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The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

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Comments

  • #3152
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    mood wrote: »
    From my experience mailing for a few weeks before arranging dates is the norm. However, I wouldn't want to talk to someone on the phone before meeting. i would find that awkward.

    Do you not think it would make the initial date (if it were to happen), less awkward though?


  • #3153
    Chazz Michael Michaels
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Chazz Michael Michaels


    What ones would people recommend for which purpose?


  • #3154
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    Do you not think it would make the initial date (if it were to happen), less awkward though?

    No not in my experience. I only had on awkward OD. I think that was because I agreed to meet him too soon and I knew immediately that I wasn't attracted to him.


  • #3155
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    Because for the last 2 weeks I've been using the site, I've been asked out on dates, I'm a slow burner when it comes to this stuff, as much as I enjoyed having the opportunity to explore the possibility of meeting someone, I'm not into meeting different people every day of the week, after an hour of exchanging messages, and doing the whole, "ah nice meeting you but I'm just not into you after having met you...", I'm not into sending those texts or receiving them, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having that position on dating in general, in the sense that I'd be cautious when it comes to dating and this is why I imagine I'm identifying the things I am on profiles, a lot of guys would go on dates with these people just for the laugh, I certainly wouldn't, so apologies for having the audacity to be a bit more conservative and "different" than others on here.

    Some of the posts on here that I read, seem to be to be strangely resigned to the never ever ending circle of dates that some posters seem to go on, something that could be argued to be boring, without having much to report by way of progress for the time & effort taken up, but you don't see me on the thread basically trying to sideline their opinions, do you?



    Firstly, everyone isn't in the same boat because OD is a completely different experience, depending on your gender.

    Ehhh that's not actually a problem that I complained about having at all. Nobody has ever made me feel inferior in relation to how I have presented myself, in profile of in person.



    It's not frustration, it's just an attempt at a healthy discussion about the viability of OD, and whether or not it has fault lines that really render it more or less useless for guys, that some folks on here don't seem to be able to handle. It's not about rising people, there is a consistent view (in my opinion), on this thread that OD for guys is about as rewarding as pushing water uphill, and I genuinely don't see where the problem is in exploring why that is so...

    Come one man, you're complaining not only about having a few dates that you have to go on, but about being asked out on them as well? That's tough alright, I feel for you!

    That said, you do raise some valid points. Let's see, I've gone out on dates with 5 women in the past 6 weeks or so, nothing came from them. I've sent well-written, thought-out emails to 17 different women on POF over the past week, not a single reply. It's defo tougher for blokes, a woman can pick and choose, a bloke has to be the one doing the chasing.

    I think OD has the potential for success, but I do also wonder whether its inherent major flaw, which to me is basically that you are working backwards from the traditional approach - meeting someone and hoping there is something there, as opposed to meeting someone having established there is something there, means it is worth bothering with at all.

    In fact, you could say the same about all structured dating approaches; speed-dating, dinner dating, etc - I'm starting to sway much more towards the traditional (and far more natural and healthier imo) way of meeting someone - getting involved in stuff, maybe doing more flirting with the people you meet day-to-day, if there is the opportunity / vibe set-up for it to happen.


  • #3156
    ladylost
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭ladylost


    riveratom wrote: »
    I think OD has the potential for success, but I do also wonder whether its inherent major flaw, which to me is basically that you are working backwards from the traditional approach - meeting someone and hoping there is something there, as opposed to meeting someone having established there is something there, means it is worth bothering with at all.
    I don't know about that. When I meet someone in a non OD environment it's usually in a loud club with alcohol involved. I don't know if that's the best basis to know there is something there either. Beer goggles are mean sometimes :rolleyes:


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  • #3157
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    ladylost wrote: »
    I don't know about that. When I meet someone in a non OD environment it's usually in a loud club with alcohol involved. I don't know if that's the best basis to know there is something there either. Beer goggles are mean sometimes :rolleyes:

    That is true, but what about broadening the horizons a bit more? :) Like getting involved in stuff, activities, etc.

    I haven't been in a club in years and don't miss them one bit. Late bars all the way!


  • #3158
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    riveratom wrote: »
    Come one man, you're complaining not only about having a few dates that you have to go on, but about being asked out on them as well? That's tough alright, I feel for you!

    I'm not complaining as such, I genuinely never thought I'd be single at 36, so that's one thing that is always pulling at me, and although I've had dates lined up, it was never my intention to find myself in a situation where I'd be meeting several different dates in the same week.

    If you check my posts going back 3-4 weeks, I wasn't even getting replies, so I quit the site, then I joined it again, and changed my profile a bit and I got loads of messages and I suppose you could say I had loads of luck with it in the last fortnight, but only a few weeks ago I couldn't get a single reply, so it hasn't been the walk in the park that you might think it has been for me, it's been anything but...

    I fully agree with your other points made though... I know OD could work for me, but I'd have to be maybe going on a date once a week or once a fortnight and taking it really slowly, I couldn't do jumping from one date to the next, it's just not me I'd go off my head with it...


  • #3159
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    riveratom wrote: »
    Come one man, you're complaining not only about having a few dates that you have to go on, but about being asked out on them as well? That's tough alright, I feel for you!

    That said, you do raise some valid points. Let's see, I've gone out on dates with 5 women in the past 6 weeks or so, nothing came from them. I've sent well-written, thought-out emails to 17 different women on POF over the past week, not a single reply. It's defo tougher for blokes, a woman can pick and choose, a bloke has to be the one doing the chasing.

    That is bull. Maybe it's the case for stunning model types but for us more average women it certainly is not the case at all.


  • #3160
    Esoteric_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    Looks like things are gone down the pan with the bf, so I may be back on POF soon.

    Lads, watch out! Not the boardsies though, I have too much respect for you lot to make you put up with me. :pac:


  • #3161
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    mood wrote: »
    That is bull. Maybe it's the case for stunning model types but for us more average women it certainly is not the case at all.

    I don't think it's bull at all. OD is a completely different experience for men than it is for women and the commentary here on thread would seem to certainly reflect that.


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  • #3162
    Chazz Michael Michaels
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Chazz Michael Michaels


    Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »
    What ones would people recommend for which purpose?

    Nothing? You can PM me if you want discretion.


  • #3163
    Galvasean
    Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »
    Nothing? You can PM me if you want discretion.

    Your initial post is somewhat vague. What is it that you are looking for and we can make recommendations based on that.


  • #3164
    Liam McPoyle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,846 ✭✭✭✭Liam McPoyle


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    I don't think it's bull at all. OD is a completely different experience for men than it is for women and the commentary here on thread would seem to certainly reflect that.

    She didnt say that,she said its bull that women on OD sites can pick and choose who they want which if you read the posts on here from female users it does reflect that.
    :rolleyes:


  • #3165
    ladylost
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭ladylost


    riveratom wrote: »
    That is true, but what about broadening the horizons a bit more? :) Like getting involved in stuff, activities, etc.

    I haven't been in a club in years and don't miss them one bit. Late bars all the way!
    Yeah I've tried that option too but to be honest I don't make a very good first impression in person as I'm nervous and shy. I'm not a naturally smiley person and get the "cheer up it might never happen" comment a lot. I am happy but obviously don't smile enough.
    Something I've found great about OD is it gives me a chance to make a decent first impression by message and I feel more comfortable with the person when I meet them. It definitely helps me there and has helped my confidence.

    I don't agree that it's easier for women. I'm not inundated with mails at all and I don't have my choice of men. Any guys I find attractive and message don't message me back unfortunately.


  • #3166
    ladylost
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭ladylost


    LyndaMcL wrote: »
    Looks like things are gone down the pan with the bf, so I may be back on POF soon.

    Lads, watch out! Not the boardsies though, I have too much respect for you lot to make you put up with me. :pac:
    sorry to hear that LyndaMcL :(


  • #3167
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    mood wrote: »
    Maybe OD is just not for you if you are finding it such a negative experience.

    I have to confess here that although I've been single for the last few years, I've always been in really long term relationships since I was around 18, (5 year gig followed by a 10 year gig), so it would be fair to say that whether it be OD or otherwise, I do find the whole dating thing really difficult in general at the moment and at this stage in my life, only because I never really did it in my late teens or early 20's, and it's not the easiest thing to lower yourself into in your mid 30's when all your mates are well settled down with kids, etc ( and on that basis you see less of them and socialise less with them). So any difficulties I might have with OD, really should be viewed in that particular context...


  • #3168
    leedslunatic
    Closed Accounts Posts: 40 ✭leedslunatic


    Hi all,
    Just out of a long term relationship and kinda interested in OD... Completely lost as to where to start even! Haven't a clue... I don't even know what it is I'm looking for or what to expect out of it even :o.

    So I guess I'm asking for advice, tips, ect. All opinions are welcome.
    Thanks!


  • #3169
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    I don't think it's bull at all. OD is a completely different experience for men than it is for women and the commentary here on thread would seem to certainly reflect that.

    Well, I am a women and as I said I have the same experiences/complaints as a lot of the guys who post here so I don't think it's that different for me just because I'm a woman. And I certainly can't pick and choose.


  • #3170
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    I have to confess here that although I've been single for the last few years, I've always been in really long term relationships since I was around 18, (5 year gig followed by a 10 year gig), so it would be fair to say that whether it be OD or otherwise, I do find the whole dating thing really difficult in general at the moment and at this stage in my life, only because I never really did it in my late teens or early 20's, and it's not the easiest thing to lower yourself into in your mid 30's when all your mates are well settled down with kids, etc ( and on that basis you see less of them and socialise less with them). So any difficulties I might have with OD, really should be viewed in that particular context...

    I around you age etc so I know what you mean but you seem to take it all very seriously and let it get you down. My advice - don't take it so personally and seriously and go with the flow and try to enjoy it.


  • #3171
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    mood wrote: »
    Well, I am a women and as I said I have the same experiences/complaints as a lot of the guys who post here so I don't think it's that different for me just because I'm a woman. And I certainly can't pick and choose.

    Don't forget, and I'm obviously not directing this at you personally, but you girls have make up! With us, the best we can do to improve ourselves is take a pic after a hair cut! :D


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  • #3172
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    mood wrote: »
    That is bull. Maybe it's the case for stunning model types but for us more average women it certainly is not the case at all.

    Is it now? So you reckon guys and girls get the same amount of messages and replies, do you?

    I don't think so. When I say 'pick and choose', I literally mean that the pool of people / messages you can reply to is far higher than the equivalent for guys.


  • #3173
    Varied
    Closed Accounts Posts: 725 ✭✭✭Varied


    leedslunatic wrote: »
    Hi all,
    Just out of a long term relationship and kinda interested in OD... Completely lost as to where to start even! Haven't a clue... I don't even know what it is I'm looking for or what to expect out of it even :o.

    So I guess I'm asking for advice, tips, ect. All opinions are welcome.
    Thanks!

    Its very tough. Actually tougher than going on the pull on a night out.

    Just be prepared for a hell of a lot of rejection and very little return.

    It'll happen though, once you've fleshed out the knobs you'll meet some nice people and have a little fun along the way. Just keep your expectations low.


  • #3174
    Esoteric_
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    ladylost wrote: »
    sorry to hear that LyndaMcL :(


    Ah, it's fine. It's all amicable, family problems on his side so looks like it'll be easier to call it a day. Gutted, but I understand completely.

    Now to dive back into the world of OD. This'll be interesting...


  • #3175
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    mood wrote: »
    I around you age etc so I know what you mean but you seem to take it all very seriously and let it get you down. My advice - don't take it so personally and seriously and go with the flow and try to enjoy it.

    I don't know what other way to take it when I look at a profile and see a girl I really like, but I haven't a chance because I'm 1 poxy inch under the height requirement, or my degree isn't affiliated with the upper echelons of the most sought after professions, thereby disqualifying me because I'm not a "professional", I personally find that to be really frustrating.

    Tell me this, as you are browsing around on lads profiles, do you see these silly petty rules there on lads profiles??? I bet you don't, because it would be perceived as being negative and nobody would want to mail ye back!


  • #3176
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    riveratom wrote: »
    Is it now? So you reckon guys and girls get the same amount of messages and replies, do you?

    I don't think so. When I say 'pick and choose', I literally mean that the pool of people / messages you can reply to is far higher than the equivalent for guys.

    No not at all. I mostly get contacted by men who I feel are not suitable and get very few mails etc form guys who I who are. The reply rate to message i send out would be similar to what guys here have experienced.


  • #3177
    riveratom
    Registered Users Posts: 964 ✭✭✭riveratom


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    I don't know what other way to take it when I look at a profile and see a girl I really like, but I haven't a chance because I'm 1 poxy inch under the height requirement, or my degree isn't affiliated with the upper echelons of the most sought after professions, thereby disqualifying me because I'm not a "professional", I personally find that to be really frustrating.

    Tell me this, as you are browsing around on lads profiles, do you see these silly petty rules there on lads profiles??? I bet you don't, because it would be perceived as being negative and nobody would want to mail ye back!

    I think you're taking it a bit too seriously man. You were saying that before re the age ranges - people have to put something in there! If someone likes the look of you and you're a year older than their range, I doubt anyone is going to knock you back solely based on that!

    These are all minor details - if someone likes you in general they won't let the small stuff stand in the way.


  • #3178
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    mood wrote: »
    I around you age etc so I know what you mean but you seem to take it all very seriously and let it get you down. My advice - don't take it so personally and seriously and go with the flow and try to enjoy it.

    Just think about the sheer stupidity of this for a moment, (the petty rules that I've been referring to)...

    You're out in a late bar and get chatting to a girl, she asks you to remove your shoes and stand up against a wall as she produces a measuring tape from the handbag to measure your height!

    Or you are chatting to a girl on a night out and swop numbers, next day you get a text asking for your qualifications!

    Do either of these scenarios sound credible or normal to you?!?!?!? ;)


  • #3179
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    riveratom wrote: »
    I think you're taking it a bit too seriously man. You were saying that before re the age ranges - people have to put something in there! If someone likes the look of you and you're a year older than their range, I doubt anyone is going to knock you back solely based on that!

    These are all minor details - if someone likes you in general they won't let the small stuff stand in the way.

    If you are a year older than their age range, you can't even message them to begin with, your message will be blocked, so I'm not too sure where you are going there with that point you are trying to make?!? :cool:


  • #3180
    Chazz Michael Michaels
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Chazz Michael Michaels


    Galvasean wrote: »
    Your initial post is somewhat vague. What is it that you are looking for and we can make recommendations based on that.

    Ok. Interesting girls who want something in-between sex and marriage.


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  • #3181
    mood
    Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    HellFireClub wrote: »
    I don't know what other way to take it when I look at a profile and see a girl I really like, but I haven't a chance because I'm 1 poxy inch under the height requirement, or my degree isn't affiliated with the upper echelons of the most sought after professions, thereby disqualifying me because I'm not a "professional", I personally find that to be really frustrating.

    Tell me this, as you are browsing around on lads profiles, do you see these silly petty rules there on lads profiles??? I bet you don't, because it would be perceived as being negative and nobody would want to mail ye back!

    I used a paid site so profiles tend to be better than on free sites I think. I generally judge by the overall tone of a profile. Why are you interested in such superficial girls anyway?


This discussion has been closed.
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