Wedding invite less than four weeks before wedding

pwurple · 29-07-2015 4:07pm

I wouldn't be able to go on a weekday to a wedding with that short notice, but if I could, I would. It's nice to be invited.

We got married about 4 months after we got engaged as well... invites went out with 7 weeks to go, about 1 week after we booked the location. These people may just be very disorganised.

Milly33 · 29-07-2015 4:49pm

Sligo1 wrote: »

Milly I actually haven't a notion what you are trying to say here....

I was trying to say that as such you are the person saying well if they didn't think of me for the first round well then I am obviously not that important to them. So as such you are thinking that highly of yourself and not that couple...

The disagree bit was that, with stuff like this people either agree or disagree. Like us I agree with it or see why people do it and you don't get it..

There are so many different things to do right and wrong and ill say it again do whatever makes ye happy! haha ill have that quote drilled into my head by the end of all this

ShaShaBear · 29-07-2015 6:29pm

We have 60 guests to invite to our ceremony and meal. That is our financial limit. We are sending invites out to beloved family members. There is my mother and father's side, my OH's mother's and stepfather's side, and then his biological father's side. Given that myself, OH, my mother, brother and two bridesmaids and his mum and stepdad and two best men are 10 of those people, you can see how tight we are. However, among the list of relatives we love very much, some are ill and live a distance away and might have no other choice but to decline the invite. In this case, my OH and I would love to be informed so that we can extend the unused invite to people whom we would not otherwise be able to invite - examples being my best friend from college, the recently widowed father of my partner's best man etc.
We don't have money to throw around willy nilly and if someone getting a second round of invites got snotty with me because they were not invited over our family in the first round, I'd be telling them to hop off and good luck to them!!! :mad:

Milly33 · 29-07-2015 7:01pm

see that's what I mean.. perfectly great way to do is shashar bear..

Sligo1 · 30-07-2015 8:00am

ShaShaBear wrote: »

We have 60 guests to invite to our ceremony and meal. That is our financial limit. We are sending invites out to beloved family members. There is my mother and father's side, my OH's mother's and stepfather's side, and then his biological father's side. Given that myself, OH, my mother, brother and two bridesmaids and his mum and stepdad and two best men are 10 of those people, you can see how tight we are. However, among the list of relatives we love very much, some are ill and live a distance away and might have no other choice but to decline the invite. In this case, my OH and I would love to be informed so that we can extend the unused invite to people whom we would not otherwise be able to invite - examples being my best friend from college, the recently widowed father of my partner's best man etc.
We don't have money to throw around willy nilly and if someone getting a second round of invites got snotty with me because they were not invited over our family in the first round, I'd be telling them to hop off and good luck to them!!! :mad:

I think it's all in context Shasha. And I know I'm probably being quite judgemental here... But nobody could possibly be snotty with the examples presented in this last page.

But I really do think a lot of couples extend second round invites to mere acquaintances they barely know to make up numbers for the likes of gifts etc... That is what I don't think is right. I don't know any people that do this but I have heard it happens a lot. And maybe I should've expressed that more clearly. Of course if it's your best friend etc that is a completely different matter. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

ShaShaBear · 30-07-2015 10:36am

Sligo1 wrote: »

I think it's all in context Shasha. And I know I'm probably being quite judgemental here... But nobody could possibly be snotty with the examples presented in this last page.

But I really do think a lot of couples extend second round invites to mere acquaintances they barely know to make up numbers for the likes of gifts etc... That is what I don't think is right. I don't know any people that do this but I have heard it happens a lot. And maybe I should've expressed that more clearly. Of course if it's your best friend etc that is a completely different matter. But that's not what I'm talking about here.

I think that totally depends on the size of the wedding. And of course you should know yourself your relationship with the person sending the invite and it should be indication enough as to what kind of invite you got. If you're the second cousin that last seen them at a 50th birthday bash in the pub 2 years ago then it's probably a present scam. But if you are closely related and a good friend with them, then its fair to assume they want you there but couldn't afford it originally.
I've been a second-rounder to (actually now that I think of it) every wedding I've ever been to. I've never been offended. I usually go, take a small wedding gift as befitting the personal relationship and have a great time with other guests that I would be more friendly with.

PhoenixParker · 30-07-2015 11:15am

I've heard rumours of the sort of behaviour Sligo1 describes but never seen it in real life. Outside of ten year old Eddie Hobbs shows anyone inviting extra people to make more money on presents is playing a very dangerous budgeting game that could very easily backfire severely on them. With that in mind I tend to give couples the benefit of the doubt as far as possible, though, barring immediate family, I'll still only accept a wedding invitation if I want to go and it's convenient to go.

From observation B lists tend to arise when you have a very uncertain A list. Lots of relatives and close friends who you would really like to attend the wedding but for whom it is likely to be expensive and/or inconvenient to attend. As a host you're then stuck trying to balance the size of the venue, your minimum numbers and your budget against a very uncertain guest list. With big Irish families and emigration, it's very easy to have 50+ people who you'd love there but you're 90% sure can't make it, and a little voice screaming in the back of your head what if they all come. The safest bet is to invite the core group and the most uncertain people first. Then when you know you have the space and budget to invite the remaining group of people.

Milly33 · 30-07-2015 1:52pm

Ah see Sligo that is completely different now that is just being a tool. But for the most part people aren't like this.. Mind you there was bridemaids gate haha wonder will we have another gem like this, this year

stickybookmark · 31-07-2015 12:20am

PhoenixParker wrote: »

From observation B lists tend to arise when you have a very uncertain A list. Lots of relatives and close friends who you would really like to attend the wedding but for whom it is likely to be expensive and/or inconvenient to attend. As a host you're then stuck trying to balance the size of the venue, your minimum numbers and your budget against a very uncertain guest list. With big Irish families and emigration, it's very easy to have 50+ people who you'd love there but you're 90% sure can't make it, and a little voice screaming in the back of your head what if they all come. The safest bet is to invite the core group and the most uncertain people first. Then when you know you have the space and budget to invite the remaining group of people.

Exactly.

This is why it irks me when people make sweeping statement on here ''I don't agree wtih second round either I'm good enough for the first round or else forget about it''

Irish weddings (and perhaps all weddings) are a complicated business involving as you say - family members/friends abroad who have to be invited but almost definitely won't be able to come, large extended families, parish politcs, and the wishes of parents of the bride and groom. It's not just about the bride and groom and their friends, far from it !!!!

And I wanted to invite as many people as possible to my wedding, not because I wanted extra presents but because I wanted my wedding to be a big hooley. My philosophy is there are enough ****e and sad days in life you gotta celebrate the happy ones in style !!

Milly33 · 31-07-2015 12:44pm

We were delighted recently there, as a lot of people came back late and cancelled so I really wanted to invite one of the extended family but we just could not fit anymore than who we thought we had... And then we have space and I was thinking crap will I ask or not, we had sent an afters invite already. Sure we did and they were delighted when we asked and they completely understood so they did... And super happy they can be there now for the whole day... It will be loverly to see them

Still surprised at people who don't rsvp it is the ones you least expect.....

Toots · 31-07-2015 1:22pm

Milly33 wrote: »

We were delighted recently there, as a lot of people came back late and cancelled so I really wanted to invite one of the extended family but we just could not fit anymore than who we thought we had... And then we have space and I was thinking crap will I ask or not, we had sent an afters invite already. Sure we did and they were delighted when we asked and they completely understood so they did... And super happy they can be there now for the whole day... It will be loverly to see them

Still surprised at people who don't rsvp it is the ones you least expect.....

Sure half a whole side of my husband's massive family didn't RSVP, they just assumed we'd know they were going (how, I don't know). We were in my in-law's house the day before the RSVP deadline and chatting about the guest list and I mentioned I hadn't heard back from a load of people. Well my MIL goes "The feckers! I'll kill them!" and disappeared into the front room with the phone. Within half an hour we had confirmed all the guests from her side - she rang and gave them all a bollocking :pac:

Milly33 · 31-07-2015 1:45pm

Its weird so it is... How people don't do it.. I would be the you other halfs dilemma as such. My side is huge and half of them didn't come back I had to chase them on it. Still I know one is going and they haven't sent the rsvp back. hoping they will be back today so I don't have to ring but if not im getting on the phone at the weekend

ShaShaBear · 31-07-2015 1:56pm

If anyone I invite doesn't RSVP I'm uninviting them :pac:

Milly33 · 31-07-2015 2:02pm

Hahaha!! Youd still have to call them to dis invite them d'oh....I have heard it mention by a few couples saying that people actually showed up on the day without telling anyone they were going, or one bride said a whole lot of family arrived from abroad the night before her wedding.. Id die I think or like that now make them all sit outside come rain or come sun

stinkle · 01-08-2015 8:33pm

PhoenixParker wrote: »

From observation B lists tend to arise when you have a very uncertain A list. Lots of relatives and close friends who you would really like to attend the wedding but for whom it is likely to be expensive and/or inconvenient to attend. As a host you're then stuck trying to balance the size of the venue, your minimum numbers and your budget against a very uncertain guest list. With big Irish families and emigration, it's very easy to have 50+ people who you'd love there but you're 90% sure can't make it, and a little voice screaming in the back of your head what if they all come. The safest bet is to invite the core group and the most uncertain people first. Then when you know you have the space and budget to invite the remaining group of people.

Are you me?? This was totally our experience last year. We had strict max numbers and we KNEW deep down they surely couldnt all make it - we sent invites to the UK, Aus, NZ, USA, Canada and goodness knows where else. If they did all make it it would have severly reduced the amount of friends and famly friends we could ask.

People are generally well-meaning and there was lots of talk of "looking into coming over for it". It was so nice that they were keen! But there was lots of up-in-the-air stuff too - cousin X says shes coming, but what about her other half? Cousin Y said they'd need to take time off work and will get back to us, and Aunty Mary might not be up to the travel. All this was on my OH's side too, so I wanst sure how to deal with the different personalities and dynamics - as in, are they just saying this to be nice and wont give a straight answer or are they the type to move mountains to get here and we just need to give them some time? A lot of the abroad crowd weren't great at RSVPing but once we'd heard on the grapevine theyd made travel plans and the hotel kept us in the loop about who had booked rooms things became clearer.

At one stage my MIL was freaking as so many abroad guests were making noises about coming over. I think we held back some of the "parents' friends" invites by a couple of weeks to be safe (and to make the point that family+our friends came first), but since the original invites went out 3 months beforehand for the benefit of all the folks abroad, this wasnt short notice or anything for them.

Things did sort themselves out though - not all guests could travel, some Irish folk had other things on, etc etc.

Sherlof3 · 07-08-2015 2:19pm

It's a pity they didn't send out a save the date a few months ago to let you know to start organising...even a free email one!

Wedding invite less than four weeks before wedding

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