whose problems genuinely are bad enough to need urgent attention and advice.

I wish all you guys the best, I truly do.

Turtwig · 06-04-2013 2:37am

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I've no idea why I bother trying to be a good person. Seems like the vast majority of people in my life are extremely two-faced, judgemental, ignorant assholes. Even those who pretend to be my friends bitch behind my back. I don't even believe in karma, so why the hell do I try so hard to be good to other people?

And why do I still bother trying to make some form of success out of my life? Seems like people only ever judge me on my past failings. I was in the top 5% of my Leaving Cert results, got a scholarship for my efforts, am currently averaging a distinction in my MSc.....but oh no! I only got a miserable 2.2 when I was struggling badly with depression and too naive/scared to get help for it and THAT is the entire benchmark which I'm being judged against by all the academic snobs and stuck up HR people that I've ever spoken to.

Why the fúck do I even bother? At this stage, alcohol doesn't even help me even more. Instead of resorting to drinking even more to try and numb the pain, I can see myself quitting it (and ergo quitting socialising) entirely. Alcoholism will just be another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things I fail completely at, which already includes 'maintaining a relationship', 'having any idea what I want with my life', 'self-harming to prove I'm genuinely sick' and 'attempted suicide'. should be glad that I'm no way near as depressed or in distress as others who are unhappy enough and sick enough to consider taking their lives....and yet I view it as a personal weakness that I've never gotten this bad.

Fúck it, I don't even know why I'm even here anymore? This is my third boards account and, more than likely, my last. At least 'til I'm healthy. There's no point in me bothering to post here anymore. I'm just distracting from those who have genuine hope for recovery and/or those whose problems genuinely are bad enough to need urgent attention and advice.

I wish all you guys the best, I truly do.

I know it's probably worth little to you, given that I'm a stranger. But I consider the fact that you got a 2:2 degree while struggling silently from depression as a very commendable achievement. I also know many other people who share this view.:) Job hunting is a pain and HR types do tend to be apathetic idiots asking the most irelevant questions, but once you get your foot in the door so to speak that degree you got won't be the criterion on which you're now being assessed. It'll be your work experience that they look at. So, please don't give up. Also, only a fool would overlook a distinction on your Masters.

If nothing else posting or writing down frustrations is always a good thing, so please keep posting here. It's not a distraction to read at all, so please don't feel it is.

Call Me Jimmy · 06-04-2013 3:46am

Christ on the cross is sleep evading me. Feeling detached lately and was thinking: right ye can go without sex for a long time, it's far from ideal but there are ways to cope. But how the hell are you supposed to go without any form of affection at all for what is it now, a year? I can't hug myself. No wonder I'm feeling detached. And in order to continue without causing a major problem in the family, I have to block it all out, day after day just doing work with no reward. I know I'm working for my independence but the free time that I don't have I couldn't even enjoy because I can barely go outside half the time. When I do its only possible on platonic terms with the world...

christ on the ****ing cross is it tough going, and only ever a thread of thought away from letting it all go.

Esel · 06-04-2013 4:03am

arbitrary constant wrote: »

I've no idea why I bother trying to be a good person. Seems like the vast majority of people in my life are extremely two-faced, judgemental, ignorant assholes. Even those who pretend to be my friends bitch behind my back. I don't even believe in karma, so why the hell do I try so hard to be good to other people?

And why do I still bother trying to make some form of success out of my life? Seems like people only ever judge me on my past failings. I was in the top 5% of my Leaving Cert results, got a scholarship for my efforts, am currently averaging a distinction in my MSc.....but oh no! I only got a miserable 2.2 when I was struggling badly with depression and too naive/scared to get help for it and THAT is the entire benchmark which I'm being judged against by all the academic snobs and stuck up HR people that I've ever spoken to.

Why the fúck do I even bother? At this stage, alcohol doesn't even help me even more. Instead of resorting to drinking even more to try and numb the pain, I can see myself quitting it (and ergo quitting socialising) entirely. Alcoholism will just be another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things I fail completely at, which already includes 'maintaining a relationship', 'having any idea what I want with my life', 'self-harming to prove I'm genuinely sick' and 'attempted suicide'. should be glad that I'm no way near as depressed or in distress as others who are unhappy enough and sick enough to consider taking their lives....and yet I view it as a personal weakness that I've never gotten this bad.

Fúck it, I don't even know why I'm even here anymore? This is my third boards account and, more than likely, my last. At least 'til I'm healthy. There's no point in me bothering to post here anymore. I'm just distracting from those who have genuine hope for recovery and/or those whose problems genuinely are bad enough to need urgent attention and advice.

I wish all you guys the best, I truly do.

Jernal wrote: »

I know it's probably worth little to you, given that I'm a stranger. But I consider the fact that you got a 2:2 degree while struggling silently from depression as a very commendable achievement. I also know many other people who share this view.:) Job hunting is a pain and HR types do tend to be apathetic idiots asking the most irelevant questions, but once you get your foot in the door so to speak that degree you got won't be the criterion on which you're now being assessed. It'll be your work experience that they look at. So, please don't give up. Also, only a fool would overlook a distinction on your Masters.

If nothing else posting or writing down frustrations is always a good thing, so please keep posting here. It's not a distraction to read at all, so please don't feel it is.

Another stranger here. Try to keep going and nail that MSc distinction down. Sounds like you have the ability to do it, even on a bad day.

Ignore how those academics and HR people make you feel (or rather how you let them make you feel).

Find your passion, feed it, display it, and you will thrive.

Call Me Jimmy · 06-04-2013 4:21am

Esel wrote: »

Find your passion, feed it, display it, and you will thrive.

Sorry for adding bold, but it is often overlooked or frowned upon to display your passion, to show what your good at; using a more cliche'd expression, to shine.

Hersheys · 06-04-2013 8:00pm

Very anxious this eve

Gremlinertia · 07-04-2013 3:59pm

Completely freaked after finishing work yesterday, no idea why. Just panic and pushing my way through the tangle of garbage thoughts in my head to make it home.. Even thought it would be a good idea to try meet some people but it froze me up more..

titan18 · 08-04-2013 6:48pm

So bored, this study month period always sucks

galwayjohn89 · 08-04-2013 7:38pm

titan18 wrote: »

So bored, this study month period always sucks

Sums up my mood completely. Something about the good weather and having to study kills my mood completely.

titan18 · 08-04-2013 11:15pm

Wonder what my arm will look like if I stopped cutting.

Call Me Jimmy · 08-04-2013 11:41pm

What do ye mean? How much it would heal?

titan18 · 09-04-2013 12:41am

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

What do ye mean? How much it would heal?

Ya, would it scar or will it be normal looking again. Also, meant as in a it's been so long since I looked at an unharmed arm, usually red blood lines going all across it, or sometimes down it

Kaching · 09-04-2013 4:14pm

Feeling Great these past few days , without good reason , just pray im not speaking too soon

cloud493 · 09-04-2013 4:21pm

The scars heals to a certain extent, but depending on how the cut was, the worse the scar is *captain obvious

titan18 · 09-04-2013 4:59pm

Really don't think any of the medication I'm on actually works. All I still want to do is kill myself

titan18 · 10-04-2013 10:22pm

Really don't see the point of existing anymore. No social life, no friends, no happiness, and don't see anything improving. It's all just an existence rather than a life and I don't think I can take it any longer

Gremlinertia · 10-04-2013 10:25pm

It's horrible to feel like that.. It'd be nice if there a way to reboot sometimes. I hope you manage to sleep and switch off a bit.

choosinganame · 11-04-2013 10:01am

titan18 wrote: »

Really don't see the point of existing anymore. No social life, no friends, no happiness, and don't see anything improving. It's all just an existence rather than a life and I don't think I can take it any longer

Keep going, just wait a little bit longer. I'm 21 and I've been isolated jobless, not in a course or doing anything with my life for the past 2 1/2 - 3 years. I never..ever thought it would get this bad. I spend 70% of my time in bed and only leave my house on Thursdays to pick up money get food/ see therapist etc. It's really not a life. Last night I had a dream a stranger I bumped into showed me a gorgeous studio apartment. And that's keeping me going for now. I don't have any friends left either really just a couple but they don't really help it seems like they only ring me when they want something. I rarely pick up the phone.. it does seem like it can go either way at times but right now I'm just waiting a little bit longer. What one thing could help you right now? If there was one little thing what would it be?

cometogether · 11-04-2013 9:40pm

My life is so shi t at the moment. My college course is terrible and making me very unhappy, I have no friends up here in Dublin, tonight I've nobody to hang out with so I'm resorted to sitting in drinking and watching tv by myself.

mlumley · 11-04-2013 10:13pm

Is there some place in Clonmel that does Group therapty I have been to Dr O'Reagon and found her...er not very good.

I would liketo find outher people who have problems coping, but cant find any where.

If anyone wants to have a cofee and a mutual chat. i am here, we have to help each other.

Tonight, I feel like I have had enough, I have my 9 year old son staying, so would not do anything "silly". But when I was under the dr, I was asked, "Whell, what do you want me to do?" not the sort of thing you want to hear. I thought she could surjest things. She was just interested in wether i was going to commit suicide.

I am going to the Dr tomorrow or Monday to ask to be commited. I feel like there is nothing left for me.

Where do I turn for help?????

cometogether · 11-04-2013 10:31pm

mlumley wrote: »

Is there some place in Clonmel that does Group therapty I have been to Dr O'Reagon and found her...er not very good.

I would liketo find outher people who have problems coping, but cant find any where.

If anyone wants to have a cofee and a mutual chat. i am here, we have to help each other.

Tonight, I feel like I have had enough, I have my 9 year old son staying, so would not do anything "silly". But when I was under the dr, I was asked, "Whell, what do you want me to do?" not the sort of thing you want to hear. I thought she could surjest things. She was just interested in wether i was going to commit suicide.

I am going to the Dr tomorrow or Monday to ask to be commited. I feel like there is nothing left for me.

Where do I turn for help?????

I'm from Clonmel too mate. Considering its a small town there is a distinct lack of community and it can be the lonliest place in the world. Dunno about a meet up, but I'm free to PM if that helps.

WittyKitty1 · 12-04-2013 12:00am

Hope you don't mind me posting here..

I don't have depression but my doctor has put me on a antidepressant because I have PMDD (Very bad PMS that causes depression like symptoms for 7-10 days before my period)

I am taking an SSRI.. And wasn't told to avoid alcohol but came across it when reading the leaflet inside..

I drank a good bit on them before reading it and had some serious headaches the next day.. Is it doing a lot of damage ?

Hersheys · 12-04-2013 12:53am

I've come to the conclusion that they want me to screw up my life because it makes better television.

Paranoia and panic through the roof.

titan18 · 12-04-2013 1:13am

I just want to end it. It's really not worth it anymore. Always thought things would get better but never have

Da Shins Kelly · 12-04-2013 1:36am

Been going through a self-imposed dry period with alcohol recently to see if it's making a difference to my moods after finding myself at some serious low ebbs when drunk. Haven't noticed any great difference so far. If anything I've felt a little worse, but at the moment I'm putting that down to the early stages of coming off the drink.

cloud493 · 12-04-2013 11:38am

It is worth it, it is. The night is darkest just before the dawn.

Kaching · 12-04-2013 12:07pm

cloud493 wrote: »

It is worth it, it is. The night is darkest just before the dawn.

agree

Call Me Jimmy · 13-04-2013 1:41pm

Low as I've ever been. I try hard, to keep it up, to present my best outside myself, and while it may look like I'm doing okay, my inside self is dying and only a matter of years before I finish it off.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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