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Temptation! Already taken, but women chat you up!

  • 27-05-2012 2:20am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭


    Anyone been in this position?
    When I was single; I felt like I couldnt pull at all.... but once in a long term relationship, I keep getting hit on by women on an night out.
    I'm in taxi just after turning down all advances of amazing girl to get me back to hers.. Aseriuosly, wtf like? AnyOne miss that crazy one off magic while in a relationship? Althoguh I'm happy in my relationship? What it this girl was even better? Or am I fooling myself?


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,790 ✭✭✭confuseddotcom


    Why were you in a Taxi with a lone girl?


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,195 ✭✭✭✭gammygils


    I know. I hate when that happens!!


  • Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 21,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭entropi


    Honestly, you were right to turn down all advances on her part. You said it yourself, you're happy in your relationship.

    It's pretty strange though, women definitely can sense that you are content and happy. Same thing happens stangely enough when you've just stopped seeing someone (from experience).


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    put the whiskey down, man


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Jason Fly


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    Anyone been in this position?
    When I was single; I felt like I couldnt pull at all.... but once in a long term relationship, I keep getting hit on by women on an night out.
    I'm in taxi just after turning down all advances of amazing girl to get me back to hers.. Aseriuosly, wtf like? AnyOne miss that crazy one off magic while in a relationship? Althoguh I'm happy in my relationship? What it this girl was even better? Or am I fooling myself?

    better for what? sex or a relationship?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 773 ✭✭✭D_murph


    Its always the same mate. When you are with someone already, they seem to flock to you but when youre single and trying to pull, you get fook all interest :confused:.

    There is definitely some vibe that you give off when youre in a relationship that attracts them. Ive heard the same from a few friends as well over the years also.


  • Registered Users Posts: 7,373 ✭✭✭Dr Galen


    This is totally true in my experience anyway.

    I wouldn't have had a huge issue with girls before, but since I've gotten all settled down, I noticed a definite increase in people showing interest in me, without any prompting. Even my mates joke about having the wedding ring is like some sort of Bat Signal for girls. I think because I/You are happy and content, it's just like you no longer care or are invested in the whole trying to score thing, so, maybe it makes you appear more attractive or something?

    It's very flattering of course, and everyone, no exceptions has the "is the grass greener" moments, just to varying degrees of course. People are far too afraid of that kinda thought imho. Its natural lads and lasses to have hose thoughts. It doesn't mean very much, it's just hormones and genetics kicking in. The true test is acting upon those feelings. If you can have them, and turn around and think to yourself, No, I'm happy and even if that is greener grass, I want what I have thanks very much, then you are onto a winner.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    I've often heard my taken male friends "complain" ;) about this phenomenon ... I'm not sure if it works the other way around, though - i.e., whether other girls have found that guys are more interested in them when they're in a relationship? Personally I haven't found much of a difference, other than the fact that - obviously - I'd be more likely to notice the fact that guys were flirting with me when I was single, as chances are I might have thinking along those lines myself! :p

    Anyways, I'd have to wonder about the sort of person who would actively chase someone who's already in a relationship. If I fancied a guy and then found out he was already with someone, it would be an instant turn-off for me, and I'd imagine so for most people. Even if he fancied me, I just couldn't be dealing with that sort of messiness ... I'm not a fan of drama etc.

    But as regards taken guys getting more attention on nights out, from girls that don't know that you're taken? It definitely makes sense alright. You'll probably be acting more confident and relaxed and happier, without even realising it. When you get chatting to girls, you'll be a lot less nervous, as you won't be asking yourself what sort of signals you're getting from her etc - it just doesn't really matter to you as much whether she likes you or not.

    I agree with what Dr Galen said - so long as you don't act on it, it's harmless enough, and if anything it'll just remind you of how good you have it in your relationship, that you can avoid those temptations!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    I've seen this happen a lot. If a man is single there's something wrong with him. If he's taken, the girls think he must be a great guy.

    As the man from Del Monte said, 'Women are like computers. They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along when you already have one.'


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,535 ✭✭✭Raekwon


    Put simply, some women want what they can't have and the pursuit of an unattainable man can be a thrilling challenge for some of them.

    Jealousy is also an issue. Some single women see a happy couple and want the same happiness for themselves. At a very basic level, the guy is in a relationship so he obviously has some good qualities and at the very least has the ability to make his partner happy. Other women picture themselves in the other woman's position and think that the happiness can be transferred onto themselves.

    Obviously all women aren't like this, but it is a trait that I've noticed in some women.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    I don't think it's anything to do with the fact that women like 'taken' men. Imo I think it's largely down to the fact that if you already have a girlfriend, you're not concentrating on impressing anyone else and as such, you come across as naturally confident and happy in your own skin. That's very attractive, and so you will find yourself getting more attention as a result.


  • Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Ad me to the list of people who gets come onto by women all the friggin' time when in a relationship, but rarely when single.
    Guys must give off a stink of coolness when they are happy/seeing something or something.


  • Registered Users Posts: 444 ✭✭EI_Flyboy


    whiskeyman wrote: »
    Anyone been in this position?
    When I was single; I felt like I couldnt pull at all.... but once in a long term relationship, I keep getting hit on by women on an night out.
    I'm in taxi just after turning down all advances of amazing girl to get me back to hers.. Aseriuosly, wtf like? AnyOne miss that crazy one off magic while in a relationship? Althoguh I'm happy in my relationship? What it this girl was even better? Or am I fooling myself?

    Yes this girl may be even better than than your current girlfriend but you'll never know as you're behaving as if you have already found the love of your life/future wife/future ex wife. What you've got to ask yourself is do you see yourself growing old with your current girlfriend? If so, then you shouldn't fear temptation or if you're still feeling the temptation, ask yourself are you really qualified to make the decision to stick with one woman from here on? If you don't see yourself growing old with your current girlfriend, why are you wasting both her and your time?

    There is no such thing as "the one." Out of 7,000,000,000 people on this planet, 50% or 3,500,000,000 are women. That's a helluva lot to choose from and it gives you a lot of room to be picky and you should be picky if you plan on having kids, very very very picky indeed. Especially in this country where half of us are quite effed up having been brought up by some seriously effed up parents and put through a school system that has more than it's fair share of psychos. What a lot of people in this country think is normal would make for a great David Lynch movie so what you need to ask yourself is "am I the best person I can be and is my partner helping me with this goal or are they making it harder?" Every relationship is practice for the one that lasts the rest of your life, do you think you're there yet or do you feel you need more practice and have learnt all you can from your current relationship?

    If you're feeling tempted, maybe it's because you don't feel like your partner is fulfilling your needs and some part of you is hoping to find this with your mystery amazing girl. Life is precious and you deserve the best you can get from it, to think otherwise would be fooling yourself!


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,681 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    Might be more suited in here, moved from TGC.
    Panthro


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Raekwon wrote: »
    Put simply, some women want what they can't have and the pursuit of an unattainable man can be a thrilling challenge for some of them.

    Jealousy is also an issue. Some single women see a happy couple and want the same happiness for themselves. At a very basic level, the guy is in a relationship so he obviously has some good qualities and at the very least has the ability to make his partner happy. Other women picture themselves in the other woman's position and think that the happiness can be transferred onto themselves.

    I'm pretty sure the phenomenon in question is when the women don't know you're taken. So the "women out to steal people's boyfriends" thing doesn't really apply.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    The generalities on this thread are sickening. Do people really think that women are pathetic jealous creatures that are out to rip other girl's fellas away from them for a thrill?

    FFS, have a bit of sense. Which is more attractive: slobbery man all over you making a gob****e of himself (desperate) OR Mr cool isn't even trying (already in a relationship)???

    That's you answer.

    Here's a bonus fact: Misogyny and incorrect sexist generalities are deeply unattractive.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 16,186 ✭✭✭✭Maple


    This is more of a discussion topic and not suited to PI.

    Thread locked.

    Maple


This discussion has been closed.
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