Using it wrong all the time

I must admit to being daunted when I opened the box to be presented with something the size of a human foot. Being only a sleight lass, I wasn't sure my womanhood could take such a large, and, not to mention, irregular tampon. It was, as you might imagine, a struggle, but once it was in, the painters, who have blighted me since I was 12, were well and truly locked in, with nary a leak for the full week. The comments I got on the gait I was forced to adopt were easily ignored, as I could carry out my life as if old red wasn't visiting me at all.

The best part of this tampon is the removal string. It's so well-attached, and long, that I could tie a loop in it, which was lucky, as I had to attach it to the car to get it out.

The worst is that it's dry-clean only, and boy do you get some funny comments at the dry-cleaners.

This product is streets ahead of the competition; all I can say is, wow! Suddenly the TV advertising campaigns all make sense!

All those perplexing shots of athletic young ladies playing volleyball (or maybe that was the Olympics? Anyway) left me so confused, amongst other emotions. But now with these I can run up hills, jog on the beach, play tennis, even climb mountains. My period has been revolutionised! And being a bloke, I no longer feel left out.