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Buffalo & Doozerie - The mild musings of two grumpy old men!

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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    I'm cycling 30 years now

    That's some journey, are you not there yet? :pac:


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    More seriously, I agree in principle that some Yield signs should actually be Stop signs but I'm not convinced that it would really make any difference in practice. The most obnoxious road users seem to simply not care and will breeze through a Stop sign as casually as a Yield sign, I think. Such people really don't belong on the road but in the absence of active enforcement by An Garda I don't see that they'll feel any need to adjust their behaviour regardless of what road sign they are faced with.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    What should have been an uneventful commute in this morning (no ice, no rain, no wind, traffic was light, visibility was good) wasn't quite that serene. While track-standing at a red light someone else on a bicycle ran into my back wheel. I'd been there for at least a full minute, at the end of a straight stretch of road, it wasn't as if I suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of him. After just about managing to control the bike and stopping myself from falling over I looked back, he was looking away. Light went green at that moment, I looked back again as I cycled off, and this time he was looking ahead and he said something to me. I had earphones in and didn't hear what he said, it might have been a (late) apology, he might have been having a go for my being in his way and preventing him from breaking the red light, I don't know. I chose to assume the former as otherwise I'd have felt compelled to pull out an earphone and engage in some verbals, and it was a good track that I was listening to at the time. While waiting at a subsequent red light the same guy cycled on through, presumably assuming that his apparent inability to see anything only a few minutes before had miraculously cured itself.

    Closer to the city centre, track-standing at another red light and a different cyclist skims past my left elbow (bizarrely leaving plenty of space between himself and the kerb) and breaks the red light. Thinking happy thoughts I passed him out shortly afterwards. At the next set of red lights he came hurtling past, skimming past the nose of a crossing pedestrian. The pedestrian was crossing late, the guy on the bike was going early (light went green for us as his rear wheel cleared the pedestrian), they were both in the wrong but the cyclist was in the lead in terms of earning moron points. As my happy thoughts fought valiantly against the rising dark thoughts, I passed out the cyclist again.

    Several minutes later I'm track-standing behind a bus stopped at a red light. I could have gone up the inside of the bus but the road narrows a little at the lights, there are already a bunch of cyclists there, the lights are likely to change soon, and the world won't stop spinning if I don't make up the handful of seconds that doing so would earn me. Not so for that very same cyclist though, up the inside of the bus he goes, wibbling and wobbling like a good thing. He has a few centimetres clearance between his handlebars and the bus, he's probably thinking positive, "Observe my skills. I'm not gonna die, I'm not gonna die, I'm freakin' AWESOME!". He is halfway along the bus when the light goes green and the bus starts to move very slowly. The clearance reduces to a couple of centimetres, the cyclist seems to hesitate, "I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, MAMMMMYYYYYY!". But self delusion seems to kick in and he speeds up and pushes on, seemingly intent on pushing the bus aside. He emerges in front of the bus, the fact that the bus driver has actually stopped to leave him space probably not knocking any of the shine off his "I beat a bus. I'm awesome. I. AM. FOOKIN. AWESOME!" thoughts. He subsequently rides along a footpath to get past another bus stopped to let passengers on/off. I pass Mr. AWESOME yet again only moments later. I've not had to risk life or limb, or weave between pedestrians on a footpath, to do so but that is because I'm not fookin awesome. He probably pities me.

    Those weren't the only examples of bizarre behaviour on this morning's commute, they were just the most memorable (though the motorbiker and car driver both breaking their respective red lights to cross each others paths was interesting too). I wonder what tomorrow will bring.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,097 ✭✭✭NamelessPhil


    doozerie wrote: »
    I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

    You've still got to get home first!


  • Registered Users Posts: 588 ✭✭✭t'bear


    You've still got to get home first!

    Surrounded by AWESOMENESS in all shapes sizes!


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  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 24,337 Mod ✭✭✭✭CramCycle


    Cycling into work yesterday evening, cyclist in front of me but there is no one else on the road, I pull out giving him the full lane, just as I am passing he swerves, right. I swerve out to give him more space as I am nearly finished the overtake.

    All I said was CAREFUL, he didn't look behind and continued on straight.

    The next lights he caught up with me

    "Don't you f'in shout at me, sneaking up on me"
    " I was just warning you I was there because you swerved out"
    "you snuck up on me, f'in shouting, trying to knock me over" (even after he swerved I had given him 2 metres)
    " I was just letting you know I was there, for your own safety"
    "F you and my F'in safety, don't you ever f'in shout at me you C***"
    "Lights Green, see you later, next time I'll plough into you with no warning" (Gardai are now walking over as he has dismounted and is walking towards me shouting, he didn't look like a threat physically but I felt no need to find out).

    Then I left.

    I should have waited for the Gardai to come over so I could point out his lack of lights, threatening behaviour, the fact that his brakes seemed inefficient as stopping at the lights almost didn't happen as he rolled through before rolling to a stop to turn and walk back to me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    @CramCycle, F'in 'ell, f'in sneaking into the thread and trying to make my eyebrows incur an injury as they shot upwards (without any form of warm-up) at your description of a complete and utter head-the-ball. Grrrrr, etc. :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    You've still got to get home first!

    How prophetic that was. On my way home yesterday I was track-standing at yet another red light. I'd stopped short of the pedestrian crossing section, as you do (what is it with people on bikes and motorbikes, or in cars, who insist on stopping right between the pedestrian lines anyway, is it some sort of passive aggressive thing towards pedestrians or are they just plain thick?). A pedestrian decided to cross the road behind me but the concept of walking "behind" proved to be too great a challenge and he walked into my rear wheel instead. I expected at least some kind of acknowledgement, but no, he just walked on without even a glance back - I expected to see him pinging off every vaguely nearby obstacle as he fled but apparently embarrassment has a very sobering effect on otherwise wayward legs and he carved an impressively straight line as he disappeared into the distance.

    This morning's commute was largely free of the usual kind of incident but certainly not free of trauma. I was nearly at work, only minutes away, my breakfast was digesting nicely and showed no signs of making a reappearance, when it happened. While stopped at a red light a cyclist pulled in in front of me and stopped. His hi-viz jacket was an eyesore so I diverted my gaze to the ground instead. He was wearing cycling tights, so bonus points there …but I'm pretty sure they ran all the way down to runners - ewww! It's the cycling equivalent of wearing socks with sandals. I had to look elsewhere, I couldn't let my eyes linger to check whether they really were runners as I'd thought initially.

    So I lifted my eyes upwards. And that's when I realised the true enormity of the sartorial travesty that lay in front of me. He was wearing a pair of regular (non cycling regulation) baggy shorts over his tights. Under normal circumstances that would just have made me flinch and that would have been the extent of it, but this guy's shorts had fallen down to expose most of his arse. He was wearing tights, so all that was exposed was the arse of his tights, but try to reason that to a mind which, triggered by the fact that someone's shorts have fallen down, feels compelled to fill in an image of a big bare male arse where cycling tights currently lie. I felt quite queasy all of a sudden, my breakfast threatened to come up to take a look for itself.

    Why would he do that? Why would he wear baggy shorts over his cycling kit to start with, but having done so why would he then happily let them fall down and leave them like that? Why? WHY? *SOB*


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,116 ✭✭✭Peterx


    doozerie wrote: »
    Why? WHY? *SOB*

    *Sean O'Brien* can do many many impressive things including throwing into the lineout but even he couldn't answer that one.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,477 ✭✭✭rollingscone


    MOD VOICE: A bit inappropriate - post deleted


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,200 ✭✭✭manwithaplan


    I have asked myself on occasion why doozerie's commutes are so much more eventful than mine. I now think it's the trackstanding. A gentleman is someone who can trackstand but doesn't. ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,037 ✭✭✭buffalo


    er,my thanks above are directed at the Mod, not the original post. Just to be clear.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    @manwithaplan, A gentleman also doesn't flaunt his thin-lycra veiled "wares" in public either as it causes ladies to faint and men to fume, so I suggest that the only gentleman cyclists are those that wear voluminous plus-fours plus, of course, moustaches that bring health and safety officers out in a cold sweat as they drape down near the spinning front wheel.

    Actually though, I do find that trackstanding all too often brings out the grump in people. Some people seem to think that it is an activity practiced solely to impress them, and they take personal offence. Such people feel compelled to convey their disapproval, and I've had derisory comments directed at me, some cyclists and pedestrians seemingly make a point of skimming past my front wheel, and even the odd nudge, over the years. Their sense of self-importance, and therefore their supposed "right" to be offended by other people who are doing nothing to affect them, seems to be over inflated, to say the least. People are odd.


  • Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 1,227 ✭✭✭rp


    doozerie wrote: »
    I do find that trackstanding all too often brings out the grump in people.
    I was waiting at the light at the end of Kilmainham lane last week, and a Guard on an MTB was waiting to turn in: he did a brilliant trackstand for the whole cycle of the light, I was so impressed I clapped him. He looked embarrassed at that.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,780 ✭✭✭✭Seve OB


    doozerie wrote: »
    Why? WHY? *SOB*
    Peterx wrote: »
    *Sean O'Brien* can do many many impressive things including throwing into the lineout but even he couldn't answer that one.

    Neither can I ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,200 ✭✭✭manwithaplan


    rp wrote: »
    a Guard on an MTB was waiting to turn in: he did a brilliant trackstand for the whole cycle of the light, I was so impressed I clapped him.

    Do you thank mod actions too? Have you met buffalo?

    ;) (obviously)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,477 ✭✭✭rollingscone


    MOD VOICE: A bit inappropriate - post deleted

    Yeah fair enough. Slight Rage moment.

    Even got a smart comment from some RLJ the other day to the effect of wasn't I very good stopping at Red Lights.

    It burns me.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    On my ride today I saw a 4x4 approaching in the distance driving in the centre of the narrow road. The driver seemed to be trying to avoid driving through the puddles at their side of the road, 4x4's are quite fragile apparently. As we got closer, it kept to the middle of the road, straddling both lanes. I motioned with my thumb for them to pull over to their side. The woman driver did so, late and with some apparent reluctance. The stress of it all seemed a bit much for her though, the poor dear, and she felt the need to express her discontent by firing me a 2-fingered salute as we passed. Charming stuff. Except her "eff you" skills were on a par with her general driving skills and she made a right mess of it, instead of an upright "V" it came out sideways as ">" so she seemed to be making the universal sign for scissors.

    In response I opted for a 1-fingered salute back. But I was wearing lobster gloves, and my fingers were numb by this stage, so my individual fingers were not capable of cooperating even if my gloves had let them. So instead of a raised finger I managed something more like a raised fist. So I'd made the universal sign for rock.

    ...and rock beats scissors. So I win. In your face angry lady, in your face!


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,037 ✭✭✭buffalo


    I have asked myself on occasion why doozerie's commutes are so much more eventful than mine. I now think it's the trackstanding. A gentleman is someone who can trackstand but doesn't. ;)

    I was thinking of this on Saturday, as I headed back through town. Coming up to Harold's Cross bridge from the south, I was following a young woman on a hybrid. As she got closer to the red light, she slowed right down, and the handlebars started to wobble violently. Seemed like she was trying to go as slow as possible, so as not to have to put her foot down. But eventually she gave in, and stopped just before the light.

    The bridge is one of the easiest spots to do, because there's such a slope. I slipped between herself and the vehicle on the top of the lights, and proceeded to track stand like a maniac. So MWAP, I am no gentleman!


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 24,337 Mod ✭✭✭✭CramCycle


    buffalo wrote: »
    So MWAP, I am no gentleman!

    I expected more from you, did you at least tip your hat as you passed?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,037 ✭✭✭buffalo


    CramCycle wrote: »
    I expected more from you, did you at least tip your hat as you passed?

    A tip o' the helmet to you ma'am!


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    Was cycling home from work on Friday, trackstanding at lights, when I noticed someone looking at me from inside a car stopped in the lane beside me. My brain was not even vaguely engaged so I ended up just staring at him with a vacant expression. I suspect that was some drool dribbling lazily down my chin. He wiggled his fingers, in quite a camp version of a wave. My vacant expression probably turned to a puzzled frown. He smiled. I stared more intently. My brain engaged, and it dawned on me that it was my boss (well, my boss's boss to be precise). This looks bad, I thought, it looks like I'm just blanking him. I conjured up a smile, and tried to redeem myself with an enthusiastic wave, but the smile turned to a worried look as I realised that I'd taken one hand entirely off the bars while still trackstanding and the distance from the waving hand to the handlebar suddenly looked a lot further than the distance from my face to the ground. So having blanked my employer I was now at serious risk of doing a faceplant in front of him too, just to round off a confidence-inspiring encounter.

    On the plus side though, I've now answered that pointless question that has passed across my mind at times - yes I can still balance the bike with just one hand on the bars. Next pointless question is whether I can do it with no hands on the bars, I see blood in my future.

    This evening I was washing my bike bottles when I realised I was holding in my hand the brush that we use to wash our cats' food bowls. I remembered just in time. I think. If not then I'm due an interesting furball over the next day or so.

    Wanted: a responsible adult to look after me and protect me from myself.


  • Administrators, Social & Fun Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 74,773 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Beasty


    doozerie wrote: »
    Wanted: a responsible adult to look after me and protect me from myself.
    Don't think there's anyone around here that fits the bill ...


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    For reasons best known to herself my 3yr old daughter has decided recently that conversations in the wee hours of the morning are the shizzle. Each morning this week I've had to either go into her room or bring her back into her room after she walked into my room and woken me up, at times varying from 2am to 4am.

    She is very philosophical in the middle of the night. During this morning's 4am chat she outlined her plans that we both paint pictures at the weekend and she said that she'd share her paints with me. "'Cos sharing is caring dad", she told me quite earnestly. I hovered briefly between finding that incredibly cute, and taking the opportunity to explain that sharing is all well and good but letting her bedraggled father get a decent night's sleep would be a particularly awesome demonstration of caring. I opted to focus on the cute aspect of it - sure feck it I can catch up on my badly needed sleep at my desk in work, I'm only (twelfty) three myself so I'm sure a big doe-eyed innocent smile at my boss will have a similarly calming affect on him as my daughter's has on me.

    G'night.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,037 ✭✭✭buffalo


    Lusk Doyle, starting this thread was a great idea. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,365 ✭✭✭Lusk Doyle


    buffalo wrote: »
    Lusk Doyle, starting this thread was a great idea. :)

    Lusk Doyle. Home of the great ideas.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,037 ✭✭✭buffalo


    Actually, seeing as how this post features doozerie, I'll stick it here.

    Today's planned spin had been vaguely Sallygap, but warnings of cold and snow from Saggart reduced that to Cruagh and Pine Forest. It had been snowing very gently, so wrapped up super warm.

    Didn't get run over by a woman in an SUV doing a U-turn-type-thing in the middle of the Tibradden Road junction, as she reversed into on-coming traffic (me).

    Passed doozerie in blue before the first climb, across to the viewpoint, down Stocking Lane. Descending the snow seemed to be much worse, but put it down to speed, until I crossed Mount Venus Road, realised it had actually gotten heavier. Passed doozerie again at the bottom of Cruagh, figured he must be doing the same lap as me, but in the opposite direction, and let out a huge laugh. Then I realised it wasn't him, just another rider in blue. :rolleyes:

    Another climb of Cruagh, keeping the HR steady but high - new PR, BOOM! Decided wouldn't have time for a third with the snow affecting conditions and visibility, turn off. Up above Cruagh there was a fair bit of snow on the ground, but clearing. Realised as I was motoring along Pine Forest Road that I hadn't put my mudguard back on after last weekend's race, and I now had a wet arse, which was rapidly getting cold.

    Coming through Glencullen, light dusting of snow on the ground, getting thicker descending to Kiltiernan. Get stuck behind a lorry who's going 10kmph. He pulls over to let traffic pass, stop in Kiltiernan for a photo op, then down to Dundrum to test ride my betrothed. Then home to the fire, sweet!


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    buffalo wrote: »
    Then I realised it wasn't him, just another rider in blue. :rolleyes:

    The fecker! Did he not get the memo? Today was *my* day to wear blue. Every other rider I saw today seemed to have taken this into account but there is always one person who tries to ruin it for everyone. Grrrr! *flounce*
    buffalo wrote:
    ...then down to Dundrum to test ride my betrothed.

    Marriage should not be entered into lightly, but a policy of a test ride in advance will likely earn you a few evil stares in the parish.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,830 ✭✭✭doozerie


    During my ride today I dropped a banana that I had just extracted with difficulty from my pocket (curse you, lobster gloves!). I never leave a banana (man) behind so I stopped and went back for it. There was a convoy of 3 or 4 cars approaching it, and of course it lay in the direct path of their inside wheels. I awaited the inevitable but each car in turn deliberately and considerately veered around it and I got it back intact (though a bit concussed). I then cruelly ripped it open, ate its innards, and cast its empty skin aside - yum.

    It was an insight into driver behaviour. I am now armed with the knowledge that if I ever feel at risk of being run over by a car, I should act like a banana. I will endeavour to use this knowledge wisely.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 206 ✭✭loinnsigh


    Were you just north of Blessington at the time, or was that another banana-dropper? I swerved some lad's banana there this morning


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