Being affectionate with straight men.

SugarHigh · 22-03-2011 12:21am #1

I was just watching newsnight and they showed a clip from Yemen where two young men were almost skipping down the street holding hands. I'm pretty sure they were straight since homosexuality is punishable by death in Yemen but I just thought it was interesting how comfortable they were in showing affection for each other. I've heard that before the trials of Oscar Wilde that soldiers used to walk through Hyde park holding hands.

After some googling it appears to common among Arabs.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/01/weekinreview/01basics.html?_r=1

Do you show much affection to your straight male friends and would you feel comfortable holding there hand? I'm Bi so I obviously wouldn't have a problem with it but I'm not sure how my straight friends would react. I doubt they would react badly but probably just get very nervous.

MagicMarker · 22-03-2011 12:22am

Why on earth would I want to hold another man's hand? In fact why would I want to hold anyone's hand who wasn't my girlfriend? I don't think gay, straight or bi comes into the equation.

levi · 22-03-2011 12:25am

Same in India, men are more affectionate with their friends in public than they are with their wives. It's a bit weird at first but it's obviously normal enough for them!

SugarHigh · 22-03-2011 12:26am

MagicMarker wrote: »

Why on earth would I want to hold another man's hand? In fact why would I want to hold anyone's hand who wasn't my girlfriend? I don't think gay, straight or bi comes into the equation.

Affection builds a stronger bond and better friendships. I think so anyway.:D

Panthro · 22-03-2011 1:20am

If I haven't seen a male friend in a while and we meet, I think nothing of giving a manly hug (actually, hindsight, I give everyone a hug if I have't seen them in a while), but ahh...thats about the height of it as far as I'm concerned when it comes to affection to a fellow bloke.
Jesus, holding another blokes hand...why would ya!?

TheMilkyPirate · 22-03-2011 1:23am

Wouldn't go as far as holding my mates hands but if i was sittin beside em might throw an around to rest on em or just rest it on their shoulder thats as far as id go with regards to affection. Holding hands no your grand thanks.

petebricquette · 22-03-2011 1:38am

I've held hands with mates as a joke but not really a sign of affection. Fairly affectionate on nights out and the like but not overtly so. A good ol' man hug is always nice though.

Galvasean · 22-03-2011 1:44am

I dont hold hands with anyone... EVER!
Well okay that's not entirely true. I think I've only ever held hands with a partner (apart from as a young child while crossing the road or something like that). Not sure why, I guess to me it's just something only couples do - a sign that you are a couple.
Quite partial to the aul man hugs and 'fake rape' with the boys. I don't 'fake rape' the girls though. I guess I'm just old fashioned.

sarcasmo3000 · 22-03-2011 3:34am

Galvasean wrote: »

.
Quite partial to the aul man hugs and 'fake rape' with the boys.

your partial to the aul fake rape with the boys....

'tom whats the craic?'
'john!'
'fake rape?'
'id love to!!'

if your the 'fake raper' in your group of friends then i'd like to inform you on behalf on those other unfortunates that that sh*t is f**kin gay..

every group of friends has a fake raper... speak out, dont be afraid. dont shower...

minidazzler · 22-03-2011 10:45am

I hug my friends, sometimes when joking around I'll kiss them on the cheek.

I am rather affectionate with my best friends, no real shame in it, I love the guys, some of the greatest people I will ever know.

Wolfe Tone · 22-03-2011 11:30am

A handshake or on rare occasions a manly hug would be about it tbf

omahaid · 22-03-2011 11:59am

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson used to skip around London arm in arm, no joke!

liah · 22-03-2011 12:03pm

omahaid wrote: »

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson used to skip around London arm in arm, no joke!

They're fictional..

Apparently it's pretty common in a lot of places in the East-- Japan, for example. I think it's largely a Western cultural thing that men aren't as affectionate.

Wolfe Tone · 22-03-2011 12:15pm

omahaid wrote: »

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson used to skip around London arm in arm, no joke!

Having read all the books I don't recall that.

listermint · 22-03-2011 12:19pm

Ah giz a hug OP , cmon!!

omahaid · 22-03-2011 12:25pm

Wolfe Tone wrote: »

Having read all the books I don't recall that.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ0s4GebEpTGMRaeopznitHL8PAgc7CbS8_ec6M0Qoi-sPTh1LRPQ&t=1

WeeBushy · 22-03-2011 1:15pm

I've spent a bit of time in South Africa, and I was a bit taken aback at first to see a large number of the guys walking down the street holding hands. At first I thought I had landed in the gay capital of SA, but apparently its a sign of friendship in their culture.

I was talking about it to an Afrikaner (white South African) and he explained it to me, but also told me that it was a 'black' (:rolleyes:) thing only and if I tried to hold his hand he would hit me! I became good friends with some of the locals where I was and they would hold my hand, but its not something I would do at home. It's interesting how different cultures express affection/friendship etc.

Galvasean · 22-03-2011 1:27pm

sarcasmo3000 wrote: »

if your the 'fake raper' in your group of friends then i'd like to inform you on behalf on those other unfortunates that that sh*t is f**kin gay..

every group of friends has a fake raper... speak out, dont be afraid. dont shower...

Sorry dude. You've no idea what you're talking about. Trot on.

Earthhorse · 22-03-2011 1:46pm

There is a footnote in one of the editions of the Holmes stories where it's explained that it was common around that time for men to walk down the street holding hands. I can't remember why it came up in the narrative though.

liah · 22-03-2011 1:49pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

There is a footnote in one of the editions of the Holmes stories where it's explained that it was common around that time for men to walk down the street holding hands. I can't remember why it came up in the narrative though.

If that's the case, I wonder at what point it was that it fell out of fashion and became odd in the West, especially considering it's not uncommon elsewhere.

Kazuma · 22-03-2011 1:53pm

I've been living in Turkey (Ankara) for the last two months, and the difference in that respect has taken me a while to get used to - I'm not even big on the amount of touching in Ireland.

Guys here will hug and do the cheek kiss thing - it's not solely the women. Also, if a man is showing you around a place and you're a stupid yabanci (foreigner), they'll link arms with you or hold your hand - this was something of a shock the first time it happened, was very uncomfortable with it initially.

Also, winking - men wink at other men. All the time. All the time.

Earthhorse · 22-03-2011 2:24pm

liah wrote: »

If that's the case, I wonder at what point it was that it fell out of fashion and became odd in the West, especially considering it's not uncommon elsewhere.

Yeah, I don't know. It's interesting because I never remember reading about it anywhere before or since. You don't see it in period pieces set in the time for instance but maybe that's because audiences would find it too alien. Like most things, I presume it's a fashion. My male friends would hug a lot more than I see my dad's generation doing. And in other parts of Europe it's usual to for males to kiss on both cheeks when meeting.

SugarHigh · 22-03-2011 4:30pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

Yeah, I don't know. It's interesting because I never remember reading about it anywhere before or since. You don't see it in period pieces set in the time for instance but maybe that's because audiences would find it too alien. Like most things, I presume it's a fashion. My male friends would hug a lot more than I see my dad's generation doing. And in other parts of Europe it's usual to for males to kiss on both cheeks when meeting.

I really do think it had a lot to do with the publicised trials of Oscar Wilde. I wouldn't risk doing anything that could be viewed as gay in public if it meant I might go to jail.

In the same way I feel nervous taking a short cut through a playground.

petebricquette · 22-03-2011 5:38pm

SugarHigh wrote: »

I really do think it had a lot to do with the publicised trials of Oscar Wilde. I wouldn't risk doing anything that could be viewed as gay in public if it meant I might go to jail.

In the same way I feel nervous taking a short cut through a playground.

Kids these days, eh?

pragmatic1 · 22-03-2011 8:59pm

Wouldnt be comfortable with it because I dont like people touching me, unless we're very close.

bin_the_skin · 22-03-2011 11:31pm

petebricquette wrote: »

Kids these days, eh?

Standman · 23-03-2011 2:10am

It's a funny one, men holding hands would be strange but no-one bats and eyelid when lads are showering each other with hugs and kisses in football matches every week. It's the only place it's acceptable for men to show affection.

x Purple Pawprints x · 23-03-2011 11:45am

Been lurking around here for a while and just noticed this thread, it's interesting.

I have noticed that younger lads, say 17 -18 now do seem a bit more comfortable than older lads with hugging each other. I don't know why this is, maybe it's becoming acceptable to be affectionate with another man.

I have to say I don't have a problem with 2 straight guys hugging but would be a bit weirded out if they held hands/kissed each other. It's common for other European's - Italian, French etc. to kiss each other hello. I don't think it'll ever happen here.

Giselle · 23-03-2011 11:29pm

SugarHigh wrote: »

I was just watching newsnight and they showed a clip from Yemen where two young men were almost skipping down the street holding hands. I'm pretty sure they were straight since homosexuality is punishable by death in Yemen but I just thought it was interesting how comfortable they were in showing affection for each other. I've heard that before the trials of Oscar Wilde that soldiers used to walk through Hyde park holding hands.

After some googling it appears to common among Arabs.
http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/01/weekinreview/01basics.html?_r=1

This kind of affectionate behaviour between men is common in Arab countries and in some other cultures, as said in India, because of the segregation of the sexes. Men and women tend not to mix and even married couples do not express casual affection, such as holding hands in public, for fear of offending cultural or religious sensitivities.

Men are forced by social convention into spending a great deal of time in the company of the same gender, and people being people, express the open affection for one another that cultural diktats prevent them from doing with the opposite gender.

In Saudi Arabia for example, it is commonplace to see male friends walk in the street holding hands, while their wives walk several paces behind them.:)

MrStuffins · 23-03-2011 11:34pm

omahaid wrote: »

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson used to skip around London arm in arm, no joke!

I'm sorry to be posting off topic, but this is the best post ever!

Bottle_of_Smoke · 24-03-2011 3:05pm

I don't think we're less affectionate in the west just hand-holding is seen as something couples do, whereas it appears in the middle east/south east asia its something everyone does. Even girls tend to interlock arms rather than hold hands.

Being affectionate with straight men.

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