Do you attend appointments alone?

angeldelight · 04-10-2014 7:19pm #1

As per the title really just wondering what the norm is in terms of partner coming to appointments etc? My husband was at our first scan and will definitely come to the big scan at 20 weeks but I'm thinking there's no need for him to be missing work to come to the others? My consultant does do a 6pm slot that he could make as he finishes work at 5 but it's not the best time for me. My mother in law keeps telling me never to go on my own that she or someone else will come with me but I think she's just scaremongering so would like to hear what the rest of you ladies think

spottybananas · 04-10-2014 7:27pm

Why does she say never to go alone, what's her reasoning?? My husband will only be at scan ones, I can't be expecting him to leave work for an indefinite amount of time to come and hear me have to talk to the doc/midwife about bodily functions and whatnot, no point missing work for that!

Xdancer · 04-10-2014 7:33pm

When I was pregnant my OH only went to the scan appointments at 12, 20, and 39 weeks. There wasn't any need for him to be at any of the others. It would have been a waste of his time sitting waiting with me for the other appointments.

jopax · 04-10-2014 7:42pm

I see nothing wrong with going to appointments alone. Like you said he came to the two scans, that is what matters.
It doesn't bother me going alone, they are routine appointments, nothing to be concerned about.

painauchocolat · 04-10-2014 8:06pm

My husband wanted to come to the 12 week scan but unfortunately couldn't make it. He was at the 20 week scan, and I was delighted he was as the screen was angled in such a way that I really couldn't see it. He got much more information than I did. The photos from that scan were lousy so it was great that he was able to see it "live", as it were. He hasn't come to any other appointments as I really don't see the need. I attend them alone.
All that happens is a blood pressure test, urine test, palpation of abdomen and doppler. If I were having a difficult pregnancy, I might like to have someone with me, but it's been entirely routine so far. I'd much rather my husband be able to take time off after the birth.

January · 04-10-2014 8:21pm

Only to the first appointments and big scans. I went overdue on my last baby and I wanted my partner with me at those appointments but that was because I was really trying to avoid another c section and felt I needed him there for support.

There's no need for them to be there and to be honest, the hospitals are so crowded nowadays (although I think you may be private/semi private if your consultant does evening slots) that even all women coming alone would fill the waiting rooms... The Rotunda was always packed with people.

Dolbert · 04-10-2014 8:27pm

God no, apart from the initial and 'big' scans I'd never expect him to be there. The checks are very routine and become very frequent towards the end. He'd be better off saving his leave for the birth!

havana · 04-10-2014 8:33pm

He's come to all the appointments. But then we get a mini scan at each one so it's nice for him to be there for that. If for some reason he couldn't be there it wouldnt be a big deal but I do like us going together - I know I'm the patient but it is our baby.

Fagashlil · 04-10-2014 8:40pm

Mines come to most of mine, he's super flexible in work so not a problem. Also have PGP and not supposed to drive, so he has to drive me, am doing DOMINO so all appointments are at a specific time so there's no waiting around. He likes coming along too as it keeps him informed, and he loves to hear babas heartbeat!

Woshy · 04-10-2014 9:35pm

My husband came to all of mine last time, because he worked so close to the hospital. This time, he won't be bothering except for my booking in appointment and my big scan at 20 weeks - he works much further away now but even if he didn't I wouldn't get him too. They become very routine, especially towards the end.

Roesy · 04-10-2014 10:44pm

Himself came to all mine bar the last one which was just to book a date for induction. He works nearby and has flexibility for breaks so I organised my appointments around them.

Neyite · 04-10-2014 11:06pm

My partner attended all bar one and the glucose test. But it was always entirely his choice and his work was flexible enough for him to arrange around appointments. I had more than most as I was in the maternity endocrine group so we get more appointments as standard.

If you are happy to attend alone then do. I brought my kindle so didn't mind the wait in the waiting room at all!

Mrs Fox · 04-10-2014 11:15pm

First appointment.
Big scans.
Labour Day.

angeldelight · 04-10-2014 11:17pm

Thanks for all the replies - my instinct was to go to them alone so I'm glad to see others have. I would definitely prefer for him to have the time off when the baby arrives so he can save his holidays. As to why she said never go alone I honestly don't know, she often has funny ideas about things!

Neyite · 04-10-2014 11:55pm

You'll encounter many more strange views regarding pregnancy and babies from mums grannies and aunts. We were told not to make the baby giggle as laughing can kill them. Yes she was serious

Roesy · 05-10-2014 7:58am

Neyite wrote: »

You'll encounter many more strange views regarding pregnancy and babies from mums grannies and aunts. We were told not to make the baby giggle as laughing can kill them. Yes she was serious

Is that not true?!?

I suppose next you'll be telling me I was grand to raise my arms over my head while I was pregnant

How Strange · 05-10-2014 8:04am

Just the big scans and not even the initial booking appointment. The public waiting room in the coombe was always chocker full with partners, mothers, friends of the pregnant women. The midwives used to have to make announcements telling non pregnant people to stop taking up seats as pregnant women of all stages were left standing.

monflat · 05-10-2014 8:09am

Husband has only come to first appointment and last appointment on.all 3 children.
His work is not too flexible ( works for family)!!!

Otherwise I didn't mind.

Other than near d end on the 3 Rd as I was tired and would have loved a driver! He only was at the last one

fiona-f · 05-10-2014 8:26am

angeldelight wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies - my instinct was to go to them alone so I'm glad to see others have. I would definitely prefer for him to have the time off when the baby arrives so he can save his holidays. As to why she said never go alone I honestly don't know, she often has funny ideas about things!

I would guess your MIL is concerned that you would be all alone if, God forbid, you got some bad news at an appointment? That generation can be huge worriers around pregnancy but too superstitious to express their fears aloud, hence the sometimes bafflingly vague conversations I sometimes have with my own mother!

Do whatever suits you both but maybe cut your MIL some slack.

Subotai · 05-10-2014 8:51am

Just to give an opinion as a father - I’m a father of two boys. Sadly, our second son Timothy died suddenly at 34 weeks. He was doing absolutely fine up to the time he died, and the hospital could never find a reason for his death. During my wife’s pregnancy with him, I only ever went with her to one hospital appointment. As a result, I only ever saw Timothy alive once in a scan, and I missed out seeing him in the other appointments I could have gone to. This is something I will regret for the rest of my life.

So I would encourage all fathers to go to all appointments if possible, because you just never know what might happen during a pregnancy.

lazygal · 05-10-2014 9:28am

My husband came to all appointments on both pregnancies. I would have needed him if anything upsetting had been found and I had some complications first time which he was good for back up and asking questions when I was upset.

Moonbeam · 05-10-2014 12:25pm

I used to go alone and have to bring the rest of the kids with me

Some have people with them some don't but the option is not always there and for me if it was I would have taken childcare over company .
He did make the anomaly scan on 3/4 though and I think it is important to have someone with you for the 1st appt and anomaly scan

indigo twist · 05-10-2014 12:57pm

Roesy wrote: »

Is that not true?!? I suppose next you'll be telling me I was grand to raise my arms over my head while I was pregnant

God yeah, my aunt told me that, apparently your arms act like some sort of a pulley mechanism and can wrap the cord around the baby's neck if you ever raise your arms up?

I tried to keep a straight face, and asked how I was meant to wash my hair for the nine months ... She didn't have an answer for me! (This woman had never been pregnant herself, by the way.)

Anyways, as regards appointments, he was only there for maybe one early appointment (scan to check for heartbeat, as there had been no heartbeat at previous appointments, so there was a chance we were getting bad news.) Big scans at 20 weeks and 39 weeks. And one time towards the end, I wasn't getting any movement so he came in with me then to get it checked out.

Other than that, I was much happier to go in alone. I was public, all my appointments were Mondays at 8am, I was usually sitting at my desk in work by 9am, so didn't even need to take time off work to attend. Whereas he would have had to take a half day to attend any appointment. Seemed pointless when we were in and out so fast! Plus the little cubicles in Holles St are tiny, you'd barely fit three people in there!

Suucee · 05-10-2014 10:50pm

With baba 1 OH came to booking appointment/12 week scan. Then when i was overdue (dont get 20 week scan in my hospital)
With baba 2 i was reffered to epu for posdible ectopic (not the case) so he came to those. Then the first appointment . Also had a placental localisation scam which he came to.
other tham that i went to them alone.

pwurple · 06-10-2014 7:19am

My husband came to all but one hospital appointment that he couldn't make on the last pregnancy.

On my second pregnancy he didn't come along for the scan where i was told I was losing the baby. He regretted that afterwards, more because he wasn't there to support me, and did his best to get to everything else.

My gp appointments were really short though, just doppler and bp, so he never came to those.

Toots · 07-10-2014 5:56pm

My hubby would come to appointments if he happened to be off work on the day, otherwise I'd go alone. He did take a day off for the first scan and the big scan. He would also come whenever bloods were required because I'm useless with blood and would usually pass out so might not have been able to drive home afterwards. Towards the very end of my pregnancy I wasn't able to drive, and my hubby had been made redundant, so he was able to drive me in for those appts, but half the time I'd just tell him to go and get a coffee or walk around merrion square, cos the waiting rooms are usually rammers anyway, so he'd have been standing there bored out of his mind!

John Mason · 08-10-2014 8:50am

mine came for the 5, 8, 20 and 40 week scans.

if yours goes with you, for the love of all that is holy in the world do not allow him to sit down.

the amount of men i had to ask to move was unreal, some ignorant fools refused and made snidey comments.

to make matters worse, i had a broken shoulder and was wearing a huge contraption

Kalimah · 08-10-2014 9:01am

The only one my husband went to was a 12 week scan on my first. My sister came to the 12 week scan on my second, out of curiosity more than anything else! Hubby was at all the deliveries though.
I think his idea was that it was a woman's domain and he'd feel out of place! When I was going to appointments there were very few men there, but that's over 20 years ago for my first three. Even on my youngest aged 11, I saw few men in the waiting room.

lazygal · 08-10-2014 9:48am

I think things have changed. When I was at appointments most women had their partners with them, in the private and public clinics. Also most friends had their partners attend most if not all appointments.

pc7 · 08-10-2014 12:45pm

Subotai so sorry for you loss.

My husband has come to all mine I would want him there, in the waiting room I've yet to see anyone alone at them.

seamus · 08-10-2014 12:56pm

Yeah, I think I went to all of the appointment on our one, except the glucose test and there may have been another. I wanted to be there tbh, to hear how things are going first hand. It's also useful to have a second set of ears in the room, means if you mishear something the doctor has said, the other person can pick you up on it.
I did have a very flexible employer at the time though; I intentionally took the whole day off for the 12 & 20 week scans, but for the rest I just met my wife at the hospital, did the appointment, got lunch and then went back to work, no more than two hours off. They didn't make me take it out of leave or anything.

The waiting room I'd say was easily 50/50 in terms of partners being there, if not more.

Do you attend appointments alone?

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