Age-related health discussion and support thread

BrensBenz · 25-10-2014 6:04pm #1

Mod:

You may start a new thread on any O&O topic, but maybe a dedicated thread might help people who are not sure where or whether to post. If you wish to discuss any issues relating to age and/or health you may put them here. Remember you can post anonymously, but posts will have to wait to be approved, so they will not appear immediately.

The posts by Brensbenz seem to be a good starting point, he has raised an aspect of illness /caring that could usefully be discussed. Whether you are looking for opinion, advice or just to get something off your chest, please feel free to post here.

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Post by Brensbenz moved from Gods Waiting Room

I'm not sure whether to post this or not - Mod, feel free to delete if unsuitable.

First, I got a great result from my CT scan last week - much better than the medics had hoped for. It came as a huge relief to know that the right drugs, dosage and frequency were selected "first time" so that no time was lost in attacking the baddies. So I'll be in "God's Waiting Room" for another while!

Unfortunately, one of my chemo-buddies got a negative CT result and, when the news sank in she was, unsurprisingly, upset. She and I don't bring "entourages" to the chemo unit and, over the past months, we have shared hopes and fears, comparing side-effects with huge and hilarious exaggerations. But she broke my heart when she revealed that a family member / carer was treating her illness as a huge inconvenience to normal, household routine. Sulks and tantrums were now normal features of her "care". My friend was more anxious about telling this "carer" that her treatment and side-effects were to be more aggressive and that her "down" days would increase than she was about the lack of effectiveness of the treatment so far.

There are excellent councelling facilities immediately available in the chemo unit so we, and a nurse, strolled to the office and, after introductions, I bowed out and waited outside. I'm big and ugly enough to take most news but I freely admit that my chin was quivering while thinking about what my buddy had been going through and had kept to herself, for months, until Friday's CT result momentarily broke her spirit.

She emerged from the councelling, fully revived, with her usual smile, and apologies "for blubbering"!

Almost immediately, I was called to be plumbed in so we didn't have much opportunity to discuss. We'll meet again next week but I can't get out of my mind the dual misery she has endured, i.e the nasty side-effects of her chemo and being treated like a nuisance at home and now a third blow from her CT scan.

Cancer support is excellent here and I'm sure that my friend will benefit from it but why would a family member treat an unwell person in this way?

looksee · 25-10-2014 9:47pm

Brens, first, congratulations (or whatever the suitable phrase is

) on your good results, long may they continue. I think this is a subject - coping with illness and age related issues - that we could usefully discuss and give each other a bit of support on.

We do have the facility to contribute anonymously too. I think there could be a thread dedicated to the subject. If anyone has any thoughts would you put them in the feedback thread please?

Meanwhile, give Brens a glass of something interesting, and we will all drink to his continued improving health

Jellybaby1 · 25-10-2014 11:46pm

Hear, hear, Looksee, well said. A thread for this subject is a good idea. And also Brens to you, I am raising a glass of.......well, for me its a cup of tea as you well know by now, I am raising a cup of tea in celebration of your good result......long may that continue........'ere's mud 'n yer eye!

BrensBenz · 26-10-2014 1:22pm

looksee wrote: »

Brens, first, congratulations (or whatever the suitable phrase is ) on your good results, long may they continue.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

And also Brens to you, I am raising a glass of.......well, for me its a cup of tea as you well know by now, I am raising a cup of tea in celebration of your good result......long may that continue........'ere's mud 'n yer eye!

Many thanks for your kind words - much appreciated. But really, any praise (and toasts) should go to the Oncology Team - I merely hear and obey. Chemo will continue but now, a little like when you trust your sat nav, we KNOW we're on the right road.

However, any celebrations in my head were dampened by thoughts of my chemo-buddy and her domestic ordeal. At the best of times I'm worse than useless at this emotional stuff and perhaps now I've become victim to cancer's tendency to exaggerate emotions, but I just wanted to give her a long, long hug until her sobbing stopped. Thankfully, the excellent staff were there immediately and did a much better job than I could ever do.

From the caverns of my memory I recall that God never gives us more trouble than we can deal with. Maybe the natural tendency of the cancer victim to try to "keep up appearances", so that his or her circle are spared some of the upset, has encouraged the carer to believe that my friend has space for more misery, via the sulks and tantrums(?)

Or, while remaining aware that I probably have less than half the story, perhaps the carer is just a nasty, self-obsessed b****.

Jellybaby1 · 26-10-2014 4:33pm

BrensBenz wrote: »

........Or, while remaining aware that I probably have less than half the story, perhaps the carer is just a nasty, self-obsessed b****.

Yup!

looksee · 26-10-2014 8:59pm

Brens, I can understand your anxiety for your 'chemo-buddy' and you are right to give all the support you can. Two things come to mind though. One is that your own health is your main priority at the moment, and while I am not suggesting you should dismiss everyone else's problems out of hand, there is really nothing you can do in the situation you describe, apart from be friendly and interested when you meet her.

The other is a conclusion I came to long ago, that is, not to reach conclusions on other people's situations. There is always more to it than can be discussed in a few minutes. Its easy to talk about (say) the poor old lady who died in her home and wasn't found for weeks and say 'where were her friends and family?' We have no idea whether the lady in question alienated people and refused to let them in (I can think of one exact example) or whether she had in fact been abandoned.

I am personally in a situation of being a carer and there are always people willing to tell me how I should deal with a really quite irrational situation that has gone on for 25 years. As if I have not tried all the things they insist on telling me I should do. Fortunately the family understands the situation so I can just ignore the busybodies, it does not make life any easier though. I also have my own health issues, and that can slant how I react to everything.

What I am saying is, deal with your own issues, and those that you have a direct responsibility in, or can do something about. Otherwise, don't annoy yourself, you do not know the whole story and even if you did there is nothing you can do about it. Keep positive, and get well!

Layinghen · 26-10-2014 11:57pm

Brens many congrats on your good news. Looksee is absolutely right, you must concentrate on your battle.

Not condoning in anyway the way your friend is being treated by the person who is caring for her, but caring for someone day in day out has to be one of the hardest jobs.

I know (from my own health battles) that whether it is due to your condition or the medication you are on as the patient you can make life very tough for those around you.
Many times the carer has to watch someone they love turn into a completely different person. The carer is at the patients beck and call, may not be sleeping very well, may be confined to the house thus losing their 'life' as well as the person who is ill.

As I am sure you know when you feel like crap and drugged out of your mind on a cocktail of meds all meant to counteract each other, due to no fault of your own, you can treat those nearest and dearest to you pretty badly. If the people caring for you don't know or understand that it is not the real you but a highly medicated very sick person who is acting up, they too can lash out and so the seemingly never ending cycle starts.

Maybe your friend could ask the Doctors who take care of her to have a chat with her carer explaing how her condition and treatment is affecting her ability to function.

BrensBenz · 01-11-2014 6:56pm

Unfortunately, my chemo-buddy didn't turn up for her appointment yesterday. She didn't cancel, just didn't arrive. Staff have her contact details so I'm sure they will follow up in an appropriate manner.

Of course, you are correct in suggesting I take care of my own recovery and, as I too have been on that side of the fence, that "caring" can be a heart-breaking and soul-destroying task.

But of all the regulars in the Friday clinic, my buddy was the last person I would have thought would break down. She has a very strong faith in God and "turning the other cheek" is her forte. She "bucked up" a few of us over the months with her smile, positive outlook and encouragement.

I heed your advice and I know that Life can be hard but I can't help feeling guilty because I have great support at home and sad that she doesn't.

campingcarist · 02-11-2014 4:45pm

For me, the initial shock of being diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (cancer of the bone marrow) was greater than the chemo which lasted for 9 months. I was asked what did I want to do about the MM and I told the doctors that I knew nothing about it and was not a doctor. They were the professionals and they should do what they thought best.

The chemo didn't affect me very much - maybe loss of appetite but nothing more. It was the intensive chemo I had two days before a bone marrow transplant that affected me the most. No appetite and had to be fed intravenously. My appetite didn't return for several months - a great saving on the food bill!

However, with all the chemo and side effects of all the medication, I have peripheral neuropathy in the hands and feet. However, thanks be to God, the MM is still at bay after some 4 years. It must be said that chemo affects people in different ways.

Usually have a good laugh at Beaumont Hospital when I go for a check-up

BrensBenz · 02-11-2014 10:35pm

campingcarist wrote: »

For me, the initial shock of being diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (cancer of the bone marrow) was greater than the chemo which lasted for 9 months. I was asked what did I want to do about the MM and I told the doctors that I knew nothing about it and was not a doctor. They were the professionals and they should do what they thought best.

The chemo didn't affect me very much - maybe loss of appetite but nothing more. It was the intensive chemo I had two days before a bone marrow transplant that affected me the most. No appetite and had to be fed intravenously. My appetite didn't return for several months - a great saving on the food bill!

However, with all the chemo and side effects of all the medication, I have peripheral neuropathy in the hands and feet. However, thanks be to God, the MM is still at bay after some 4 years. It must be said that chemo affects people in different ways.

Usually have a good laugh at Beaumont Hospital when I go for a check-up

Couldn't agree more!

The moment the diagnosis is heard is traumatic but the medics usually follow-up quickly with a suggested "action plan" which, certainly in my case, got me focused on beating the invader rather than stewing on the diagnosis.

The word "Chemo" sends waves of terror through many people but chemo isn't "one size fits all" but a complicated cocktail, designed for each individual illness and patient.

The "action plan" will include advice of any expected side-effects and, for me, knowing what side-effects to expect was far better than waking up with some unlisted ailment. Many people have very few side-effects; others develop known side-effects which the medics can address effectively. In my case, my body is now getting better at fighting the side-effects without extra medication. Soon, my new hair-do will be the only giveaway!

I've had surgeries and courses of chemo overseas and now here in Ireland. Whereas the professionalism of oncology staff seems to be universal, the "chattiness" and banter of the Irish medics and fellow patients is wonderful. The media tell me that the HSE is in ruins but, if there is any reduction in morale, I certainly haven't witnessed it. Perhaps under-appreciated and under-valued but a truly great bunch of people!

PS: Fair dues for keeping the MM "at bay" for so long. Sounds to me like you have it "whupped"!

BrensBenz · 17-11-2014 12:06am

Just an update: Last Friday, a nurse, aware of our concern about my missing chemo-buddy, advised us that her appointments have been changed so we won't see her on Fridays anymore. However, apparently her demeanor is back to normal, i.e. pleasant and supportive, so all is well!

My course ends at the end of year - a CT scan will determine future treatments with an occasional "maintenance dose" being the most likely. However, three-monthly CT scans are required so I'm seriously thinking of acquiring the required gown and fitting an azip to the rear parting!

maringo · 21-11-2014 12:46pm

Reminds me of a time when I was visiting a relative in the mental care section of a hospital in Surrey. As we came out of the ward a tall man flew past with his gown flapping. Think he was making a bid for freedom - I cracked up but my niece had the presence of mind to alert a nurse who preserved his modesty and led him back up the hall. Laughter is a great medicine.

Best wishes for your recovery.

BrensBenz · 22-11-2014 12:13pm

maringo wrote: »

Reminds me of a time when I was visiting a relative in the mental care section of a hospital in Surrey. As we came out of the ward a tall man flew past with his gown flapping. Think he was making a bid for freedom - I cracked up but my niece had the presence of mind to alert a nurse who preserved his modesty and led him back up the hall. Laughter is a great medicine. Best wishes for your recovery.

Thanks for that - much appreciated.

(The tall man in Surrey might have been me!)

Whoever designed those gowns needs to be harvested for organs! I understand the need for rear access but can anybody tie a bow in those chords behind their backs? Lads! Velcro!

Before one of my scans, the nurse told me just to strip to my undies. "Grand" says I, until I realised I was wearing my Homer Simpson underpants. "Doh!"

Age-related health discussion and support thread

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