The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

WilyCoyote wrote: »

Well for argument sake lets say that the three posted over 33 jokes each. Now, only one of those 33 jokes can be THE best for each of the three.
Geddit? Good! Good grief.

So I hear a joke which i decide is the best joke i'd ever heard, and decide to share with my chums on here.

two months roll by and it happens again!!!

Each joke was the best I'd ever heard (at the time)

What do you do? What. Do. You. Do?!

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.

"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"

"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

A farmer in Ireland has just grown the first ever crop of vibrators.
He has a fierce problem with women claiming squatters rights though.

Mariasofia wrote: »

A farmer in Ireland has just grown the first ever crop of vibrators.
He has a fierce problem with women claiming squatters rights though.

He's the only farmer who doesn't mind rabbits in his crop

oldyouth wrote: »

He's the only farmer who doesn't mind rabbits in his crop

What will go brrrrrrr first during winter,the women or rabbits?

Recently I was asked by a friend if I had any any joke about boards.ie. Sadly I replied in the negative - explaining that they were beyond a joke.

Did ya hear about the farmer that died the other day? .... There was a big turnip at his funeral.

My mrs said she was leaving me because of my obsession with football.

Which is a shame really....

We had been together 9 seasons.

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know
that they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes
to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up
to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want
to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well
Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies
"In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there
nicely."

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge
grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a
job. You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance...Jenny makes £5 a week and I make £10 aweek. That's about £60 a
month, and that should do us just fine."

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so
much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come
up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you
have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question
for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little
ones of your own?"

Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky
so far..."

A couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath,although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.......

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday....

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:

"Next Monday, don't go to darts. Wait in the back garden and I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself.."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department; very generously indeed.

Then the girl went to bed and the husband came in; the wife asked:

"Did you see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."

"I know," he said, "but the effin' darts team hadn't"...