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what do you do if you are expected to organise a catholic funeral?

2

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  • Registered Users Posts: 11,459 ✭✭✭✭Ush1


    Your body is not some elses property though even after you die. I personally want mine given to medical research so I find it very important that the wishes of the dead person are the most crucial factor.


  • Registered Users Posts: 21,392 ✭✭✭✭Alun




  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    If I could afford it(I have no idea how much it costs) then I want to be frozen in a cryogenic chamber.

    Failing that I want to be sent into space.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,316 ✭✭✭✭amacachi


    drkpower wrote: »
    As for the OP (forgive me if I am mis-interpreting your words, if that is what i am doing), this is an example of what I dislike about the attitudes of many atheists (and I am one). It is not about you; when it comes to someone elses funeral, noone cares whether you believe it is a circus, or whether you believe there is no heaven. It is about what they want or what the family thinks he would have wanted. Get involved (to the extent that you can), absorb what he wants/wanted; put your principles aside for one moment; dont revel in the sense of being wronged by the silly frock-men. Do what your loved one would have wanted you to do. There are plenty of opportunities to take up the crusade; this isnt one of them.

    Ironically I was talking to my mother about this and said I'd hate my body to be left on display for a couple of days and then have some magic spells said for me. She said that the funeral is for the living, not the dead, so **** off in other words. Seems to be the exact opposite of your viewpoint and mine.


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,651 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    amacachi wrote: »
    Ironically I was talking to my mother about this and said I'd hate my body to be left on display for a couple of days and then have some magic spells said for me. She said that the funeral is for the living, not the dead, so **** off in other words. Seems to be the exact opposite of your viewpoint and mine.

    I have a similar POV on this. I'll be dead, what the feck will I care? If it will comfort my family (not sure about my Dad, he's an atheist aswell, but I digress) to give me the full shebang, a big Catholic funeral with all the trimmings, then that's fine.

    The only compromise I would like is that I am cremated rather than buried, and have my ashes scattered (where I'm not sure yet :o). It's a wish that I have made clear to my parents, and if I should hightailed it out of this existance before them I would like them to respect those wishes.

    I like the idea of all my family and friends, theists, atheists, etc to come together to give me the final send off that they are all happy with, free from the ramblings of the "silly frock-men".

    My Mum would want a Catholic funeral. I would arrange one for her, no problem. Ditto my Dad if he expresses his wishes for a secular service (I think he's on the "I'll be dead, wtf will I care?!" bus.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 858 ✭✭✭goingpostal


    In theory it should be about what the deceased wants. In practice, it is about what the majority of the living relatives want. My father was a de facto atheist (didn't believe in God, didn't believe in the afterlife, didn't like the label atheist). He told my mother he wanted no church involvement in his burial, but she overruled him and told him he was going to get a church send-off, which he was unhappy about. No eulogy from a family member was permitted, the priest delivered a very impersonal eulogy, which sounded phony, seeing as he didn't know my father from Adam. I can remember at the time that all this didn't bother me too much, as the grief of losing someone close to you entirely overwhelms any feelings you have about the Catholic pageantry and the maladjusted virgins in their silly costumes trying to hijack the event for their own propaganda purposes. The priest on certain occasions might allow some latitude for personal eulogies from family members, however this is entirely up to his capricious and arbitrary discretion, the official rules of the Catholic Church on eulogies or family involvement in the ceremony is crystal clear in this regard, as robindch has illustrated. I think this proves that it is a lot easier in this country for a believer to have their wishes adhered to, than it is for an atheist to have their wishes followed.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,945 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    the_syco wrote: »
    Do you have so little repect for your parents that you see their funeral as a f**king inconvenience?
    Funerals aren't for the deceased, who are past caring about all that: they're for those left behind. So that's the angle I would pursue - get advice from other relatives, friends or even the priest, if that's what it takes.

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



  • Registered Users Posts: 5,475 ✭✭✭drkpower


    amacachi wrote: »
    Ironically I was talking to my mother about this and said I'd hate my body to be left on display for a couple of days and then have some magic spells said for me. She said that the funeral is for the living, not the dead, so **** off in other words. Seems to be the exact opposite of your viewpoint and mine.

    Well, its a little of both actually; the funeral as a process is for the living to grieve. But I would have thought (and personally feel) that making the funeral what the person would have wanted is important for the living too. Whether that be a conservative family respecting the wishes of their 21 year old surf-dude son and having a cremation on the beach and scattering the ashes in the surf, or a liberal atheist family having a strci Catholic ceremony for their religous father.

    How living relatives could genuinely grieve while disrespecting their dead relatives wishes is beyond me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,475 ✭✭✭drkpower


    I have a similar POV on this. I'll be dead, what the feck will I care? If it will comfort my family (not sure about my Dad, he's an atheist aswell, but I digress) to give me the full shebang, a big Catholic funeral with all the trimmings, then that's fine.

    So your wish is to have a big Catholic funeral with all the trimmings then.

    I'm the same; Im an atheist but that doesnt mean I want a funeral in a travellodge.....:D If I were to die while my remaining parent is alive I would absolutely want a big Church funeral, mainly for that parent. Therefore, a big Church funeral is what I want. And I hope that wish is respected.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭ThirdMan


    silverharp wrote: »
    At some stage (hopefully a decade off) my remaining parent will bow to the inevitable. My wider family will be expecting a traditional funeral. What do you do? My preference would be a quick cremation and go for a meal with my close family. Instead I cant see how to avoid the "circus" with the frock man telling me where he imagines where my departed is in the universe.

    This forum has really gone down hill.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,651 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    drkpower wrote: »
    So your wish is to have a big Catholic funeral with all the trimmings then.

    I'm the same; Im an atheist but that doesnt mean I want a funeral in a travellodge.....:D If I were to die while my remaining parent is alive I would absolutely want a big Church funeral, mainly for that parent. Therefore, a big Church funeral is what I want. And I hope that wish is respected.

    My wish is for my Mum, or whoever is left behind to get some sort of comfort.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,824 ✭✭✭ShooterSF


    My wish is for my Mum, or whoever is left behind to get some sort of comfort.

    And to be fair to the OP his parent may feel the same way...


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,651 ✭✭✭✭Busi_Girl08


    ShooterSF wrote: »
    And to be fair to the OP his parent may feel the same way...

    Fair point. I think it was just his use of the phrase "to avoid the circus" that put me off a bit.

    The key thing is just to talk to the person. If they say they don't care, then give them the send-off you see fit, religious or whatever. Throw in a few personal touches; eulogies, songs, etc.
    But if they give specific details, or at least say they want a Catholic/Protestant/Hindu/etc funeral, then I honestly think it's only fair to respect their wishes.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,549 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    This forum has really gone down hill.
    One post does not a forum make.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭ThirdMan


    Dades wrote: »
    One post does not a forum make.

    images%3Fq%3Dyoda%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dsafari%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Den%26biw%3D1279%26bih%3D664%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C9326&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=432&vpy=292&dur=667&hovh=188&hovw=188&tx=101&ty=76&oei=XM5lTMK4IsiQjAfur_jdCw&esq=17&page=18&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:8,s:307&biw=1279&bih=664


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,382 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    This forum has really gone down hill.
    A forum is only as good as the people who contribute.

    Would you like to add something to the debate?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭ThirdMan


    robindch wrote: »
    A forum is only as good as the people who contribute.

    Would you like to add something to the debate?

    Honestly, no. Not anymore.

    This is my third incarnation on this forum.

    I've contributed here numerous times before. It's my belief that it's going downhill. Fast.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,549 Mod ✭✭✭✭Dades


    There's a "report post" button for anything that breaches the charter, and a whole keyboard open to you to address anything that rubs you up the wrong way. By all means, be a part of the solution.

    And I'd be quiet about incarnations. Boards tends to crucify people who come back for the wrong reasons. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    Honestly, no. Not anymore.

    This is my third incarnation on this forum.

    I've contributed here numerous times before. It's my belief that it's going downhill. Fast.

    What happened to your other two incarnations? I'm genuinly curious, so with Dades post above in mind, PM me if you wanna answer. Really am interested. Total confidence assured etc.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,001 ✭✭✭ColmDawson


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    Honestly, no. Not anymore.

    This is my third incarnation on this forum.

    I've contributed here numerous times before. It's my belief that it's going downhill. Fast.
    If only your holy trinity had kept us on the right path...


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,141 ✭✭✭eoin5


    silverharp wrote: »
    At some stage (hopefully a decade off) my remaining parent will bow to the inevitable. My wider family will be expecting a traditional funeral. What do you do? My preference would be a quick cremation and go for a meal with my close family. Instead I cant see how to avoid the "circus" with the frock man telling me where he imagines where my departed is in the universe.

    A few parts of my dads ceremony really pissed me off, he died tragically and the last thing I wanted was the priest talking about mysterious ways and reasons for this or that. A funeral in the church is what he would've wanted, a situation where I would be very close to storming out of the church is not what he would've wanted. The problem with the dead is that you can't discuss these things with them so unless they've left some specifics it makes sense to go with the status quo.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    My wish is for my Mum, or whoever is left behind to get some sort of comfort.

    Of course, but why couldn't they take comfort in knowing that your funeral was being conducted in a manner appropriate to your beliefs and your outlook on life, whatever that might be? Surely it's more important to respect the wishes of the person that's dead. This idea that 'I'm gonna be dead anyway so who cares' doesn't stack up with me. If someone close to me died and I knew they really wanted a religious funeral i'd hope that's what they would get. I mightn't like some aspects of it but I'd respect that that was their wish. Some people seem to be of the opinion that a funeral ceremony is only for the people who are left behind, I would argue that it's just as much if not more for the person who is gone. He/she is after all the person who is the central figure in the whole episode.

    ThirdMan wrote: »
    Honestly, no. Not anymore.

    This is my third incarnation on this forum.

    I've contributed here numerous times before. It's my belief that it's going downhill. Fast.

    I think that type of thing is very much frowned upon! And if you feel the forum is going downhill feel free to elevate it to a new level.


  • Registered Users Posts: 703 ✭✭✭obliviousgrudge


    I was in hotel in Dublin last Summer and we could hear loud music up stairs, so I went up and had a glance around the place, it was a disco.

    Then, back downstairs the waiter told us it was a funeral.

    It seemed more like a wedding but it was a funeral.

    They definitley gave her a good send off anyway.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,227 ✭✭✭Choochtown


    As a new poster I find the attitude on this forum very refreshing. Genuine opinions are given with very little of the personal snipes and point-scoring that characterise so many other forums.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,382 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    ThirdMan wrote: »
    This is my third incarnation on this forum.
    In that case, welcome back (again) -- you have me intrigued now...
    ThirdMan wrote: »
    It's my belief that it's going downhill. Fast.
    Well, in A+A untenable beliefs are our stock in trade :) Can you explain what you think has gone rotten?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 56 ✭✭kilmuckridge


    Why not rent out the church to do your own thing? Or explain to the priest if he insists on being present that it's not his father, so if you cannot show your respects in the desired manner, you will go elsewhere. All the "rules" get broken for celebrities, but the expectation that your parents will be buried in their "own parish" might make him think he can demand all these silly rules and agreements from you

    Otherwise rent a community hall


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭ThirdMan


    ColmDawson wrote: »
    If only your holy trinity had kept us on the right path...

    I've offered an opinion that you don't agree with. So you think I'm a Christian/troll. This is the primary reason why I think this forum is going downhill fast.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,991 ✭✭✭mathepac


    eoin5 wrote: »
    A few parts of my dads ceremony really pissed me off, he died tragically and the last thing I wanted was the priest talking about mysterious ways and reasons for this or that. A funeral in the church is what he would've wanted, a situation where I would be very close to storming out of the church is not what he would've wanted. The problem with the dead is that you can't discuss these things with them so unless they've left some specifics it makes sense to go with the status quo.
    First of all my condolences on your tragic loss and secondly, hopefully without sounding condecsending, could I commend you on your tolerence and the respect you showed for your late father and his surviving family by not reacting.

    I have heard people talk about tolerence as if it's the ability to float through life without having strong feelings one way or another about anything. I believe a truly tolerant person is the one who out of respect and love for others finds somwhere in themselves the ability to put the wants and needs of others before their own and to become, for even a short period, "self-less".

    Those close to you are fortunate to have you as a family-member or friend.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,700 ✭✭✭ThirdMan


    Dades wrote: »
    And I'd be quiet about incarnations. Boards tends to crucify people who come back for the wrong reasons. :)

    Look, I've been honest here. If that gets me into trouble or results in a ban, then fair enough. I'm not up to anything sinister. I stopped using my first account because the posts I had previously submitted didn't reflect where I then was in my life. I stopped using my second account because I encountered a bit too much of the type of attitude thrown at me by ColmDawson. I don't think there's anything wrong with breaking from old accounts/opinions. I've never used two accounts at the same time.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,371 ✭✭✭✭Zillah


    robindch wrote: »
    Ah, here's the thing I was looking for:

    Archbishop Brady Says Funerals About God, Not the Dead

    This is disgusting. One more reason to oppose the Catholic Church.
    *throws it on the burgeoning pile*


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