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Having an older girlfriend. Opinions on age gaps?

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  • 05-06-2015 12:26pm
    #1
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭


    I'm 28 and my super gf is 30. She's 2 years and 2 weeks older than me and it's not even something that I think about and I thought this sort of age gap was quite common, even if it is less common than the guy being older. Only that I tend to get raised eyebrows when I tell some people I'd hardly give it a second thought. She looks sort of younger than she is and has younger friends that look older than her. My mother thought she was 25 or 26 and seemed a bit perturbed when I told her that she was 30. When my friend enquired as to her age he was saying it was unusual too.

    I'd say something if a girl was like 5 or 6 years older but 2 years is something that's hardly worth talking about imo. When I was a baby she was still plastering yoghurt into her hair, we're at the same life stage etc...

    So I was just wondering gents, what yere opinions were on age gap relationships where the girl is older. (not that 2 years even counts as any sort of appreciable "gap")


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Comments

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    #2
    Lemming
    Registered Users Posts: 14,148 ✭✭✭✭Lemming


    If someone raises an eyebrow they're a prude and not worth the effort of a second glance, never mind the contempt they rightly deserve.


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    #3
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,071 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Two years is nothing. I've known ten year gaps that are happy, healthy and long lasting. I was usually the older guy/younger woman thing going on and I know what you mean about comments but a single care I did not give. And a single care I'd not give to an age gap between any couple.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #4
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    2 years is nothing. Why would anyone comment on that and why would you entertain them? It's no ones business if there is a 2 yr or 20 yr gap.


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    #5
    Greenmachine
    Registered Users Posts: 5,063 ✭✭✭Greenmachine


    2 years is nothing, it is the 2 weeks I'd worry about. In all seriousness a younger brother of mine has always dated women a year or two older. Worked our well for him. with the same woman now over 10 years now, married and with a kid.


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    #6
    Tails142
    Registered Users Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tails142


    I wonder is the raised eyebrow from your mother to do with the fact that your girlfriend or others are probably thinking that she needs to settle down sharpish and start firing out kids sooner rather than later and that at 30 it's getting to the stage where it's now or never if that is what she wants.

    If things don't work out with you your gf will be under more pressure to find the right guy and settle down etc. being a couple of years further down the road.

    Sounds harsh but the truth hurts sometimes :-P

    No pressure


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    #7
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    I've been with women 10 years older than me and I'm currently with someone 10 years younger than me. 2 years aint even worth mentioning.


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    #8
    DeltaWhite
    Registered Users Posts: 666 ✭✭✭DeltaWhite


    Eh, I'm 2 years older than my fella, that's not even a gap to me :D we don't even think about it! Never have and probably never will. I actually only like younger dudes, I would never go for an older fella (I'm 28) just my preference!


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    #9
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,406 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    I have an older girlfriend (soon to be wife!) and she is only about 1.5 years older than me :) Made a tiny difference at first when I was in college and she was working but only in that I was a bit more immature before I met her, and it was her influence that pushed me to grow up a bit :)


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    #10
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    Tails142 wrote: »
    I wonder is the raised eyebrow from your mother to do with the fact that your girlfriend or others are probably thinking that she needs to settle down sharpish and start firing out kids sooner rather than later and that at 30 it's getting to the stage where it's now or never if that is what she wants.

    If things don't work out with you your gf will be under more pressure to find the right guy and settle down etc. being a couple of years further down the road.

    Sounds harsh but the truth hurts sometimes :-P

    No pressure

    I'd say you're right, my mammy could have been thinking along those lines.

    It did cross my mind alright that she is probably approaching that life stage and, to be fair about it, it is something that I am starting to think about too. We're together around 6 months now and the subject of kids did come up and we've both said it is something that we want. But I get your point if it didn't work out she'd be in a fix.


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    #11
    H3llR4iser
    Registered Users Posts: 4,027 ✭✭✭H3llR4iser


    Tails142 wrote: »
    I wonder is the raised eyebrow from your mother to do with the fact that your girlfriend or others are probably thinking that she needs to settle down sharpish and start firing out kids sooner rather than later and that at 30 it's getting to the stage where it's now or never if that is what she wants.

    If things don't work out with you your gf will be under more pressure to find the right guy and settle down etc. being a couple of years further down the road.

    Sounds harsh but the truth hurts sometimes :-P

    No pressure

    This being Ireland, I would say Tails142 is spot on. It's not the "gap", 2 years are nothing, it's the psychological and arbitrary barrier of the fact she is 30. If you were 27 and her 29, very few if any would comment.

    But when most people, especially the older ones, hear a woman is 30 immediately think "SHE NEEDS BABIES NOW!", "her clock is ticking" and on and on and on.

    You mom especially is probably driving herself into panic with reasoning of "my god she's 30, it's gonna be a few years before they marry, so she'll be 33 or 34, then one more year...35! I will never have nephews!!!". Don't be surprised if this topic comes up with your family, at some point in the near future...


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    #12
    MrStuffins
    Registered Users Posts: 19,148 ✭✭✭✭MrStuffins


    It's 2 years. She's not "older".

    In every single relationship, SOMEONE has to be the older one.


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    #13
    blackbird 49
    Registered Users Posts: 411 ✭✭blackbird 49


    My son is 21 and his girlfriend of 2 yrs is 26


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    #14
    Noo
    Registered Users Posts: 1,986 ✭✭✭Noo


    How about the girl being two years older when she was 19.

    8 years later still going strong :-)


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    #15
    Chris_Bradley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,818 ✭✭✭Chris_Bradley


    2 years? A come on I thought this was going to be some aulone about 50.

    2 years is not anything to be worried about imo.


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    #16
    tabby aspreme
    Registered Users Posts: 3,850 ✭✭✭tabby aspreme


    Think of the positives, she will have the bus pass two years before you , which will entitle you to free travel two years earlier than if you marry a yung wan


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    #17
    Tzardine
    Registered Users Posts: 3,884 ✭✭✭Tzardine


    blackbird 49 wrote: »
    My son is 21 and his girlfriend of 2 yrs is 26

    Hmm. If porn has taught me anything you need to watch him. Hot stepmom syndrome :P


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    #18
    daheff
    Registered Users Posts: 5,833 ✭✭✭daheff


    my missus is 2 years older than me....its more about how connected you are than the age (as long as yis are all over 18)

    Dont worry about it...if she makes you happy than thats all that really matters....tell the haters to feck off.


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    #19
    Carlos Orange
    Registered Users Posts: 2,499 ✭✭✭Carlos Orange


    Some people say age is just a number. As true as that is I don't really totally agree. Then again I wouldn't really consider 2 years an age gap for someone 28. I went out with someone >20 years older than me. That is an age gap.


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    #20
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    Neither would I have up until it was pointed out to me. But is a 2 yr age difference more significant when the girl is older relative to when the fella is older? I agree its all a cultural thing.


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    #21
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Chemical Byrne wrote: »
    Neither would I have up until it was pointed out to me. But is a 2 yr age difference more significant when the girl is older relative to when the fella is older? I agree its all a cultural thing.

    Its only significant if you let it be significant. I have a friend married to a man three years younger than her, its not an issue. They met in their late 20's so they were at the same stage in life. Its a lot different if you meet someone when you are in your teens or early 20's. I met my partner at 17, he was 5 years older, it was very obvious then but less so as we got older. Do you like this girl? Are you otherwise happy with your relationship? Then why let other people's prejudices or hang ups affect you? Its your relationship, the only thing that matters is that you are both happy. Its disrespectful and childish of people to make an issue out of it, its only 2 years, its not like there is a generation gap. Tell them to get over themselves.


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    #22
    iusedtoknow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭iusedtoknow


    my misses is 4 years older than me (but looks a few years younger - spanish blood and ne'er a drop of alcohol/drugs) - never think anything of it TBH. We met when I was 21, she was 25 and together 10 years now.

    Her mother (55) is widowed and is engaged to a 42 year old widower with 2 kids. No one is batting an eyelid over that either.


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    #23
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    Oh yes, we are both very happy. I just have a tendency to over analyse things!!
    Didn't really enter my head as an issue till people said it.

    I obviously know she was a little older but to be honest I was very much for it when we got together as it would mean she would have some level of maturity about her.

    Everyone seems to assume she's younger tho, like my brother asked her when she was gonna have her 30th after asking about when mine was, (he should know his brother's birthday the fecker)! Been there, done that, lol! She lives cleanly n don't drink at all so prob does have something to do with it too iusedtoknow.


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    #24
    AvonEnniskerry
    Registered Users Posts: 354 ✭✭AvonEnniskerry


    2 years is nothing though I do think its more usual for the female to be younger than the male due to females and males maturing at different ages/stages.
    If your compatible with what you want (ie kids) in life etc then I wouldn't worry about it.


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    #25
    DeltaWhite
    Registered Users Posts: 666 ✭✭✭DeltaWhite


    People have an uncanny habit of making comments when they aren't wanted. You just have to learn to brush those comments off. It took me YEARS to learn that and now I just hear white noise when I get unwanted advice from know-it-alls or comments that would honestly only weigh me down if I took them to heart. If you're happy and your gf is happy then there's nothing to gain from over analysing these things :)


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    #26
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    AvonEnniskerry wrote: »
    2 years is nothing though I do think its more usual for the female to be younger than the male due to females and males maturing at different ages/stages.
    If your compatible with what you want (ie kids) in life etc then I wouldn't worry about it.

    We both do want them alright. Personally I'd be more than happy with 1 but I know tis nice to have a sibling so 2 I could handle. I certainly would be against having any more than 2! My god, how did my parents cope with 4! lol! Christ!


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    #27
    iusedtoknow
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭iusedtoknow


    AvonEnniskerry wrote: »
    2 years is nothing though I do think its more usual for the female to be younger than the male due to females and males maturing at different ages/stages.
    If your compatible with what you want (ie kids) in life etc then I wouldn't worry about it.

    That is a pretty true point, kids were on the agenda for a while so I would have been looking at being a father at around 27 or 28. However, due to some medical complications following a miscarriage - that is no longer an issue.

    definitely something to think about when getting involved with an older woman.


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    #28
    AvonEnniskerry
    Registered Users Posts: 354 ✭✭AvonEnniskerry


    Chemical Byrne wrote:
    We both do want them alright. Personally I'd be more than happy with 1 but I know tis nice to have a sibling so 2 I could handle. I certainly would be against having any more than 2! My god, how did my parents cope with 4! lol! Christ!


    Well then personally I cant see a problem. If she was going to want them before you were ready due to her biological clock ticking that would be the only issue IMO


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    #29
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    Yeah. It's sensible for a woman who wants kids to have them before 35 if possible. Probably what the people with raised eyebrows are thinking. Would be a bit weird to see anything up with it outside of that.


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    #30
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    Just recognised your username from something else you posted about her. Very likely they're suspicious of her trying to get impregnated and married to you sooner rather than later.


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    #31
    Chemical Byrne
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,311 ✭✭✭Chemical Byrne


    Ah no, she's not going to get pregnant by any underhand means. She wouldn't be the type.


This discussion has been closed.
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