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Feeling very down after break up.

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  • 28-02-2015 9:20pm
    #1
    kjoanna
    Registered Users Posts: 40 ✭


    Hi there.

    You have probably seen too many of those kind of posts but I have no one to talk to...
    I was in long distance, weekends only, relationship which ended after year and a half.
    We were fighting a lot, but we tried to fix things and kept coming back to each other after every "it's over now" fight.
    I even posted about our situation here last year, around May or June when I felt that my girlfriend, now ex, cared more about her ex she shares a house with.
    Long story short, we didn't have a great relationship but we tried to be together.
    While ago I started telling her that I feel depressed and very down. I've been feeling like that for a good while now but never done anything about it.
    She has very supportive family and friends so after every fight she was surrounded by them. My parents are homophobic and I don't have many friends, always thought I was introvert but now I think, it's due to my depression.
    One month ago, when she broke up with me second time in a space of 4 weeks (to be fair most of break ups before were my decision) and I didn't hear from her over a week, which never happened before, I contacted her and told her that I feel so lonely and need to talk to someone that I'm going to create a profile on pof. I don't know why I did that, maybe I felt that meeting people there would be the quickest way to talk to someone, maybe to provoke her, or maybe because I wanted to feel liked by someone else.
    I had no intention to meet anyone, do hook ups, nothing like that, I just wanted to talk to people.
    Now I know I should have asked for professional help, instead of talking to strangers.
    Anyway, when I told her about me going on pof, then she said she would create a profile to show me how it feels, and she did but didn't talk to anyone.
    When I was talking to two girls (nothing was going on between us, I wasn't there for that) she started to act like she cared and wanted to get back with me, she asked me if I'm choosing two strangers over her. I kept saying I'm not choosing anyone over her, that I'm talking to them because I feel extremely lonely, she said if I wouldn't delete my profile she would start chatting to other people too and she did, even though I deleted my profile the very next day.
    And here comes lesson of my life: she stayed in touch with the girl she met on pof and told me she wanted to be with me but she can't see anything changing between us, as in we would keep fighting.
    I told her that I need to get help and things would change, although our fights weren't caused by me only, she knows she played big role as well.
    After over a week of them texting she would still send me messages saying that she loves me and misses me but when I drove to meet her very next day she said she developed feelings for that girl.
    I feel so pathetic trying to stay in touch with her because I know she moved on already and she seems be so annoyed with me and I feel like she hates me now.
    I can't understand that one day she said she misses me and it's so hard for her and next day she told me she is into that girl.
    I know it's probably for the best that we are not together anymore but it's so hard for me because I really love her. Besides the fact she forgot about me so quick while I thought she loved me too it's not helping at all.
    I know I am the one to get blame for that because if I didn't go on pof she would never met her and all of that makes me feel even worse.
    I sleep very little, drink way too much, my mind is occupied with thoughts about her and all that situation all the time.


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    #2
    Aard
    Registered Users Posts: 4,905 ✭✭✭Aard


    kjoanna wrote: »
    I sleep very little, drink way too much, my mind is occupied with thoughts about her and all that situation all the time.

    Hey OP. Sounds like you need a bit of perspective.

    This girl ain't doing you any favours. Get rid of her from your life. Block her calls and texts. You'll stop thinking about her over time.

    If you have depression -- get help for god's sake. Stop drinking. If you have a problem with alcohol -- sort it out. Get to bed at a reasonable hour. Set your alarm and get up early. Exercise.

    You've a host of issues that are all creeping into each other. If your life hasn't become unmanageable yet -- it will if you continue the way you are. Nip it in the bud. The girl is doing you a favour by getting out of your life, and it's up to you to keep her out.


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    #3
    kjoanna
    Registered Users Posts: 40 ✭kjoanna


    Thank you Aard.
    She is not in touch with me for last few days. I know its for the best but it hurts me because I told her how I feel, lonely and down, and I said it would be nice if she could check on me from time to time but I guess since she moved on, she doesn't care about how I feel.

    I went to therapist few days ago, I knew I had to because of drinking which wasn't that bad but I usually don't drink at all.
    I go to bed early but keep waking up after 3-4 hours and can't go back to sleep.

    I know I will feel better in a while but now I find it hard to cope with.


  • Options
    #4
    lottpaul
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭lottpaul


    Hi OP,
    I think Aard has given you great advice and try to follow as much of it as you feel able to. Breaking up is really, really hard but you have got to look after yourself first of all. Get whatever help you can and need - esp for the drinking and depression.
    Like you say, you will feel better but it will take time. Every day probably stretches out in front of you but it will improve. It's prob best not to have contact with this girl - you need distance and with distance you get perspective. And it's not good to allocate blame -- what has happened has happened, for whatever reason. Let it go.
    Have you ever thought of writing down how you feel? It might help to express it or for when you want to reflect or discuss it with your therapist etc?
    Either way, be nice to yourself, give yourself time and space.


  • Options
    #5
    kjoanna
    Registered Users Posts: 40 ✭kjoanna


    Thank you lottpaul.
    Drinking is under control. Last weekend was the worst and it was my wake up call. I know its not a solution.
    The hardest thing is to stop thinking about all of it.
    I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that, despite what she was saying few days ago, she must have not loved me for a long time now.
    I would love to write everything down but I know I would send it to her, I don't have enough will power to not to. She doesn't want to know how I feel, she moved on, met someone and I need to respect that.


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