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can someone go through a gay 'phase'

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Comments

  • #32
    Dwn Wth Vwls
    Registered Users Posts: 401 ✭✭Dwn Wth Vwls


    You can't be gay if you're not attracted to men. It's really a mandatory component of being a gay man.

    You're scared that being uncomfortable means you have buried feelings. Even if that were somehow true, as unlikely as it is, it doesn't mean you're gay. There's no reason a flip would switch in your mind and suddenly you don't find your wife sexually attractive anymore. If you did have some hidden feelings, then you'd just be bicurious or bisexual.

    I'd suggest three things.

    1) Try accepting that it makes you uncomfortable. Sit in your discomfort. Watch Brokeback Mountain or something, and just think about why it's bothering you. (If you want a happier film, there's one called Shelter about two surfers.)

    2) If you have no gay friends in a couple, try looking a bit further afield in your social circle. Make an effort to put yourself in some social situations with them. If you see that they're just a normal couple like anyone else, it might take the edge off your discomfort. I presume straight sex scenes don't bother you, gay scenes shouldn't be that different.

    3) When things settle down, mention it to your wife. Say that it makes you uncomfortable, and you worry that you're homophobic. (There's no reason to say that you worry you're gay.) Keeping secrets makes everything worse. Saying it out loud may make you realise you're being silly.


  • #33
    stephen_n
    Registered Users Posts: 12,920 ✭✭✭✭stephen_n


    Personally I don't like the word phase as it conjures up thoughts of something a child will grow out of and I don't think that is accurate. Sexuality for some people is a fluid state, they are never really one or the other, society wants to put people in neat little boxes so the word phase is used when it's quite possible the OP will have those feelings at many different points in his life, neither state of sexuality is a phase.


  • #34
    Clayton Wide Fashion
    Posts: 0 ✭ Clayton Wide Fashion


    Yeah sexuality is not something written in stone really. Every single one of us has an internal list of things that we are attracted to in other people.

    These things differ from person to person and these things are physical and mental. They are also not always set in stone, though some are as hard wired as the need to breath sometimes and some can vary over time with changes in your own age, desires, maturity and more.

    For me much of the sexuality divide over whether a person is “gay” or “bi” or “straight” etc. comes from the fact that more often than not one particular sex ticks so many of those boxes for that person, that they will only likely be attracted to people of that sex.

    Can a “gay” man ever be attracted to a girl though? Of course, if he finds one that ticks all his boxes.

    Can a “straight” girl ever fall for another girl? Totally, and it happens all the time. I am currently living with two partners, girls, who are also with each other. They love each other very much but neither has ever ever been into girls before or since. They just happened to find in each other something they never did elsewhere.

    So… there are many possibilities with the “gay phase” from your brother. It may be that the boxes he currently wants ticked are mostly ticked by guys. This could change, or maybe it will not. Alternatively it could be that, like my girls, he found one or more people that ticked all his boxes who happened also to be a guy and he thought, “I must be gay so, because this is the person for me”.

    I often wonder how many people, like the girls, have been "straight" all their lives and then found someone who ticked so many boxes that the person in question was literally cut up about it inside. “Am I gay… what are these feelings…." must be horrible questions of uncertainty to ask yourself. The lucky few get to actually explore it with the person, and maybe even enter a relationship, but I feel for the ones who have it all locked up inside and do not know what any of it means.

    Without more information I guess you will never know if it is either or neither of these.


  • #35
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hello again.

    just want to thank ye for yere time and replies.

    just to let ye know how things are panning out, someone recently asked me had I OCD cos of something I was doing. it was never said to me before so I had no idea what it was. when I checked it out online it was frightening how many of the symptoms I actually had. I don't think I have the compulsion part but I've always got really intrusive thoughts that upset me and I can't seem to let go of them and really beat myself up for having these thoughts. I really thought I was going insane with some of the thoughts I was having and couldn't say them to anyone cos they would think I was crazy. I've starting reading more about it and so much makes sense to me.

    I know it's not just gonna be a flick of a switch to sort my head out but I know where I'm at now.

    I didn't want to ignore yere replies so once again thanks for them.

    best of luck to ye all.


  • #36
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Don't self diagnose from reading stuff online, go talk to your dr about your concerns.


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