20, really bad anxiety...anyone have any tips to help?

cupcake93 · 26-10-2013 6:41pm #1

Hi everyone. Just here to have a little rant and hope that maybe someone has some tips that they would be happy to share with me, maybe? Not even sure if I'm posting in the right place

I'm 20, always have been a bit of a worrier, but nothing like now. I've had anxiety for about two years; I get really bad panic attacks and my heart feels like its about to thump right out of my chest. It's extremely scary.
I used to have awful awful dreams about my boyfriend (been together for 3 and a half years, generally very happy together and get on really well) having an affair with one of his friends who is a very fun bubbly girl who I really do like but haven't actually been able to see without being really scared and anxious since those dreams. I am very scared of being alone, being left by my boyfriend, that he might get a job and I won't see him as much, and people being annoyed by me. This all makes me feel really stupid and so so selfish which I hate, and I just want it to go away so as I can go back to being my old happy self. It's a very frustrating feeling.

My mum and dad separated when I was 5 after he started going out with a woman he met online, who he is now married to. My mum was left extremely depressed for around 8 years, during which time I was extremely worried I might lose her or she would always be sad and depressed, and I think this might have something to do with my anxiety. Thankfully, my mum has made a full recovery.

The only person I can actually turn to is my very very patient and lovely boyfriend. When I am thinking clearly, half of my worries I know are ridiculous, because he has never ever given me cause to think he would stray, or leave, but I just can't stop the horrible thoughts seeping through. I am constantly afraid and get terrible panic attacks and feelings of extreme doubt in myself and my self-esteem has taken a real slump.

Just wanted to get that out, been having quite a crappy day and it's just nice to be able to vent. Thank you.

username123 · 26-10-2013 6:48pm

Listen, what you are going through happens to loads of people for a whole variety of different reasons. But guess what, you dont have to suffer like this. Please, talk to your GP and get referred to the relevant person to talk to or get some good meds prescribed - if appropriate.

Its very sad to hear that you are feeling so bad - but you really dont have to!! This is just a bump in the mental health road. You can definitely get it sorted - definitely!!

Best of luck.

Sauve · 26-10-2013 7:24pm

Mod

Hi there OP, I have moved your thread to this forum as I think you'll get more appropriate responses here.

Best of luck with it,
Sauve.

Morag · 26-10-2013 7:26pm

Talk to your dr, get a referal for CBT and look into NLP.

Ah_Yeah · 26-10-2013 7:27pm

As someone who has suffered with anxiety/panic attacks (induced by stress) on and off for a while now, I completely empathise with you. It's not fun, and doesn't help self esteem!

Anxiety can be a tough one to crack, because the negative thoughts produced by it, are the very thoughts that feed it and fuel it further. I was not unlike you in that my anxiety manifested itself physically, to the point where I had crippling pains in my stomach, which were worse when I became stressed, and I felt the heart thumping you referred to, along with all the paranoia and more!

I have been suffering from it quite severely for about 8 months now, and up until about 4 months ago I just ignored it and put it down to stress. Now that I am working on it actively, I am noticing improvements.

Firstly, I would recommend that you go and speak with a therapist. I can provide you with a recommendation if you like (mods, I don't know if this is ok to do, hence why I haven't provided one here). Even if finances are tight, there are trainee therapists who offer counselling on a sliding scale basis. That's how I manage to afford mine. It really is worth it. If you are in college, there should be free services available - make use of them! One piece of advice though - stick it out. You won't see change overnight, and there can be some tough going, but you will really see the change once you get through that!

Secondly, I find the CD "When Panic Attacks" quite helpful, to listen to before I go to sleep, or sometimes in work if I am feeling particularly stressed. I wouldn't recommend that you listen to it in the car!

This book on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) by Sarah Edelman can help you look at your thought processes, how you approach/interpret things on a daily basis, and help you challenge and dispute those thought processes. This will also help you to overcome that negative thinking that all feeds into (and is an output of) anxiety.

The last piece of advice I'll give you is to be kind to and go easy on yourself - the more you overanalyse or put pressure on yourself, the more likely that anxiety is to flare up. Be kind to yourself and remember you are human, and that it's ok to worry, to make mistakes, etc. Try to be aware of your thoughts - feel what you are feeling, and think about what you are thinking - if you can recognise what's happening, that's a great place to start to help you challenge those thoughts.

Best of luck with it

cupcake93 · 26-10-2013 7:38pm

Thanks very much everyone for the help and suggestions. Its really nice to know that there are other people going through the same things, makes you feel a bit less alone in the whole thing. I am currently seeing a therapist. Went to a CBT last year, but didn't find them to be very good, all they really did was give me some printed exercises for breathing techniques, but these need to be practiced when you are alone, which is where I have the problem. This new lady I'm going to see says that those exercises don't actually work for everyone and that I have General Anxiety Disorder.

Thank you for the help x

username123 · 26-10-2013 8:05pm

Id say it happens to pretty much everyone at some stage or another in life.

I can remember being so overcome by anxiety that I thought I was having a heart attack with the pains in my chest. Its an awful feeling.

Something that I think helps a lot is regular exercise - but it has to be an exercise that you really enjoy so you can get "lost" in it. For me thats swimming. It lets me switch my mind off and just get lost in the repetitive motion. Some people might get it from running or yoga or whatever - but if you can find your "zen" exercise - it really helps. It produces good endorphins, and makes you tired so your brain actually has less time to spend wandering into anxious thoughts.

I have a friend who went through a similar period and she maintains that yoga and meditation got her out of it - different stuff works for different people Im sure.

Anyway, I hope this helps you. Remember that every stage of life is temporary and things change all the time. This is just a phase you are in right now - it will pass.

coathanger · 26-10-2013 8:42pm

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time, have you thought about speaking to your Doctor, he may suggest speaking to a counsellor who may be able to ease some of your worries, you have had a lot of upset & upheaval in your life to date & sometimes its good to speak to someone impartial.

Hang in there...

Torakx · 26-10-2013 9:09pm

I have been through years of anxiety and depression for different reasons.
It can get better and I am sure it will.
Counselling could really help to work through why you get these feelings.
I found personally that the more I learned and understood my feelings and motivations the more I was able to accept them.
And the more I accept them the less power they have over me.
It's still an ongoing process.
You are already showing signs of taking steps in the right direction

I am happy for you! Keep going, I am sure you have the fight in you still to find yourself underneath the anxiety and bring that forward.
Wish you the best in that journey.
For me it was the greatest learning experience of my life and i now in some ways am thankfull for those hard times, they have made me appreciate the contrasts.

LegacyUser · 26-10-2013 10:15pm

Hi there, I completely understand what you are going through. have been feeling quite anxious myself over the past few months due to difficulties finding work (even though I am currently training to be a therapist myself!-just goes to show it happens to us all). I have to recommend Mindfulness- its helps one to live in the present more...There is a fantastic book called 'Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World'. This comes with a CD with meditations. It is a very accessible book and nicely written. Please give this a chance. As a previous poster said, noticeable change will take time so stick with it and make sure you acknowledge your progress however small it may be.

http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

I hope this helps you in some way, hope things get better for you. Best of luck.

fionan · 27-10-2013 6:03am

I feel your pain, OP. I've been struggling really badly with anxiety for the past 12 months, to the point that I ended up hospitalized.

I agree with the recommendations above:

Therapy helps, and it works. Just make sure you find a therapist you can connect with. Mine is awesome, and I actually look forward to seeing him.
Right now, as soon as I start worrying excessively about something, I stop myself and say "What is ONE thing I can do right now to make a little progress on this?". Like if the house is a mess, and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the thought of getting it all done, I'll decided to load the dishwasher. Once that's done, it's amazing how quickly it gets things back in perspective.
If it's really bad, and interfering with your life, consider medication. At least go see your GP and see what they recommend

I met someone recently, and he said to me "the only time a human being should experience panic like that is when you're being chased by a tiger i.e. life or death/fight or flight. He then said that I has spent a year in this condition, and that my mind, body and soul were totally exhausted. I know everyone says that diet and exercise are good. But I always found it a bit blah blah. This guy said to me that every time I ate a good meal, or did something physical, it was like putting coins in my wellness bank, to help me with the tiger. I don't know why, but this made sense to me, and it's honestly changed my life.

Hope you feel better soon, I know how awful and misunderstood panic and anxiety are.

Taltos · 27-10-2013 7:13am

OP - please don't start the same thread more than once, even in different forums. This is against site rules and can result in moderator action.
I have merged both of your threads and removed the duplicate posts.

All the best,
Taltos

cupcake93 · 27-10-2013 12:57pm

Thanks everyone! Feel a bit overwhelmed at how nice and helpful everyone is. It makes such a huge difference to chat to other people who are experiencing or have experienced what it's like to be anxious and scared. Makes you feel a lot less alone anyway! Thank you for all the tips and suggestions. Has anyone tried keeping a journal of their anxiety attacks and stressful situations? My new therapist is asking me to do this, just wondering if anyone has tried before and how they found it?

Thanks x

Torakx · 28-10-2013 10:44pm

I would like to second the notion in one of the posts above to use diet and exercise.
In my situation it is literally what saved my life and currently how I control depression and anxiety to this day.
A healthy body is a healthy mind, in most cases anyway

Regarding journals.
I did'nt always follow the best route.
But I did do things very similar to journals.
I joined forums in the last few years of my serious depression and started sharing my experiences with others who were having or coming into the same issues I had.
Through sharing experiences I helped quite a few people understand that this is a really common thing and gave them motivation to follow their path to healing.
For myself it was very theraputic to help others, while at the same time helping me release emotions and feelings that let me see what was really there.

Writing is one of the best ways to bring out feelings you do not even realise are there.
I will start writing a post and often times, pages and pages of text will come pouring out and it is all from the heart.

Any time I talk from experience it is from the heart and when I read back over posts right after I have written them, I am usually pleasantly suprised and also learn something about myself.

I didn't keep a journal at home, but now I see just how effective it can be.
Couldn't recommend it enough!
For me I guess I didn't do it because I am stubborn and a perfectionist, and maybe unconsiously found that other method.

When you come out the other end of this "bad" experience or phase in life, you may look back one day and realise just how strong you have become.
I often say my "negative" past was my saving grace.
If I get depressed nowadays( when I start eating junk food for example), I have so much more strength now to accept instantly I can beat this, I have done it before.
The first time is hardest, and then after that you are much much stronger.
The harder it is at first, the stronger you will be when you are finished with it.
Be proud of your future self right now! Why not, it's gonna happen

I should thank you for sharing also cupcake93.
It has inspired me to rmemeber all of this and it now reinforces all I just said for myself.
You have already made a difference in the world in that regard.

banquo · 28-10-2013 11:39pm

GO RUNNING.

cupcake93 · 29-10-2013 4:11pm

Aw thank you so much Torak, that's a really nice message and its great to hear that you're doing better, and that these things can get better with time. Thank you. Really needed that today!

Definitely so far getting on a lot better with the journal and writing down notes of things and feeling than with the breathing exercises and the STOPP method (could not do that at all, kept thinking about the situation, then getting myself more and more in a panic every time I tried it). Got an appointment with my therapist tomorrow, this will be the first after our introductory meeting last week, so fingers crossed.

Running also seems like a good idea; I have a wee exercise bike that I try and do at least 5k with every day, but it very difficult getting yourself motivated and psyched up to do it when you just want to get back to bed

but running is a good deal more fun anyways, at least you have the nice scenery to help you along.

Thanks again everyone.

banquo · 30-10-2013 12:14am

OP,

If I can say anything that will help, it's probably this: you can get better and normal again. I did. And if a basketcase like *me* can do it, then anyone can. It is not forever.

Probably the most accurate article I ever read on it was this article from Cracked.com.

Also, there's a book on meditation for stress and anxiety called ''Full Catastrophe Living'' by Jon Kabat Zinn. A doctor recommended that to me; I was like ''ya roish'' but, eh, it worked?

I used to love cycling, but running is better for anxiety. Specifically, running until you just can't anymore. Do that 3 days in a row and you'll feel A-O-K.

LegacyUser · 30-10-2013 12:49am

Hi OP,

I am in my late 20's and suffered with anxiety for too long, ive had it for about 3 years, I tried to beat it by pure thickness and didnt want to try medication or talk to a counceller, i tried to beat it for a year by myself but didnt succeed, wasted a year trying to do that on my own, However! i had a really supportive doctor who i really really owe loads to in gratitude! but anyways next i tried talking to a Psychotherapist, i went to see this guy at first for 2 times a week and eventuallly once a week to a couple of times a month, This guy didnt cure me, but put me on the right path, Exercise!!, I Tried to walk at least 2 miles a day, it is a great natural head clearer, eventually i went on to buy a bike and moved on to even more harder exercise to eventually going to the gym, Now this didnt cure me either, BUT it definitly helped , Eventually i went back to the doctor tho because i still had some anxiety and i was fed up of it coming back from time to time, Now the doc and me went through different types of meds until we found the right one for me, and i can honestly say they have improved my life after a month on them, im finding myself in suituations now that i wouldnt have been able to cope with without them. My fear about the meds was that i would become "different" or that they would "change''' me in some way, but im still me, the trick is to find the one that agrees with you. I went through 4 meds until i found the one that agreed with me. I can honestly say they have improved my life a lot. i can cope a lot better now. What i will say to you is to hang in there. When i had my anxiety ruling my life i couldnt see a way out. I thought i was always going to be like that and would get stressed and mentally beat myself up for being "faulty" and not being able to live like a normal human being. But OP there are options available to you. You have to be willing to do something about it yourself tho, Go see a GP and talk about the options with him/her. You can and will beat your anxiety! i hope this helps you a little bit.

Take care

cupcake93 · 01-11-2013 3:43pm

Thanks guys...Banquo, that article is ridiculously accurate. Also found this on buzzfeed one night scrolling through, http://www.buzzfeed.com/erinchack/comics-that-capture-the-frustration-of-anxiety-disorders have to say I am a bit of a number 3, lol!

Definitely going to try running over the next few days. Found myself starting to panic the other morning, so I just stood up and did some star-jumps for a few minutes which was quite helpful. Still felt uneasy but managed not to go into full blown AAAAAAH panicking.

Had a really good session with my therapist the other day, she sort of said that the anxiety stems from my history with my mum and dad, and that seeing my mum in such a bad way has made me feel fear that it will happen to me; that's why I have trouble trusting men and such. Unfortunately now it has gone past just that, and is now causing me to feel fear over everything. So next week we're going to try some positive thinking exercises.

Fingers crossed it'll start to help.

20, really bad anxiety...anyone have any tips to help?

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