Feeling low and getting older

dublinman101 · 02-07-2015 9:13pm #1

I've had problems with depression and anxiety before. I manage it with counselling, medication, a healthy diet and regular exercise. Despite this, in the last few months I've been pretty low. I've forced my way through social events lately, not really enjoying them. I drink very moderately and occasionally at the moment because it brings my mood down in the days following. I'm near 40 and I'm thinking I should have a decent house, be living alone rather than sharing, maybe be settled in a relationship. In fact my life isn't very different from when I was 30 and it worries me. I have a persistent negative thoughts mainly to the effect that "I'm not good enough. I should be better" - varying thoughts but the same theme. I do a fair bit of charity work and that helps a bit and I feel its worthwhile anyway even if it doesnt fix me. I do meditation most days and I'm going to stick with it to see if there is long term benefits. I could do with being a member of a club of some sort for the social aspect. I do try the meetups.
My confidence and self esteem is definitely low at the moment. It saddens me sometimes to think back at times when it was high.
Can people sympathise? Has anyone had a similar feeling to getting older? Will it pass?

dublinman101 · 02-07-2015 10:34pm

Marc Mullen. I've started a list there. There's a few things have crept up over the years. Things I felt OK about a few years ago I am less comfortable about. It's a bit scary to look at them. I should start eliminating them by doing them progressively?
I'm certainly conscious that I need to socialise more, to exercise my social muscle. The less I do it, the more rusty I get.

Rubberchikken · 03-07-2015 8:47am

i think it's a natural thing to focus on as you're getting older.
a 'where has my life, what have i achieved' thing. the only thing is not to let it get to the stage where it's all you focus on.

you're doing some very positive things, meditation, charity work but maybe you need to find something that will interest you in a social way. september is a great month for beginning new things. clubs etc are looking for new members and once you're worked out what you'd like to join, all you need to do is sign up and go.

i agree that if a person stops or slows down on socialising, they do get rusty. they also get into a rut that is very difficult to get out of.

look on being nearly 40 as a new chapter. time for new things and new experiences. good luck

santana75 · 03-07-2015 10:43am

dublinman101 wrote: »

I've had problems with depression and anxiety before. I manage it with counselling, medication, a healthy diet and regular exercise. Despite this, in the last few months I've been pretty low. I've forced my way through social events lately, not really enjoying them. I drink very moderately and occasionally at the moment because it brings my mood down in the days following. I'm near 40 and I'm thinking I should have a decent house, be living alone rather than sharing, maybe be settled in a relationship. In fact my life isn't very different from when I was 30 and it worries me. I have a persistent negative thoughts mainly to the effect that "I'm not good enough. I should be better" - varying thoughts but the same theme.

What you put your attention on grows, its a simple law of life. You're saying to yourself that youre depressed, you should have this or that at your "stage" in life. Your're not good enough, you should be this or that, and on and on and on. It'll never end, there'll always be something that you should have or be and you'll never be enough. Thats the problem with that kind of thinking and comparing yourself. You need to learn to love and accept yourself, thats it. Everything else will grow from that. Accepting isnt about limiting yourself, its the opposite actually, but its where you have to be to start. Where you are right now has to be ok, you have to be content with what you are and where youre at because you cant get over there to a place of abundance from a place of scarcity. Thats not how it works. You have to be content with who you are, be at peace with yourself, then you attract everything else to you, it comes naturally.
You get to choose what you focus on. Your mind has the ability to make or break you and right now youre choosing, for whatever reasons, to break yourself. Its a choice. You could easily say to yourself something like, Ok Im free, im independent, Im intelligent and I get to do anything I want with my life. You could start going out there and going after the things you want, bit by bit and deliberately creating your life. Or.........you could tell yourself, youre this age and that 10 years ago you were like this and now its not so good and I should be better I should have a wife, kids, my own home, and all the rest of that lark. See the difference? You can choose the feel good and content and optimistic or you can choose to think badly about yourself. You get to change this by changing the way you think. The medication is not a good thing. It blocks your feelings and your feelings are there for a reason, to let you know when youre off course. Id look into coming off them and to face up to and deal with the feelings as they are.

dublinman101 · 04-07-2015 11:18am

Thanks all for taking time to reply.
Rubberchikken ye I intend to get moving on doing a few courses, joining a few clubs.
santana75 theres a lot of sense in what you say. But I won't be coming off the medication for the moment. I don't agree that it blocks feelings. I'm getting enough messages that I'm off course while on the medication! I have experience of being off it, being on it. Years of experience.
But lets not get bogged down on that.
Any other feedback would be much appreciated.

Paddy Dreadful · 04-07-2015 11:32am

The way I look at it is this, Leonard Nimoy and Christopher lee both died this year at 83 and 93 . If I was to live that long that would be another 46-56 years of life which is a long time, true I may not live that long in fact I could possibly die today next week etc but that was also true from the day I was born, also there's more people on this earth than not that have a way worse life than you or me, you need to try and be positive, stop comparing yourself to others and do your best every day, seek out other interests and hobbies, take up golf, fishing, reading, playing the guitar, hillwalking, keep going to the gym, set fitness goals, perhaps try a marathon, or a bodybuilding contest, have a purpose, have a passion, have a mission in life

jopax · 05-07-2015 2:31pm

dublinman101 wrote: »

Thanks all for taking time to reply.
Rubberchikken ye I intend to get moving on doing a few courses, joining a few clubs.
santana75 theres a lot of sense in what you say. But I won't be coming off the medication for the moment. I don't agree that it blocks feelings. I'm getting enough messages that I'm off course while on the medication! I have experience of being off it, being on it. Years of experience.
But lets not get bogged down on that.
Any other feedback would be much appreciated.

Hi op,

I just wanted to say I agree with Santana on his views about focusing on what you want, and also agree with you totally about staying on the medication, its a very personal experience and only you know what helps.
I wish I had something to say to help, I have a lot of empathy for you, I have a different life circumstances than you but I still have a lot of them feelings.
I don't know if it would help but I often listen to Eckhart Tolle and I find him comforting at times.
I know when I get down that I'm taking life and myself too seriously.
I hope you find answers, you are not alone in your thinking.

dublinman101 · 11-07-2015 8:39pm

Thanks all. Will take it all on board.
One thing is I think I'll stop drinking or cut back a lot for the foreseeable future. It's not that I'm a big drinker and I don't drink very often but when I have more than 4 pints my mood really drops in the following days. I might only do this every few weeks but it had a negative impact on me.

gaiscioch · 11-07-2015 10:39pm

dublinman101 wrote: »

I'm near 40 and I'm thinking I should have a decent house, be living alone rather than sharing, maybe be settled in a relationship

You're free. Do you not see right there is something so many people no longer have? No family responsibilities. No mortgage. You can travel and not just for a fortnight. You can change your entire career if you want. You can become a Trappist monk and spend your days singing Gregorian Chant, become a Buddhist monk in Nepal, walk the Camino de Santiago, the Inca Trail, travel on the Trans-Siberian railway, meet fantastic people and achieve great feats of physical endeavour that will lift your mood and boost your confidence. Yes, the depression will be a challenge no matter what or where you are but there are ways to manage that and there are rich pickings in immersing yourself in philosophy and literature - perhaps even writing, singing, playing music or painting - as a way to make your world brighter.

You have so, so much going for you in your current situation. Seriously. (Santana75 says it very well above).

gaiscioch · 11-07-2015 10:45pm

dublinman101 wrote: »

One thing is I think I'll stop drinking or cut back a lot for the foreseeable future. It's not that I'm a big drinker and I don't drink very often but when I have more than 4 pints my mood really drops in the following days. I might only do this every few weeks but it had a negative impact on me.

That would be a very wise decision if it is impacting the mood like that. Just think of what you could achieve in all those hours you spend drinking in a year - learn a new language, new instrument, etc. There are far more real things out there, starting with appreciating that fresh, crisp morning air on a Sunday morning and being grateful for being relatively very healthy and among the living.

LegacyUser · 11-07-2015 11:03pm

Feeling down myself alot the last couple of months. I'm 25, still live at home with parents, have a entry level job and next to no friends. I know the only person that can change all these things is me. I just am finding it very hard to break out of this cycle that I'm in. I'm not even too worried about moving out or my career. What really gets me down is my lack of friends/girlfriend.

I work hard Monday to Friday and would love to be able to go out with a few friends or a girl on a date but the few friends I have a quite unreliable and I haven't had a proper girlfriend ever. It doesn't help that I'm super shy either.

I'm just feeling really lonely lately and needed to get it off my chest.

/moan

Feeling low and getting older

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