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05-03-2014, 23:53   #6121
Sir Arthur Daley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dolanbaker View Post
This is becoming a Möbius thread.
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

To get to the same side
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06-03-2014, 00:24   #6122
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Ten high-profile figures from the world of banking have taken their own lives in the last six weeks.

Proof that bankers do have some community spirit after all.
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06-03-2014, 07:55   #6123
dolanbaker
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An elderly couple go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly
couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finish, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them £50
and he says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple return and asks the sex therapist to
watch again.

The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay
the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm
sorry, but I have to ask.

Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married and we can't go to her house.

I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges £98.

The Hilton charges £139.

We do it here for £50, and I get £25 back from BUPA!
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06-03-2014, 09:10   #6124
Curly Judge
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dolanbaker View Post
An elderly couple go to a sex therapist's office.

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly
couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finish, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing
wrong with the way you have intercourse."

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them £50
and he says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple return and asks the sex therapist to
watch again.

The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay
the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm
sorry, but I have to ask.

Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married and we can't go to her house.

I'm married and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges £98.

The Hilton charges £139.

We do it here for £50, and I get £25 back from BUPA!
Ever get a slight sense of deja vu?
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06-03-2014, 09:27   #6125
Capt'n Midnight
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Q: Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
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06-03-2014, 10:37   #6126
Curly Judge
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt'n Midnight View Post
Q: Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
It must be contagious?
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06-03-2014, 10:41   #6127
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WikiHow View Post
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

To get to the same side
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt'n Midnight View Post
Q: Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Curly Judge View Post
Ever get a slight sense of deja vu?


NO
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06-03-2014, 18:31   #6128
dolanbaker
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The mother-in-law arrives to visit her daughter to find her son-in-law Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found ? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation .....she never got your E-mail!"
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06-03-2014, 18:32   #6129
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Quote:
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Ever get a slight sense of deja vu?
All the time here on the great joke recycling centre.
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06-03-2014, 18:35   #6130
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The war of the Möbius strip.

It was never ending!
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06-03-2014, 20:35   #6131
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What goes, clip…………clop………...clip…………clop………...clip…………clop…………,


BANG!


clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop,clip,clop?







An Amish drive-by shooting.
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06-03-2014, 20:39   #6132
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A Roman soldier walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up at the barman and says "Five pints please".
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06-03-2014, 20:41   #6133
Sir Arthur Daley
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Bruce Willis was found dead from a viagra overdose,

he must have died hard
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06-03-2014, 20:46   #6134
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aquagakka View Post
An Amish drive-by shooting.
Every time I hear about Discovery's Amish Mafia program I think of this

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06-03-2014, 21:00   #6135
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How does a lobster answer the phone?





























Shello?
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