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A fool for Love??

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    #32
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Wibbs wrote: »
    Great point and one I would agree with completely. Every single woman I've known that has had a string of bad relationships it came down to the relationship with her father(or lack of it). If they do find a nice guy, they will even sabotage it as they don't quite believe that they deserve that, or it's uncomfortable as that's not what they're used to. If daddy left when they were young, they go for guys who will leave. Sometimes even forcing the guys hand so he will leave. Then her inner voice has just had "men always leave" confirmed. People would often rather be "right" than happy.

    They try to repair the relationship with their dad in the present that they couldn't fix when they were kids. To do that they actively seek out the kind of man who is similar to their father. It's not always obvious though. To someone like that I would say; if you have a string of bad guys behind you, be very very careful if you feel strong chemistry with a new guy. 99 times out of 100, that chemistry is coming from him plugging into those bad parts of your male "template".

    I would also say that women do this far more than men do. I've known men with mothers who were abusive and they've tended to avoid that type like the plague. They may be suspicious of women, yes, but going for a string of unhealthy women? Not so much.

    Yes, this is all very true. You're always so full of insight about why women pick bad men, it's a pleasure reading what you have to say about the subject.

    I don't like thinking that being attracted to a guy should be a warning sign, but I know it's true and it's another one of the many issues I've focused on. Lately, though, I've been attracted to nice, thoughtful, reasonable men. I haven't dated any of them because I just haven't been ready until recently, but I think the sign that I even like them is a step in the right direction.

    Have you met many women who have broken the cycle?


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    #33
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    PillyPen wrote: »
    Yes, this is all very true. You're always so full of insight about why women pick bad men, it's a pleasure reading what you have to say about the subject.
    Tnx.:o
    I don't like thinking that being attracted to a guy should be a warning sign, but I know it's true and it's another one of the many issues I've focused on. Lately, though, I've been attracted to nice, thoughtful, reasonable men. I haven't dated any of them because I just haven't been ready until recently, but I think the sign that I even like them is a step in the right direction.
    Big step. Not easy either as basically you're telling yourself that what you knew is wrong. That's scarier in many ways than keeping on the same tack as before. Still two steps forward on the right road is way better than running miles on the wrong, I reckon anyway.
    Have you met many women who have broken the cycle?
    Honestly? Two. The rest kinda came to terms with what made them comfortable and went for ok guys but with a little of the edge of what their past told them was "right", or went for very meek guys so they could feel in control in some way.

    The two that did the full reversal had their rough times, but got there in the end. Damned strong women. To be fair the ones that got there half way are strong women too, so it makes it more of a pity that they didn't get more out of it, or in a way worse, the men in their lives don't get to see the person underneath. Emotionally women are survivors in my humble. More than men in general anyway, so they'll do alright. I'm lucky to have a few of them as mates.

    Thanks to them I learned to speak "Woman", though my verb conjugation's for shít and my accent doesn't cut it, but I get by in conversational stuff involving directions and the like...:D You're a complex, fun, enlightening, exciting, bewildering, often bloody maddening buncha muppets I must say, but I'm glad you're around. Blokes are equally complex etc but I am one so the language barrier isn't there. :D

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #34
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    mollybird wrote: »
    now because of him i don't believe in love at first sight or even soulmates
    I don't believe in love at first sight either tbh. Soulmates I feel do exist, though not so much in the Hollywood way. I think people drift in and out of ones life and if you listen very carfefully they can tell you things about life, love and yourself. Sometimes things you don't want to hear too. In that sense I've had soulmates that have lasted a few weeks. Hell I even had one that lasted a long weekend on a fishing trip to donegal that went south due to crap weather. :D. We both talked shíte(me mostly;)) and we had a bit of a snogette and that was it. I went home better for it. I'm glad I knew them and learned from them, even if it was for a short time. Even the "bad" ones taught me something. Sometimes it was just to make sure ones life insurance is up to date, but hey, that's a good lesson in of itself. :)

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #35
    LolaLuv
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,496 ✭✭✭LolaLuv


    Wibbs wrote: »
    ...went for very meek guys so they could feel in control in some way.

    That's why I'm still shying away from nice guys a bit, because I don't know where the line between a really decent guy and a creature with no backbone is. I don't want to go from one extreme to another because that isn't healthy, either. Trial and error, trial and error, I suppose.

    Jesus, you really know women. Time for your own talk show, I reckon.
    Thanks to them I learned to speak "Woman", though my verb conjugation's for shít and my accent doesn't cut it, but I get by in conversational stuff involving directions and the like...:D You're a complex, fun, enlightening, exciting, bewildering, often bloody maddening buncha muppets I must say, but I'm glad you're around. Blokes are equally complex etc but I am one so the language barrier isn't there. :D

    To give yourself credit, though, a lot of men have lots of women friends and still don't quite get it the same. It takes a special person, and you probably understand people in general better than the average person does, not just women.
    Wibbs wrote: »
    I don't believe in love at first sight either tbh. Soulmates I feel do exist, though not so much in the Hollywood way. I think people drift in and out of ones life and if you listen very carfefully they can tell you things about life, love and yourself. Sometimes things you don't want to hear too. In that sense I've had soulmates that have lasted a few weeks. Hell I even had one that lasted a long weekend on a fishing trip to donegal that went south due to crap weather. :D. We both talked shíte(me mostly;)) and we had a bit of a snogette and that was it. I went home better for it. I'm glad I knew them and learned from them, even if it was for a short time. Even the "bad" ones taught me something. Sometimes it was just to make sure ones life insurance is up to date, but hey, that's a good lesson in of itself. :)

    I've been thinking along these lines lately as well. I used to think that if a relationship ended then it was a failure, but that's such a waste of experience. You can meet someone for a weekend whom you absolutely fall in love with, and share with, and then the weekend is over and you both move along. I don't think people in our lives have to stay in our lives or even be with us for a certain length of time to be important. Probably if the culture changed to this sort of thinking there'd be a lot less bitter people in the world.


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    #36
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,073 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    PillyPen wrote: »
    That's why I'm still shying away from nice guys a bit, because I don't know where the line between a really decent guy and a creature with no backbone is. I don't want to go from one extreme to another because that isn't healthy, either. Trial and error, trial and error, I suppose.
    That's life I suppose. trail and error and if you're lucky your errors don't get publicised. :)
    Jesus, you really know women. Time for your own talk show, I reckon.
    :D Naw I've a face best suited for radio, though I could call it Dr. Feel(you up, only so long as you don't tell your boyfriend or the authorities afterwards....)


    To give yourself credit, though, a lot of men have lots of women friends and still don't quite get it the same. It takes a special person, and you probably understand people in general better than the average person does, not just women.
    As I say they are strong women, so I had it beaten into me. "She said what???? and you believed that? OK sit down ya eejit...":D


    I've been thinking along these lines lately as well. I used to think that if a relationship ended then it was a failure, but that's such a waste of experience. You can meet someone for a weekend whom you absolutely fall in love with, and share with, and then the weekend is over and you both move along. I don't think people in our lives have to stay in our lives or even be with us for a certain length of time to be important. Probably if the culture changed to this sort of thinking there'd be a lot less bitter people in the world.
    Yep, pretty much. Sometimes it is what it is and that's good. You share a connection and both get something from it, even if it's a salutary lesson. Even if it's a short one. It's a lesson nonetheless. The best experiences teach us about someone else, the worst, teaches us about ourselves. So even the worst experience teaches us. Often the best lessons cost the most. To be able to see the world differently, to be surprised, in both bad and good is a very welcome gift.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #37
    Trinity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    My first major crush was a boy much older than me, well not much but seemed that way as he was 18 and i was 14.. I was crazy about him. He got me into depeche mode.

    He finally asked me out and the most we ever did was a quick peck. This crush lasted years. He ended up on drugs, something i never thought he would do and he commited suicide a couple of years ago. Apparently he was gay, I dont know how true that is but such a waste. He was a volunteer in the community when i knew him and if anything i thought he would helped others on drugs not taken them.

    Em and all my other relationships i have been a fool for love. I was stood up once too. Mortifying.


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    #38
    Rozabeez
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,878 ✭✭✭Rozabeez


    Update on the one that never called, ended up being out for a drink with one of our mutual friends, plus him, he's an awful lot more annoying than I'd realized. Silly coke-heads.


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