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Worried about elderly neighbour

  • 13-02-2008 12:12am
    #1
    MzFusspot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭


    Hi there, I'm just wondering if anyone has any experience with this themselves or advice/ideas. There's an elderly lady living on my road who is an absolute heart breaker, I've never in nearly over a year seen her except by herself, never seen anyone else come out of her house, she seems to be completely alone. In the last while it's occurred to me that I have never, ever seen a light on in her house in all the time I've lived on her road so I've been keeping an eye on the place when I go by, the wallpaper I can see at the window is peeling off the walls with damp (I must sound like a proper curtain twitcher), her house in general seems in really bad condition.

    In the past couple of days I've noticed that her door is on the latch, held closed with a sheet of paper between the door and the frame. From being a nosy parker when I walk by you can see that the door frame itself is warped and the lock rusty, to me it looks like she's keeping it on the latch because if it was closed properly she might not be able to open it (she's tiny).

    Where we live is pretty rough at times, actual crack den on the corner of the next street over and I'm really worried about her being there by herself with the door open. It also seems, and I could be absolutely over imagining this because I feel desperately sorry for her, that her home is in poor state and that she's not taking care of herself (seriously- no lights on in over a year).

    My problem is that I don't, at all, know what to do about this. I want to make sure she's ok and that she's not sitting inside in the dark and cold by herself all day and also that if her door is broken that she gets it fixed, she seems to me to be completely alone and I don't know that there's anyone to help her. My housemate has said that he's spotted her walking up and down the carpark of a nearby hospital which adds to my fear that she's completely by herself. What I'm going to do tomorrow is call Alone to get some pointers from them, I've never dealt with anything like this before and I am totally at a loss as to what the best way is to deal with it. I know if it was my granny and some young one arrived at her door asking if she was able to lock it she would 1. tell me to f*ck off being nosy and 2. assume I was going to rob the place and call the gardai. Best case scenario would be me with concussion after she clocked me with one of her souvenir plates.

    Has anyone any ideas on the best way to approach this? Or organisations I could contact to make sure someone's keeping an eye on her?

    Thanks for reading this far down :)


Comments

  • #2
    mike65
    Closed Accounts Posts: 88,978 ✭✭✭✭mike65


    Well you have done the most important thing, you have noticed and decided you'll do something. Some here might say "its nothing to do with you" and she'll only resent any "intrusion". Thats easy to type but they won't be the ones who see the ambulence take a body away one morning. Getting in touch with Alone is the right thing to do. Willie Bermingham did'nt set it up for fun.

    Mike.


  • #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Well as she's an old lady it's probable that the local church will know her.
    So you could try contacting someone there.
    Vincent de Paul or the salvation army would be another good bet.

    From the sounds of it,you will have to be prepared for a shock if you manage to befriend her enough to get past the front door.
    The living conditions might be appalling as might the poor womans health.
    The local social welfare department/health centre will have an officer that is good at dealing with this too.
    The section you want are the people that deal with home help.

    Mikes suggestion regarding alone is also an option.

    It's a Godsend to be honest that you care,because a lot of people are too busy or just totally disinterested these days.
    You'll need a bit of perserverance as this lady will be stubborn,so be nice and try to let her think that you are biding by her wishes whilst at the same time trying to do as much as can be done.That is don't appear pushy but at the same time smile and joke and cod and laugh with her.
    I'd strongly suggest that someone with a dog collar would need to be with you on first trying her door as you don't want to frighten her.
    Thats why I suggested trying a local church,it might be an easier way to break the ice regardless of what your own views on religion are, good or bad and it's probably something an older person would identify with.

    Best of luck and please do post back as to how you get on.


  • #4
    dudara
    Registered Users Posts: 33,519 ✭✭✭✭dudara


    Good on you for noticing. Some people who live alone can be too proud to seek help. I would definitely contact Alone, but I would also look into community-based solutions such as the local church, to see if they are familiar with her. St. Vincent de Paul can also be quite helpful.


  • #5
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Your loca health clinc will be able to put you in touch with the eldery socail worker and elder care nurse for your area.


  • #6
    MzFusspot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭MzFusspot


    Thanks for all the advice guys, it's much appreciated. I'm going to give Alone a call at some stage today and we'll see what happens. Will keep you updated


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  • #7
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    The elderly are sometimes the most forgotten people in society today. So your noticing and caring is a very important thing.

    Do contact any support services you may feel would help.

    But while it is hard to think about approcahing her. If you are concerned you could call around or stop her if you se her out for a general chat.

    I friend of mine works in a day care centre for the elderly and she is constantly ensuring that the elderly in the area are aware of what a day care centre is for and if she has not heard from people will make discrete enquries and ensure they are ok and get meals delivered. Its small stuff but important as it helps the elederly to realise that they are not alone or no longer wanted.

    However here is another link for you:

    http://www.ageaction.ie/

    You can see there is a wide range of services there, including repair services.

    Sometimews though elederly people can be juts so proud (and rightly so :)). So they may be desperately lonely but unwilling to ask.
    Perhaps if you were to see talk and call around it would be appreciated.

    But you caring shows through and that says a lot


  • #8
    sam34
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    try a local gp, they'd be able to tell you the name and contact details of the public health nurse covering the area


  • #9
    SW81
    Closed Accounts Posts: 508 ✭✭✭SW81


    Good on you for taking a step to help her. I hope something can be done. Fair play to you.


  • #10
    mugginsgalore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11 ✭mugginsgalore


    Hey its so terrefic that you are looking out for this lady and want to help,it really cheered me up to see that there are people like you out there,great dont change !!


  • #11
    m83
    Registered Users Posts: 2,021 ✭✭✭m83


    Fair play OP, you should be proud.


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  • #12
    MzFusspot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭MzFusspot


    Hey guys, just a quick update. During the week I called into the neighbour a couple of times, unfortunately (and I'd say because it's always dark when I come home) lovely elderly lady never came to the door. Was walking by with one of my housemates today and we knocked in, lovely elderly lady was so freaked out by us, we knocked once, no answer, knocked again (ie banged the letter box) and heard someone inside, then we just started calling out to her and she came up to the door but didn't open. She was terrified of us. We were trying to make her feel at ease etc, but all she could say was 'I don't know, maybe next door would know'. What broke our collective hearts was we could see her through the window and she was wearing her outdoor clothes, hat and a floor length wax jacket. Guess the heating isn't on :(

    After leaving her and on our way into town we came upon an idea and....we ratted her out to our local community Garda. Can't say enough good things about them, the garda we were speaking to was so matter of fact about everything, we told him what we were worried about and he was just like 'Where does she live, we'll be over later today'. Really big hugs for the gardai today. The best bit was that we were coming home tonight and.....lovely elderly ladies door was properly shut!! YAY!! The Gardai are cute and good as all get out.. Still doing more stuff this week to get lovely elderly lady sorted but...So far so good :D things are beyond better. Thanks for all the feedback lads, couldn't appreciate it more


  • #13
    Irish-trucker
    Registered Users Posts: 296 ✭✭Irish-trucker


    I have to say , Fair play Mzfusspot .
    I have an elderly granny (almost 90) and up to last year she lived by herself , but she decided a nursing home would be best ,and she did'nt feel safe alone anymore .
    We were lucky as she had a really good neighbour who'd look out for her ,and get her messages ,and if anything looked a miss -would give us a call (we live 20 miles away)

    It really does the heart good to think that someone in the times we live today , gives a dam about the more vunerable people of society .

    If only there were more people like yourself .
    Fair play ;)


  • #14
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    MzFusspot wrote: »
    Hey guys, just a quick update. During the week I called into the neighbour a couple of times, unfortunately (and I'd say because it's always dark when I come home) lovely elderly lady never came to the door. Was walking by with one of my housemates today and we knocked in, lovely elderly lady was so freaked out by us, we knocked once, no answer, knocked again (ie banged the letter box) and heard someone inside, then we just started calling out to her and she came up to the door but didn't open. She was terrified of us. We were trying to make her feel at ease etc, but all she could say was 'I don't know, maybe next door would know'. What broke our collective hearts was we could see her through the window and she was wearing her outdoor clothes, hat and a floor length wax jacket. Guess the heating isn't on :(

    After leaving her and on our way into town we came upon an idea and....we ratted her out to our local community Garda. Can't say enough good things about them, the garda we were speaking to was so matter of fact about everything, we told him what we were worried about and he was just like 'Where does she live, we'll be over later today'. Really big hugs for the gardai today. The best bit was that we were coming home tonight and.....lovely elderly ladies door was properly shut!! YAY!! The Gardai are cute and good as all get out.. Still doing more stuff this week to get lovely elderly lady sorted but...So far so good :D things are beyond better. Thanks for all the feedback lads, couldn't appreciate it more

    Op. fairr play to you. You are great to take that interest and also to act on it... :D


  • #15
    StandnDeliver
    Registered Users Posts: 433 ✭✭StandnDeliver


    meals on wheels are great too,if you could ring them up and tell them the story too.Sometimes elderly people cant cook,lifting pots etc can be hard for them.

    Good on you OP keep up the goodwork


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