The Fathers Thread

Quackles · 19-03-2009 9:06pm

Son_of_Belial wrote: »

Yeah we'll see what goes on this evening. I have her Mother's Day present for her (well, mother-to-be at least) so that MIGHT soften her a little... I got her one of those pre-natal massage therapy sessions. No, I know dating again isn't quite practical as yet, anyhow, it'd only hurt my chances of her deciding she wants to get back with me. I'm wondering if anyone else has any experience of this sort of situation though. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that it's a hormonal thing...

Hope you're right, that's one horrific situation you're in. You are one great guy to be so patient, don't think my husband would be as understanding!

Son_of_Belial · 23-03-2009 3:28pm

Thanks Quackles. There's not a whole lot I can do in fairness. Anyhow, the doom and gloom status has been reduced to her saying she "probably will" get back together with me - which is certainly better than "not goin to happen"... Taking this one one day at a time...

Spiderman80884 · 11-05-2009 7:51pm

Jaysus, this thread seems to have lost a bit of steam. I had been looking for it but didn't realise it was made a sticky. Just found it now.

We're having a 20 week scan tomorrow. It's been up and down so far with two bleeds and a hospital visit. Rollercoaster stuff. Anyway, that said there's been a fair bit of movement over the last few weeks (and a few mood swings!) so generally happy with that.

How's everyone else doing?

J2D2 · 12-05-2009 10:04am

My OH is 30 weeks in now, not much longer to go. Time has just flown. We still don't know the sex and I think it's all the more exciting because of it

Although everyone thinks it's a girl, as she's quite small so far.(Apparently) But My OH's grandmother told me that if it's a boy I'll be out of the will :pac: Still hoping for a boy though

I want to be playing with Lego not dolls!

@Spiderman: Congrats, hope all is well. Won't be long more till ye feel it kicking properly. Best of luck!

duploelabs · 12-05-2009 12:29pm

Into our 6th week now and our little one has colic and reflux, all I can say to any expectant fathers is 'sleep while you can'

flanzer · 12-05-2009 4:06pm

duploelabs wrote: »

Into our 6th week now and our little one has colic and reflux, all I can say to any expectant fathers is 'sleep while you can'

Tough luck duplo, our little one had it for a couple of days, but used Gavison Infant and it cleared it up pronto!

She's 7 months old and now laughs in the face of reflux but unfortunately the teething has started and beginning to have unsettled sleeps. Once you get over one thing something else pops up!

Spiderman80884 · 12-05-2009 8:08pm

Nothing can turn me off now. We had our 20 week scan today and found out the sex of the child. The pictures they gave us are superb. I've been walking around with a huge smile on me mush all day!!

DanGlee · 12-05-2009 9:40pm

Had a little boy just over two weeks, hes the best ever... but we have a slightly different problem (nothing too serious!)

We own a Nissa Micra and it's the smallest crappiest car in the world (well... for a baby - it runs spot on otherwise) so need to big up to something more roomy (plus we maybe have a 2nd child, so defo need the space)

Does anybody have any good suggestions?

We don't have much money to spend, prob €4k max. We were looking at either a Vectra or Mondeo (2002 / 2003 models) 1.6 or 1.8, basic specs. They are available for around that price range!

Any thoughts on these? Took Vectra for a spin today, was lovely to drive, missus loved it?

Any other idea's for cars? What do other dad's have thats 4 door with a big boot and reliable and cheap-ish?

duploelabs · 13-05-2009 10:36am

flanzer wrote: »

Tough luck duplo, our little one had it for a couple of days, but used Gavison Infant and it cleared it up pronto!

She's 7 months old and now laughs in the face of reflux but unfortunately the teething has started and beginning to have unsettled sleeps. Once you get over one thing something else pops up!

Yeah, she's diagnosed with reflux and colic so we've been thru cranial sacrel, homeopathy, gaviscon infant, colic calm, colief, infacol, gripe water, acupuncture, and think we've finally nailed it with zantec and baby massage.....well I say nailed it but we've had two nights of relative calm, let's just hope it lasts.

J2D2 · 13-05-2009 10:48am

DanGlee wrote: »

Had a little boy just over two weeks, hes the best ever... but we have a slightly different problem (nothing too serious!)

We own a Nissa Micra and it's the smallest crappiest car in the world (well... for a baby - it runs spot on otherwise) so need to big up to something more roomy (plus we maybe have a 2nd child, so defo need the space)

Does anybody have any good suggestions?

We don't have much money to spend, prob €4k max. We were looking at either a Vectra or Mondeo (2002 / 2003 models) 1.6 or 1.8, basic specs. They are available for around that price range!

Any thoughts on these? Took Vectra for a spin today, was lovely to drive, missus loved it?

Any other idea's for cars? What do other dad's have thats 4 door with a big boot and reliable and cheap-ish?

Well I'm driving a 99 Ford Focus, it's very spacious and has a good big boot but as the baby isn't here yet I haven't needed to put in a buggy or anything yet, although the measurements seem to suggest it'll fit very comfortably, so the boot is nice and large.

My car is a 1.4 petrol, plenty of power and decent on the milage. I reckon you'd have plenty of space in a Focus or a Mondeo, nice cars to drive too, reliability is really dependant on the age. Mine has been alright, but a few ageing parts have needed replacing over the year.

I'm pretty happy with my car and I reckon it'd be big enough for another kid or two if it happens. Pick which ever ye prefer, there won't be much of a difference at the end of the day.

The_Conductor · 13-05-2009 11:18am

DanGlee wrote: »

Had a little boy just over two weeks, hes the best ever... but we have a slightly different problem (nothing too serious!)

We own a Nissa Micra and it's the smallest crappiest car in the world (well... for a baby - it runs spot on otherwise) so need to big up to something more roomy (plus we maybe have a 2nd child, so defo need the space)

Does anybody have any good suggestions?

We don't have much money to spend, prob €4k max. We were looking at either a Vectra or Mondeo (2002 / 2003 models) 1.6 or 1.8, basic specs. They are available for around that price range!

Any thoughts on these? Took Vectra for a spin today, was lovely to drive, missus loved it?

Any other idea's for cars? What do other dad's have thats 4 door with a big boot and reliable and cheap-ish?

If you go slightly older you'll get a Volvo V40 diesel estate. Perfect for kids- and the safest car on the road.

sos33 · 15-06-2009 11:26am

RobAMerc wrote: »

we had the 20 weeks scan on friday - its a boy !

sorry I just had to tell someone as we're not going public.

my eyes filled up and I could hardly contain myself - it was fantastic to see him swimming about

wife going for 3rd scan on wedensday,its our first and we honestly dont know weather to wait or find out the sex of little sos(shall we say),its
50/50 at the moment,need a kick in the a**e one way or the other HELP!!!!!!!!

Nevyn · 15-06-2009 12:48pm

Do you think it will make a difference knowing?
Will it make it easier to prepare?
Will it mean you can bond more with the baby?
Will you wnat to tell people if you know?
Why would you not want to know, what are your reasons?

Melion · 15-06-2009 5:16pm

We were the same until we had our 3d scan, we hadnt decided even when we were sitting there in the office. Then the sonographer asked us did we want to know, we both looked and said yes at the same time.
Made everything much easier, we got the baby room sorted in pinks and yellows, now only focusing on girls names etc. All we've been doing for the last few weeks is waiting for the little princess to arrive.

sos33 · 15-06-2009 5:51pm

Melion wrote: »

We were the same until we had our 3d scan, we hadnt decided even when we were sitting there in the office. Then the sonographer asked us did we want to know, we both looked and said yes at the same time.
Made everything much easier, we got the baby room sorted in pinks and yellows, now only focusing on girls names etc. All we've been doing for the last few weeks is waiting for the little princess to arrive.

We have decided to find out,makes wedensday more exciting ,thanks for the kick we needed,:D:D ,

alrightcuz · 22-06-2009 2:11pm

im sleepy, im cranky, im wrecked i cant watch any more rugrats,mickey mouse or them twats on the disney channel, i cant go on the piss coz i feel guilty for leaving my partner coz god no's she deserves to be out more then me,i dont work not for the want of trying just let me have some piece i love you but i cant mind you when im haveing a breakdown,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
ahhh now i feel better you need a good rant now and again

chillout · 24-06-2009 8:39pm

get out with the lads have a few scoops and enjoy the break. no point going through ground hog day.

Kashkai · 26-06-2009 8:33pm

Went to the hospital with the wife yesterday for her first appointment (its our fifth baby) and nothing changes. Holles Street is a Mecca for women and the poor unfortunate males who accommpany their partners are at best made jokes of and at worst frowned upon by the females staff/nurses and other women there. My wife joined the queue waiting to see the doctor and sat down beside a group of 5 women who all turned to look at me standing there and collectively gave me a filthy look. Obviously they were discussing that period of time when women are pregnant and they didn't want a male overhearing them. Jeez, I probably know more about having kids than them.

Then when the wife was getting her details taken by a nurse, the nurse without turning to look at me nodded in my direction and asked if I was "house broken by now, ha ha". Now I'm not the sensitive type but why is there so much pressure put on males to be part of the whole pregnancy/birthing ritual when their presence is at best unappreciated and at worst resented by the females types?

To be honest, I didn't want to go to the hospital yesterday as it meant organising a babysitter (my mother who took the day off work) to mind my 4 other kids as I'm a full time, stay at home and mind the kids, Dad. I also knew in advance how resentful the women folk are at the males who do attend these visits with their partners. However, my wife was throwing a moody at how I didn't want to attend and see my 5th child's fetal scan so for a peaceful life I went along.

Now I'm not anti women/male chauvanist etc, and I'm all for equal rights but the anti male sentiment that runs through the female staff and patients in Holles Street gets right up my nose.

Rant over. I'm off to put the kids to bed as my wife is going out with the girls after a hard day at the office :rolleyes:

Trev M · 02-07-2009 1:50pm

Wow Prosperous Dave you obviously have vastly more experience with me , we're awaiting number one. I have to say my experience in Holles Street has been totally different . Ive been in twice and we're back in on monday havent been made feel anything but welcome.

Joey the lips · 02-07-2009 2:08pm

We had our child in holles street. Our child is mentally disabled. I was not happy with how holles street handled his birth having said that it does not mean i have any legal issues I just wont be going back and from what i understand neither did my wifes mid wife

Trev M · 02-07-2009 4:52pm

Jaysus , this is pretty worrying:(

Kashkai · 12-07-2009 2:18pm

Yeah and the real kicker is that you pay approx €4,000 for semi private care that is a complete and utter joke.

You are treated shoddily from when you attend for ante natal visits (massive queues for a less than 5 minute consutation with some smarmy consultant),

you are crammed into the ante natal ward with dozens of other heavily pregnant women with no privacy whatsoever,

after the birth the father and newborn are dumped in the tiny cramped nursery and moved from a - b - c - bloody z when other newborns and their fathers come in and are being shown by nurses how to change a nappy/wash baby.

If your wife has had a c-section like mine has on our kids, then you can expect to be left in the sauna like nursery with hungry screaming baby for up to 5 hours while wife is in recovery (due to their breast feeding ethos, Holles Street won't give you a bottle to feed junior),

when wife eventually arrives, she is put into a ward with 5/6 other women and their screaming babies.

And then you get the bill for €4,000 for this sterling service.

gowayouttadat · 12-07-2009 5:18pm

Prosperous Dave wrote: »

Yeah and the real kicker is that you pay approx €4,000 for semi private care that is a complete and utter joke.

You are treated shoddily from when you attend for ante natal visits (massive queues for a less than 5 minute consutation with some smarmy consultant),

you are crammed into the ante natal ward with dozens of other heavily pregnant women with no privacy whatsoever,

after the birth the father and newborn are dumped in the tiny cramped nursery and moved from a - b - c - bloody z when other newborns and their fathers come in and are being shown by nurses how to change a nappy/wash baby.

If your wife has had a c-section like mine has on our kids, then you can expect to be left in the sauna like nursery with hungry screaming baby for up to 5 hours while wife is in recovery (due to their breast feeding ethos, Holles Street won't give you a bottle to feed junior),

when wife eventually arrives, she is put into a ward with 5/6 other women and their screaming babies.

And then you get the bill for €4,000 for this sterling service.

If you don't think the service is worth it then why are you paying for it? Why do you not go public instead?

Kashkai · 13-07-2009 1:39pm

Because my wife won't go Public as she has this idea of ending up in a ward with 20 women. She believes she gets better care in semi private but I've seen my brothers wives and even my wife's own sister go public and they received exactly the same care as my wife did and they paid nothing for it.

Perhaps its snobbery on my wife's part but I'm not in a position to challenge her on this as I would be accused of bullying her into accepting lesser care (complete bs in my opinion) but thats the way it is I'm afraid. I could go on a rant here but one can't say anything negative about a pregnant woman's decisions without being accused of being a selfish, thoughtless ba$tard, even if we can't afford to pay for this semi private "care" (I'm a full time stay at home Dad minding our 4 other kids while she goes out to earn the crust to pay for mortgage, food, bills etc).

gowayouttadat · 13-07-2009 2:03pm

I was just curious as to the rationale behind paying for a service that you don't think is worth it.
Not saying anything about your wife but I think there is definitely an element of snobbery when it comes to the public/private thing. My own mother went mental when I said I was going public. She went private on all of us but when I talked to her about it afterwards she said it was because in Cork at the time whether you went public of private determined which hospital you could get in to. That's not the case any more seeing as we all end up in the same place.
Before I found out I was pregnant I would have definitely thought I'd have opted for private but it was my GP that convinced me otherwise.

Nevyn · 13-07-2009 2:27pm

Prosperous Dave wrote: »

Because my wife won't go Public as she has this idea of ending up in a ward with 20 women.

If all the private and semiprivate rooms are occupied when she gives birth then she could still end up in a public ward, but any I know of only have 12 beds in them.

Prosperous Dave wrote: »

She believes she gets better care in semi private but I've seen my brothers wives and even my wife's own sister go public and they received exactly the same care as my wife did and they paid nothing for it.

Private semi private is only good for que skipping in the country tbh.

Prosperous Dave wrote: »

Perhaps its snobbery on my wife's part but I'm not in a position to challenge her on this as I would be accused of bullying her into accepting lesser care (complete bs in my opinion) but thats the way it is I'm afraid. I could go on a rant here but one can't say anything negative about a pregnant woman's decisions without being accused of being a selfish, thoughtless ba$tard,

I disagree with that. The idea that you have to be nice to her and agree with her all the time cos she is expecting is a fallacy and that level of stress is not
good for your or the family.

No wonder the risks of partner abuse rise so much when a woman is pregnant, no I am not saying you ever ever would abuse your mrs at any stage but that level of stress due to not being able to disagree at all is not normal or natural.

Prosperous Dave wrote: »

even if we can't afford to pay for this semi private "care" (I'm a full time stay at home Dad minding our 4 other kids while she goes out to earn the crust to pay for mortgage, food, bills etc).

Does she not have health insurance which will cover the bulk of it?

Kashkai · 14-07-2009 2:40pm

I'd agree with you on a lot of what you say Thaed.

I feel like I'm about to burst when it comes to the whole expense of semi private care. We are down one salary (mine) and are living, i.e. scrimping to get by, on hers and she's recently been pointing out that it is "her" money that we're spending on the semi private care (funny how it was "our" money when I was the one working and she wasn't :rolleyes:). As I've said, even with semi private care, her 1.30pm appointment means waiting in a huge queue for at least an hour, i.e. 2.30pm to see the consultant for a maximum of 5 minutes and I cannot for the life of me see how going public would be any worse.

Finally, thank you very much for your words re. not putting up with endless sniping from her or having to agree 100% with her decisions re. her pregnancy. I'm completely fed up with how things stand at the moment and nothing I do is ever right. Jeez, I've given up a good job to stay at home and mind our 4 kids as she was "fed up being stuck at home all day every day doing housework and minding kids" and she "wanted to get back to adult company". Funny how she (not me) still wants another child then even though she spends very little time with the 4 kids she already has, i.e. comes home from work at 7, eats dinner, shouts at kids, goes to bed by 8.30.

It also really annoys her that I can do all the household chores, mind/play with our kids, AND still do all the other "manly" chores like cutting the acre of lawn, washing cars, painting etc etc and do it quicker and more efficiently than her. For instance, our Saturdays and Sundays are completely chore free as I have everything done by Friday so we can spend real quality time with the kids. But does this make her happy, like fcuk it does and she just disappears out to the shops to spend money we don't have leaving me with the kids or she is tired and has to go to bed and orders that I take the kids out so they don't annoy her. However, when I come home with the kids, I have to listen to comments about keeping the kids out late (8pm is late????) and going to my mothers to bitch about her (actually I don't - I reserve this for the anonimity of the web!). You are so right about the stress that is building up and while I would never lay a finger on her or anyone else in anger, this situation is causing cracks in our marriage that will be hard to seal.

Our 5th child is due in December but (and its hard to admit this), I honestly couldn't care less at this stage. Any joy/excitement about this pregnancy has been completely eroded by now. Tbh, she's welcome to the baby and she can look after it when it comes while I go back to work (if I can get a job).

Nevyn · 14-07-2009 5:50pm

Honestly at this stage if communiction has broken down and you are not working together any more for the good of the whole family it may be time to start looking at couples counselling or even talking to some one yourself to get your head straigh and vent/deal wiht all you are feeling and dealing with so it doens't build up an dyou can start making constructive changes in a non emotive manner.

The her money coments I do think is very much out of line and it sounds like your a great Dad.

prissylee · 15-07-2009 2:49pm

Prosperous Dave wrote: »

I'd agree with you on a lot of what you say Thaed.

I feel like I'm about to burst when it comes to the whole expense of semi private care. We are down one salary (mine) and are living, i.e. scrimping to get by, on hers and she's recently been pointing out that it is "her" money that we're spending on the semi private care (funny how it was "our" money when I was the one working and she wasn't :rolleyes:). As I've said, even with semi private care, her 1.30pm appointment means waiting in a huge queue for at least an hour, i.e. 2.30pm to see the consultant for a maximum of 5 minutes and I cannot for the life of me see how going public would be any worse.

Finally, thank you very much for your words re. not putting up with endless sniping from her or having to agree 100% with her decisions re. her pregnancy. I'm completely fed up with how things stand at the moment and nothing I do is ever right. Jeez, I've given up a good job to stay at home and mind our 4 kids as she was "fed up being stuck at home all day every day doing housework and minding kids" and she "wanted to get back to adult company". Funny how she (not me) still wants another child then even though she spends very little time with the 4 kids she already has, i.e. comes home from work at 7, eats dinner, shouts at kids, goes to bed by 8.30.

It also really annoys her that I can do all the household chores, mind/play with our kids, AND still do all the other "manly" chores like cutting the acre of lawn, washing cars, painting etc etc and do it quicker and more efficiently than her. For instance, our Saturdays and Sundays are completely chore free as I have everything done by Friday so we can spend real quality time with the kids. But does this make her happy, like fcuk it does and she just disappears out to the shops to spend money we don't have leaving me with the kids or she is tired and has to go to bed and orders that I take the kids out so they don't annoy her. However, when I come home with the kids, I have to listen to comments about keeping the kids out late (8pm is late????) and going to my mothers to bitch about her (actually I don't - I reserve this for the anonimity of the web!). You are so right about the stress that is building up and while I would never lay a finger on her or anyone else in anger, this situation is causing cracks in our marriage that will be hard to seal.

Our 5th child is due in December but (and its hard to admit this), I honestly couldn't care less at this stage. Any joy/excitement about this pregnancy has been completely eroded by now. Tbh, she's welcome to the baby and she can look after it when it comes while I go back to work (if I can get a job).

Hi Pros Dave. I am a female (with no kids but plenty of neices and nephews to know what parenting is all about) and I just wanna say I totally agree with thaed too in that you don't have to support your wife 100% in this whole buisness of going private. I say fair play to you for going back to work and minding 4 kids. That can't be easy. And she seems to forget that it was YOU who gave up your job in order for her to return to the workforce...

"It also really annoys her that I can do all the household chores, mind/play with our kids, AND still do all the other "manly" chores like cutting the acre of lawn, washing cars, painting etc etc and do it quicker and more efficiently than her. For instance, our Saturdays and Sundays are completely chore free as I have everything done by Friday so we can spend real quality time with the kids. But does this make her happy...."

OMG what is wrong with your wife? She should be so grateful that you can have all the household stuff done plus all the outside work done before the weekend. It sounds like you're obviously better at doing it than her? I have no kids myself yet, but I have a great hubby who is terrific around the house and does all the outside work too. So I for one am truly grateful for this and will be so much more so if we ever have kids (hopef soon!).

"However, when I come home with the kids, I have to listen to comments about keeping the kids out late (8pm is late????) and going to my mothers to bitch about her (actually I don't - I reserve this for the anonimity of the web!)...."

Sounds like she's not happy with whatever you do -whether you give her time with our without the kids. And I commend you too for not bitching about her to your mother, but keeping it anonymous online! Takes a lot to keep all that to yourself. I agree with thaed that counselling might be an option before you crack up altogether...?

But it sounds like you're a great husband and brilliant dad and she should cop on and learn to appreciate you.

Best of luck and I hope things improve for you.

Kashkai · 15-07-2009 3:37pm

Thanks for the comments folks. You'll forgive me if I indulge in a bit more internet therapy here as its a cheap way to blow off steam.........

I've been excusing a hell of a lot from her lately as I know hormones are probably raging round inside her but I have to admit that these issues run a lot deeper than just her being bitchy during pregnancy. I'd like to give an example of how screwed up she is - a few weeks ago, she went to her home place in the west with 3 of our kids (she left the baby with me as "she'd be too much trouble to look after" - no problem for me as she's a lovely sweet natured child). Anyways, when she came back home (I was out with the baby and so this annoyed her as I wasn''t there to then look after the other kids), I discovered the next day when he got up from bed that my son had chicken pox. She wouldn't even pick up the phone and tell me this when she was away in the west or when she saw me at home when she came back. I had to find out next day when I could see my son in the daylight. You'd think any parent, married or separated, would communicate with each other if one of the children was ill.

You'd be amazed at how I'm the cause of everything that is wrong with her life. For instance, she goes out with the girls, either after work or comes home first and then goes out and the next day launches into how I resent her social life. Now I never say anything about her going out, and tbh, I look forward to when she does so when the kids go to bed, I can sit back and watch a movie without having to listen to her endless comments (all negative). Then she says I'm jealous of her social life cause I don't have one but so what, I'd rather be at home with my kids than be in the pub (and if I did go to the pub, you can imagine how much ammo that would give her).

Now I'd like to know if any other guy had a wife that became super bitchy during pregnancy and how he coped or did it do lasting damage? And for the ladies, how far should a guy be pushed before he has enough?

I think counselling would be an excellent idea but I don't think she'd agree and if she did, then everything would be my fault anyway.

The Fathers Thread

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