Husband vs Kids.

Yes, you should be offended because when he married you he implicitly accepted that he took on responsibility for your kids being part of the family. He should make an effort but you also need to drill down into what his issue is - does he have an actual problem with them?, Use open questions though to get him to rationalize his thinking.

I don't think you should be offended that your husband answered you honestly when you asked him a question. That was an opportunity to communicate and for you to offer him any reassurances that he may have needed at that time. You have children with somebody else, I think it is understandable that that sometimes bothers him.

My fiancé has a son from a previous relationship and that can be difficult for me (and him) at times. Sometimes I don't know if I'm overstepping boundaries. Am I too motherly towards his son, would he prefer me not to do X or Y etc. Then there's taking the child's mother into consideration. It's a big deal and it's complicated.

Yes, he knew you had these children before he married you and maybe he's doing the best he can as a step-parent but it is a challenging role and I think it's okay to admit that.

What I would find offensive however is the remark he made when you asked him to watch your kids for a while - "They're not my kids"? That sounds pretty bitter. I adore my fiancés little boy and am happy to do whatever I can for him. I see him as a wonderful addition to my life and I'm very lucky. You and your husband should act as a team and be happy to be there for each other and offer support. I would definitely sit down with him and talk but try not to blame him. What he said may have come from somewhere else, like hurt. I'd probably focus on what he finds hardest about being a step-dad and seeing what you can work on together to make it easier.

I'm sure his comment must have hurt your feelings so I do sympathise with you on that btw. Good luck!

Op, perhaps some family counselling is in order? You say your marriage isn't strong, he's childish and the children are old enough to pick up on the fact that their stepfather doesn't love them in an equal manner which will not help their self-esteem in the long run. Currently your house is a battlefield and not a healthy enviornment for anyone, I mean you need to take a nap and he will not look after the children he took on when he married you because their" not his?" If one of your children and is in trouble and ring him to come and help/do whatever what will he say then? Sorry, but you're not my child so help yourself?" This will only get worse OP, you need to act now.

I am a step parent and over the years it hasn't always been easy and I adore my partners child (now an adult) and feel no difference in my feelings between them and our mutual offspring. I will say however my partner is very protective and does watch closely for occasions where they think I might show favouritism.

My partner told me from day one never to make her choose because I'd lose everytime. She said I was the adult and it was her job to ensure both were treated equally. She also expects the same from the families.

Your children deserve to grow up in a loving atmosphere and your husband has to change his attitude for this to happen and in my opinion if you don't believe this can happen then you have to put your children first and take them out of the situation.

This is disgusting behaviour from him and it's absolutely disgraceful to treat them like that. You need to deal with this now and not let it continue or your children will have serious issues and you run the very high risk of them resenting you at best if not hating you for failing to protect them from such emotional abuse.

He'd do well to remember if you do leave him how would he like it if you met someone else who insist on you cutting him out of your joint childrens lives.