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the nettle dairies (snipit title)

  • 14-01-2013 2:33am
    #1
    jonbravo
    Registered Users Posts: 635 ✭✭✭


    The heavy solid steel gate swings open, watching it aproarch just pass my noise at what feels like 1/100000000 of a second ,slowly gathering speed to equal that of the slope , which leads to the the tower field that tells me, the east wind is gusting toward warm hands and the feeding of cattle begins.
    But today is different, today the cold east wind will not stop or interfere with my travels to the out-house. The small house at the base of the field, inside contains the high red switch which I can barely reach to turn off the electric fences, but I will today what's more these god damn wellies are leaking..
    We're standing now looking far off in the distance counting like that mad Dracula puppet from the tele 'one sheep two sheep'..you know! When the shout calls out from 5 yards away to turn off the fence.
    As god as my witness these nettles are coming out of it, I'll chop and fire then down and let it be said "they never stung johnny again" I'll rid this world of nettles.
    Just when you think there gone they come back just as fast in summer it's the worest time, catching just a small area on the arm could leave you stung aahhh!



    As viewed by a 6 to 8 year old helping on a farm , opinions welcome if nice.


Comments

  • #2
    Rubecula
    Registered Users Posts: 8,551 ✭✭✭Rubecula


    I like the concept of the story, written in the present tense.

    I think perhaps that if you start a new paragraph you should leave a clear line, rather than continue directly underneath the previous one as that would make it a bit easier to read.

    The idea of writing from a child's viewpoint is good too, if you can pull it off for an entire story.

    Good luck with the rest of the story. :)


  • #3
    jonbravo
    Registered Users Posts: 635 ✭✭✭jonbravo


    So the concept is ok...
    The interest I have in writing this story stems from facts and fiction, the example being...
    1. The place which appears in the story is going to be a 7 star hotel in Ireland in the future(ballyfin) fact.
    2. At the time my father was an farmer on a Victorian estate which ballyfin is. Fact.
    3.the farm made money for (and food) for a boarding school ballyfin college, and just to add that allows for any number of characters to be introduced while other wise being a lonesome type job or remote type.(farming)
    4.the Christian bothers owned and ran the school and estate at that time so at least 5 to 6 characters can be added.
    5.most of the grounds were not looked after from waterfalls to ice houses dug underground, tunnels, and of course wildlife.

    I could go on.
    Thanks anyhow I'm 6 mouths in slow work for a working hand.


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