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Boyfriend is losing it

  • 23-07-2014 5:39pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I don't know where to start with this but my boyfriend has gotten increasingly moody in the last few weeks, he's been working non stop for a year building a business and his drinking/drug use is probably quite high. It's mainly xtc, hash and booze, he doesn't use anything else but coupled with the stress he's under I think he's heading for breakdown.

    He hasn't hit me but he has called me a fat c**t numerous times over the last few weeks and has attacked me verbally on several occasions based on my weight. I have been trying harder to shift the weight and it's happening slowly, but not fast enough.

    Today he started asking questions about my sexual past, how many abortions and miscarriages I've had. I had one miscarriage which was literally a few days after my period was due. But he keeps saying if I'm damaged that I should tell him the truth and that he doesn't want to find out I'm infertile. I've no reason to believe this, I've had many sexual experiences but safely and I've been tested a few times and gotten the all clear. He on the otherhand has never seen a doctor but says he doesn't need to because he is clean in his habits. Whatever that means.

    In the interest of fairness I've taken xtc too and drank a fair bit recently, I realise this could be causing our problems. But I can't take much more of the tirades and arguments. I've no one to talk to and I just don't know how to help him get the help he needs.


Comments

  • #2
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    Contact the psychiatric day hospital in your area.

    http://hse.ie/eng/services/list/4/Mental_Health_Services/

    You need to insist he sees someone. If you are unable to get him to then it is important that you contact the psychiatric hospital for your area.

    How much is he sleeping? If it is less than four hours a night then it is particularly urgent that he gets attention.

    If he refuses treatment they may ask you to sign off on him being involuntarily committed. This is done if he is a danger to himself or others. Refusing to address a severe condition qualifies as being a danger to himself.

    They are likely to recommend hospitalisation in any case if he is not stable. An alternative might be for you or someone else to act as carer until he stabilises. If this is an option it can only be viable if you can do it full time and he complies with treatment including medication.

    If possible restrict his access to finances. Make sure he can't use your credit card or atm card. It is possible he will spend a lot of money on things he would not ordinarily want, and that his normal sense of boundaries might not be present.

    I would say you are astute to recognise that he should be assessed and likely needs help. It is an extremely distressing situation to be in. If you are correct that he is ill then the things he has been saying to you are symptoms of an illness. I hope that things go well.


  • #3
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users Posts: 4,507 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    blatantrereg wrote: »
    Contact the psychiatric day hospital in your area.

    http://hse.ie/eng/services/list/4/Mental_Health_Services/

    You need to insist he sees someone. If you are unable to get him to then it is important that you contact the psychiatric hospital for your area.

    How much is he sleeping? If it is less than four hours a night then it is particularly urgent that he gets attention.

    If he refuses treatment they may ask you to sign off on him being involuntarily committed. This is done if he is a danger to himself or others. Refusing to address a severe condition qualifies as being a danger to himself.

    They are likely to recommend hospitalisation in any case if he is not stable. An alternative might be for you or someone else to act as carer until he stabilises. If this is an option it can only be viable if you can do it full time and he complies with treatment including medication.

    If possible restrict his access to finances. Make sure he can't use your credit card or atm card. It is possible he will spend a lot of money on things he would not ordinarily want, and that his normal sense of boundaries might not be present.

    I would say you are astute to recognise that he should be assessed and likely needs help. It is an extremely distressing situation to be in. If you are correct that he is ill then the things he has been saying to you are symptoms of an illness. I hope that things go well.

    I'm sorry but no way should the OP contact a psychiatric hospital. From what I read in the post the OP's boyfriend has been moody for a few weeks and has called the OP names. I can't see how he would be hospitalised based on this. In any case would a family member not have to do this?

    OP how is your relationship with his mother or perhaps sisters if he has any? This would be my first port of call.

    From the outside the relationship appears completely toxic with both of you drinking excessively and taking drugs. I would be considering if I had a future with this man.


  • #4
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    JeffKenna wrote: »
    I'm sorry but no way should the OP contact a psychiatric hospital. From what I read in the post the OP's boyfriend has been moody for a few weeks and has called the OP names. I can't see how he would be hospitalised based on this. In any case would a family member not have to do this?

    OP how is your relationship with his mother or perhaps sisters if he has any? This would be my first port of call.

    From the outside the relationship appears completely toxic with both of you drinking excessively and taking drugs. I would be considering if I had a future with this man.
    A day hospital. You're kind of right because he would usually be referred by a GP, though they might be happy to bypass that if he is severely unwell. He wouldn't be hospitalised unless he was ill one way or another though.

    It's not just moodiness and name-calling. Substance abuse and non-stop work are both consistent with a common mental disorder as well (occurrence greater than 1%). Also the fact his gf is concerned for his mental health is an indicator that something might be up. The biggest indicator would be sleep, but that's not necessarily reliable if he is drugging himself into a stupor regularly.

    To paraphrase, "no way should they seek medical attention" is terrible advice. He absolutely should be assessed. Nobody can or is allowed to try to do that from a couple of paragraphs of text here, beyond saying yes he absolutely should see a doctor/psychiatrist.

    I agree that if the behaviour is not caused by a psychiatric illness that he's not good as a choice of partner.


  • #5
    JeffKenna
    Registered Users Posts: 4,507 ✭✭✭JeffKenna


    blatantrereg wrote: »
    To paraphrase, "no way should they seek medical attention" is terrible advice. He absolutely should be assessed. Nobody can or is allowed to try to do that from a couple of paragraphs of text here, beyond saying yes he absolutely should see a doctor/psychiatrist.

    I never said this, if you want me to paraphrase what I said it would be:

    'OP you state in your post you have been abusing drink and drugs recently. I would suggest you examine this first. There is no way you can, or should attempt to get your boyfriend admitted to a psychiatric hospital when you are not of clear mind yourself and admit to abusing drink/drugs. Discuss your boyfriends issues with his family, perhaps mother or sister as a first port of call and see if they can help'

    And also, where did you pull a 7 year relationship from??


  • #6
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    I never suggested seeking to have him committed. I suggested being aware of the possibility of it being recommended if he is diagnosed. It's not an easy situation.

    We've clarified what we were saying and should stop arguing.


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  • #7
    Mr. Loverman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Mr. Loverman


    Don't date someone with an alcohol and drug problem.
    Don't date someone who abuses you.
    Don't abuse alcohol and drugs.

    I think you would be better off with a fresh start. Get single again and fix your physical health (overweight, alcohol, drugs) and your self-esteem.

    Good luck.


  • #8
    ruskin
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 400 ✭✭ruskin


    Charming guy.


  • #9
    IlmoNT4
    Registered Users Posts: 332 ✭✭IlmoNT4


    OP, he doesnt sound like a very good person to have in your life, hes called you a fat c*nt , hes verbally assaulting you

    He may be going through a lot of stress but he has made a decision that to manage his stress hes going to use xtc, dope and alcohol, all of which are only going to make his mood swings and stress levels worse. Regardless if hes setting up a new business etc, lots of people go through high periods of stress without abusing drugs and their partner. This guy has other issues which hes blocking out with drugs etc

    You are not responsible for this man, I think you need to put yourself first, and walk away.


  • #10
    Swede517
    Registered Users Posts: 9 ✭Swede517


    Boyfriendmad wrote: »
    I don't know where to start with this but my boyfriend has gotten increasingly moody in the last few weeks, he's been working non stop for a year building a business and his drinking/drug use is probably quite high. It's mainly xtc, hash and booze, he doesn't use anything else but coupled with the stress he's under I think he's heading for breakdown.

    He hasn't hit me but he has called me a fat c**t numerous times over the last few weeks and has attacked me verbally on several occasions based on my weight. I have been trying harder to shift the weight and it's happening slowly, but not fast enough.

    Today he started asking questions about my sexual past, how many abortions and miscarriages I've had. I had one miscarriage which was literally a few days after my period was due. But he keeps saying if I'm damaged that I should tell him the truth and that he doesn't want to find out I'm infertile. I've no reason to believe this, I've had many sexual experiences but safely and I've been tested a few times and gotten the all clear. He on the otherhand has never seen a doctor but says he doesn't need to because he is clean in his habits. Whatever that means.

    In the interest of fairness I've taken xtc too and drank a fair bit recently, I realise this could be causing our problems. But I can't take much more of the tirades and arguments. I've no one to talk to and I just don't know how to help him get the help he needs.

    His comments to you are disgusting, ask him if he thinks they are acceptable when you are both in a calm head space.


  • #11
    lazybones32
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,647 ✭✭✭lazybones32


    Try talking to him about talking to a professional - but I can see him brushing that off.

    How about a family-member of his? Is there someone you can talk to who won't freak out?


    I'm not going to lecture you about warning signs but what you wrote is like a minefield!


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