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Win tickets for Dara O' Briain, David O' Doherty, Maeve Higgins and more in Vicar St

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,557 ✭✭✭GrumPy


    An 8 year old boy was giving his kid brother advice as his younger brother was about to start off in school for the first time.

    "Don't learn howto spell "car", because if you do, they will give you new words that just keep getting harder and harder!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭tommy21


    Why couldn't the chicken find her eggs?

    She mislaid them.

    :pac::pac::pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭tommy21


    How do you get Pikachu on a bus?:eek:

    You Pokemon! :P


  • Registered Users Posts: 185 ✭✭Austin1


    A Two Parter:

    Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

    A: "Eileen"

    Q: What do you call a woman with both legs exactly the same length?

    A: "Noeleen"


  • Registered Users Posts: 250 ✭✭Radiotower


    What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea?

    It gets wet...


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,818 ✭✭✭Gauge


    Why is milk the fastest thing on earth?

    Because it's pasteurised before you see it!

    (read it out loud if you don't get it...)


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 837 ✭✭✭denballs


    Q: two elephants want to go swimming the life gaurd said they can't go. why
    A: they only had one pair of trunks between them


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,851 ✭✭✭✭hotmail.com


    Knock Knock:

    Who's there?

    Luke

    Luke who?

    Luke out! Here comes another knock knock joke!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,988 ✭✭✭Bondvillain


    What's orange and sounds like a Parrot?

    A carrot.


    B'dum, and, indeed, Tish.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,599 ✭✭✭smallgarden


    only joke i remember

    how does an elephant get down from a tree?

    sits on a leaf and waits till autumn :)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,172 ✭✭✭Mweelrea


    Three elephants fall off a cliff. Two hit the ground and one hits the water. Boom boom tisssh.

    How to you tell a kebab to be quiet ?
    Shish Kebab.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,001 ✭✭✭recylingbin


    What insects are welcome in apartments?Ten ants.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 13 mr_bojangles


    Why was 6 afraid of 7?

    Because 7 8 9.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18 jahras


    Question: How do you annoy Lady Gaga?

    Answer: Poke her face


  • Registered Users Posts: 84 ✭✭Pudding11


    Whats pink and fluffy?

    Pink Fluff

    Whats blue and fluffy?

    Pink fluff holding its breath.

    Whats grey and fluffy?

    Pink fluff in disguise!


  • Registered Users Posts: 84 ✭✭Pudding11


    Why did the lobster blush?

    Because the Sea Weed.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 13,425 ✭✭✭✭Ginny


    Whats black, dangerous and sits in a tree?
    A crow with a machine gun.....

    :D


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,073 ✭✭✭mickoneill30


    What time of year do you jump on a trampoline?

    Spring time.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,073 ✭✭✭mickoneill30


    How do you spell mousetrap with only three letters?

    C - A - T


  • Registered Users Posts: 339 ✭✭spoonface


    What do you call a cat that's eaten a duck?

    A duck-filled fatty puss !


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  • Registered Users Posts: 66 ✭✭fascination


    Did you hear about the two TV aerials who got married??

    The ceremony was alright...................but the reception was great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,661 ✭✭✭General Zod


    Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

    because the parrots eat 'em all.


  • Registered Users Posts: 596 ✭✭✭Bonkers_xOx


    How do you get Pikachu onto a bus?

    Poke-em-on


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,432 ✭✭✭vasch_ro


    wnats Batmans favourite sport ?

    Bat minton !


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,597 ✭✭✭WIZE


    Today: France meet South Africa in Bloemfontein. Wednesday: England meet Slovenia in Port Elizabeth. Thursday: England meet France in the departure lounge.

    * The French have a lot of tall players who all play in a similar style. It was like there were 11 big Cisses out there.


    * Raymond Domenech knew there was revolt in the ranks when the team barbecue turned out to be a burning live sheep.


    * If the French get their packing done quickly, they might just run into Nicolas Anelka in duty-free.

    * France and England have never been so united. Now we both hate the French national team.

    * There were tears on the streets of Paris as France's players prepared to fly home. One teenage prostitute said: "I can't stop crying with joy, it's been ages since we saw Franck Ribery."

    * France have renamed one of Paris' most famous landmarks. It's now called the I-Can't-Believe-They-Were-Ever-Champs Elysees.

    * France are going home early from the World Cup again. If only there was a French term for 'deja vu'.

    * The French are remaking a popular American sitcom. It's now called 'Nobody Loves Raymond'.


  • Registered Users Posts: 219 ✭✭BO-JANGLES


    Q: Whats yellow and smells like bananas ?

    A: Monkey sick !:D


  • Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭bugle


    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

    The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 26 aoifeg


    There are two fish in a tank.
    One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive".


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 16,584 CMod ✭✭✭✭faceman


    What's red and invisible?

    No Tomatoes


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,679 ✭✭✭hidinginthebush


    Two fish are swimming along, one hits a wall and says "Dam!"


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