Rehoming Dog - will it break his heart?

LegacyUser · 12-04-2015 4:52pm #1

We've had a dog about 18 months now - at first, she was very cute and tiny - she is now not so cute and to be very honest, a pest! (don't hate me animal lovers!). My son is 14 and adores her - he looks after her well. I'm now pregnant and due my baby in 6 weeks and the truth is, I just can't manage this dog anymore - we have quite a small house and as the baby stuff starts to arrive, I can see that there will be no room for the dog. I've been tempted to re-home her a few times, but I know it would break my sons heart...he's very attached to her, but I really don't want her around anymore with the new baby coming.
If you're an animal lover, please don't judge me - I suffered with post-natal depression on my son and am very aware of the dark places that may be ahead for me when the baby comes along, and I have to put mine and my baby's health ahead of the dog.
I know my son's heart will be broken, but surely he'll get over it (as he would if the dog died or ran away)...has anyone any thoughts on how I can handle this situation? Thanks.

SparkySpitfire · 13-04-2015 12:26pm

This is why it's always a good idea to adopt a grown dog instead of a puppy so you know what you're in for...

That aside, it sounds like you don't want to keep this dog at all and your son will just have to "get over it". Your decision is already made. You're coming at this from your point of view. The dog is a pest that will make your life that bit harder when you've got a newborn to deal with.

Consider it from your son's point of view. You're going to take away his pet that he loves and then you're going to have a baby who's (understandably to me, maybe not to him) going to take up 90% of your time and attention. So he's left with a busy mum and no animal companion in his life anymore. Animals are great emotional support and the first thing I thought was he's going to have to deal with getting over losing his dog as well as sharing his mum for the first time in 14 years. That's some blow when you're supposed to be getting ready for the JC.

I would advise to keep the dog on the basis outlined above. However you still have time to make your life easier before the baby comes. Firstly, get the dog into training NOW. Whatever behaviours are annoying you now are likely to be ten times worse once the baby comes. There are plenty of low cost positive training courses out there now. Tackle your dog's behavioural problems now and your life will be much less stressful later on. Secondly, it sounds like your son already takes good care of the dog, now is the time to get him used to taking on practically 100% of her care (or the part a teen can reasonably be expected to handle themselves). Talk to him and explain that you won't have time or patience to deal with the dog so from now on you trust that it's under his control and it's his responsibility to walk, brush, feed and clean up after the dog. Explain to him if he cannot reasonably do this you'll have to seriously look into rehoming as it's the only fair option on both sides.

If you do go to training it will make life at home while he's in school/extra-curricular activities etc. much much easier. Then when he gets home it's his full responsibility. Having a dog is such a great way to teach such life skills as well as providing companionship that may be invaluable to him once his little sibling comes along. I'd urge you to take all measures you can before you tihnk of rehoming the dog because as far as I can see from an outsiders perspective it seems like it's not the best idea at the moment if you take the necessary measures before little sir or madam arrives.

Satori Rae · 13-04-2015 12:53pm

I would definitely listen to sparky. Chances are down the line you or your kids will want a dog meaning you will have to start from scratch again anyway.

If money or time is an issue go on Victoria stillwells website she has basic training videos up that you or your son could do even together before baby comes. Which would be beneficial all round

Rocket19 · 13-04-2015 9:16pm

Seriously OP, I know you asked people not to judge, but honestly reading this really annoyed me.

When you take on a dog, you should know that you are making a commitment for its whole life, not just until you feel you don't want it anymore.
I just find it pretty repulsive that you would throw away the dog just as soon as a change occurs in your life.

With regards to your son, what does that teach him about commitment and responsibility? Much less how to care for animals.

While I honestly do sympathise with you with regards to the post natal depression with your first son, I just don't feel it excuses this.
It doesn't really sound like you've even thought through managing the dog and baby.

I would encourage you to look for as much help as possible with this new pregnancy from your friends, partner, and even your son. I can understand that you may feel overwhelmed, but regardless, I feel 'getting rid' of your dog should be the very last resort.
It's not really fair to your son or the dog that you wouldn't even give it shot to try and work things out.

Satori Rae · 13-04-2015 9:29pm

Rocket19 wrote: »

Seriously OP, I know you asked people not to judge, but honestly reading this really annoyed me.

When you take on a dog, you should know that you are making a commitment for its whole life, not just until you feel you don't want it anymore.
I just find it pretty repulsive that you would throw away the dog just as soon as a change occurs in your life.

With regards to your son, what does that teach him about commitment and responsibility? Much less how to care for animals.

While I honestly do sympathise with you with regards to the post natal depression with your first son, I just don't feel it excuses this.
It doesn't really sound like you've even thought through managing the dog and baby.

I would encourage you to look for as much help as possible with this new pregnancy from your friends, partner, and even your son. I can understand that you may feel overwhelmed, but regardless, I feel 'getting rid' of your dog should be the very last resort.
It's not really fair to your son or the dog that you wouldn't even give it shot to try and work things out.

I definitely get where your coming from but at least she has asked for advice

Better that then what most people do >.<

qt3.14 · 13-04-2015 9:33pm

Potential issue that'd spring to mind would be the teen resenting the new baby and possibly you because of the dog being disposed of. Timing wise there no real hiding that one is because of the other. The dynamic of a new baby i can be fraught enough with imaginary slights without adding fuel to the fire.

pwurple · 15-04-2015 7:43am

How is the dog being a pest? Could some training help? There are dog training classes.

Could the dog live outside if you are worried about damage inside?

Miaireland · 16-04-2015 1:37pm

I think you could be bring yourself more trouble by getting rid of the dog. Your son could very easily resent the new baby because of it. Maybe look into training the dog as others suggests. Given the age difference between your son and the baby it is going to be a huge change in your sons life. I don't think it is being fair to him getting rid of his dog.

LegacyUser · 17-04-2015 12:12am

Have to agree with other posters OP I can see this being more then just your son being upset about the loss of his dog but by his mum placing the baby ahead of him. You say you have to look out yourself and the baby first and that's frankly how your son will see it and he will resent you for it.

I get your panic and fear of PND after what happened with your other pregnancy but honestly having or not having a dog is not going to increase or decrease your PND. You need to speak to your GP about that, get all the support you can in and sit your son down and explain he needs to be responsible for the dog. Give him something to focus his energy on so he doesn't feel like he's being replaced. I remember being very angry when my brother was born when toys etc I consider mine were given to him and I was very upset with my parents and I was only 3, your son is a teen. Take away his dog and he is likely not to scream and shout like a 3 year old but retreat inside himself and just resent you and/or the baby.

skallywag · 17-04-2015 10:28am

I think that you will be setting a terrible example to our son if you just get rid of his dog. Is this the way you would like him to face such issues in life?

paulheu · 17-04-2015 10:34am

Frankly, the dog is not the problem here.

You took responsibility for an animal and then neglected to properly establish your position. From what I read here the dog is the dominant being in your household and your let her grab that position. Instead of running away from your responsibilities and opting for the easy and IMO cruel way out you need some training in how to establish and maintain dominance towards the dog. It's not unlikely this will not only benefit the dog.

eisenberg1 · 17-04-2015 10:44am

OP, if you get rid of the dog, it is something your son will never forget. Why not let your son become responsible for the dog? grooming, exercise and feeding etc. Also maybe get the dog to a weekly training session..give that a few weeks and see how it goes.....

hopgog · 17-04-2015 10:49am

unregistered wrote: »

We've had a dog about 18 months now - at first, she was very cute and tiny - she is now not so cute and to be very honest, a pest! (don't hate me animal lovers!). My son is 14 and adores her - he looks after her well. I'm now pregnant and due my baby in 6 weeks and the truth is, I just can't manage this dog anymore - we have quite a small house and as the baby stuff starts to arrive, I can see that there will be no room for the dog. I've been tempted to re-home her a few times, but I know it would break my sons heart...he's very attached to her, but I really don't want her around anymore with the new baby coming.
If you're an animal lover, please don't judge me - I suffered with post-natal depression on my son and am very aware of the dark places that may be ahead for me when the baby comes along, and I have to put mine and my baby's health ahead of the dog.
I know my son's heart will be broken, but surely he'll get over it (as he would if the dog died or ran away)...has anyone any thoughts on how I can handle this situation? Thanks.

Tell your son he needs to look after the dog more as you can't with the baby and he will have to keep it in his room more and make sure it never unattended around the baby. If you get rid of it he will hate you and baby.

MrWalsh · 17-04-2015 10:56am

Im disgusted by this thread.

Animals are not disposable items. 18 months and now the dog is a pest that you want to get rid of? Absolutely disgraceful.

The shelters and rescues are full of dogs from people like you.

Lau2976 · 17-04-2015 11:02am

As others have said, this is probably the worst time to get rid of the dog. Your son has had your undivided attention for 14 years and now his life will be completely flipped to accommodate a cryong baby, who takes up 95% of his mams time and who he'll probably have very little interest in other then the annoyance that he can't sleep or that he has to stop playing the Xbox to run down to the shop and get nappies again.

Your in a good position with your son and the dog with him loving and taking care of him as so many people fall into your catogory of only liking the dog when they're a cute puppy.

I would agree with everything above but add that maybe look into getting the dog used to the new baby before they come home (have your partner bring home clothes that smell like the baby, then the dog will be used to their smell, and at be arrange for the dog to be taken by a friend for the day the baby comes home so they can get settlede). Your son won't thank you for getting rid of his dog in what will be a pretty tough part I his life when he needs them most.

charlietheminxx · 17-04-2015 11:08am

I don't think getting rid of a dog is a good thing to do ever, but if you don't love him and treat him like he's a pest, then maybe he should be rehomed with people who will love him, train him and accept him as part of the family. I have to wonder why you got a dog in the first place?

Other posters are right, this isn't a good example to set for your son.

galljga1 · 17-04-2015 11:15am

Personally, I would keep the dog. Great excuse to get out for a walk with pram and dog which can help combat depression in a lot of cases. Dogs are also great for building a strong immune system in kids. Maybe they do not do it directly but the activities they drag kids into do. Houses are too clean these days. Please do not underestimate the connection your son has to this dog nor the connection the dog has to you guys.

coffee_cake · 18-04-2015 7:26pm

I strongly agree with the idea to let your son take over the training of the dog, let him go to dog groups and training sessions. He will want the companionship and need it.
As mentioned, you will be teaching him a very harmful lesson if you give away a dog - it's a family member, not a toy - as well as breed a lot of resentment. No, I don't think he will just "get over it".

dealornodeal23 · 18-04-2015 7:40pm

It will break the poor dog's heart too

Hollister11 · 25-04-2015 8:24pm

Are you for real OP ?
You adopt a dog for it to be part of the family, you just just give it away when sometime in your life changes. I hate people like this. The dog will be upset as much as your son, and tbh of mum did this, I wouldn't be extremely pissed off, and find it hard to have a healthy relationship.

lulu1 · 25-04-2015 8:43pm

OP Please don't get rid of the dog because 1 your son will hate you and possibly resent the baby. And 2 think of the poor dog being cast aside like a piece of rubbish. OP you may not even have depression this time around.

fValerie · 23-06-2015 1:16pm

I think, you are responsible for the dog too. Rasing a dog is no more difficult or costly than rasing a child, believe me. I am a mother of a 16yo son, and we have a dog too. In fact, the dog is his pet, his responsibility. At 14yo children are old enough to take care of their pets, and their pets are best friends for them at this age.
I would recommend you to leave the dog. You will see your little child will love it too!

RingTheAlarm! · 29-06-2015 10:29pm

Sounds like your decision has already been made OP. My dog was taken away from me when I was a very close age to your son. I never forgave my parents and this is 10+ years on. I still stand by my decision.

Barker152 · 09-10-2015 11:47am

When I read your post OP, I really sympathised with you. Dogs can be a lot of work and you are worried that you will not be able to cope after your baby is born. I have always had dogs from a very young age but I am under no illusions as to the reality of taking care of a dog, it is a big responsibility. Yet they give back in ways you can't price, your son is getting an experience of living and caring for a very loving animal that will stay with him for the rest of his life.

Could it be also that you are so worried and anxious about how you will cope that you are fixating on this dog as if getting rid of him or her will solve it? Yes, it would be one less thing for you to deal with, but if you can ask your son to help more with the dog or even ask friends/family to help with the dog or in other ways, maybe you would be less stressed about it. Could you, for eg, put in place a timetable of what needs to be done everyday to care for the dog, and ask your son if he can do it. Or could you ask someone in your family if they could take the dog, just for a little while, when the baby is born. Or even ask them, in the event that it all gets too much, would they be willing to take the dog and then, just wait and see- take it one day at a time- you might not need them to take the dog at all in the end. Maybe having strategies in place for other people to help you, or even that 'escape route' available to you would ease your worries.

Either way, put yourself, your son and your baby first and mind yourself. Just take it one day at a time.

Squatman · 09-10-2015 12:02pm

Barker152 wrote: »

Dogs can be a lot of work .

if dogs are a lot of work, then you are doing it wrong.

seamus · 09-10-2015 12:12pm

Considering this thread was started 6 months ago, the baby has already arrived and the OP has made whatever decision she was going to.

Barker152 · 09-10-2015 12:38pm

Squatman wrote: »

if dogs are a lot of work, then you are doing it wrong.

Really? When you have just had a baby, is it going to be fun cleaning up after a dog or work? Is it fun making sure your dog has enough exercise when you are tired or sick yourself or hard going?

Is having a dog all lollipops and rainbows, hugs and kisses? Having a dog is great at times, lovely at times, and hard work sometimes.OR maybe I am just doing it all wrong as is more or less every other person I know who has a pet, a family, working, kids.

Squatman · 09-10-2015 1:15pm

Barker152 wrote: »

Really? When you have just had a baby, is it going to be fun cleaning up after a dog or work? Is it fun making sure your dog has enough exercise when you are tired or sick yourself or hard going?

Is having a dog all lollipops and rainbows, hugs and kisses? Having a dog is great at times, lovely at times, and hard work sometimes.OR maybe I am just doing it all wrong as is more or less every other person I know who has a pet, a family, working, kids.

no, your right, doing a little bit of exercise is the end of the world, especially when home and away needs to be watched, and fair city, and eastenders and emmerdale, and need to fit in a glass or two of wine, and under no circumstance can the dog be let outside to use the toilet. life is tough.

Rehoming Dog - will it break his heart?

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