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Online Dating General Discussion[NO flirting]

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    #32
    LighterGuy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    (dont bury me TTL for saying this)

    Dating sites are not that good. But of course it depends on your gender and sadly your looks.

    - if you are a woman you'll get loads of guys mailing you. As for how much? depends on your looks sadly. But I know a mid 40s woman who, with the utmost respect is overweight who still gets tons of mails from guys of all ages. (how many mails would a man get in that same circumstance?)

    - if you are a guy and not anyways supermodel looking you will just get loads of unanswered mails and the classic one or two mails then nothing.

    - personality is extremely hard to get accross.

    - I think, to put it blunt, a female user has more of a choice than a male user. Maybe thats a reflection on the way life is tho ... "women are the choosers, guys are the chasers"

    - dating sites can be confidence knockers for your average man (lack of mails etc)

    - dating sites can be confidence boosters for women (even if guys are just looking to have sex with them... after all, who doesnt like to be told they are hot)


    I personally think your enjoyment / success of dating sites falls into what gender you are, your looks and your age.


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    #33
    panda100
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,551 ✭✭✭panda100


    LighterGuy wrote: »
    I personally think your enjoyment / success of dating sites falls into what gender you are, your looks and your age.

    The exact same can be said of non-internet dating too!


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    #34
    swapple
    Registered Users Posts: 741 ✭✭✭swapple


    I just set up a profile to try it out and bumped into my older brothers' friend on the same site! Scarleh! And there was me thinking "what's the worst that can happen?" :o


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    #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Im thinking of setting a PoF profile. But I really dont want to have a public picture of myself. Can I have private pictures which are only available to people I mail? And if so is it possible for anyone else to see my pictures?


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    #36
    mariebeth
    Registered Users Posts: 892 ✭✭✭mariebeth


    swapple wrote: »
    I just set up a profile to try it out and bumped into my older brothers' friend on the same site! Scarleh! And there was me thinking "what's the worst that can happen?" :o

    Just remember he's on it too :)


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    #37
    posy2010
    Registered Users Posts: 250 ✭✭posy2010


    jen-mc wrote: »
    Im thinking of setting a PoF profile. But I really dont want to have a public picture of myself. Can I have private pictures which are only available to people I mail? And if so is it possible for anyone else to see my pictures?


    Hi Jen, Yep as far as I know you can have private pics.

    I used both Pof and OKC in the States. Have to say, at least over there, the caliber of menz was way higher on OKC!


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    #38
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,362 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    I am a very strong believer of having a public photo on you profile and I think it say a lot about the sort of person you are I know its something people have different opinions on.

    How do you know that someone you sent a private photo to isn't going to show it to anyone else, plus you are leaving yourself open to attracting the weirdo who get off on making comment about woman after they have asked for their photos.

    I had a public photo up and the man I am engaged to had a public photo up as well. Its a dating site that all!

    I mean this in the nicest possible way but if you are the type to be worried about people knowing you are on a dating site maybe on line dating isn't for you.,


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    #39
    sara_q
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭sara_q


    Interesting topic,and v relevent as I have just joined (2 days) a dating web site. Tho funnily enough there' s no mention of it here... I hope that's not a bad sign. AND It was a fee paying one....I'm signed up for a month so lets see how it goes.


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    #40
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Have used POF in the past, it's okay. I find a lot of people are very fake, and I don't mean fake profiles. I mean people who say one thing on their profile but appear to be completely different IRL. I also find a lot of the people I came into contact with were insecure and carried a lot of emotional baggage.

    Personally, I couldn't see myself using it again. A lot of hassle involved for very little gain.


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    #41
    seenitall
    Registered Users Posts: 3,704 ✭✭✭seenitall


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I mean this in the nicest possible way but if you are the type to be worried about people knowing you are on a dating site maybe on line dating isn't for you.,

    I'm not worried as such, mariaalice, but I do like my privacy, and online dating actually is for me and people like me, too! I haven't had any negative experiences such as you describe, and even if I had, it wouldn't make me change my mind about not posting my photo for all and sundry to see; but thanks all the same. :)


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    #42
    countryliving
    Registered Users Posts: 199 ✭✭countryliving


    hi ladies, just wondering has anyone tried its just lunch some dating agency that arranges lunch dates? and do you know how much it costs? (sorry if this question was answered before) basically, i would like to meet someone go out lots and into sport etc. but any club i am involved with a lot are married recently keep meeting young lads and i am hitting the late 30s. have tried internet dating a lot (last summer met a total nutcase oh the worst - however could meet him randomly out one night in fairness - internet dating works for some) but would appreciate your thoughts ladies on its just lunch? or where are the places to meet guys late 30s! i find it is gettin harder like i circulate between wexford kilkenny carlow and i find that i seem to have missed out particularly in the last year or so - when i go out there is no crack or guys are shy talking to us these days even to have a bit of banter years ago always had laugh and met loads of guys...these days go out and come home not meeting any new guys..... thank you.


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    #43
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Moved to tLL online dating discussion thread... :cool:


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    #44
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,362 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    I think the best thing is to try it yourself everyones experiences are going to be different.

    When I did it first I met 3 or 4 who didn't have a photo up and there was always an a reason which was apparent when I met them.... ( The teacher I met had a legitimation reason not to have a public photo up IMO, but if you are a low level paper shuffler in a leasing finance company saying you don't have a photo up because you don't want people you work with knowing you are on a dating site just make you look very self adsorbed ) ...so after that I only met men who had a public photo up but that just my experience, do what suits you and feels right for you.

    A girl I work with who is 32 met and is seeing a guy of 36 he dose not want people to know how they met so they have concocted a story that they met when she was on hen weekend, I genuinely don't understand why people are ashamed to say they met on a dating site I'd love some feed back about that, do people feel a failure that thy haven't met some in a so called conventional way or what is it do people still think Ireland is narrow mind and gossipy place is that it?


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    #45
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    mariaalice wrote: »
    Ireland is narrow mind and gossipy place is that it?

    It sadly is.

    There is still a stigma attached to it and it will likely remain for a long time yet.


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    #46
    Cutie18Ireland
    Registered Users Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭Cutie18Ireland


    Met my fiancé on match.com sent winks for free, then realised I'd have to pay for more, then noticed he had his full name on profile so was easy to track down on facebook instead :)

    Before that was on a site called flirtbox it was completly useless...


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    #47
    Feu
    Registered Users Posts: 705 ✭✭✭Feu


    Otis Driftwood wrote: »

    There is still a stigma attached to it and it will likely remain for a long time yet.

    such a shame i think.

    and as long as people keep making up mad fake stories about how they met, it will continue!

    I tell everyone we met on t'internety. 90% response is oooh, which site, i know 5 people who are doing it too! Did you meet loads of people? Would you recommend it? Will you help me set up a profile etc. OR I'd love to but i'm scared. But then dating is a bit scary anyway you go about it :)

    Only people who don't react that way was my parents :rolleyes:


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    #48
    lolli
    Registered Users Posts: 1,173 ✭✭✭lolli


    I met my other half on Zoosk. We now have a beautiful daughter today and are very happy.

    I did have dates with people online that weren't great. I have had 3 long term relationships with people I met online and also a few short term ones.

    For me the good over weighed the bad.


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    #49
    Lia_lia
    Registered Users Posts: 6,691 ✭✭✭Lia_lia


    Aw it's lovely to hear the stories of couples getting together online and seeing it work out :)

    I know a few people that met their other halves online and have been together for years. I would never try the online dating thing though. I've never even hooked up with a stranger. I usually have to know someone pretty well first (usually though mutual friends)...nevermind a stranger on the internet!


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    #50
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I am a very strong believer of having a public photo on you profile and I think it say a lot about the sort of person you are I know its something people have different opinions on.
    I mean this in the nicest possible way but if you are the type to be worried about people knowing you are on a dating site maybe on line dating isn't for you.,

    Personally as a fairly attractive female, putting a photo of yourself up for all to see leaves you open to the players who are just after sex and will waste your time telling you what you want to hear. That's the whole reason why i'm using internet dating sites in the first place, because i'm sick of guys wanting to just shag me because they think i'm hot and not wanting to get to know me

    I'd much rather at least chat to someone for a few messages and have them judge me on my personality and then send them a picture if i think we have common interests etc... and you can easily weed out the guys who are too up themselves and shallow to chat to a woman for a bit of banter without knowing what she looks like.

    Also personally i don't make it known to the world i'm single and looking in real life, it comes off a bit desperate, i really value my privacy, i don't go around shouting down the street look at me! look at me! i'm single! in real life... so why would i do the equivalent on the internet ?


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    #51
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,362 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    Do you really believe that people in the real world knowing that you are single comes across as desperate??? I am amazed....so everyone who is single and using a dating site come across to you as desperate because they have said they are looking for a relationship?

    Did you even think being single dosen't say anything except that you are single and perhaps people maybe aren't that interested in why people are single.

    I am curious about something else at what stage do you ask for a photo from the guy your are messaging and do your really think you can get personality across from a few fairly anon messages exchanged on the internet?


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    #52
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    countryliving wrote: »
    hi ladies, just wondering has anyone tried its just lunch some dating agency that arranges lunch dates? and do you know how much it costs? (sorry if this question was answered before)
    It's expensive enough, around €350 to sign up with them iirc. They bring you in, 'interview' you to find out more about you and then your lunch dates are hand picked, or so they say. I can't remember if the sign-up guarantees you 6 or 9 dates but it's something along those lines.


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    #53
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    g'em wrote: »
    It's expensive enough, around €350 to sign up with them iirc. They bring you in, 'interview' you to find out more about you and then your lunch dates are hand picked, or so they say. I can't remember if the sign-up guarantees you 6 or 9 dates but it's something along those lines.

    I would trust my own judgement (on a dating site) rather than a dating agency. They are there doing a job and will spend as little time as possible trying to 'match' you. Less time spent on client means they make more money. And I know myself better than they do so surely I am better equipped to pick out who I want to meet in real life.


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    #54
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    Oh I agree, I didn't sign-up with them just made an enquiry a while back :)

    The positive about it though would be that it would filter out the time-wasters.


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    #55
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    g'em wrote: »
    Oh I agree, I didn't sign-up with them just made an enquiry a while back :)

    The positive about it though would be that it would filter out the time-wasters.

    Why do you think that? It's pretty easy to do that yourself online!


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    #56
    g'em
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,819 ✭✭✭✭g'em


    mood wrote: »
    Why do you think that? It's pretty easy to do that yourself online!

    I've never done the on-line dating thing so I don't know - I suppose I assume that if someone is going to be paying €350 quid for a service it's more likely that they'll be doing so for the reason it's intended. From reading about the sites here and from hearing about it from friends there seems to be a lot of people (guys and girls) who misrepresent themselves, and that would irritate me greatly.

    Like I said though, I haven't used them myself so I could be way off the mark.


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    #57
    Feu
    Registered Users Posts: 705 ✭✭✭Feu


    Lia_lia wrote: »
    Aw it's lovely to hear the stories of couples getting together online and seeing it work out :)

    I know a few people that met their other halves online and have been together for years. I would never try the online dating thing though. I've never even hooked up with a stranger. I usually have to know someone pretty well first (usually though mutual friends)...nevermind a stranger on the internet!

    perhaps i'm reading you wrong, but the point of the internet dating is to get to know someone a bit first before you even meet them - not hooking up with strangers? maybe i'm not sure what you mean there by "hooking up" :D

    and to the debate about photos - it's definitely a personal thing, i joined a site, and at first didn't put a photo up, got very little banter, when i put a photo up, it literally does multiply the amount of people who send you messages.

    b ut then the photo thing can be a can of worms too - i'd someone tell me i was much better looking in person than in the photo i had up- i mean backhanded compliment or what??? he thought i was a howler in my photo?? ah no i'm over dramatising a wee bit:pac:

    but then i also had probably at least 3 guys mail me, when i didn't have a photo up [who i didn't meet up with] that implied that if you didn't have a photo up you were a howler by definition. Now i'm not saying they were the nicest or most subtle (!) guys, but it's just worth bearing in mind, that a photo is an opportunity to show a little bit what you're like i..e smiley etc, but also what you like, i.e. on top of a horse, or on a beach or whatever...


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    #58
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    Feu wrote: »
    b ut then the photo thing can be a can of worms too - i'd someone tell me i was much better looking in person than in the photo i had up- i mean backhanded compliment or what??? he thought i was a howler in my photo?? ah no i'm over dramatising a wee bit:pac:

    I think it was a compliment. Would you have preferred he thought you were worse looking in real life!


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    #59
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    mood wrote: »
    ...I think it was a compliment...

    +1

    The photo thing is a pain in the rocks alright. I know I'm no Adonis but I ain't the most photogenic either, unfortunately. As for blokes, if you don't put photos up, all you'll get is crickets.

    You can have some great banter but there's nothing worse than exchanging photos and then getting the cold shoulder. Damned if you do. Damned if you don't.

    My philosophy became 'let it all hang out'. There's no point trying to be clever. There's a lot to be said for getting the photo thing out of the way. No one will meet you IRL without pics.


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    #60
    Lia_lia
    Registered Users Posts: 6,691 ✭✭✭Lia_lia


    Feu wrote: »
    perhaps i'm reading you wrong, but the point of the internet dating is to get to know someone a bit first before you even meet them - not hooking up with strangers? maybe i'm not sure what you mean there by "hooking up" :D

    Yeah sorry that came out wrong. I just mean I'd actually have to know someone in person for a while before going out with them.


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    #61
    Feu
    Registered Users Posts: 705 ✭✭✭Feu


    mood wrote: »
    I think it was a compliment. Would you have preferred he thought you were worse looking in real life!

    ha ha, that would be the worst!

    Ah no i was just trying to get across the point that the photo thing can go a bit wrong even if you think you put up a reasonably nice "accurate" photo of yourself!


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